what does everyone think about this? is there some kind of ettiquette about it?
i don't mean men who swing with the knowledge and blessing of their partner but men looking for a furtive fumble.
usually says something like "discreet" in the profile - and "discreet" is usually spelled wrong too.
am i just being too fussy as usual?
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I personally don't care. I know others that do and have strong opinions about it.
I am not here to marry anyone or have anything other than sex. I don't know the people that I have sex with well enough to know their partners. I have no intention of getting involved in anyone's personal life. For me meeting someone who is married or involved absolutely guarantees that they will be discreet and honest (with me). It also means they are more respectful (I have no idea why, I am just going on experience)
The only issue I have had with people’s personal lives was when meeting someone who was single, living alone, could accommodate etc etc. I got an e-mail about 3 months after I was stood up by him from his wife. I won’t go into detail but it was pretty rubbish.
Now, I meet who I want when I want and care enough to have sex with them. No more no less.
I have taken exception to a couple that I was due to meet. I spoke to both 'halves' of the couple and arranged to meet them both at seperate times for a cuppa. I was nervous and didn't want to meet them both together initially. I met him first. It turns out he didn't tell his wife. He then asked me to meet him for sex alone. I refused and told him that I wouldn't betray his wife. To me this was him taking away my choices. I now can't talk to either of them in chat. I feel uncomfortable as I don't know what he has said and I don't want to create an issue between them. (and I didn't get to fuck them both- harumph)
Basically I live by my own guidelines of right and wrong.
I am not here to marry anyone or have anything other than sex. I don't know the people that I have sex with well enough to know their partners. I have no intention of getting involved in anyone's personal life. For me meeting someone who is married or involved absolutely guarantees that they will be discreet and honest (with me). It also means they are more respectful (I have no idea why, I am just going on experience)
The only issue I have had with people’s personal lives was when meeting someone who was single, living alone, could accommodate etc etc. I got an e-mail about 3 months after I was stood up by him from his wife. I won’t go into detail but it was pretty rubbish.
Now, I meet who I want when I want and care enough to have sex with them. No more no less.
I have taken exception to a couple that I was due to meet. I spoke to both 'halves' of the couple and arranged to meet them both at seperate times for a cuppa. I was nervous and didn't want to meet them both together initially. I met him first. It turns out he didn't tell his wife. He then asked me to meet him for sex alone. I refused and told him that I wouldn't betray his wife. To me this was him taking away my choices. I now can't talk to either of them in chat. I feel uncomfortable as I don't know what he has said and I don't want to create an issue between them. (and I didn't get to fuck them both- harumph)
Basically I live by my own guidelines of right and wrong.
Sex God
I personally do not play or intend to play with any "attatched" men who are on here with a single profile.
Just becasue some peoples profiles have "descreet" in it, i wouldn't assume they are attatched. I quite often have it in my profile and im 100% single, its just i'd rather the whole world didn't know my buisness.
I usually work out who is and isn't single by the times they want to meet. If they can meet day or nite, at anytime... they are single... if only days.. they are attatched :haha:
Just becasue some peoples profiles have "descreet" in it, i wouldn't assume they are attatched. I quite often have it in my profile and im 100% single, its just i'd rather the whole world didn't know my buisness.
I usually work out who is and isn't single by the times they want to meet. If they can meet day or nite, at anytime... they are single... if only days.. they are attatched :haha:
Sex God
Some women/couples actively seek married guys as there is a greater chance of it being simply a NSA shag...
I wont even begin to chastise/berate etc as in life its each to their own as far as I'm comcerned..
I myself am married as is my wife ;-)
We both play together and seperately and those that know either of us will confirm it :-)
I wont even begin to chastise/berate etc as in life its each to their own as far as I'm comcerned..
I myself am married as is my wife ;-)
We both play together and seperately and those that know either of us will confirm it :-)
Sex God
Quote by Steve
Some women/couples actively seek married guys as there is a greater chance of it being simply a NSA shag...
I wont even begin to chastise/berate etc as in life its each to their own as far as I'm comcerned..
I myself am married as is my wife ;-)
We both play together and seperately and those that know either of us will confirm it :-)
You are on here as a cpl tho... and like you say...both play together and seperate... which is great. I think the opening post is more at people who do go behind there partners backs? Well thats what my views are on
Sex God
Quote by Lilmiss
Some women/couples actively seek married guys as there is a greater chance of it being simply a NSA shag...
I wont even begin to chastise/berate etc as in life its each to their own as far as I'm comcerned..
