Written by Alison 5
11 Apr 2018
An honest account reply
- 5 Comments
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3 minute read
Hello again. I just wanted to thank you for your kind words of support. It has really helped to get some other peoples views and thoughts. Since sending in my story I have thought about it a great deal but as yet I have not reached a firm conclusion.
Tim has been fine about things although I think he would be delighted if I declared my intention to start again with Scott. I haven't mentioned about sending in this story so he is unaware that I have asked for people's thoughts.
Tim told me long ago that I should never feel guilty if I do go with others and the reality is that I don't. I also don't feel guilty about stopping although I am a little disappointed for Tim. The guilt I do have is because I wonder if I am selling myself short of life's opportunities. Most women do not get this freedom and although on one side it feels wrong, it also feels like a freedom to live my life to the full.
I just can't put my finger on what stops me. Throughout the time of first talking about it to Tim, to meeting Scott and then going on to fucking him, there haven't been any real negative experiences. They have all be positive experiences or at least not at all unpleasant. I have heard people tell of things not going right, being let down or not going how they expected, but I really can't say that happened to me. My memories are of being treated like a lady, with respect and even with adoration - in some ways even more than Tim treats me.
I think perhaps what I am experiencing now is a fear of the unknown. Not of the sex part but of what I could become if I continue. It sounds very silly I know but I sometimes feel worried that I might begin to enjoy it so much that it can't fail to affect the relationship between me and Tim, and that concerns me. At the end of the day the sex with Scott, and perhaps others, is at least as good as with Tim and very often was much better as he is significantly bigger and knows how to hit the right places.
I would never admit that to Tim but its true that Scott gave me a very nice time once I had relaxed in his company. I still love Tim just as I did before and if not more, so I am not sure what this nagging doubt is. Sometimes I have a surge of internal courage and think to myself just go for it girl and give yourself a couple of years freedom and then see where you are, then the other part of my brain kicks in and convinces me I am being irresponsible.
To be completely honest with you as you don't know me and therefore I can say exactly as I feel, I would like to be able to let go and give myself the chance to have a life rich in fun and freedom. I suppose time will tell.
Thank you once again for your thought on my previous post. Best wishes.