Sex God
With this amount of gear stashed away, it kinda makes you wonder how handbags became so popular
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Dangerous insertions..
Sex God
Quote by barewolf
This brings back alll sorts of memories
BTW... just so you all know... I'm currently single (M)... divorced ten years ago and finished another relationship two years ago.
Many years ago (28! :shock: ) when I had a Mini (original Mini, obviously), a girlfriend decided one day that the gearstick looked inviting and proceeded to lower herself onto it! It didn't do her any harm, in fact she reported that she enjoyed it extremely... it was a little difficult though, and perhaps a little dangerous, in that the gearstick was still attached to the car and we were doing 60 mph along the A49 at the time! Apparently the vibration was something else!
When I was married, my wife was a Nurse. She spent some time in A&E at a ver large Hopsital in Manchester and told me of numerous 'casualties' involving objects lost or stuck! One was a foriegn guy who didn't speak English but was obviously in pain... eventually they recovered a 5" vibrator from his rear end... it was still going and had burrowed a long way in! :shock:
A woman brought her 14 year old daughter into A&E one day, not exactly sure what was wrong, but the girl was in tears. The tears were probably due to embarrassment and fear of how her mother would react when she found out what the problem was... she had been experimenting with a banana, but the silly girl had peeled it first and it had broken off inside her vagina! She wasn't in pain but didn't realise it would have eventually turned to mush and her own juices would eventually get rid of it... as she was there however, my wife carefully removed the fruity insert for her and she was sent home with her mother... and no doubt an embarrassing atmosphere around the dining table that evening! :lol:
Another young woman patient admitted herself one day with a Coke bottle (the old glass 'waisted' shape bottle) well and truly stuck. It was the suction... inserting the bottle had forced air out of her vagina and her juices had created a seal around the bottle, the subsequent vacuum was holding the bottle firmly in place! That's very dangerous because if it is not removed carefully, allowing air back in, it can quite literally turn a girl inside out! :shock:
Perhaps the funniest though was not something that got stiuck, but something that simply wouldn't stay in! :lol: I'll explain! I was with a girfriend for a number of years, who had, lets say, a very strong sexual appetite... a very attractive, slim, leggy, Liz Hurley lookalike... she was a right exhibitionist in any case, and was pretty near constantly aroused. To set the scene, this girl never ever wore underwear, even with short skirts... now she had a few toys, including some of those chinese duo balls... this particular day we were out shopping and she was wearing a short black pleated skirt, a white blouse and black 3.5" heel court shoes... no stockings because it was warm and of course no knickers.... what I didn't know before we left home was, she had popped her duo balls insinde herself (I assume everyone knows what they are but just in case, they are two hollow spheres with weights inside them that cause them to vibrate pleasantly when you move).... well we were walking along the street in Chester, looking around the shops when she starts fiddling about with herself :shock: I enquired what was wrong and she told me that as she was getting very wet while walking, "these things keep slipping out!" and promptly put her hand up her skirt and produced two shiny chrome balls on a piece of string! :shock: I don't know if anyone noticed... I was too stunned by the fact she had yanked them out in the middle of the busy street! :lol:
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Well Missy.... as your "friend"
:lol2: has suffered no ill effects I assume "her" experience was quite safe.I did read in a newspaper once that a woman died after having sex very soon after having a baby. The reason apparently was that air had got into her blood stream and resulted in a massive stroke :eeek: :eeek: :eeek:
Oh... also on the subject of 'dangerous insertions', I've had several women enquire to me about the potential dangers of having my penis inside them! 
This is because it has a piercing! To clarify that, I have a Frenum piercing, that's that bit of skin on the underside where a membrane joins the foreskin joins the shaft. When you're circumcised, as I am, that bit of skin can be pierced. Various things can be worn in this piercing, a small bar bell or ring, or as I curently have, a large ring (30mm internal dia, 4mm thick, 6mm ball closure) which is through the piercing but worn around the penis shaft, fitting snugly around the ridge behind my penis head / glans.
Several women have enquired as to whether it is likely to hurt them or cause them any damage, or come off and get lost inside them.
Well the answers are: No it wont hurt or cause any damage, it is made of polished titanium and has no sharp edges. It's purpose is in fact to increase pleasure for the woman. This particular type of piercing is intended to stimulate the G spot. That of course depends on what your wearing in it and what position you are using. Whatever though, it will always rub the inside of a girls vagina, giving a little extra sensation.
And there's no way it can come off and get lost... not unless it takes some of my penis with it! :shock:
What do any of the ladies here think? Would you be nervous of having a pierced willy inserted?
This is because it has a piercing!
