Is part of belonging important to you?

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
Nooooooooooo I'm not lonely.
Being independent, AND enjoying posting my opinions and reading others', are not mutually exclusive.
Being independent in this respect, means that I feel free to post when I feel like it, and not post when I don't.
If I disagree with the vast majority of posters on a thread, which I have done, from time to time, I have no qualms about saying so, even if it means disagreeing with people who I am friendly with.
I have also started threads which I knew would not sit comfortably with some members, but that did not stop me if I felt i needed to post it.
So although I enjoy this site, it is a hobby for me. I have no feelings of needing to belong to it.

12 Aug 2008

I think we are all in groups as part of life. Work groups, the group of mums stood at the school gates, waiting in the bus queue! I am happy in most groups as believe no one is better (or worse) than me. I think this makes me appreciate time on my own! A rare and special thing.
As for SH, I have seen that there are cliques in certain rooms; I will chat to all and sundry but do not get embroiled in the cattiness that I have witnessed on occassion. This doesn't bother me as again it is just reflecting life - we can't get on with everyone.
I have found a room I'm more comfortable in so perhaps I do like acceptance??
You've got me thinking now!!!

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.

12 Aug 2008

Okay, my two penn'orth for what it's worth.
I joined this site for a reason. It fulfilled, and continues to do so, that purpose very quickly and successfully. I didn't expect to find a social aspect to the site and so when I tentatively ventured into the world of socials and munches I was pleasantly surprised. I now choose to go to those events to see friends and catch up with them and to meet new people and develop new acquaintances.
I had been on the site for a while before I started posting on the forum. When I did, I found that I got to know some people and appreciate their humour, personality and intelligence. That has led to me forging new friendships.
I don't see this as being part of a clique. I see it as me making friends with likeminded people. As in any situation, there are folk who use the forum, the chatrooms and go to socials who I don't particularly like. There are others who I would now call proper friends, friends who I will be in touch with even if I were to leave the site.
That happens. It happens in the workplace and in 'real life' (for want of a better phrase) all the time. People come together, people share opinions and senses of humour etc and gravitate towards each other as a result.
I didn't set out to make friends or become a part of this site. I set out to use it to fulfill a need I had for sexual fun and exploration. I am glad the site has the extra 'community' dimension. I am heartily glad that I have made friends.
But do I need to belong? Do I need to feel liked? Hell no... It's nice to belong, it's nice to be liked. But it's not imperative and nor is it important in the grand scheme of things.
One thing I will say though, I love the fact that there is such a diversity of people and opinion and experience on the site in general and the forum in particular. I like that it opens my mind up to other perspectives and gives me a chance to meet people (virtually or in 'real time') who I would probably not otherwise meet.
So, to my friends from SH :rose: I'm lucky I found you and honoured to call you friends.
To the people I share opinion and comment with, even those I disagree with, :cheers: let's continue the debate, the banter, the giggles. It's fun!
To the people who lurk in the background, reading but not posting, :happy: jump right in, get amongst it... there are friends to be made and fun to be had!
Oh... and in the middle of all this, I've had some great sex, which is what it's all about, isn't it?!
wink

Nola x

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Calista
I'm sure the PTP, Pussy Posse and Room XX all appear cliquey to those not in the know and they then feel they are missing out.

Fully agree Cali. The Pussy Posse IS a clique because it's a ladies only club though we do have one male member but only as honorary status :giggle:
Cliques, groups and the like appear everywhere and people of the same ilk ( even SH as a whole can be seen as such ) and it's not a bad thing. What I don't agree with is people being excluded because 'their face doesn't fit'
I tend to be friends with people I like but I don't feel I HAVE to belong

12 Aug 2008

Quote by splendid_

I don't need to belong, but those friends I choose, I cherish.

yeah, until the next one comes along. rolleyes

What do you expect? Worlass is a fine, upstanding* member of the community. :roll:
*Last one, honest.
it is a good job that I want your body. I won't put up with this sort of abuse from anyone else.
That's a pretty damn exclusive group of one I'm in then- have to say it's quite a nice one :rascal:

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Sassy-Seren
I'm sure the PTP, Pussy Posse and Room XX all appear cliquey to those not in the know and they then feel they are missing out.

Fully agree Cali. The Pussy Posse IS a clique because it's a ladies only club though we do have one male member but only as honorary status :giggle:
Cliques, groups and the like appear everywhere and people of the same ilk ( even SH as a whole can be seen as such ) and it's not a bad thing. What I don't agree with is people being excluded because 'their face doesn't fit'
I tend to be friends with people I like but I don't feel I HAVE to belong
Glad you agree smile

I used these as examples because someone else stated in another post about perpetuating the "clique" mythology that SH has.
SH is cliquey (to a degree) and it isn't always a bad thing, it's how it's handled that is important. As you say if people are excluded for the wrong reasons, then it is a problem.
Anyway if you leave ... who's going to run the PP? I';ve not attended one yet ;)

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Peanut
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
FFS...here we go again! rolleyes

i too like my own company,i don't want to be part of any group,i don't want to fit in.
and i don't feel the need to welcome people to the forums or wish people happy birthday or congratulate them for anything...because that just me!!...its neither right or wrong!

