How can one equate love and Swinging? Love is for a special person only! swinging is just sex! isn't it?one cannot mix the two! can they? When one meets their soulmate and they fall deeply in love, they want to have sex with that person only! don't they? surely not go round shagging everone and anyone, what message does that send to other people?
I do not wish to take the moral high ground here, but the mixing of love and swinging, even together, is a contradiction in terms! isn't it? how can one love their partner I.E. husband/wife/companion, if they are having sex with someone else? perhaps I am too old ! or the moral standards I was taught as a child, just don't apply any more !!! maybe, I have stood still, while the World has moved along !!! Does that make me a Dinausour???
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Love and Swinging!
Right well me and Steve are madly deeply in love with each other,that will never change.
You can be in love and have sex with other people if thats what you want to do.
We do it for the sexual thrill of it,and as everyone knows there is a definate difference between making love and having sex.
I think that as long as you both want to do it as much as each other then it can only make a relationship stronger.
Sex with the one you love is quite something different than it is to having sex just for the pure sexual thrill.
I hope ive put this across as i meant to!
You can be in love and have sex with other people if thats what you want to do.
We do it for the sexual thrill of it,and as everyone knows there is a definate difference between making love and having sex.
I think that as long as you both want to do it as much as each other then it can only make a relationship stronger.
Sex with the one you love is quite something different than it is to having sex just for the pure sexual thrill.
I hope ive put this across as i meant to!
Love is a whole different thing to swinging.
Right now I am single, I envy the couples that swing together. Would love to find my soulmate, to share everything with. Sex with other people is not love, it's a great friendship and an enormous amount of fun, so who better to share this enormous amount of fun with, than your soulmate?
Both sharing the same fantasies and carrying them out together. It must be fantastic to share feelings, talk about the fun had with your partner afterwards.
I was chatting to a couple fairly recently, very married, very family orientated and utterly besotted with each other. It was a couple of weeks after they had swung for the first time in a while ........... it was just brilliant to see the glow from both of them, the little secret smile together when it was mentioned ........ That's what I want! You just can't describe how they were with each other, was just lovely.
If people have that tight bond with each other, then swinging can be a wonderful experience ........... on the other hand, if one person has persuaded the other to do it, then thats when the trouble starts
Right now I am single, I envy the couples that swing together. Would love to find my soulmate, to share everything with. Sex with other people is not love, it's a great friendship and an enormous amount of fun, so who better to share this enormous amount of fun with, than your soulmate?
Both sharing the same fantasies and carrying them out together. It must be fantastic to share feelings, talk about the fun had with your partner afterwards.
I was chatting to a couple fairly recently, very married, very family orientated and utterly besotted with each other. It was a couple of weeks after they had swung for the first time in a while ........... it was just brilliant to see the glow from both of them, the little secret smile together when it was mentioned ........ That's what I want! You just can't describe how they were with each other, was just lovely.
If people have that tight bond with each other, then swinging can be a wonderful experience ........... on the other hand, if one person has persuaded the other to do it, then thats when the trouble starts
They way we've explained it to people before is thus:
Sex is a physical act - the need for sex can be fulfilled by either my husband or another.
Lovemaking is something purely between Morbius and myself, no one could be included in the because it is exclusive to Morbius and myself.
When you can distinguish clearly between the two, that's when you can understand. It isn't to say that I don't have feelings for people we swing with, but it's not love.
Is it not selfish to demand the sole attention of one person for the rest of their life? How do you grow, learn and react if you are only receiving attention from one person? Relationships can be stimuated in a number of ways .... you don't have to swing to gain this, hence members of the cafe making decisions to never swing, soft swing or full swap.
Once you open your mind life is an experience worth living.
Sex is a physical act - the need for sex can be fulfilled by either my husband or another.
Lovemaking is something purely between Morbius and myself, no one could be included in the because it is exclusive to Morbius and myself.
When you can distinguish clearly between the two, that's when you can understand. It isn't to say that I don't have feelings for people we swing with, but it's not love.
