1. How it started
2. How we kept a happy marriage
3. The mental and physical effects
4. Types of chastity
5. Sex while in Chastity
6. Practical aspects
7. Perception of others
8. Where are we now
1. How it started
It all started way back in the second half of 1997 when, after the birth of our second child we decided we did not want anymore children. We were advised that one option was a contraceptive injection known to us as Depo which is a longer lasting form of birth control. Up to that point our sex life was as good as it could be, we enjoyed a normal married happy life. Rachel had the injection with no side effects as it seemed at the time and life carried on as normal, whatever that is with two young children. Over time we started to realise our sexual activities were slowing down, it was as if all the fun had gone out of sex for us. Some months later I found Rachel browsing the newly connected internet (dial-up) looking for a Chastity Belt for herself. I asked what she was looking at and she went on to explain it was to stop me from having sex with her. She wanted to control when I could and when I could not have sex. We both knew that our sex drive had slumped but did not at the time know why. Rachel’s search for a female chastity belt was proving to be problematic with sizing and cost, then she found a chastity site in the USA that sold chastity cages for men. That was it! Rachel was sold on the idea of me being the one in chastity, not her. You can imagine by this time we had done a lot of talking about what was causing these problems, after all we had a good sex life up to that point. As it turned out it was the Depo injection that had killed Rachel’s interest, her sex drive went to zero which left me frustrated and upset. At least now I knew it was not me, which to be honest was a relief, so I agreed to it being me in chastity, at anytime she wanted and for as long as she wanted. At the time we were just thinking it would be at times when I was likely to try my luck and that was overnight in bed and in the mornings when we had time at the weekend when not working. I would often have nocturnal erections and as any man will tell you its hard to stop yourself jumping on your warm wife in bed in the early hours.
The problem was the effect of Depo lasted for longer than expected and only faded away very slowly. It may have been a strain on our sex life but it was never going to kill our marriage. We talked a lot about other ways to keep some interest going, we worked on our sex life and kept a happy house for the kids.
2. How we kept a happy marriage
Rachel ordered the Chasity Cage from the company in America. It is called the CB2000, a plastic cage with plastic rings in 5 different sizes plus a number of different spacers to get the right fitting. It became clear that it was going to be a challenge to get the right sizing. Neither of us had a clue what to do. You can imagine how it felt the day the postman delivered the parcel (it was UPS in truth). Rachel wanted to open the box and put it straight on me, so up to the bedroom we went and Rachel started trying to put it on me. I was lying on the bed naked as she fumbled around with the bits and pieces and yes you guessed it, the more she fumbled around with me the harder my cock got and the less likely she was ever going to get it on me. Her first attempt was a complete failure and she had to stop. Something new happened that day; Rachel showed a determination I had never seen in her before, she was not going to let an erection stop her. After time to calm down she tried again and again until it was on, the smile on her face was to die for! She was so happy. I’ll go into more detail of the devices later but for now let's just say our life with chastity had begun.
We knew that we had to have some form of sex life so we started experimenting with other forms of sexual adventures which included bondage and D/s (Dominance and submission) also BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism) This helped me a lot to replace the sex I’m now not getting. It also took control over my masturbation habit which Rachel didn’t like. All in all we managed to keep a happy sex life of sorts going through the bad times, Rachel seemed content on helping me through this sexless part of our marriage. I just had to learn to accept this, which seems to be the attitude I have developed over the years to be where we are today. We have a happy house what more can a man ask for!?!
3. The mental and physical effects
It must be said that you can’t just cage your mans cock without some sort of reaction, a lot of things come in to play here. As with many things in life you need to get used to to it, similar to wearing a new pair of specs or new shoes. You need to be broken in to chastity, after all we are talking about a very sensitive part of a mans body and not forgetting it changes size at times. Additionally we need to consider the mental aspect of chastity. A man’s mind needs to be tuned in to what’s happening, he needs to be in for the ride or you are going to struggle every step of the way. With Rachel it was a case of us both accepting we needed to do this, it was a medical problem that we were trying to work through together so we had our motive and that, to us was key… it gave us the determination to make this work.
It was not easy at first but we were both helping each other through the difficulties, at no stage did I feel I was on my own. One of the biggest steps I had to accept is that Rachel is the key holder and it will always be her choice. I never have any say about being in chastity. That is still how things are 28 years later. There have been many times I didn’t want to be locked for all sorts of reasons but I’ve learnt that its better to just accept it than fight it. I’ve done my fair share of moaning over the years and Rachel continues to show she can keep a tight control on me, much needed at times.
4. Types of chastity
There are many forms of chastity; long term, short term, self locking, play chastity, it can be what you want it to be. For us it has a reason that will be with us forever. Our marriage needs it to keep the spice in our lives.
