Hello! My name is Alison and I have decided to offer my story of events that have happened in our marriage over the last two years. I am in a bit of a quandary as to what to do. It isn't a very exciting story by the standards on here but I would be interested in your thoughts. Here goes... Many years ago Tim and I were making love in the way we had done for the previous twenty years and I can't remember how but Tim began talking about another man we both knew as he played with me casually. Not in a sexual way but just things like, " He's a really nice bloke and will do anything to help out". I agreed. Tim laughed and said, "I think you'd definitely agree if you saw him in the showers." Tim played five a side football once a week and the man, Simon, was one of the players. I asked Tim why but he said, "Oh, you know, things you only see in a shower". We stopped talking and he kissed me and then went down on me in the way he is so expert at. I was really enjoying it and then Tim stopped and started playing me with his fingers. He talked about Simon once again and said he was the envy of the shower room. He said the lucky lad had been very blessed. I asked how big he was and at the same time I could feel my orgasm building. When Tim said well he is a god few inches bigger than me and that is when he isn't erect. My heart skipped a beat as I imagined a man several inches longer than Tim who is just under six when erect. Tim whispered if I liked the idea and continued to play with me. He went down on me once again and I couldn't get the thought out of my heart as I could feel I was close to orgasm. As Tim licked me and I played with him I had a vision of Simon's big hard cock and I came with such a shattering orgasm it kept coming wave after wave. Tim carried on and I reach another two orgasms and then he got on top of me and took me. I felt guilty but I was imagining it was Simon who was fucking me and I came again as Tim did. I guess that was the start of our fantasy inclusion of other men and over the next few years it became more and more a part of our sex lives. Nothing was ever mentioned outside the bedroom but Tim did come up with other scenarios that included other men. I am ashamed to say that once or twice he even talked about several men having me one after the other and somehow Tim managed to get me to cum for each of them. One day Tim announced that he had joined Swinging Heaven just for fun and to get ideas. I was frankly a bit annoyed as there was no way this was ever going to be anything more than just fantasy play. I calmed down a bit when Tim assured me it was just for ideas. He showed me how the rooms worked and we watched some of the cams. Tim wanted to try it but I said no way. We got a lot of messages from men wanting to meet up but Tim intercepted them and said that Alison wouldn't play for real. I wasn't really very interested in the site and it scared me a bit that Tim might be wanting to take it further. We had been on the sit about a year when I finally gave in and started to go online with him and watch the cams and chat to people. In fact many of them were very nice and polite and although I hadn't changed my mind I did start to relax more. I even went online a few times on my own and chatted to one or two men that we had met. I asked them not to tell Tim, not meaning to be secretive, but more so that he didn't get the wrong end of the stick. I kept my cards very close to my chest but sure enough over time I did start to imagine what it would be like to have another man. I did have a fling with a couple of boyfriends as a young girl before I met Tim but we only kissed at the end of the evening, nothing more. So it felt like a huge step, even if I was the only person to be considered. I began to wonder if Tim really could handle me having another man. In truth I had my doubts and I really worried about what it might do to our marriage. One of the men I spoke to was understanding and encouraging and warned me not to do it unless I was sure. One day I was feeling particularly optimistic and I don't know what came over me but I told him I thought I would like to try it. Just dip my toes in so to speak. Tim was very quiet for some time and I asked if he was upset. He said, " I have been wanting this for some time but I didn't think you ever would so it has come as a shock. Who are you thinking?" She said I think Scott off Swinging Heaven understand my situation and I think he would understand that I need patience. Tim agreed and asked if I would like to arrange to meet for a coffee. I said yes. I looked calm but inside I had huge butterflies. Tim sorted a meet for coffee at a Costa in between us and Scott, a place near Newark, and we met him on a Saturday morning. The meet went very well and Scott was a perfect gentleman. He did sit next to me and occasionally touched my arm or my leg but not in an over zealous way. We chatted for a long time and said we should do it again. In fact we met for coffee three times before Scott invited us over for drinks to his place. Well in fact he invited me alone but I felt Tim would want to be there. Tim and Scott had been in touch by phone over the months and apparently Scott rang Tim to say he thought it would be better for Alison if she came alone the first time. After a long talk Tim said if Alison is ok with it then he would go along with it as long as he looked after her and that he got to be there if there was a next time. I was very, very unsure about this arrangement but Tim convinced me that Scott had more experience than us and it would allow me to be myself. In the end I agreed and as the days wore on I got more and more anxious. More than once I thought about backing out but something made me want to try it - just to see. On the Saturday night in question I got ready and made a special effort to look nice. I wanted Scott to be pleased with what he saw and I wore the sexiest outfit I had - nothing world shattering by many people's standards I am sure. I don't feel I want to go into detail about the evening I spent with Scott but I had a really nice time, he was very patient and he was an experienced lover. He was physically more aggressive than Tim but not in a way that threatened me. On the contrary it was exciting and although not actually so much better than with Tim, it felt very different both physically and emotionally. He was rather more well endowed though and that definitely felt different. When I arrived home Tim was quiet at first until I broke the ice by saying I had a good time and Scott was very respectful. Tim told me he loved me very much and said he wanted to take me to bed. I hugged him and said yes but I'd rather not go the whole way. I didn't say the reason but it was because I felt rather bruised from Scott's pounding. In a few days we were back to normal and all seemed ok. Tim asked me if I was going to meet again and I said probably but not sure when. I did meet one more time with Scott and as before he gave me a real good seeing to and this time tried me in several different positions and places in his house. As I approach the end of my story this is were my quandary is. I did enjoy the meets with Scott, actually very much more than I have told Tim, but I don't think I want to do it again. I have no real idea why as I don't think I have done anything wrong, and Tim is obviously enjoying his wife's new self. But something is telling me it is not the right thing for me to do and that maybe I am one of those women who are not made up for having other partners. I am bothered that I have let Scott down, although he says it is ok, but mostly I am worried that my life with Tim will be affected. Tim says he understands and it is up to me but somehow I don't believe him. There is a part of me that wishes I could just relax and just enjoy the experience, but another tells me not to. If I am completely honest I do like the thought of well endowed men and now I have experienced one there will always be something in the back of my mind. There is a part of me that wishes I could just relax and just enjoy the experience, but another tells me not to. At this moment in time we have decided to just focus on me and Tim. I would appreciate any thoughts any readers have. Thank you for reading. Alison