Help and Advice needed

6 Jul 2006

Following Blokes recent conversion to straight(ish)ness, and Kiss_Me's desperate attempts to get into my knickers, i've decided to become a lesbian for the week.
Now i do know a rather impressinve amount of Bi Fems :grin: but being a straight bloke up until now i've had very little contact with the inhabitents of planet lesbos innocent

So, what do i need to do to convert, are 'lezzies' (i believe thats the correct phrase dunno

) just extreme SBF's?
Do i need to shave my head and wear dungerees? (ok, i aint got much hair to shave, but those dungerees look like they have plenty of storage for my now redundant manbits)
Can i get a part in Sugar rush? (Mmmmm, hello ladies)
And which is the best KD Lang album to get?.
I'm soooooooo confused, this lesbian lark ain't as easy as it looks (being a bloke i'm more used to the rigours of farting and scratching, but not at the same time)
So, any ideas and suggestions to turn me into Kiss_Me's new bird?
Please help a poor, confused ex studmuffin release his inner Lez
(is the new font colour a good start?)

6 Jul 2006

:scared: it's pink!!!!!! :shock:

6 Jul 2006

MEATY!

OMG.... if it hadn't have been you that had written all that I think I may have gone balistic! (I am actually laughing though) and may have been forced to leave SH for a while!
Contrary to popular belief I do have a sense of humour so this 'lezzie' is going to suggest that you watch the film Bound to get some tips, maybe get some Dr Marten boots and some baggy t-shirts too ok?
Also go vegie and buy lots of tofu, you also need to own at least one cat as a child substitute!
biggrin

I can't wait til Splendid sees this... :scared:

6 Jul 2006

Am i in trouble now? redface

6 Jul 2006

Well I don't know much but apparently, if a gay man touches a lesbian or vice-versa, both parties burst into flames :shock:
Or is that an old wives tale.... :rascal:

6 Jul 2006

but you're straight now dunno

6 Jul 2006

I'll help you settle into your new found Lesbianism, but in order to do so I just need to clarify, are you going for:
Lipstick Lesbian
Butch Lesbian
Extreme feminist Lesbian
Frigid Lesbian
Porn star Lesbian
Comfortable shoe wearing lesbian
It's important that you decide from the off set to avoid confusing the men. Because all men know that Lesbians fall into one of the above categories based on their dress sense or behaviour. lol

6 Jul 2006

i thought there was only two types, the butch one and the fem one (and theres not a hope in hell that i'll ever pass as the fem one with my chest hair smile

)

6 Jul 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
Following Blokes recent conversion to straight(ish)ness, and Kiss_Me's desperate attempts to get into my knickers, i've decided to become a lesbian for the week.
Now i do know a rather impressinve amount of Bi Fems :grin: but being a straight bloke up until now i've had very little contact with the inhabitents of planet lesbos
So, what do i need to do to convert, are 'lezzies' (i believe thats the correct phrase ) just extreme SBF's?
Do i need to shave my head and wear dungerees? (ok, i aint got much hair to shave, but those dungerees look like they have plenty of storage for my now redundant manbits)
Can i get a part in Sugar rush? (Mmmmm, hello ladies)
And which is the best KD Lang album to get?.
I'm soooooooo confused, this lesbian lark ain't as easy as it looks (being a bloke i'm more used to the rigours of farting and scratching, but not at the same time)
So, any ideas and suggestions to turn me into Kiss_Me's new bird?
Please help a poor, confused ex studmuffin release his inner Lez
(is the new font colour a good start?)

ummmmm it is a good job that you wrote this meaty and I do forgive you your blatent ignorance..... lol

as I know that you need all the advice that you can get with regards to being anything remotely normal. :shock: . here goes.
1. fall in love with the first woman that kisses you.
2. move her in within two days and declare to all and sundry that she is your life partner
3. move her out three weeks later and declare yourself eternally single.
4. rinse and repeat from point 1.
to be a true lesbian you also need to have read.... The well of loneliness by radclyffe hall. if you get to the end without commiting suicide you get your lesbian wings.
if you are going for butch "stone" lesbian you need to only have a black strap on and wear it continually under your trousers and never ever ever allow another lesbian to have penetrative sex with you. rolleyes

if you tell me what kind of lesbian you want to be then I can tell you exactly how to perform that role.
lipstick lesbian
femme lesbian
butch lesbian
stone
diesel
I think that is all the categories...although i may remember more.
hth
splendid x x x

