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My thoughts on social gatherings.......
Quote by Jiggle
16 bloody pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've just hunted this thread down, casue i wanted to add something, but now seing its 16 pages, i have a fear that i'd of repeated something that has already been said!.. and i'm too lazy to read 310 posts!.
If you feel that you need to say something Jiggle then please do
Sex God
Quote by Dawn_Mids
16 bloody pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've just hunted this thread down, casue i wanted to add something, but now seing its 16 pages, i have a fear that i'd of repeated something that has already been said!.. and i'm too lazy to read 310 posts!.
If you feel that you need to say something Jiggle then please do
Come on Jiggle, spit it out!
Quote by bluexxx
16 bloody pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've just hunted this thread down, casue i wanted to add something, but now seing its 16 pages, i have a fear that i'd of repeated something that has already been said!.. and i'm too lazy to read 310 posts!.
If you feel that you need to say something Jiggle then please do
Come on Jiggle, spit it out!
what you been hearing! lol lol
OK, had to speed read some of this as it is late, and I like the idea of Blues clearer guidelines. I enjoyed the Notts munch (why I asked to go to next one) and was a bit more open in allowing people to snog me than I normally would be. However hearing that some people had problems (Glad I could help Calista you can hide behind me anytime you need) I can see how the behaviour could (and in some places did) get out of hand.
Drawing on my 3rd SH social where I talked Mrs TnH into going, although 99% of the night was great (even crazy lets confuse the non swingers by all kissing) there were a few incidents. I ended up feeling on edge someone would push it too far, it was a public bar, and Mrs TnH was approached a few times by people who knew she was 1. Streight and 2. There socially only! Now how do you deal with this?
They were drunk, and we didn't want to bother Steve with it. In the end it was a small incident but one that deeply upset Mrs TnH (and me as I had assured her these were my friends and she would not need to worry). Later in the evening the behaviour dropped to a point where even I made my excuses and left.
So here you have a newbe who won't do another social event (although I am working on the paintballing) A slightly older hand who got worried and ended up leaving a social chat. Somthing is going wrong somewhere
Now the people involved in these incidents shall remain nameless in my post, they are my friends and I still love them to bits. But, somewhere we need a better list of guidelines, and we need people who will have a quiet word. We are adults here and I think a gentle word of warning, or take it to your room from someone would most likely be enough.
I am not after SH Police, but the idea of a Munch Helpers who are there to stop misunderstandings would be good I feel. Yes they would lose out on some of the fun of the munch (which is why organisers should not have to do it) but they also could calm things down and avoid the damage some of these incidents cause.
Draconian throwing people out, I don't think we would likely get to that or be very rare. A lot of venues have licensed doormen we could call on should someone turn violent. However I think most venues would be happy to know we had people in there just staying sober and keeping an eye on things. Think about it, a tourbus has a guide, we need someone the people there or even the venue owners can go to if there is a problem.
The munch helpers can sort the little issues out, from ordering a taxi for someone who has overdone the beer and seeing them safely in it, to a gentle reminder that you need to chill a bit to those getting a bit raunchy. Some basic first aid skill may come in handy as well and if someone is feeling put upon a munch helper can stick with them and help them feel comfortable again / find there friends and reunite them.
As a last note well organised as the Notts munch was (and even the barstaff commented on how good we were in terms of trouble) I would not have known who to go to for help, it would have ended up being the mods, no fair on them as they want a night out to. So lets consider a few volunteers to be there to keep us all safe.
Sorry if any of this said before, but this is the first time I have seen this post and I just wanted to put in my two cents worth. I am no saint myself but hopefully we can find a line that makes everyone of us feel safer yet free.
Drawing on my 3rd SH social where I talked Mrs TnH into going, although 99% of the night was great (even crazy lets confuse the non swingers by all kissing) there were a few incidents. I ended up feeling on edge someone would push it too far, it was a public bar, and Mrs TnH was approached a few times by people who knew she was 1. Streight and 2. There socially only! Now how do you deal with this?
They were drunk, and we didn't want to bother Steve with it. In the end it was a small incident but one that deeply upset Mrs TnH (and me as I had assured her these were my friends and she would not need to worry). Later in the evening the behaviour dropped to a point where even I made my excuses and left.
So here you have a newbe who won't do another social event (although I am working on the paintballing) A slightly older hand who got worried and ended up leaving a social chat. Somthing is going wrong somewhere
Now the people involved in these incidents shall remain nameless in my post, they are my friends and I still love them to bits. But, somewhere we need a better list of guidelines, and we need people who will have a quiet word. We are adults here and I think a gentle word of warning, or take it to your room from someone would most likely be enough.