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Mr-Powers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
FFS...here we go again! rolleyes

Boys will be boys! :roll: lol

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Sassy-Seren
What I don't agree with is people being excluded because 'their face doesn't fit'

Except for Markz, but with a face like his it's understandable wink

12 Aug 2008

Quote by meat2pleaseu
What I don't agree with is people being excluded because 'their face doesn't fit'

Except for Markz, but with a face like his it's understandable wink

its true....he is one ugly fucker!! lol

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Mr-Powers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
FFS...here we go again! rolleyes

i too like my own company,i don't want to be part of any group,i don't want to fit in.
and i don't feel the need to welcome people to the forums or wish people happy birthday or congratulate them for anything...because that just me!!...its neither right or wrong!
its excatly what i said you dont have to follow any regulations

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
Perhaps you should read up on autism before coming to your conclusions. Conclusions which constantly demonstrate your inability to see beyond your own point of view.
I don't consider myself as part of any group, SH included. If you looked at any of the welcome threads you won't see my name in them, you'll rarely see them in birthday postings or any of the congratulatory threads.
I post a lot and attend here predominantly because of OCD not because of a desire to belong. When I leave I'll just go, there won't be any goodbyes etc.
If you knew me at all you would not have come to the conclusion you came to, but then that's usually your problem with regard to a lot of your postings.

12 Aug 2008

I have read a lot of very good posts here.
I am now thinking again!
I think we all like to be accepted on a one to one but to be accepted as part of a group is different. What I have found group situations can become very fickle at times.
Am I scared of rejection some might say, I would answer no. I am more worried about being part of a group that is seen to isolate an individual.
I wouldn’t feel good about myself if this was to happen.
I enjoy the people I have formed friendships with and have great friends in the vanilla world.
But I have just observed people here and chat rooms and feel some just people just seem to get ignored.
I agree that we all can’t get on with everyone as mindsets and personalities are all so different. But there is no reason to be rude or make someone feel isolated.
After all we are all adults hopefully with wisdom to understand how this feels.

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Peanut
I don't consider myself as part of any group, SH included. If you looked at any of the welcome threads you won't see my name in them, you'll rarely see them in birthday postings or any of the congratulatory threads.
I post a lot and attend here predominantly because of OCD not because of a desire to belong. When I leave I'll just go, there won't be any goodbyes etc.

I think that this is a great shame :sad: though I guess if its a condition (don't know if thats how to phrase it) then what can be done? However the fact that you don't consider yourself belonging to a group doesn't preclude others from thinking you do and treating you likewise.
As for phuckers. I think he rocks (mostly) :thumbip:

12 Aug 2008

I tend to see human behaviour as ever changing. A lot depends on the environment we find ourselves in. At one end of the scale we have the notion of "belonging". At the other end "Not belonging". All of us are somewhere on that scale. Some of us will stay in the same place for a long 's fine. Some of us will be moving about on that scale quite a lot. That too is fine. Some of us will move from one end of the scale to the other constantly. Fine.
Something could happen to us at anytime in our lives that could make us shift our position. I feel that nothing is set in stone.
I enjoy being alone. I enjoy being not being alone. Depends what else is happening.
Now I'm rambling!

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Aristophanes
I tend to see human behaviour as ever changing. A lot depends on the environment we find ourselves in. At one end of the scale we have the notion of "belonging". At the other end "Not belonging". All of us are somewhere on that scale. Some of us will stay in the same place for a long 's fine. Some of us will be moving about on that scale quite a lot. That too is fine. Some of us will move from one end of the scale to the other constantly. Fine.
Something could happen to us at anytime in our lives that could make us shift our position. I feel that nothing is set in stone.
I enjoy being alone. I enjoy being not being alone. Depends what else is happening.
Now I'm rambling!