I myself am married as is my wife ;-)
We both play together and seperately and those that know either of us will confirm it :-)
You are on here as a cpl tho... and like you say...both play together and seperate... which is great. I think the opening post is more at people who do go behind there partners backs? Well thats what my views are on
I was advertising ;-)
I personally don't care. I know others that do and have strong opinions about it.
I am not here to marry anyone or have anything other than sex. I don't know the people that I have sex with well enough to know their partners. I have no intention of getting involved in anyone's personal life. For me meeting someone who is married or involved absolutely guarantees that they will be discreet and honest (with me). It also means they are more respectful (I have no idea why, I am just going on experience)
ditto.
I am not here to marry anyone or have anything other than sex. I don't know the people that I have sex with well enough to know their partners. I have no intention of getting involved in anyone's personal life. For me meeting someone who is married or involved absolutely guarantees that they will be discreet and honest (with me). It also means they are more respectful (I have no idea why, I am just going on experience)
ditto.
Sex God
Quote by Steve
Some women/couples actively seek married guys as there is a greater chance of it being simply a NSA shag...
I wont even begin to chastise/berate etc as in life its each to their own as far as I'm comcerned..
I myself am married as is my wife ;-)
We both play together and seperately and those that know either of us will confirm it :-)
You are on here as a cpl tho... and like you say...both play together and seperate... which is great. I think the opening post is more at people who do go behind there partners backs? Well thats what my views are on
I was advertising ;-)
Crack on :thumbup:
Master of Sex
We'd agree with splendid and cs ... for me and Pom, we're responsible to each other in OUR relationship - no-one elses. We are NOT the morality police or guardians of someone elses marriage. We don't know the circumstances behind a guy playing away but the few married guys we've spoken to haven't berated their wives telling us they're hard done by or 'she's a bitch' or whatever; on the contrary they say they love their wives very much with the only glich being their sex lives. And that's not an issue for me or pom to judge.
Sex God
I also have no intentions of getting involved in other peoples lives and each to there own if they want to go out and sleep with other people behind there partners backs.
I feel, I, as a person have a right to choose what i do and that is to not get involved with married/attatched men looking for sexual activity behind there wives backs. I also sit back and think how i would feel, if it was me and i found out my partner was out meeting women or in some cases.. men, without my knowledge. It would crucify me
I feel, I, as a person have a right to choose what i do and that is to not get involved with married/attatched men looking for sexual activity behind there wives backs. I also sit back and think how i would feel, if it was me and i found out my partner was out meeting women or in some cases.. men, without my knowledge. It would crucify me
Quote by Whipsnspurs
it's not so much about judgement. nor is it about taking responsibility for their relationship. for us it's about how that makes us feel. i don't want to be part of someones deception that could break their partners heart if it were found out. if they play away from home with their partners blessing that's different. i don't want to judge these men (or women) so ask that they don't contact us. the fact that they still do even though we have asked them not to shows that they have no respect for us either.
We feel the same. We played with a couple once and then the guy contacted us saying did we want to play without her. :shock:
No we did not. Ok we had by then met her but....I suppose we are a bit moralistic about it. We would just prefere NOT to knowingly play with a married guy that we knew was cheating on his wrong somehow, and not nice.
Sex God
havent read all that ^^^ but has anyone mentioned its not just blokes that do this..
live and let live..
wrats
xxs
live and let live..
wrats
xxs
Sex God
In the past i have had less trouble with married men who are playing without consent than the majority of real singles, this tends to be - not getting hassled for meets at stupid times of night or everytime you sign into msn/sh etc, they appear more discreet, and you can be more confident that it will be nsa. As a couple i play as a couple and seperately with consent
and yes as pointed out its not just men doing it
and yes as pointed out its not just men doing it
Sex God
Quote by Whipsnspurs
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
Quote by Sugar-n-pom
We'd agree with splendid and cs ... for me and Pom, we're responsible to each other in OUR relationship - no-one elses. We are NOT the morality police or guardians of someone elses marriage. We don't know the circumstances behind a guy playing away but the few married guys we've spoken to haven't berated their wives telling us they're hard done by or 'she's a bitch' or whatever; on the contrary they say they love their wives very much with the only glich being their sex lives. And that's not an issue for me or pom to judge.
I agree with your post we are the same here!
Sex God
I sometimes wonder if me being a single person makes my views slightly different on issues like this - as I don't have a partner to consider myself - but really, I am not all that bothered. I generally do not ask for too many details. I know what I am looking for in a meet and that is safe, clean and bloody good fun - preferably someone who can hold a decent conversation. I don't expect to explain my in-depth reasons for being on the site and nor do I ask for theirs... Sure, I guess there is some level of ethics that I should consider, but it is their relationship, not mine.
Dunno... guess we all have different outlooks on this one.