I am not after SH Police, but the idea of a Munch Helpers who are there to stop misunderstandings would be good I feel. Yes they would lose out on some of the fun of the munch (which is why organisers should not have to do it) but they also could calm things down and avoid the damage some of these incidents cause.
Draconian throwing people out, I don't think we would likely get to that or be very rare. A lot of venues have licensed doormen we could call on should someone turn violent. However I think most venues would be happy to know we had people in there just staying sober and keeping an eye on things. Think about it, a tourbus has a guide, we need someone the people there or even the venue owners can go to if there is a problem.
The munch helpers can sort the little issues out, from ordering a taxi for someone who has overdone the beer and seeing them safely in it, to a gentle reminder that you need to chill a bit to those getting a bit raunchy. Some basic first aid skill may come in handy as well and if someone is feeling put upon a munch helper can stick with them and help them feel comfortable again / find there friends and reunite them.
As a last note well organised as the Notts munch was (and even the barstaff commented on how good we were in terms of trouble) I would not have known who to go to for help, it would have ended up being the mods, no fair on them as they want a night out to. So lets consider a few volunteers to be there to keep us all safe.
Sorry if any of this said before, but this is the first time I have seen this post and I just wanted to put in my two cents worth. I am no saint myself but hopefully we can find a line that makes everyone of us feel safer yet free.
MikeNorth...you can invite me for a private munch - just you and me? I really like your body.
Quote by MikeNorth
I think I have been to more munches than anyone apart from Steve g, and I have just read through 16 pages of posts - this whole thread, though I admit I skip-read the posts from people who have never been to a munch.
I think part of the problem lies with the fact that, as as surfaced here in discussions as well, that too many newer people here, and some not-so new, have this idea that if someone is a swinger, it is assumed that they MUST be up for sex with anyone at any time. It must be emphasised in any guidelines for munches (and I agree with blue's draft), that members here are as particular as anyone else is with regard to any sexual behaviour at all, even flirting. I have chatted with quite a few people at munches who admitted that they were going full pelt out to line up a shag and had very little regard for general socialising. This is a big part of the problem, and once alcohol begins to take its effect, it is no wonder that ...yes, sexual assaults (yes, I agree that's what they should be regarded as) beginning to take place as the evening wears on. And yes, general rudeness is a problem as well, I have been shoved out of the way while queuing at the barseveral times, and had people interrupt my chats with people LOADS of times. I nearly always resolve at the end of a munch not to come to another one, but something (the friendly ones here) keeps me going, even though I am one of the quiet ones who doesn't get many chats in, even with some of the regular munchers.
But yes, more guidelines are the answer.
Mike.
I am a newbie so maybe I have a lot to learn but I am amazed by some of the actions of my fellow man at these meetings. non consenting groping and sticking your tongue down someone's throat is no way to treat a lady. maybe I am just old fashioned but it's not right. what ever happened to the chase guy's. 
I'll go back to my pit now
I'll go back to my pit now
Quote by markz
I am a newbie so maybe I have a lot to learn but I am amazed by some of the actions of my fellow man at these meetings. non consenting groping and sticking your tongue down someone's throat is no way to treat a lady. maybe I am just old fashioned but it's not right. what ever happened to the chase guy's.
I'll go back to my pit now
It wasn't just guys doing the chasing, but I agree with you
Sex God
Quote by getcarter
Sorry to be a bit dim but i'm new to all this, so can anyone tell me what a 'munchie' and a 'social' are, please...thanks
Munch and social to my mind, are one and the same.
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/terminology/munch.html
i've read the first 5 pages and the last 3. Apologies to those who posted the bits in between but it did seem to get a bit repetitive and I've got stuff to do today 
i have attended a few SH Munches/Socials and organised just the one. I truly apologise to anyone who found my behaviour at any of these events to be offensive or upsetting.
Unfortunately, I am one of those people who are actually quite shy and nervous IRL and then drink like a fish to make up for it, resulting in acting liek a complete prat. Sorry!
My thoughts for what its worth ... (feel free to ignore) ..
A munch/social/whatever .call it what you will .. should be purely social in the sense that the way in which we conduct ourselves should not be any different to how we would in a "normal" pub environment.
I am at fault here cos I have nto always behaved that way myself. I can see from this thread how that may well be totally inappopriate. Not only is it unfair to the staff and patrons of those establishments but also for the newbies or the less-confident who may feel uncomfortable with that.
Just to pick up a point I think NiL originally made ..... some of the sexual behaviour that has taken place at munches can also take place at your "normal" vanilla pub/club. I have heard shagging in the toilet cubicle next to me in a nightclub, I've seen a bouncer getting a BJ on the fire escape, my mate giving her boyfriend a BJ under the table in a pub .. it happens. But that doesn't make it OK! If those people had been caught by the staff, they would have been ejected ffrom the building. The bouncer may have lost his job.