We have 4 different types of cages the first being the good old faithful CB2000 which was followed by the addition of the CB3000 cage. This is a different shaped plastic cage, more concealed giving it a tighter grip on my cock. The same 5 rings are used with both of these devices. The manufactures also produced what they call the Points of Intrigue. We call them ‘teeth’ as they ‘bite’ if you start to become erect, which makes me think twice about what you might want me to think about! Self discipline is needed when teeth are used. If Rachel forces me to sleep with teeth in, I wake up with the feeling of the teeth biting. I get straight out of bed and go and sit on the loo, that seems to do the trick and my cock stops getting erect. It really is a case of mind control, I try not to think of sex, which is shear frustration in itself.
Over the last year we have purchased 2 new devices, mainly because the plastic ones are showing signs of age now after 27 and 25 years. These new devices are metal. ‘Bondage Masters Male Chastity Device’ is a stainless steel cage with fixed spacing. If it fits, great, if it doesn’t, it’s not going to be easy to wear - but it fits me real good so I’m ok. The other is the ‘Stainless Steel Metal Cobra Chastity Cage’, a more compact device, there are 2 sizes to choose from when you buy it. Both the new devices are in their trial period with us but seem to be going ok for now.
We are more life style into chastity. When I’m locked it can be for months at a time, as in over 4 months and in that time it will only come off for cleaning or changing to a different cage. It is good to rotate the cages to enable healthy use. We have learned not all chastity needs to be with the use of a cock cage. Rachel will sometimes handcuff me to the bed and remove the cage letting me free for the night in such a way that I can’t wank or touch myself but Rachel can. I’ve learnt to sleep in this position. It sounds evil but I love to have the freedom to get a good solid erection, even if it is frustrating, Rachel will often stroke my cock just to tease me, when she has got me erect she stops and turns over to go to sleep. Bondage is still a form of chastity and can help in all sorts of ways day and night.
Rachel likes having the control of how chastity works, she feels in control which in our case plays an important part. She will not allow me to try to dictate how or when I’m locked. I fully accept now that it must be her choice, its not always been easy and I do find it very frustrating at times.
5. Sex while in Chastity
The good news is the effects of the depo didn’t last forever, after a year or so Rachel rediscovered her sex drive. By this time we had got into the BDSM circle making good friends along the way, still very good friends with some 20 years later. The issue, we found, with a lot of BDSM play is there is not much penetrative sex. Rachel wanted something more. One thing we realised was we could not just go back to vanilla sex between the two of us. In the search for something else we ventured into the world of swinging. The problem with that was by this time I was well into chastity play which really doesn’t fit into the swinging mantra. We quickly found that true swingers think it’s weird and don’t want to get involved. Additionally I feel I’m a one women man, I’m happy with Rachel she gives me what I want and what I want is to be sexually controlled. I have a very deep submissive side to me that only Rachel can reach.
Our marriage and sex life moved from one thing to another. Meeting all sorts of people on the way at clubs and socials, single men, single women and couples, we are happy to meet people to chat to during our search for what we wanted. We dabbled with cuckolding at first, not really knowing it was cuckolding yet it gave us a spark and seemed to give a balance where Rachel could have the sex she wanted while keeping me involved and controlled.
Over time chastity seemed to bring up male bi feelings for me. As my cock couldn’t have any attention my arse seemed to be calling out instead. I can understand why sailors become bi-sexual when away at sea with no women on board for long periods. To me it feels natural to admire another mans erect cock when I’m denied my own for months on end. To share the cock that Rachel wants for herself is such a treat nowadays, I have found. But it also becomes such a tease to see what she is going to get while I get nothing. I’m not gay but becoming attracted ever more to a nice smooth, straight cock, it seems to get stronger the longer I’m caged. It must be said that when the cage is off and I’ve had orgasms again my desire for other cock dies as I go back to feeling straight again.
Another thing Rachel experimented with, after reading about it, is milking a man without letting him have an orgasm, this was one hell of a discovery. She has subsequently found several ways to drain all my cum out of me and still keep me high on sexual feelings (not the roll over and go to sleep after orgasm). Chastity is the spark we need for sex, it is stimulating me all the time.
There is something about a man being forced to keep his testicles out, not allowing them to sink into their hiding place. The way a chastity cage works is that the testicles are trapped between 2 rings so that you can not remove the cage. It is locked on with a padlock. Your testicles can not retreat into your body, thereby standing proud. It also makes a man feel vulnerable to the whims of a woman or man for that matter. No matter how hard you try you can not get away from knowing you are locked though you do get used to it in time.
6. Practical aspects
I can’t deny chastity is not for everyone. I found a long time ago, while in the bath, I could pull my cock out the cage have a wank and slide it back in without Rachel knowing. I have never been able to take the cage off altogether has I can not get my balls out from between the two rings that hold the cage on. After a while the guilt built up and I confessed to Rachel. In the event Rachel was not happy and sometime after she marched me off up town and had my cock pieced - a Prince Albert piecing which ended any chance of pulling out ever again! An additional string is threaded through the PA, out of the side holes and into the padlock. In over 24 years I haven’t had another cheating wank while locked.
