Hey, your profile is making me feel safe, up to a meet?

She stars like this. Nobody really contacts me, not nobody nobody but it's rare that the contact is not related to an event or to some question people have about tantric massages. I can't say it never happened, but it's as it is a first.

Hey, I answer, thank you for contacting me. I see you're a bit far away, ok for a zoom call or something just to acknowledge we are human beings and to see our faces?

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Not only it never happens, but all the contacts I have are typically from couples, in particular from men in a couple, in particular from men in a couple where there is a need to change something in their sexual life. Men tend to think that me giving a tantric massage to their girlfriends/wives will start the process somehow. They are right, but for the wrong reason. They keep explaining how inexperienced their women are, how prude they are, traditionalists, not emotionally available. They keep explaining things, men always have this urge of telling me everything I need to know about everything.

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I want to try anal, she tells me out of the blue at the beginning of the zoom call, a friend of mine keep saying that's fun and beautiful, and I'm 50 and I don't want to run out of time.

Why don't you introduce me to your friend? I joke, but she looks at me considering it. Ok, sorry, yeah, we can meet, and even if you have zero experience with some bodywork we can start exploring this.

Will you fuck me in the ass? She asks me.

I don't... I don't know why this hesitation, what if my dick don't goes hard? Should I take some pills before? Why all this doubts suddenly? I don't know, I answer, will see when we meet. Bring a toy, just in case, I don't know how my body will react.

I don't have any toy.

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After the man explained to me all the explainable I usually meet the couple, this means that I meet the woman, and the vibe changes radically. Ninety percent of the times it doesn't work. I'm not young anymore, certainly not a normative beauty, my body is a normal body, not sculpted in hours of workout. They meet me to live a fantasy and in that fantasy I don't fit. I can't give them the patinated experience they have from whatever feeds their imagination, mostly porn I suppose.

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Ok, I tell her, don't worry about the toy, don't worry about my dick, don't worry about anything, we will find a way, I actually have an erection just telling you that, we will be fine.
I can't wait to meet you, I knew you were right, I feel really safe with you. One question, will I poo myself?

Oh... I hesitate again. Yeah, shit happens, we laugh together, well. But no, don't worry, just be clean when we start, it might get a little dirty but it doesn't happens very often.
This means that it does happen.

Well, yes it does, we will laugh together in case.

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But when it clicks, oh my god, I live for that moment. I live for the moment of recognition, excitement, surrender, the moment where the couple opens up for me. But in reality they don't really open up for me, they open up for themselves, they open up to all the love is surrounding them, is surrounding us, and we stop seeing. They open up to the pleasure I can give, to the pleasure they can take, that have nothing to do with their relationship, is deep and enriching.

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I booked the hotel room but now I'm scared, she writes me the day before the meeting.
Do you want to discuss boundaries and desires again? We spent a good part of an hour just a few days before talking about our relationships, boundaries, desires, sexual health and the meaning of our meeting, but it might be not enough, every day we are different, we can change our minds, everything can happen.

No, no, I'm good. I don't know why I'm scared but I'm scared. Can we just meet without doing nothing?

A hundred miles driving, is that what I want? Yes, I answer not knowing exactly why, let's meet anyway. I didn't have expectations before, I won't have expectations now.

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Every single time we discovered a connection, I remember every single second with every single couple. The "I don't kiss strangers" that becomes the most deep and moving kiss of my life, the "I want you inside me"s, the "What's happening to me"s. The transfixed expressions of husbands and boyfriends, the happiness, the complicity after. Someone asked me why I keep looking for couples, and I know the reason. There is a lot of love to give.

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You're shorter that I thought, I tell her. We are still in the parking lot of the hotel. I'm a bit tired for the driving and excited to meet this woman. She looks at me with a nervous smile. Not happy? She ask.
Oh no, I'm very happy, I answer. You're just different from the pictures and the screen but I'm really happy. Are you happy?
Happy? She looks at me for a moment. I smile, only a few years ago I would have suffered a lot being scrutinised like this. Now I'm different, I love my body, I love my imperfections, take it or leave it. She takes my hand, Let's go, she whispers, I want you to fuck me in the ass.