That makes sense.
Ramble on!
Theres a song there somewhere

12 Aug 2008

Quote by helnheaven
That makes sense.
Ramble on!
Theres a song there somewhere

I'm sure Duane would agree Hel. wink

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Peanut
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
Perhaps you should read up on autism before coming to your conclusions. Conclusions which constantly demonstrate your inability to see beyond your own point of view.
I don't consider myself as part of any group, SH included. If you looked at any of the welcome threads you won't see my name in them, you'll rarely see them in birthday postings or any of the congratulatory threads.
I post a lot and attend here predominantly because of OCD not because of a desire to belong. When I leave I'll just go, there won't be any goodbyes etc.
If you knew me at all you would not have come to the conclusion you came to, but then that's usually your problem with regard to a lot of your postings.
stop kidding yourself, why would you post a comment on steamroom about your daughter being made reduntant if you didnt consider yourself part of this forum.....
but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Lost

I don't consider myself as part of any group, SH included. If you looked at any of the welcome threads you won't see my name in them, you'll rarely see them in birthday postings or any of the congratulatory threads.
I post a lot and attend here predominantly because of OCD not because of a desire to belong. When I leave I'll just go, there won't be any goodbyes etc.

I think that this is a great shame :sad: though I guess if its a condition (don't know if thats how to phrase it) then what can be done? However the fact that you don't consider yourself belonging to a group doesn't preclude others from thinking you do and treating you likewise.
As for phuckers. I think he rocks(mostly) :thumbip:
thats very kind of you,i highly respect your opinions!you might not know this but have learnt alot from you

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
I'm just me.
I like being independent.

is that another word for lonely
but for those of you claiming not to want to belong to a group yet they have over 2000 replies on cafe forum are fooling themselves...
I reckon your post says more about you and your values (and fears?) than it does about Cherry's.
For some people, like me, being on your own without any desire or instinct to socialise or be in a group is perfectly normal. In fact it's abnormal for us to be part of a group. It's just the way our brain's are wired.
By and large human beings are gregarious and social creatures but that does not mean that they all are. It's very obvious in this forum who the belongs and who the not belongs are but both groups are behaving perfectly normally.
you really expect anyone to believe that theory,you know thats total bollox....the fact that one belongs to a group doesnt mean they loose there right to execrise their independent thoughts or have to abide by any regulations,ask yourself why do you think everytime there is someone new in the forum, regulars welcome them,the birthday threads,conguralution threads,get well threads...well you will deny it but its a fact you are a recognised member of cafe stop kidding yourself
Perhaps you should read up on autism before coming to your conclusions. Conclusions which constantly demonstrate your inability to see beyond your own point of view.
I don't consider myself as part of any group, SH included. If you looked at any of the welcome threads you won't see my name in them, you'll rarely see them in birthday postings or any of the congratulatory threads.
I post a lot and attend here predominantly because of OCD not because of a desire to belong. When I leave I'll just go, there won't be any goodbyes etc.
If you knew me at all you would not have come to the conclusion you came to, but then that's usually your problem with regard to a lot of your postings.
stop kidding yourself, why would you post a comment on steamroom about your daughter being made reduntant if you didnt consider yourself part of this forum.....
but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....
:shock:

12 Aug 2008

:? :? :?

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers
but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....

I just want to say one thing........ Phuckers, why do you have to be so nasty?
Unneccessarily nasty IMHO. It's not clever and it certainly isn't attractive.
There is no need to respond. Just needed to get it off my chest. :rascal:
Thank you
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

12 Aug 2008

Quote by blonde

but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....

I just want to say one thing........ Phuckers, why do you have to be so nasty?
Unneccessarily nasty IMHO. It's not clever and it certainly isn't attractive.
There is no need to respond. Just needed to get it off my chest. :rascal:
Thank you
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry if it come out nasty but just like you i needed to get it off my chest

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers

but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....

I just want to say one thing........ Phuckers, why do you have to be so nasty?
Unneccessarily nasty IMHO. It's not clever and it certainly isn't attractive.
There is no need to respond. Just needed to get it off my chest. :rascal:
Thank you
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry if it come out nasty but just like you i needed to get it off my chest
I think you are apologising to the wrong person here.
It was explained early that Peanut has a problem which affects his behaviour and thought patterns. You, in your ignorance have just disregarded that fact.

12 Aug 2008

Quote by Phuckers

but the most pathetic thing about you is no matter the topic ,you always feel there is a need to try and make conclusion about my character and my personality,well you are wasting your time ill never change my life to please you,am what am if you dont like it thats your problem!so stick to the issues on debates....

I just want to say one thing........ Phuckers, why do you have to be so nasty?
Unneccessarily nasty IMHO. It's not clever and it certainly isn't attractive.
There is no need to respond. Just needed to get it off my chest. :rascal:
Thank you
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
sorry if it come out nasty but just like you i needed to get it off my chest
Now thats total bollox!
you seem to attack people if they don't seem to match your views and opinions...i don't always agree with peanuts view and opinions...but they are his,but he always seem to be open to attack from i'm not mistaken you seem very opinionated and love to get your views across so what is wrong with others doing it? ...now why don't you and Peanut get a fucking room because its getting abit tedious.

12 Aug 2008

Time out for a while folks!
Might bring it back later!