Is it not selfish to demand the sole attention of one person for the rest of their life? How do you grow, learn and react if you are only receiving attention from one person? Relationships can be stimuated in a number of ways .... you don't have to swing to gain this, hence members of the cafe making decisions to never swing, soft swing or full swap.
Once you open your mind life is an experience worth living.
"Love is for a special person only." Well, we're in disagreement already; people can love lots of others - parents, brothers, sisters, children, long time friends and so on. So I suppose that what you mean is 'sexual love'. Certainly that is a special bond between people who are married, and it's another way of sharing. However, a deep meaningful relationship is a lot more than sex, which is only part (though a very good part) of it.
Some, perhaps most, couples prefer to limit sexual activity with each other, and that's fine. However, we're all different, and our approaches to sex are also very individual, obviously. Sexual activity is a very enjoyable thing, but I don't particularly see why it should be limited in the way you suggest, *as long as* both partners are happy with it. I'd much rather be with my partner, and watching her having an enjoyable time in a sexual activity than to be apart from her while we were both engaged in other activities. For us, it's all about sharing, and enjoying the other person enjoying something.
As for messages to other people - to be honest, I think the world would be a much better place if people shared more and fought less. Many of our friends know what we do, and I can honestly say that it's never caused a problem for any of them, and indeed some have tried it themselves, and have had a great time. So I think far from giving a negative message, it's actually a very positive one.
You say that you don't want to take the moral high ground, but that's exactly what you *are* trying to do, IMO. If you don't like what others do - that's fine, and I have no problem with it, but really, that's not what you're doing here, is it? Given your attitude and approach I really do have to wonder slightly as to your motivation for posting, but perhaps I'm just slightly cynical?
However, back to the point - I think you're confusing love and sex, and trying to make them equate to each other. Sure, for some, that's what works for them, but it doesn't for everyone. Love and sex compliment each other, but they're certainly not the same thing.
Another point that you make is also worth commenting on, and that's regarding the moral standards you were taught as a child. Morality is not something that stands still, nor are particular morals universal, one only has to look at different countries to see that. If your moral approach is fine for you - more power to you. However, your morals are not mine, and you shouldn't expect them to be. That doesn't mean you're right and I'm wrong, or vice versa, it just means that we're different, that's all. So no, the moral standards you were taught as a child (or at least those relating to sexual behaviour) don't apply to me, or many of the other people posting here, and I don't think you should either expect them to, or be surprised when they don't.
Some, perhaps most, couples prefer to limit sexual activity with each other, and that's fine. However, we're all different, and our approaches to sex are also very individual, obviously. Sexual activity is a very enjoyable thing, but I don't particularly see why it should be limited in the way you suggest, *as long as* both partners are happy with it. I'd much rather be with my partner, and watching her having an enjoyable time in a sexual activity than to be apart from her while we were both engaged in other activities. For us, it's all about sharing, and enjoying the other person enjoying something.
As for messages to other people - to be honest, I think the world would be a much better place if people shared more and fought less. Many of our friends know what we do, and I can honestly say that it's never caused a problem for any of them, and indeed some have tried it themselves, and have had a great time. So I think far from giving a negative message, it's actually a very positive one.
You say that you don't want to take the moral high ground, but that's exactly what you *are* trying to do, IMO. If you don't like what others do - that's fine, and I have no problem with it, but really, that's not what you're doing here, is it? Given your attitude and approach I really do have to wonder slightly as to your motivation for posting, but perhaps I'm just slightly cynical?
However, back to the point - I think you're confusing love and sex, and trying to make them equate to each other. Sure, for some, that's what works for them, but it doesn't for everyone. Love and sex compliment each other, but they're certainly not the same thing.
Another point that you make is also worth commenting on, and that's regarding the moral standards you were taught as a child. Morality is not something that stands still, nor are particular morals universal, one only has to look at different countries to see that. If your moral approach is fine for you - more power to you. However, your morals are not mine, and you shouldn't expect them to be. That doesn't mean you're right and I'm wrong, or vice versa, it just means that we're different, that's all. So no, the moral standards you were taught as a child (or at least those relating to sexual behaviour) don't apply to me, or many of the other people posting here, and I don't think you should either expect them to, or be surprised when they don't.
Yep! I agree with pretty much everyone above particularly JandPUK and Callista.
One thing they haven't addressed is the question of whether you were taught anything that was 'true' or 'right' when you were young!
Lots of people - parents, teachers, people in authority or in 'control' of you - make up ideas about what is 'right and wrong' as it suits them. If they want you to do something in a particular way, they can easliy make up a lie to back up their claims about something being 'right' or 'true'.
Truth is actually something you have to find out for yourself - Being taught something actually means that you are giving in and letting other people control your life for you...
You can use other people's teachings as a guideline - but no-one should believe these guidelines without doing some thinking for themselves.
One thing they haven't addressed is the question of whether you were taught anything that was 'true' or 'right' when you were young!
Lots of people - parents, teachers, people in authority or in 'control' of you - make up ideas about what is 'right and wrong' as it suits them. If they want you to do something in a particular way, they can easliy make up a lie to back up their claims about something being 'right' or 'true'.
Truth is actually something you have to find out for yourself - Being taught something actually means that you are giving in and letting other people control your life for you...
You can use other people's teachings as a guideline - but no-one should believe these guidelines without doing some thinking for themselves.
Quote by JandPUK
"Love is for a special person only." Well, we're in disagreement already; people can love lots of others - parents, brothers, sisters, children, long time friends and so on. So I suppose that what you mean is 'sexual love'. Certainly that is a special bond between people who are married, and it's another way of sharing. However, a deep meaningful relationship is a lot more than sex, which is only part (though a very good part) of it.
Some, perhaps most, couples prefer to limit sexual activity with each other, and that's fine. However, we're all different, and our approaches to sex are also very individual, obviously. Sexual activity is a very enjoyable thing, but I don't particularly see why it should be limited in the way you suggest, *as long as* both partners are happy with it. I'd much rather be with my partner, and watching her having an enjoyable time in a sexual activity than to be apart from her while we were both engaged in other activities. For us, it's all about sharing, and enjoying the other person enjoying something.
As for messages to other people - to be honest, I think the world would be a much better place if people shared more and fought less. Many of our friends know what we do, and I can honestly say that it's never caused a problem for any of them, and indeed some have tried it themselves, and have had a great time. So I think far from giving a negative message, it's actually a very positive one.
You say that you don't want to take the moral high ground, but that's exactly what you *are* trying to do, IMO. If you don't like what others do - that's fine, and I have no problem with it, but really, that's not what you're doing here, is it? Given your attitude and approach I really do have to wonder slightly as to your motivation for posting, but perhaps I'm just slightly cynical?
However, back to the point - I think you're confusing love and sex, and trying to make them equate to each other. Sure, for some, that's what works for them, but it doesn't for everyone. Love and sex compliment each other, but they're certainly not the same thing.
Another point that you make is also worth commenting on, and that's regarding the moral standards you were taught as a child. Morality is not something that stands still, nor are particular morals universal, one only has to look at different countries to see that. If your moral approach is fine for you - more power to you. However, your morals are not mine, and you shouldn't expect them to be. That doesn't mean you're right and I'm wrong, or vice versa, it just means that we're different, that's all. So no, the moral standards you were taught as a child (or at least those relating to sexual behaviour) don't apply to me, or many of the other people posting here, and I don't think you should either expect them to, or be surprised when they don't.
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Sorry if I have offended anyone, it certainly was not my intention to be judgemental, I have the greatest respect for all the people who use this site, my comments where more observational rather than condemnatory.
Stricktly speaking, I am not a swinger as I have never had the inclination or indeed the opportunity to take part, as I am a very old person living alone spending many hours each day on my computer and find the attitude of Swinging Heaven members quite refershing and uplifting.
Since my divorce in the 70s, I have had a number of "unfortunate" experiences with various ladies that left me physically and mentally exhausted, so you see, I am not without faults and not taking the moral high ground or trying to be superior.
It is just that Swinging is to me a modern phenomenum which is both intruigeing and fascinating and reflects the changed moral climate during my long lifetime and as membership of S. H. is open to everyone, I have taken the chance to Participate in this cheerfull and happy community.
Please accept my profound appologies for giviing the wrong impression in my recent post. :color:
Quote by JudyTV
How can one equate love and Swinging? Love is for a special person only! swinging is just sex! isn't it?one cannot mix the two! can they? When one meets their soulmate and they fall deeply in love, they want to have sex with that person only! don't they? surely not go round shagging everone and anyone, what message does that send to other people?
I do not wish to take the moral high ground here, but the mixing of love and swinging, even together, is a contradiction in terms! isn't it? how can one love their partner I.E. husband/wife/companion, if they are having sex with someone else? perhaps I am too old ! or the moral standards I was taught as a child, just don't apply any more !!! maybe, I have stood still, while the World has moved along !!! Does that make me a Dinausour???
Hi O.K,
Several things to address here I think,
You are unsure about statements you are making, this is reflected by the questions at the end of hard statements. eg. "One cannot mix the two! can they? " a question and statement this indicated that you want us to agree to something that is already set in your mind but you pose is as a question to soften it.
You then go on to ask "how can one equate love and swinging? (question) "Love is for a special person only" What is it you are asking here?
You then go on to say you do not wish to take the moral high ground but then attempt to do just that by declaring "but the mixing of love and swinging, even together, is a contradiction in terms! isn't it?" again a heavy statement followed by a question. Why ask the question if you have already made your mind up and have decided on the answer. You ask if you are a Dinosaur and you include Triple question marks so I assume here this is a genuine question regarding your confusion as to the morals of swinging in general.
Your statement "surely not go round shagging everyone and anyone, what message does that send to other people?" where have you got this idea from? this is not the SH swinging scene I have come to know and love.
I understand your confusions and I can see you are unsure of what it is the Swinging scene has to offer. However, please don't generalise by implying that we are all animalistic low moralled beings that shag all and everyone that moves. We do have morals and we have standards, at least the people that I know do. So, loose morals ? shagging all and everyone? loveless and without distinction ? Unable to equate sex and love? Oh dear surely not dear, surely not. I think you have the wrong idea about SH and you certainly have the wrong impression about the people on here.
Can I respectfully suggest a re evaluation of us and our site and get to know some of us on a more social level before outrightly condemning us.
If I have misread you and your intentions then I beg your forgiveness in advance.
JudyTV........ a Tranny with some morals and with love in my heart if not always in the bedroom.
Hi Judy,
Thanks for your most eloquent reply, I did say that my comments were observational and not judgemental, based on the standards of this christian society that most people in this country were taught.
I certainly do not condem the members of Swinging Heaven, indeed, I would be a swinger myself if I was young enough and had the opportunity, so please do not put words into my mouth.
As regards you saying that I make a statement and then asking a question, I was merely
asking for other opinions, as a contradiction begs a qualified answer, also, although I am old, I can assure you that I have all my faculties and I am decidedly not confused.
I do not need to re-evaluate, as I have already made up my mind about Swinging Heaven and its members and as I have already said, I respect anyones choice of lifestyle and would never think of condeming anyone on this site or indeed anyone else.
If you read my second post, you will see that I had already apologised for any offence I may have caused by the first one, It was certainly not intentional.
ops: Quote by MISSCHIEF
Please accept my profound appologies for giviing the wrong impression in my recent post. :color:
I didn't think you gave off the wrong impression, you asked a few questions, you didn't preach, complain or moan, just asked.
So stop yer fretting and ask away
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Thanks for your comments and your support Misschief.
O. K.
For us (and call us soppy) it has a great deal to do with the gesture of emotional trust we have in each other. We want to swing because we are in love, not in spite of it. Our sexual preferences are such that we love each other enough not to expect each other to make sacrifices. It is our gift to each other, and no matter what we share with others physically, it is this trust and gift of sexual freedom that is sacred to us only.
Venusxxx
Venusxxx
Quote by corriefem
Well I have been on the site for a little while and have still to get my head around the questions OK has asked. I have never been in love with a partner who would have allowed swinging to take place and that is how I was brought up. Not that we never had fantasies just acted them out together:lol: If it does it will be with someone who is a very special partner not necessarily someone I love but someone who makes me feel safe in the knowledge that I would be the one they wanted on a full time basis. Its not my main reason for being on here though so dont all rush to pm me with your vital statistics lol lol
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Thank you for your post Corriefem, you seem like me, to be overawed and fascinated by the Swinging scene, it is something my ex- wife and I would never have dreamed of during our twenty years together, but as far as I know, there was nothing like swinging, only adultery, which carried a heavy penalty I.E. disgrace, shame and being ostracised from society, loss of your job and everything else, leaving the rest of your life to repent without forgiveness.
Hello Corrie.......I've seen you on here for a while now and must say you look like a decent bird.....I'd certainly give you a good plucking!
Anyhow, I have a whopping great love truncheon with your name written all over it! Well, not quite all of it....I can get 'Cor' on it comfortably enough in size 18 font....but you know what I mean...
So any chance of you 'climbing aboard' baby?????
Come on lady, I'm doing you a favour!!!
KinkyLizard
Anyhow, I have a whopping great love truncheon with your name written all over it! Well, not quite all of it....I can get 'Cor' on it comfortably enough in size 18 font....but you know what I mean...
So any chance of you 'climbing aboard' baby?????
Come on lady, I'm doing you a favour!!!
KinkyLizard
Sex God
Quote by Kinky Lizard
[Hey! you're next on the Kinky 'to do' list biatch!
Is that BITCH or BATCH? Either way you're a greedy bastard!
Quote by corriefem
Hello Corrie.......I've seen you on here for a while now and must say you look like a decent bird.....I'd certainly give you a good plucking!
Anyhow, I have a whopping great love truncheon with your name written all over it! Well, not quite all of it....I can get 'Cor' on it comfortably enough in size 18 font....but you know what I mean...
So any chance of you 'climbing aboard' baby?????
Come on lady, I'm doing you a favour!!!
KinkyLizard <------Corrie play thing!
Sex God
What if you love swinging? You can have what it says in the title ‘Love and Swinging’.
On a slightly more serious tack, and speaking as a non-swinger, I admire the devoted couple who swing. It is proof of just how strong their relationship is. A weaker relationship would suffer from doubt and suspicion.
That’s not to say that people who do not swing do not have strong relationships but they certainly haven’t been tempered by swinging.
On a slightly more serious tack, and speaking as a non-swinger, I admire the devoted couple who swing. It is proof of just how strong their relationship is. A weaker relationship would suffer from doubt and suspicion.
That’s not to say that people who do not swing do not have strong relationships but they certainly haven’t been tempered by swinging.
Quote by corriefem
Hello Corrie.......I've seen you on here for a while now and must say you look like a decent bird.....I'd certainly give you a good plucking!
Anyhow, I have a whopping great love truncheon with your name written all over it! Well, not quite all of it....I can get 'Cor' on it comfortably enough in size 18 font....but you know what I mean...
So any chance of you 'climbing aboard' baby?????
Come on lady, I'm doing you a favour!!!
KinkyLizard
Dear Kinky Lizard
I am overwelmed not only by your size but your kind offer which I will take the next 12 months to consider which will give you enough time to complete your course of injections for verbal diahorea. You will definately be the first to know of I do complete my adventure and I will personally come round and write my name in permanent marker pen on your most tender asset - your arse well it will be by the time I have finished slapping it I hope that this reply make you as happy as yours made me
From your loving friend :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Corriexxx
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Sorry
A bit of aserious post for me....
I do wonder how many swinging couples fall into the category of being totally devoted and both absolutely happy about swinging.
I do feel that there will be a lot of couples out there where one partner wants to swing and the other 'goes along with it' because they are afraid that the partner will walk out on them.
OK - end of serious post.
It's late
I think I should go to bed!
Night Night all!
A bit of aserious post for me....
I do wonder how many swinging couples fall into the category of being totally devoted and both absolutely happy about swinging.
I do feel that there will be a lot of couples out there where one partner wants to swing and the other 'goes along with it' because they are afraid that the partner will walk out on them.
OK - end of serious post.
It's late
I think I should go to bed!
Night Night all!
Quote by Alexandra
I do wonder how many swinging couples fall into the category of being totally devoted and both absolutely happy about swinging.
That would be us....very happily married for more years than we are prepared to own up to, still as deeply in love as the day we married and playing out every week.
We both get great and equal pleasure from swinging...it's the first time we've actually shared a hobby lol. For us swinging is good sex, although we have made many good friends on the way and most of our closest friends are now swingers.
Ric n Jax
Rik/Jax & Caista & Morbius ......and others.
I wasn't talking about couples like you too much in my thread. I know there are quite a few who do fall into the 'truly happy about it' category. But I am certain (from PMs and emails I have received) that there are others who don't and never will have that relationship even though to all intents and purposes on here they seem to be a 'swinging couple'.
I wasn't trying to start a debate on this (there has been far too much of that lately) neither was I trying to be specific about certain people, far from it in fact. It's just that we should not automatically assume that all couples on here are as comfortable with the situation as you obviously are.
Shall we get back to getting some fun threads on here?
I'm still waiting for some more volunteers for the 'Flashing' alternative!
Hugs, Alex x x x
I wasn't talking about couples like you too much in my thread. I know there are quite a few who do fall into the 'truly happy about it' category. But I am certain (from PMs and emails I have received) that there are others who don't and never will have that relationship even though to all intents and purposes on here they seem to be a 'swinging couple'.
I wasn't trying to start a debate on this (there has been far too much of that lately) neither was I trying to be specific about certain people, far from it in fact. It's just that we should not automatically assume that all couples on here are as comfortable with the situation as you obviously are.
Shall we get back to getting some fun threads on here?
I'm still waiting for some more volunteers for the 'Flashing' alternative!
Hugs, Alex x x x
About what might have been...
Regular readers will know I'm in a celibate marriage. Why she stopped saying yes I do not absolutely know, it was pinned on "the change" but there's more to it than that, I think she stopped finding me interesting. I also stopped finding her interesting, so frequency declined and had been in decline a long time when it finally ended.
I tried to suggest we spice it up a bit, I wasn't thinking about swinging just some harmless role play, but she thought it was silly.
If therefore I have any advice to give it would be that keeping it exciting is key. There is much talk about love here, and rightly so, but in sex love is not enough. So if your "thing" is exhibitionism in a public place, or dressing up as a policewoman, or a Viking, or going out swinging, it's all absolutely OK if it keeps the spark sparking.
It looks as if there is some likelihood I will end up single again, we're talking about the future right now, and if I do ever get a second chance it will not be without talking these thing through first. I always liked the idea of change and sexual adventure, you could say it defined my youth, it must be that the change in marriage from my natural way was bound to create tensions but I didn't know it then, I was in love.
Regular readers will know I'm in a celibate marriage. Why she stopped saying yes I do not absolutely know, it was pinned on "the change" but there's more to it than that, I think she stopped finding me interesting. I also stopped finding her interesting, so frequency declined and had been in decline a long time when it finally ended.
I tried to suggest we spice it up a bit, I wasn't thinking about swinging just some harmless role play, but she thought it was silly.
If therefore I have any advice to give it would be that keeping it exciting is key. There is much talk about love here, and rightly so, but in sex love is not enough. So if your "thing" is exhibitionism in a public place, or dressing up as a policewoman, or a Viking, or going out swinging, it's all absolutely OK if it keeps the spark sparking.
It looks as if there is some likelihood I will end up single again, we're talking about the future right now, and if I do ever get a second chance it will not be without talking these thing through first. I always liked the idea of change and sexual adventure, you could say it defined my youth, it must be that the change in marriage from my natural way was bound to create tensions but I didn't know it then, I was in love.