The time in the corner of the screen showed 3.30 a.m! She felt guiltily, she’d been chatting for over 8 hours; she was tired, her eyes stung and knew she should go to bed, but she knew also that the she wouldn’t sleep..again! Leaning back to ease the tension in her neck, she thought back to the people she’d chatted to, old friends from all over the world, brief chats with strangers who came on and failed her test; a test that was immediately applied, and was impossible to define, but a test that over the years had never let her down. When someone new “Im’d” her she immediately categorised them. Pervert, Sad, Boring or Interesting. Even the interesting ones didn’t have long to prove themselves; if they lost her interest she politely, but very firmly, dismissed them. If they persisted she became firmer, but a lot less polite She knew she spent too much time in front of the computer, but here she felt in control, was everything she wanted to be, witty, sexy, provocative, teasing, confident, whatever she wanted, all of the things she couldn’t be in real life. In the darkened room, in front of the flickering screen she had friends and confidants; she felt alive. Her life outside the room had none of these, just the echoes of an empty house and a job that she needed but didn’t want. At first when she’d been given the computer she scorned those who went to chat rooms, but now she was addicted. She used the word like an alcoholic would, admitting it is the first stage in rehabilitation, but rehabilitation to what? Boredom and television. She stretched her aching neck and rubbed her eyes, and as she reached to switch off the machine a message popped up “Go to bed. You must be tired” She didn’t recognise the name. Not a pervert, not sad, interesting? “No I’m not!. Wide awake here” She typed quickly, a pause, long enough for her to begin to reach for the switch, “Your eyes are tired, your neck hurts and you know you should be in bed” In spite of herself she answered “I wont sleep if I go” “Why not” “I just wont” “What do you think about?” “Things” “What things” “None of your business” “Is that an answer” “It’s the only one you’ll get” “Is that because you don’t know what’s gonna happen in your life, or worse that you know what isn’t gonna happen in your life” “I don’t need to explain anything to you” She waited for the answer, she was annoyed and wanted to put him down further, but nothing happened. “Answer dammit” She thought, but wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of saying anything she reached towards the keyboard “Don’t need to…or can’t?” She reached forward and shut the machine down, angrily stabbing the off button, but later, as she lay in bed, she lay awake thinking. It was two or three days later again in the early hours that he came on, “Its difficult to sleep when your minds full, is that why you spend so much time on here” “Who are you?” “Don’t say your asking a/s/l”. You’re worth more than that” She smiled, she too hated that, so stupid and meaningless “You don’t know what I’m worth!” “Do you?” She started to reach for her mouse to close him down “Don’t” She stopped herself “Don’t what?” “Close me down” “I wasn’t” “No?.smile” “No” But she blushed her lie “You’re not married?” “Lucky guess!” “And you don’t like your job?” “Another lucky guess!” “Divorced?” “None of your business” “Tell me about you” “What about me?” “What excites you?” “You mean sex?” She felt disappointed “No I didn’t..But tell me about that if it excites you” “Nothing excites me that much” “Why not” “Cos everything seems so pointless” “In what way pointless?” So she told him, that night, and over many future nights about her life, her dreams and her disappointments. When she asked him a question he answered but he seemed all too easily to be able to bring the subject back to her. She told him things she’d never told anyone before, safe in the knowledge that he couldn’t see her blushes. She told him about her abortion, which up to that point had been locked away in her mind, festering, and she’d known that he reached out to her and hadn’t judged her, just said simply “We all make decisions which are right at the time. We can’t blame ourselves if we later feel guilty or there are others things we didn’t know about which only come to light later..Don’t beat yourself up” She cried about it for the first time in years, the tears dropping onto the keyboard, as she relived the pain of her loss and the shame she’d felt. The screen remained blank as she cried herself out, finally she’d tapped “Sorry” “Why sorry?” “I shouldn’t burden you with this” “Its not a burden I’m your friend” She’d told him about her marriage, how happy it was at the start, but how drinking had gradually changed him until one night he’d came home drunk and hit her “Bastard!!” “He didn’t mean it he was drunk!” “Ok he’s not a bastard!!” “Yes he is!” They’d both laughed about her rebound marriage to a younger man and he’d teased her “So was the attraction cerebral or genital?.LOL” “Oooh definitely genital..After a few years of sex being just a very soft erection and the smell of second hand beer, it was definitely…er….different. LOL” “Mmmmmmm??” “What you mean Mmmmmmm??” “Nothing, just.mmmmm!” They’d laughed at her description of how the delights of a young very hard penis ever ready to perform, palled, until after a while it made her dread going to bed, and how eventually they arrived at the position that pleased them both, “Now don’t you dare laugh” “Would I laugh?” “Promise!” “Cross my heart!!!” “Well I found that by me kneeling up with my head in the pillow and my……..er….bum in the air, that way he could do what he wanted and I could rest. It worked well till one night I was so tired I went to sleep in that position before he’d finished” She waited for a reaction nothing happened… “You’re laughing!!” “I’m not!” “You are you sod…you said you wouldn’t!” But the memory of it was too much for her and her laughter filled the empty room and the tears ran down her face as she laughed openly for the first time in many years “So what happened?” “I realised one day he was boring. We didn’t have anything to talk about and he soon found someone else” “And you really went to sleep with your bum in the air whilst he was still making love to you” “He wasn’t making love to me he was fucking me” “What’s the difference?” “You make love to a mind. You fuck a body!” “In that position perhaps he was going for the brain by the scenic route!” “Sod!!.Your laughing at me” “Laughing with you!. There’s a difference!” As time went by she found she needed to speak to him daily, to talk through her problems and she realised that she loved him or was she in love with him. She saw the articles on people who became obsessed with chat rooms and she sympathised with them, and was glad she wasn’t like that. She was jealous and sulked for two days when she found one night that he was in a private room, and, as she admitted later, behaved dreadfully. She’d abused him and swore at him, but had then realised that he’d left, and he didn’t return for three days, by which time she was distraught, and she’d grovelled and apologised. That night they’d made love She’d never really realised before what horny meant, she felt aroused before but had never had the overwhelming feeling of needing to orgasm. Her lower tummy was tingling and she could feel herself wet. “I want you!” she’d typed, “ want you so much” “Take off your clothes” “Ok done it!” But she hadn’t “No you haven’t, don’t tell fibs!” She’d stripped and sat naked in front of the screen “Sorry ok done it now” “Don’t type. Just read and do as I say..ok?” “ok” “Stretch your legs out in front of you…run your fingers over your breasts…cup them hold them and squeeze your nipples. let one hand move lightly down your body over your pubes and onto your thighs. Feel the softness of the skin. Move your hand up the inside of your thighs” She followed his words on the screen through half closed eyes, feeling her skin tingle and react to her touch, it was only when she tasted blood that she realised she was biting her lips “Touch your cunt.. Lightly. Open your lips and feel how hard your clitoris is…..press and move push up against your finger.” She heard herself whimper as her thighs parted and she moved her groin upwards “Now slide a finger inside...so slowly so gently, feel it opening you, grip your finger with your cunt muscles…pull your finger out...not too fast…mmmmm. I can hear you breathing” She stopped reading and closed her eyes and abandoned herself to the sensations; when they hit her, her cries fill the room, thrusting up to savour every sensation, and the slowly pulled her finger out. She realised that she was slumped back in the chair head back, thighs splayed wide. “You ok?” “Mmmmm…give me a moment” He waited till at last she typed “Thank you. I never knew it could be like that” “Don’t thank me. What are friends for.LOL” After that lovemaking became a part, but only a part, of there lives, she was amazed the things she wrote, she didn’t even realise that she knew about such things, and they joked about their ability at one handed typing! It was inevitable that she’d want to meet him, and she was surprised at his reluctance, she became suspicious “You’re married” “No. I’m scared that in real life we’ll lose what we have” “How can we. We don’t even have a photo of each other” “I know..but even if we don’t mean to…we judge people by how they look” “I don’t” But she’d let