To clarify that, I have a Frenum piercing, that's that bit of skin on the underside where a membrane joins the foreskin joins the shaft. When you're circumcised, as I am, that bit of skin can be pierced. Various things can be worn in this piercing, a small bar bell or ring, or as I curently have, a large ring (30mm internal dia, 4mm thick, 6mm ball closure) which is through the piercing but worn around the penis shaft, fitting snugly around the ridge behind my penis head / glans.Several women have enquired as to whether it is likely to hurt them or cause them any damage, or come off and get lost inside them.
Well the answers are: No it wont hurt or cause any damage, it is made of polished titanium and has no sharp edges. It's purpose is in fact to increase pleasure for the woman. This particular type of piercing is intended to stimulate the G spot. That of course depends on what your wearing in it and what position you are using. Whatever though, it will always rub the inside of a girls vagina, giving a little extra sensation.
And there's no way it can come off and get lost... not unless it takes some of my penis with it! :shock:
What do any of the ladies here think? Would you be nervous of having a pierced willy inserted?
I was talking to an old friend who was a sister in A&E for many years, when jokingly I mentioned about the bloke who got his penis stuck inside a hose of the vacume cleaner, thinking it was a "one off", but she supprised me by saying she had come accross this fact several times over the years, what realy amused her was the excuses that blokes gave as to how it had happened!
"I just got out of the bath, and walked into the sitting room, where my wife was vacuming, she put the hose downe and was moving some furniture, when I tripped over and fell onto the hose, whereon my penis was sucked up the spout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I was useing the cleaner when I bent over to see something and the tube sucked my penis in"!!! he did not explain how come he was letting his tackle dangle, while vacuming!!
She did mention several more situations, but by this time I was rolling about on the floor, laughing, and before anybody asks, yes I did make sure there was no vacume hose about.
"I just got out of the bath, and walked into the sitting room, where my wife was vacuming, she put the hose downe and was moving some furniture, when I tripped over and fell onto the hose, whereon my penis was sucked up the spout!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"I was useing the cleaner when I bent over to see something and the tube sucked my penis in"!!! he did not explain how come he was letting his tackle dangle, while vacuming!!
She did mention several more situations, but by this time I was rolling about on the floor, laughing, and before anybody asks, yes I did make sure there was no vacume hose about.
Sex God
Quote by MISSCHIEFIf you your friend, can suck the air out of a wine bottle, could you your friend do the same to a cork.
Our corkscrew broke last night, and we were looking for something multi-functional to replace it. Could you advise us what other useful functions you your friend could perform? :twisted:
lhk
Kat
P.S. sound lesson in reading your posts before pressing submit here, I did initially write 'multi-cuntional'
You don't want much do you Kat?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:Tell you what, stick yer fingers up and I'll give you a manicure as well while I'm at it
Got any letters you need opening?? :?
Misschief - and her Swiss Army Lou Lou :undecided:
I'll have a haircut please.
I held a party some years ago for a visiting couple and some extra large black guys.
The couple had been playing the night before. All aglow and willing for more.
The session got under way, the cameras rolled, and very enjoyable it all was. The 'soldiers' were beginning to muster and stand to attention. At this stage all of us were still bareback.
As the woman got into the swing of it, relaxed and generally let us loose on her body, I explored ever deeper into her snatchbox.
After some fisting I felt something give and moving about. Whereupon I pulled out an old condom! Presumably from the night before. Or quite possibly some time before then.
The couple had been playing the night before. All aglow and willing for more.
The session got under way, the cameras rolled, and very enjoyable it all was. The 'soldiers' were beginning to muster and stand to attention. At this stage all of us were still bareback.
As the woman got into the swing of it, relaxed and generally let us loose on her body, I explored ever deeper into her snatchbox.
After some fisting I felt something give and moving about. Whereupon I pulled out an old condom! Presumably from the night before. Or quite possibly some time before then.
Sex God
I'll get me coat
Sex God
Quote by Happy Cats
I'll get me coat
Christ, was that up there as well!
Yeah just turn left at the sign that says cloakroom
On a much more serious note
never use any glass object because if it breaks you have got a really serious problem especially if it up your bum
never use thin wall glass objects such as fluorescent tubes... light bulbs ... etc
and wine bottles can get smaller chips around the neck when it you open them
if you don't notice the chip it can cause internal scarring and if a small piece of glass breaks off... will we won't even go down that road
another one to watch out for is leaving batteries in vibrators for long periods of time
if the batteries leek they contain corrosive chemicals which can play havoc with your wet bits... and if you think cystitis is painful wait if you fill your box with a load of corrosive chemicals...
never use any glass object because if it breaks you have got a really serious problem especially if it up your bum
never use thin wall glass objects such as fluorescent tubes... light bulbs ... etc
and wine bottles can get smaller chips around the neck when it you open them
if you don't notice the chip it can cause internal scarring and if a small piece of glass breaks off... will we won't even go down that road
another one to watch out for is leaving batteries in vibrators for long periods of time
if the batteries leek they contain corrosive chemicals which can play havoc with your wet bits... and if you think cystitis is painful wait if you fill your box with a load of corrosive chemicals...