Nola x
Dunno... guess we all have different outlooks on this one.Nola x
I think the decision to avoid aiding and abetting a cheat is generally accepted and more so by the cheats themselves, who are used to being turned down because of it.
But at the same time swinging does not have a built in safety net for anyone who feels that this is an important issue. All one can do is make reasonable enquiries and assess the person's response. And its still possible to make an unfortunate error.
There is a dichotomy in that one wishes for a non-conventional encounter, providing it adheres to some conventional values. Which may be applied under varyingly selective criteria.
Whilst it is possible to have some control over material and present circumstances, there is significantly less control in such matters as karma, fate, sod's law or what have you.
Something else that goes unasked of the new partner is how balanced they are about their decision to swing. Would it tip them over the edge into something else? Would their mum be really really affected by its discovery? and so on. That kind of thing is generally ignored but could have its own implications.
But at the same time swinging does not have a built in safety net for anyone who feels that this is an important issue. All one can do is make reasonable enquiries and assess the person's response. And its still possible to make an unfortunate error.
There is a dichotomy in that one wishes for a non-conventional encounter, providing it adheres to some conventional values. Which may be applied under varyingly selective criteria.
Whilst it is possible to have some control over material and present circumstances, there is significantly less control in such matters as karma, fate, sod's law or what have you.
Something else that goes unasked of the new partner is how balanced they are about their decision to swing. Would it tip them over the edge into something else? Would their mum be really really affected by its discovery? and so on. That kind of thing is generally ignored but could have its own implications.
Quote by Whipsnspurs
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
Well Spurs, I think I'm not wrong.
What business is it of ours why people come on here? If someone gets in touch with you and asks to play who is 'playing away' you simply say 'no thankyou, we don't agree'...
Yes it becomes your business if they get in touch and you then simply say no. I wasn't referring to that in any event. If you re read my post I was referring to the fact it has nothing to do with us what so ever what people are looking for. If you disagree with what they are doing you just say a simple 'no'.
And that's MY opinion.
Quote by X_fanny_x
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
Exactly!
It's none of our business what their choices are, we simply say no and move on. I am very non-judgemental and would not tell someone what they can and cannot do, I reserve my own preferences for myself.
Quote by X_fanny_x
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
I wonder if the cheated other halves would feel the same way? If people want to cheat on their partners then fine, but we will not be a party to it!
Anyone who says, let people do whatever, spare a thought for the person sitting at home being cheated on.
I am not knocking people that do or the people who knowingly meet people they know are married...but just not for us. :lol: Ive been on the other end of a cheating person... not a pleasant experience how I found out and I really wouldnt wish it on anyone else! I wouldnt knowingly see anyone who was attached, married, partnered, seeing someone etc..
I would be upset if I did meet someone whom I believed to be single and found out at a later date they weren,t.
I think the difficuilt thing on here is beleiving someones profile status, if its important to you that is.. and to me it would be.
I have more respect for those who are honest, as you then have a choice of meeting or not. Although morally I dont agree with it, I can still be friends. None of business at the end of the day really... but I have no intention of ever going through the same experience again and it has made me very wary of guys in general.
I would be upset if I did meet someone whom I believed to be single and found out at a later date they weren,t.
I think the difficuilt thing on here is beleiving someones profile status, if its important to you that is.. and to me it would be.
I have more respect for those who are honest, as you then have a choice of meeting or not. Although morally I dont agree with it, I can still be friends. None of business at the end of the day really... but I have no intention of ever going through the same experience again and it has made me very wary of guys in general.
Quote by kentswingers777
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
I wonder if the cheated other halves would feel the same way? If people want to cheat on their partners then fine, but we will not be a party to it!
Anyone who says, let people do whatever, spare a thought for the person sitting at home being cheated on.
I am not knocking people that do or the people who knowingly meet people they know are married...but just not for us. :lol:But again you're missing the point. You are being judgemental by commenting on what the other half would think, it's not for us to discuss. You disagree with playing that's your opinion for which you are entitled.
This is a swinging site and people come on here for their own reasons. If people come here looking for affairs so be it, that's their perogative and I'm not saying I agree with it but at the end of the day you and I don't need to play with them.
I too have been on the receiving end of cheating, so has Jay, but what people need to respect is that this site is a sex site and it's for swinging and we need to reserve our judgements and morals for ourselves and let people do what they've come here to do.
Sexpert
Half the couples on here seem to be attached men swinging alone, lol.
Quote by jaymar
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
I wonder if the cheated other halves would feel the same way? If people want to cheat on their partners then fine, but we will not be a party to it!