the matter drop for a few weeks, until one day she’d raised the subject again, and again, until finally he’d agreed, reluctantly, at least to send her a photo. “And I’ll send you one of me” “If you want to” “Don’t you want one” “I’ve told you…looks don’t matter…look one last time are you sure this is what you want?. You do realise it will inevitably change everything” She was having her doubts now, but her curiosity got the better of her “Yes I’m sure” She chose her picture carefully, not the most recent, but still a good likeness, ok the waist did look slim and that bra certainly helped her bust line, but not really a bad likeness, well, not really!! She rushed home and when she opened her e-mails, there it was, with the paper clip symbol alongside and she teased herself by making a cup of tea before opening it. The picture was of a tall man, slim in a casual shirt laughing at something to his left, not handsome, normal…nice. That evening she was even more impatient than ever to talk, and when he finally came on all he said was “Hi!” “SOOOOOOO!!!!! “So?” “What did you think?” “Stop fishing for compliments you slut” she thought “About” “My picture damn you” “You look nice” “Nice?” “Yes nice..what do you want me to say?” “Nice is a nothing word” “Ok you look sexy, attractive, shapely fuckable” It wasn’t what she wanted to hear. but she let it go “You look nice too. taller than I imagined” “Ooh I talk like a short person do I?” It hadn’t been the same for a few days but slowly they’d returned to their banter, their simultaneous punch lines, their repartee and of course, their sex She realised one day when she was sitting alone in the coffee room at work that she wanted more, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man, that he was everything she needed, sympathetic, funny, supportive, sexy. “Can we meet?” She’d asked in the middle of a completely different conversation “What do you mean?” “You know ..meet” “Why?” “Isn’t it obvious?” “No” “I love you and I want to. Isn’t that enough?” “I’ll have to think about it!” “But I don’t see why not?” “I said I’ll think about it!” She knew enough to change the subject and was surprised a couple of weeks later when he said “You still want to meet?” “Yes. What changed your mind?” “It’s inevitable but I’m scared” “What is there to be scared of” “Nothing and everything” She recognised him immediately as he came through the arrivals door and they held each other almost formally. They were both shy as they walked to her car, and she was glad that she had to drive “Where are we going?” he asked after a few minutes “To my special place” “Where’s that??” “You know. I told you about it enough times!” “Of course…sorry…I wasn’t thinking” When they arrived at her beach, she drove to the far end of the car park. and turned towards him “It’s good to see you” and leant forward, his kiss was light and she felt his tongue trace along her lips…a shiver ran through her and she wanted to reach for him. “Lets walk!!” she said and got out of the car Their hands brushed a couple of times accidentally before he held hers, and they walked along the deserted beach, eventually both taking their shoes off and carrying them, first walking in the sand and then in the sea. She knew they were talking but she didn’t know what she was saying as the dunes, where she’d imagined them together so often, came nearer. She was sure that he could hear her heart beating and that feeling in her tummy, the one she’d felt that first time was back, low down as if the whole of her was concentrated there. They climbed over the first dune and they descended she slipped and he caught her “Careful” he said and she turned into him “I’ve waited so long” she whispered and kissed him. She crushed herself to him pushing herself against his body and feeling him harden into her. They separated and she looked at him, still holding hands and she fell back, him supporting her, untill she lay legs slightly apart and he knelt carefully between them. Sitting up and without taking his her eyes from his she unzipped him, and carefully but impatiently reached inside. He gasped as she gripped his erection then they fell together and she quickly guided him into herself. He pushed against her and she held him chastely with her hands in the middle of his back. She came, quickly, simply, and with a small cry, he followed he immediately and she revelled in the feeling of him coming inside her. It simply felt right. After a moment she said “Wow!!” “Yes wow!!” He rolled off and reaching into his pocket he pulled out a handkerchief, and put it between her legs. Closed her thighs on his hand she smiled. “I wondered what it would be like” “And?” “Better than I’d hoped for!” “So what we gonna do