Quote by bigslut
On a much more serious note
never use any glass object because if it breaks you have got a really serious problem especially if it up your bum
never use thin wall glass objects such as fluorescent tubes... light bulbs ... etc
and wine bottles can get smaller chips around the neck when it you open them
if you don't notice the chip it can cause internal scarring and if a small piece of glass breaks off... will we won't even go down that road
another one to watch out for is leaving batteries in vibrators for long periods of time
if the batteries leek they contain corrosive chemicals which can play havoc with your wet bits... and if you think cystitis is painful wait if you fill your box with a load of corrosive chemicals...
you seem to have a very unhealthy indept knowlage of this stuff
Sex God
Oh missy!
You're a star.I do believe I was surprised to find out that "my friend" had also made a lovely squelching noise when a smirnoff ice bottle was shoved up there unknown to erm.. "my friend" !
It was such a good feeling that it wasn't realised it was a bottle until afterwards... so I was told anyway.
I've heard horror stories of a vacuum forming and insides being pulled out, however I don't know if this is true or not as I've not been brave enough to try it. Well, not since "my friend" and the smirnoff ice bottle.
ops:
Gem. x
Quote by little gem
I've heard horror stories of a vacuum forming and insides being pulled out, however I don't know if this is true or not as I've not been brave enough to try it. Well, not since "my friend" and the smirnoff ice bottle.
Gem. x
It is true Gem, anything pulled out of a vagina when there is an airtight / watertight seal and causing a vacuum can cause a prolapsed vagina! And that does include a penis sometimes... there have been cases when a couple have had sex in water, e.g. the sea, a swimming pool, bath or jacuzzi, when the water has created a seal and withdrawing the penis has pulled the girls insides out! Not nice! :cry:
Blimee, the times the wife and I have had fun in the bath, and the swimming pool, never knew it was dangerous, so we must add that fact to the list of things not to do or have!
Salt, butter, milk, eggs, chips, booze, fags, noise, pollution, now they have finaly got round to sex, I knew they would, one way or another, now all it needs is for the Chancellor to find a way of taxing sex, give him time, I bet they are working on the problem right now!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me, I am talking a load of dribble, arnt I? Just getting carried away.
Salt, butter, milk, eggs, chips, booze, fags, noise, pollution, now they have finaly got round to sex, I knew they would, one way or another, now all it needs is for the Chancellor to find a way of taxing sex, give him time, I bet they are working on the problem right now!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me, I am talking a load of dribble, arnt I? Just getting carried away.
I remembered an amusing but true story... now this is slightly bending the meaning of the thread title and is not so much a dangerous insertion as a dangerous attemp at an insertion....
As previously mentioned my wife (when I was married) was a Nurse... she was once on Ambulance duty, this was before the days of Paramedics as we know them today, they were ordinary Ambulances with ordinary Ambulance crews and they had a Nurse on board.
This particular day, they answered a call to support a Police 999 call when it had been reported that a woman was screaming for help from inside a house... the Ambulance crew complete with my wife was sent as a precuationary measure...
Sure enough, when they arrioved at the scene at the same time as the Police, a woman's cries for help were heard coming from an upstairs window... the Police promptly broke in and rushed upstairs to the woman's assistance, with my wife and her kit hard on their heels.... what they found had them in stiches for hours...
The woman was lying on the bed stark naked legs akimbo, wrists and ankles firlmy tied to the bed posts... her husband was lying on the floor concussed and semi-conscious, with his willy hanging out of his tights... yes his tights! He was dressed as Batman and had fallen off the wardrobe! :lol: :lol: :lol:
As previously mentioned my wife (when I was married) was a Nurse... she was once on Ambulance duty, this was before the days of Paramedics as we know them today, they were ordinary Ambulances with ordinary Ambulance crews and they had a Nurse on board.
This particular day, they answered a call to support a Police 999 call when it had been reported that a woman was screaming for help from inside a house... the Ambulance crew complete with my wife was sent as a precuationary measure...
Sure enough, when they arrioved at the scene at the same time as the Police, a woman's cries for help were heard coming from an upstairs window... the Police promptly broke in and rushed upstairs to the woman's assistance, with my wife and her kit hard on their heels.... what they found had them in stiches for hours...
The woman was lying on the bed stark naked legs akimbo, wrists and ankles firlmy tied to the bed posts... her husband was lying on the floor concussed and semi-conscious, with his willy hanging out of his tights... yes his tights!
He was dressed as Batman and had fallen off the wardrobe! :lol: :lol: :lol: