Quote by musketeer
It looks as if there is some likelihood I will end up single again, we're talking about the future right now, and if I do ever get a second chance it will not be without talking these thing through first. I always liked the idea of change and sexual adventure, you could say it defined my youth, it must be that the change in marriage from my natural way was bound to create tensions but I didn't know it then, I was in love.
Musketeer~
First off, *big hugs* to you. Splitting is a difficult decision and, no matter whether the outcome is to stay or to go, it's a terribly traumatic time for all.
I feel so fortunate that Vix & I were separated by 4,000+ miles when we first met, as the distance - both in space and time (it took 6 months before we finally met up face to face) - gave us the uninhibited opportunity to really get to know each other. As the relationship developed via the wonder of instant messaging, no subject was . We freely discussed our sexuality, including aspects of my own that I'd not had the comfort to express freely for nearly 20 years. I'm certain that this openness of communication. developed from the onset of our relationship, is largely responsible for our mutual comfort and security with swinging.
Contrast that to a mate of ours who went into his marriage without having discussed the fact that he'd been having a LTR with a couple for the prior 10 years. When the topic was finally broached with his new spouse (a bit too late once you've tied the knot, innit?), he discovered that she had a rather major problem with this...and he was forced to terminate his long-term swinging relationship. To make a long story short, he and his wife divorced after just two years of marriage.
If only he'd been able to communicate with her beforehand, it could've saved a lot of heartache and trauma. He's since returned to the swinging scene, but not with the original couple with whom he'd invested so much time and intimacy in the past because of the way they parted. Thus, this repression cost him not one, but two valuable relationships. He'd mentioned that, if he ever found a "Ms. Right" again, he'd be totally up-front about every aspect of his sexuality and his past.
Best of luck, Musketeer, in arriving at the right decision with your partner.
~Reese!
P.S. With all I know now, and if I had to do it all over again, I would certainly introduce any new prospective "other half" to these forums! What better place to encounter the sort of openness, honesty and acceptance that should be the hallmark of any interpersonal relationship?!