now” As he helped her to her feet she put the handkerchief in her handbag “Come on “ Back in the car and she reversed too quickly out, causing the wheels to spin. He quickly pulled his seat belt a little tighter and gripped the door handle. Looking nervously across at her he frowned but she concentrated on the road. It was only when they arrived at her house did she say anything “This is where I live” “Oh?” At the second attempt she got the key in the lock, and not quite, but almost, pulled him inside. She pointed at one door, “ That’s the lounge.” He made to go towards it, but she led him on “That’s the dining room and the dining room’s through there” They were walking “Looks nice” he said vaguely “The kitchens at the back” She turned left and opened a door “And this is the bedroom.!” She stepped to one side and he went in front of her. Amazed at her own forwardness she immediately started to undress, to her pale yellow undies, which she knew showed off her tan to the best advantage. Falling onto the bed she lay on her tummy, aware of a slight bulge there that she couldn’t shift no matter how hard she did sit ups. He looked at her; the back of her thong disappearing between her cheeks, laughed and his clothes quickly joined hers in an untidy heap on the floor. They attacked each other’s bodies hungrily, she was happy to do for the first time in her life what she’d described in their chat. He seemed less spontaneous, less funny than in the chat, but she couldn’t fault his stamina. He’d taught her the word horny, now shed learnt what it was like to be insatiable. Twice he’d lain back saying “ No more,” And twice she’d smiled and taken him into her mouth, tasting his and her own juices, and brazenly sucked him hard again. She suddenly knelt forward and put her head in the pillow, turning she smiled and said “This time I’ll not go to sleep” He’d frowned and had entered her gently, she could feel him deep in side her and feel his cock hard against her clitoris, long slow strokes penetrated her, and she reached back and put her hand on her tummy, pressing sure she could feel him inside her. She heard herself as if it were someone else, groaning with each thrust, she lifted herself up on her hands to push back against him and as she looked down under her body she saw his balls hanging and moving as he increased the speed and depth of his thrusts. Deep in side she felt it starting, and knew what she wanted, dropping forward she reached and held his balls pulling him into her and held him, squeezing, the pain hit him and he struggled. The change of movement sent her over but she held on untill the spasms that ripped through her body had subsided, and then let go. He pulled away and she felt remorse. She rolled straight “Sorry, sorry” She bent towards, him and took his cock in to her mouth, caressing his balls gently, licking, tasting sucking…. until suddenly she felt his balls draw upwards and felt the warm sperm hit the top of her mouth. She waited for him to finish and sucked the final drops out. Holding it in her mouth she moved up his body, kissing him, she opened her mouth and they shared his sperm Sated they lay back, she revelled in the intensity of the feelings she d experienced “I cooked you a meal!!” “Mmmmmmm” “Talk to me!” “What shall I talk about” “Just talk!” “I can’t think of anything to say” They were quiet as she drove him back to the airport, but they held each other tightly as they kissed goodbye “Talk soon??” she’ d said “Yes .er…thanks for today” “My pleasure…thank you four times as I remember” and she laughed Two nights later they were chatting again, she’d mentioned the day, but he’d not responded and they’d spent the evening describing their most embarrassing experiences, which she’d won easily when she told him about the time shed spent the whole of a funeral service with her dress tucked in the back of her knickers. “So its my turn to visit you next” “Look there’s something I ought to tell you…I don’t live alone” She felt cold “You’re married!” “Good God no!” The weight had lifted “So what are you gonna tell me?” “I live with my brother” “So?” “He’s in a wheelchair” “I’m sorry. So why haven’t you told me before” “I didn’t think it would ever come to us meeting. And time passed” He went on to tell her that his brother, a twin, had been injured in the same car crash that had killed their parents, and that they lived together, and that they’d made a vow that wherever one went so would the other “That’s beautiful. I look forward to meeting your brother, does he know about me?” “Of course!, we have no secrets!!” “None” “No! none” “You mean you told him what we did” “I told you we have no secrets” “Oh!.I hope I don’t blush when we meet” “You’ll be ok!” CONTINUED