6 Jul 2006

Meaty, you have to know first and foremost................no self respecting fem, whether lez or bi does pink !!!!!
unless it's the singer :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Meaty, you have to know first and foremost................no self respecting fem, whether lez or bi does pink !!!!!
unless it's the singer :twisted:

oh damn... I have just bought a full set of matching pink luggage... does that now make me Bi :shock: or straight :shock: :shock:

6 Jul 2006

now i'm really confused, i'm beggining to think this blokeyness is a bit of a doddle really
(i've dropped the pink til i'm more sure :shock: )

6 Jul 2006

Great minds think alike Spendid lol

As you're not too experienced at being a Lesbian, maybe you should start with something simple like "The Frigid Lesbian".
I say this is the simplest, because all you need to do is declare yourself straight and turn a couple of blokes down and you have instant "Frigid Lesbian" status.

6 Jul 2006

Quote by splendid33
Meaty, you have to know first and foremost................no self respecting fem, whether lez or bi does pink !!!!!
unless it's the singer :twisted:

oh damn... I have just bought a full set of matching pink luggage... does that now make me Bi :shock: or straight :shock: :shock:
It sure don't make you Bi hunni. Maybe you have a Jordan fetish? dunno

oo scary thought there :scared:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by Sassy-Seren
Meaty, you have to know first and foremost................no self respecting fem, whether lez or bi does pink !!!!!
unless it's the singer :twisted:

halleluja !!! worship

:thumbup:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Great minds think alike Spendid
As you're not too experienced at being a Lesbian, maybe you should start with something simple like "The Frigid Lesbian".
I say this is the simplest, because all you need to do is declare yourself straight and turn a couple of blokes down and you have instant "Frigid Lesbian" status.

the frigid lesbian is best explained by an arrogant straight bloke.....
never had anything to do with any frigid lesbian... normally they are more than willing to go "all the way" with me :twisted: :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

What's a lesbian?
How much are they?
What's the highest score anyones got on a lesbian?
Can you get one in HMV?
:confused2:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
all you need to do is declare yourself straight and turn a couple of blokes down and you have instant "Frigid Lesbian" status.

well when i was a straight male, i turned Bloke down on many occasions, does that count?

6 Jul 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
all you need to do is declare yourself straight and turn a couple of blokes down and you have instant "Frigid Lesbian" status.

well when i was a straight male, i turned Bloke down on many occasions, does that count?
Aah now that depends on what Bloke's sexuality was at the time. As Splendid explained the label of "Frigid Lesbian" is only applied by Straight males.
Therefore if Bloke was Gay or Bi at the time you turned him down then I'm afraid you still don't qualify biggrin

6 Jul 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
all you need to do is declare yourself straight and turn a couple of blokes down and you have instant "Frigid Lesbian" status.

well when i was a straight male, i turned Bloke down on many occasions, does that count?
I bet Bloke's been turned down more than the Queen's bed :giggle:
you know I'm kidding, you hunky little stud muffin kiss

6 Jul 2006

well he's straight now, and i still won't shag him. and there's not enough riches in the world to make me shag MCB :scared:

6 Jul 2006

All this talk of pink . . . . . . ?
Is it at all related to the "Pink or Brown ?" question ????
bolt

:bolt: :bolt: :bolt:

6 Jul 2006

Oh no hunni. Pink as in PINK :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

Pink? Noooooo.... far too bloeky for me!
This thread has had my sides splitting!
All you need to be a "frigid lesbian" is say no to sex with men who think they can 'convert' you. That's bound to invite a torrent of abuse from them!
Splendid I didn't fit into any of your categories.... so where do I go from here?
Meaty I will make a good lesbian out of you! :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by Kiss_Me
Pink? Noooooo.... far too bloeky for me!
This thread has had my sides splitting!
Splendid I didn't fit into any of your categories.... so where do I go from here?

what you need to do is go to my room and I will do an informal "assessment" it won't take long and I will post a detailed list of of my findings on here.....including the category that you are now part of.
:twisted: :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

it would be useful for me to observe, purely in the interests of my conversion of course redface

6 Jul 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
it would be useful for me to observe, purely in the interests of my conversion of course

that is an inspired idea MTP2... altho I think that I may have to assess you first... just for clarification. :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

errrr, are you one of those butch 'stone' lesbians you mentioned? :shock:

6 Jul 2006

Quote by meat2pleaseu
errrr, are you one of those butch 'stone' lesbians you mentioned? :shock:

no.....I am femme.... (don't confuse with lipstick lesbian tho')
that means that my strap on is pink and girly... :twisted: :twisted:

6 Jul 2006

with added fluffy trim? :happy: