Sexlightened
:shock:
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dealing with break ups
You have my sympathy but as you can see you are not alone in this. It's a dreadful cliche but you need to gewt on with your life. I know everything is shit at the moment but that's the way it is.
But don't do anything stupid. Don't drink to excess, don't smoke more than before don't do drugs.
I am sure you are a decent person and you will get over it.
Consider this. Is it better to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really care for you or to be on your own?
But don't do anything stupid. Don't drink to excess, don't smoke more than before don't do drugs.
I am sure you are a decent person and you will get over it.
Consider this. Is it better to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really care for you or to be on your own?
Sex God
Quote by BJME
I am going thru the same now down here in Bristol. Every day is torture knowing that someone u love dont love u anymore. To cap it all she is the most wonderful person ever in my life and Ive lost her even though we still live in same house its agony watching her get ready to go out to socialise with others. Its eating my insides away day by day. If anyone down here has time to give me to talk over a drink Id really appreciate the company. Cos at the moment its VERY LONELY IN LIFE. Sad I know but Im sure peeps understand that.
BJ
Sorry to hear that BJ, it'll get easier though it may not feel that way right now. I don't think living in the same house together is a great idea though as that's just making it harder especially as it sounds like she's moving on and planning for the future. You need to do the same though I'm guessing the house is co-owned which complicates things.
Quote by keeno
Consider this. Is it better to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really care for you or to be on your own?
Good question and good point - answer clearly the latter though it won't yet feel that way for anyone going through the process now ...
Stay Frosty!
Sex God
Quote by essexbi34
sorry for the bad news fella
i recentley came out of a 2 year relationship with someone and no only too well how u are feeling,her reason for splitting up was " i love you but im not in love with you" classic !only a woman could say that lol
we spent 2 great years together and then she dropped that on me,
all the advice youve been giving is sound advice mate,you will feel crap for a while and will not be able to see a future for yourself and it will hurt bigtime but there does come a time when u wake up one day and think " u know what its her loss" and u will move on and the pain becomes a dull ache,try to tell yourself that u are the better person in this and try not to constantly wander what she is doin ,that will eat u up
try writing a letter to her expressin how u feel get all your emotions down on paper BUT DO NOT post the letter then in a couple of weeks read it to yourself and youll be amazed at how some things youd written are no longer relevant,some people like to get it all out there system by getting as low as they can I E playing all those sad songs that remind u of her etc and that can help,keep yourself busy and occupy your mind ,go out and have fun with your mates do whatever it takes,also comfort yourslef in the knowledge that maybe one day shell regret her decision but you will have moved on,i hope ive made sense in all this,it took me a while but im getting there now,it still hurts i wont lie to u but its no where near as painfull as it was and now i just feel resntment for her
if u fancy a natter anytime mate let me know,alot of folk dont realise this but us blokes hurt too sometimes and we can be sensitive aswell
good luck to u mate,u will get there i assure u
ill leave u with this
"theres nothing like the next one to gte u over the last one"
good luck
dale
what he said.
For a first post, this has got to be one of the best I have ever read :thumbup:
welcome to the forums, with pearls of wisdom like that youll have no trouble fitting in here.
Orgasminator
I don't think any advice from others is really suitable in your situation mutley.
My wife & I recently split after 8 years and one little boy who's 2 now. And no matter what all my friends, relatives & veritable strangers said, I don't think they could ever understand or capture the full picture of the whole turmoil of emotion I was going through.
I guess this might be the same for you so the best thing is to do what you want to do.
Just be positive & do whatever it is that makes you feel better / happy / not quite as shit as you were.
Others may not agree with what you do or don't do but as long as you are happy with it then go with it.
It might help or it might not but until you try you'll never know.
And it's better to have tried and fucked up than never to have tried at all.
All the best to you chief and I hope it all works out for the best.
My wife & I recently split after 8 years and one little boy who's 2 now. And no matter what all my friends, relatives & veritable strangers said, I don't think they could ever understand or capture the full picture of the whole turmoil of emotion I was going through.
I guess this might be the same for you so the best thing is to do what you want to do.
Just be positive & do whatever it is that makes you feel better / happy / not quite as shit as you were.
Others may not agree with what you do or don't do but as long as you are happy with it then go with it.
It might help or it might not but until you try you'll never know.
And it's better to have tried and fucked up than never to have tried at all.
All the best to you chief and I hope it all works out for the best.
Sex God
Quote by BJME
howthe fuck do u get over the pain in your head and the sleepless nites and the thoughts of what if i had????
and for me the heartbreak, literrally.
How do u tell the next person u meet you are worth something but dont know what???
bbj
Part of the healing process is getting over the feelings you've expressed with such anger and bitterness ... it takes time and you'll get over it and so true, all the advice in the world is simply that ... end of the day, you're just going to have to go through the process to come out the other side and work on any issues you have about self-worth.
Either that or you allow yourself to wallow in self pity which isn't actually going to help you meet anyone and who on earth wants that in a partner?
thanks for the replies from those who have Im sure somewhere they make sense, just not yet. I am lost in how to start again. I have had someone around me for the past 30yrs. Never been on my own long enough to worry, but at 50 how does one start again, not that I want to jump into a relationship, I just need the company. Time is a a premium now.........every minute is a minute older.
ta bbj
ta bbj
Warming the Bed
started reading this thread & got about 5 replies down & it suddenly occured to me it must be kind of strange taking advice from someone with an avatar showing the crack of their arse!
I was in a similar sitation about 5 years ago....the lady I thought I'd be growing old with came in a told me she wanted out. It sucked.
However, my life has moved on so much fr the better....the greatest loss re my ex is that we were swingers....my present wife is much more reserved & if I'm to ever again to experience the intense excitement that swinging brought...it's going to be a long path to tread!
I was in a similar sitation about 5 years ago....the lady I thought I'd be growing old with came in a told me she wanted out. It sucked.
However, my life has moved on so much fr the better....the greatest loss re my ex is that we were swingers....my present wife is much more reserved & if I'm to ever again to experience the intense excitement that swinging brought...it's going to be a long path to tread!
Warming the Bed
Sorry to hear about your situation mutley and it seems a strange way to introduce myself to folk, but it seemed appropriate to make this my first post-place because it's for a so similar set of reasons that I've ultimately arrrived here in the last week.
About 2 months ago my gf of nearly five years just upped and left. To cap that, she shacked up with my brother, who left his wife of ten years for her, two weeks later! (Something rotten in the state of denmark there methinks). The knock on effects are now being felt through my entire family and he was due to give the "value of marriage" reading at my sisters wedding in about a month. Wedding paperwork has been printed up already. It's been like EastEnders this last month!
It's hard mate, but it does get easier, just like everyone says, even if you don't want to believe them. I'm still not sleeping too well,, and I don't wonder if that is half down to not wanting to go to sleep, nightmares and stuff. Nothing I can remember but if I do wake up in the night, just for a moment everything's fine, and then I realise there is this cold space next to me, and it breaks my heart again. I'm going to try some Valerian Root. I'm told it just calms you down a bit, makes it easier to get off to sleep. Just getting a good rest will do a person a huge amount of good.
Take care of yourself buddy.
About 2 months ago my gf of nearly five years just upped and left. To cap that, she shacked up with my brother, who left his wife of ten years for her, two weeks later! (Something rotten in the state of denmark there methinks). The knock on effects are now being felt through my entire family and he was due to give the "value of marriage" reading at my sisters wedding in about a month. Wedding paperwork has been printed up already. It's been like EastEnders this last month!
It's hard mate, but it does get easier, just like everyone says, even if you don't want to believe them. I'm still not sleeping too well,, and I don't wonder if that is half down to not wanting to go to sleep, nightmares and stuff. Nothing I can remember but if I do wake up in the night, just for a moment everything's fine, and then I realise there is this cold space next to me, and it breaks my heart again. I'm going to try some Valerian Root. I'm told it just calms you down a bit, makes it easier to get off to sleep. Just getting a good rest will do a person a huge amount of good.
Take care of yourself buddy.
Mutley & all others in the same situation,
I'm going through the same thing right now with my partner of 6 horrible and we have two kids to factor into the situation so I understand what it is like.
Be honest with yourself, talk to family,friends or even a counsellor if you feel it will help. Think things through in your own time and trust yourself. Don't be afraid to feel and don't beat up on yourself in your own mind. If you can try and separate the practical from the emotional it will ease the process for you both - I know this is hard but trust me it is important.
You will get through this no matter how bad it seems right now.
JB
I'm going through the same thing right now with my partner of 6 horrible and we have two kids to factor into the situation so I understand what it is like.
Be honest with yourself, talk to family,friends or even a counsellor if you feel it will help. Think things through in your own time and trust yourself. Don't be afraid to feel and don't beat up on yourself in your own mind. If you can try and separate the practical from the emotional it will ease the process for you both - I know this is hard but trust me it is important.
You will get through this no matter how bad it seems right now.
JB
Sexlightened
:shock:
Quote by mutley123456uk
After living together for 4 1/2 years my gf came home on Tuesday and told me she no longer loves me like that anymore and that i am more of a best friend than a boyfiend and that she wants to move on. To make matters worse we finally stopped renting and bought a house of ourselves together only 6 months ago.
I was wondering what advice the guys on here could give me on how to move on from this. Has anyone been through a similar situation.
Any advice would be appriciated.
R.
Ah man, I feel for you. All I can say is you'll cope and eventually things will settle down and you'll feel normal again.
Must be something in the air because I've just gone through the exact same thing - a couple of months ago, my missus of 7 years came home and announced she wasn't happy and promptly moved out or our house (which we'd just bought) and back to her mums. We're now in the middle of selling up and I still haven't had a satisfactory explanation as to why she threw away everything we worked for. In fact I've barely seen her since she left and I'm not sleeping very well still.
We bought a big expensive duvet together to snuggle up under in the winter, within the week I was dumped. :cry:
Chin up anyway mate, you'll get through this. Its hard, but you'll do it - I am, others on here have managed it. Spend time with family and friends and gradually the heart break will fade away.
thanks for all the replies guys, it's nice to know that i am not the only one going through this. I would have replied sooner but i have been away for 2 weeks in Turkey for work. (was very suprised to get home to find my stuff untouched and my keys still working). To update you all, it turns out that she started sleeping with pretty much the only other single male she knows within a week of our split!!! so your right, it is her loss. I have to agree with some of the posters that it is the quiet times as you fall asleep that it hurts the most. She is still living in the house (for now at least, the new guy doesnt come here) so things are still a little strained. It is as if there is no closure in the relationship. I am just taking it one day at a time and seeing what happens (plus keep going out on the toon and getting stupidly drunk, if anyone wants to join me???).
I hope everyone else who is going through something similar is doing as well.
Mutley..
I hope everyone else who is going through something similar is doing as well.
Mutley..