When starting to use a chastity device you need a breaking in period, you can not go from never being caged to being caged 24/7. It takes time for the mind to accept confinement for long periods at first. Rachel developed a breaking-in plan where she locked me for 3 hours on 9 hours off then 4 hours on 8 hours off etc then moved on to doing the same over night until she had broken me in to 24/7. The use of baby oil is a must to stop the chafing that will happen at first. We hear of people saying they have locked their husbands up with no breaking in training, all I can say to that is believe what you want to believe. Rachel and I think its more likely to stop you from wanting to carry on.
I had a relatively physical job when I was working. Once I was locked 24/7 I went to work locked and soon discovered that certain movements, especially lifting, needed to be done with a precautionary thought. There was one occasion when I was working way, staying in a hotel and sharing a room with a male colleague. Rachel had packed my bags for me and appeared to have ‘forgotten’ to pack any pyjamas for me!
You have to accept that there will be times you have to come out of chastity for things like MRI scans and hospital appointments etc. I can be locked for months on end without being unlocked whatsoever, its hard but I can do it, I have to come out at times. There is the health side of chastity to consider, treatment of sores and even cuts if that happens. Not forgetting a man needs to be relived of his load from time to time in whichever way the key holder decides. We have read that milking is a must for health reasons. I also feel that as a man gets older his prostate becomes more sensitive, I seem to feel a filling sensation after a week or so and a real need to be milked or wanked by 10 days. A man has spent most, if not all, his adult life wanking so give him half a chance and he will wank as soon as he can.
7. Perception of others
Chastity involves some level of understanding, unfortunately not everyone will. In the early days we found talking to swingers about it was like hitting our heads up against a brick wall. We were frequently asked ‘what do you want to do that for?’ Others would say they knew all about it when to us it was clear they did not have a clue. People nowadays seem to have a better idea or will at least say it’s not their thing and keep out of it, fair play to them who can be honest.
When playing with us some men don’t understand that it isn’t cruel to keep me locked and deny me an orgasm. I remain on a sexual high after they have gone which Rachel and I can play with later. Even people we know very well fail to grasp the effect it can have in a marriage, we try to explain the best we can but unless you have done it you will never know. It can become addictive when done in the right way, it can be fun for all concerned if you accept it in your own life. Chastity involves a lot of sex in your mind, the best sex toy you have is your brain and chastity some how triggers it off for me. I’m having the best sex ever now in my head and I’m addictive to it…
8. Where are we now?
Over the years we have tried all sorts of sexual ventures looking for what works for us as a married couple. However, for whatever reason chastity is the one part of us that’s never gone away. We may take a rest playing with chastity, sometimes for long periods of time but we always comes back to it. I have a submissive side that needs to be played with and Rachel can trigger it with chastity.
Rachel wants to explore her submissive side which will be a new adventure for us both. Rachel’s sexual wants and needs have changed over the years, she is a women who needs good sex as her appetite has grown over the last 5 years. I have accepted that with erectile dysfunction problems in my older years I’m not the one to give her that pleasure in the way I once did. I’m happy, even excited for other men to help us when Rachel wants. We may have gone in different directions but we have stayed very much together and much more in love now than ever, we talk a lot about our feelings and help each other and respect each others wants and needs. We both have Bi sides that need pushing now and then which is playing an ever increasing part in our lives.
We have come to realise that chastity and cuckolding go hand in hand. To us it feels natural and adds to the experience. I need to feel controlled and used to feel part of it. That, I find to be the biggest challenge. With my cock locked and sometimes given a viagra, strangely I feel involved even if I am not in the room watching the action. My fun comes from Rachel’s fun, I love to see her happy and satisfied either during the session or after. I crave Tease and Denial in one of its many ways, it helps me feel wanted and involved however we have found that Rachel needs to keep control of my involvement in order to stop me taking over or getting carried away.
I’ve suffered erectile dysfunction for a few years, getting an erection is now a dream. Strangely, being denied orgasm during play sends me to bed still very excited and horny. I become erect several times in the night. It seems my erectile dysfunction goes away and I can feel the erection I crave for, its a wonderful feeling when its been so difficult to get a hard-on for so long. It must be said that this is partly because the rings and cage keep me stimulated and the cage keeps me frustrated, together it seems like the magic mix. My balls are stretched and pulled as my cock goes hard and squashed in the cage of my chastity device. But its worth it!
When Rachel needs a man she can have a man with my blessing. I have learn’t to do as I’m told when we are all together that way we get the right balance and I don’t spoil it. We have knowingly entered into the world of cuckolding. Cuckolding to us is a 3way dynamic. For us it’s not a case of letting your wife go off with another man while the husband stays at home, we want it to be fun for all 3 of us so we include spoiled orgasms, milking and activating the mind to tease. Balance of pleasure and attention seems important as it should do for everybody.
Here we are today and very happy we are too!