Anyone who says, let people do whatever, spare a thought for the person sitting at home being cheated on.
I am not knocking people that do or the people who knowingly meet people they know are married...but just not for us. :lol:But again you're missing the point. You are being judgemental by commenting on what the other half would think, it's not for us to discuss. You disagree with playing that's your opinion for which you are entitled.
This is a swinging site and people come on here for their own reasons. If people come here looking for affairs so be it, that's their perogative and I'm not saying I agree with it but at the end of the day you and I don't need to play with them.
I too have been on the receiving end of cheating, so has Jay, but what people need to respect is that this site is a sex site and it's for swinging and we need to reserve our judgements and morals for ourselves and let people do what they've come here to do.
Sorry Jaymar..do not agree. Any of us can be judgemental about anything. Most do it on a daily basis just by reading a newspaper. It is my choice to be judgemental about anyone or anything I choose to be..its called being realistic! :shock:
If somebody wants to cheat on their partner,wife or husband I have the right to judge that person as being dishonest, whether it is on a swingers site, or out there in the " real " world. I would judge that person to be one not to be trusted. The word means " having an excessively critical point of view". Think most people who go on the forum have that, which means they are judgemental which is anyones right to be. :cheers:
Quote by kentswingers777
jaymar i think you are wrong to say it's not our business. if they contact us why is it not our business? if they choose to play away from home without their partner knowing why should we have the choice to refuse them taken away from us? how is that right?
i'm not judging anyone who thinks it's ok. it's their choice. but i still believe that we should all have the choice and the right to refuse. having stated quite clearly that we don't want to play with them they should respect our wishes too. i have a right to choose who suits us best and who i feel comfortable with. i don't feel comfortable being with a guy who is cheating on his partner. to say just get on with it idicates that i should ignore how i feel to let someone else get his end away behind his partners back.
as i see it if they contact me they are making it my business. i don't care what the reasons are behind it.
I think what jaymar was getting at is we should be none judgemental about others who may or may not be married/attached/with someone, Of course it is your choice who you play with, no one is saying otherwise we are all adults and surely open minded enough to say yes it happens i do/dont want to do it but fair game to those who do . we are all here for pretty much the same reasons and we all pay our money
I wonder if the cheated other halves would feel the same way? If people want to cheat on their partners then fine, but we will not be a party to it!
Anyone who says, let people do whatever, spare a thought for the person sitting at home being cheated on.
I am not knocking people that do or the people who knowingly meet people they know are married...but just not for us. :lol:But again you're missing the point. You are being judgemental by commenting on what the other half would think, it's not for us to discuss. You disagree with playing that's your opinion for which you are entitled.
This is a swinging site and people come on here for their own reasons. If people come here looking for affairs so be it, that's their perogative and I'm not saying I agree with it but at the end of the day you and I don't need to play with them.
I too have been on the receiving end of cheating, so has Jay, but what people need to respect is that this site is a sex site and it's for swinging and we need to reserve our judgements and morals for ourselves and let people do what they've come here to do.
Sorry Jaymar..do not agree. Any of us can be judgemental about anything. Most do it on a daily basis just by reading a newspaper. It is my choice to be judgemental about anyone or anything I choose to be..its called being realistic! :shock:
If somebody wants to cheat on their partner,wife or husband I have the right to judge that person as being dishonest, whether it is on a swingers site, or out there in the " real " world. I would judge that person to be one not to be trusted. The word means " having an excessively critical point of view". Think most people who go on the forum have that, which means they are judgemental which is anyones right to be. :cheers:
now there's a thing
ain't gonna argue with you, again. Your view point, my view point, done.
also for the record, check out some of the other posters, they've more or less said the same thing. I'm not knocking your views I'm saying we should really keep them to ourselves.
Night
I used to be pretty vitriolic about "cheating" (for wont of a better word) partners......
then I saw the "greyscale"
something that also changed my viewpoint occurred the last time this question was raised. I recieved a lengthy PM from a forumite who felt they wanted to explain their situation.
It moved me to tears.
So as I said- whilst I choose not to get involved, I also choose not to pass judgement. Whilst there are, undoubtedly some arseholes out there with devoted partners who are just out for extra pussy/cock, there are, equally, people living in situations we could not imagine.
Live & let live.
then I saw the "greyscale"
something that also changed my viewpoint occurred the last time this question was raised. I recieved a lengthy PM from a forumite who felt they wanted to explain their situation.
It moved me to tears.
So as I said- whilst I choose not to get involved, I also choose not to pass judgement. Whilst there are, undoubtedly some arseholes out there with devoted partners who are just out for extra pussy/cock, there are, equally, people living in situations we could not imagine.
Live & let live.