What doesn't really happen that often is the amount of snogging and groping that goes on. I think we should all be more in control of ourselves in the munch environment. In a normal pub or at a wedding reception or even New Year, most of us wouldn't snog practically everyone we met or get peoples tits out or grope the bums of all the people lined up at the bar.
It IS supposed to be vanilla, purely social and a relaxed and friendly environment - especially for the newbies. That's not to say, we should wear our clothes buttoned up to the neck and politely discuss envirnmental issues round the table while drinking tea, but there's got to be a limit where the overt sexual behaviour is not the norm.
I know I might get jumped on for being a total hypocrite now as I have not always behaved vanilla but in retrospect I think I should have had more control over myself.
Furthermore, I would also like to apologise if any of the attendees of the Teesside Meet felt uncomfortable by the behavious that took place there. I should have taken more responsibilty and for that I apologise (again!).
That's it. Slaggings off by PM only, ta.
also ... one last thing. I'm not doing the snog or grope thing at any SH events from now and that's not cos of this thread. Personal preference. Ta muchly xx
i have attended a few SH Munches/Socials and organised just the one. I truly apologise to anyone who found my behaviour at any of these events to be offensive or upsetting.
Unfortunately, I am one of those people who are actually quite shy and nervous IRL and then drink like a fish to make up for it, resulting in acting liek a complete prat. Sorry!
My thoughts for what its worth ... (feel free to ignore) ..
A munch/social/whatever .call it what you will .. should be purely social in the sense that the way in which we conduct ourselves should not be any different to how we would in a "normal" pub environment.
I am at fault here cos I have nto always behaved that way myself. I can see from this thread how that may well be totally inappopriate. Not only is it unfair to the staff and patrons of those establishments but also for the newbies or the less-confident who may feel uncomfortable with that.
Just to pick up a point I think NiL originally made ..... some of the sexual behaviour that has taken place at munches can also take place at your "normal" vanilla pub/club. I have heard shagging in the toilet cubicle next to me in a nightclub, I've seen a bouncer getting a BJ on the fire escape, my mate giving her boyfriend a BJ under the table in a pub .. it happens. But that doesn't make it OK! If those people had been caught by the staff, they would have been ejected ffrom the building. The bouncer may have lost his job.
What doesn't really happen that often is the amount of snogging and groping that goes on. I think we should all be more in control of ourselves in the munch environment. In a normal pub or at a wedding reception or even New Year, most of us wouldn't snog practically everyone we met or get peoples tits out or grope the bums of all the people lined up at the bar.
It IS supposed to be vanilla, purely social and a relaxed and friendly environment - especially for the newbies. That's not to say, we should wear our clothes buttoned up to the neck and politely discuss envirnmental issues round the table while drinking tea, but there's got to be a limit where the overt sexual behaviour is not the norm.
I know I might get jumped on for being a total hypocrite now as I have not always behaved vanilla but in retrospect I think I should have had more control over myself.
Furthermore, I would also like to apologise if any of the attendees of the Teesside Meet felt uncomfortable by the behavious that took place there. I should have taken more responsibilty and for that I apologise (again!).
That's it. Slaggings off by PM only, ta.
also ... one last thing. I'm not doing the snog or grope thing at any SH events from now and that's not cos of this thread. Personal preference. Ta muchly xx
What a great post Marya!
Never been to a munch so I cant comment on your behaviour, but youve obviously thought about some of the comments made, looked at yourself and taken on board some peoples concerns.
Too often people will defend their actions/views to the hilt, without looking at it from other peoples perspective. Too often a mind change is followed by a flounce.
Good on you! :thumbup:
Never been to a munch so I cant comment on your behaviour, but youve obviously thought about some of the comments made, looked at yourself and taken on board some peoples concerns.
Too often people will defend their actions/views to the hilt, without looking at it from other peoples perspective. Too often a mind change is followed by a flounce.
Good on you! :thumbup:
Obviously..and I mean obviously...people need to act accordingly..and its up to friends and new friends to let them or to stop them getting in to hot water..so to speak!
Apart from that, its all been said.....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps
I'm stilled pissed, so dont even know if I'm making sense..lol
Apart from that, its all been said.....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ps
I'm stilled pissed, so dont even know if I'm making sense..lol
Quote by Ice Pie
Using the cut off date criterion seems to be a really good way of ensuring that the majority of attendees will already have a feel for what is/isn't acceptable behaviour at a munch.
Sorry Bev, I have to disagree from personal experience: The first big munch I attended, virtually the moment I walked through the door I was pounced on by someone I'd never met in person demanding a snog. My refusal was countered with a claim that snogging is "just our way of saying hello." This was not a newbie who would have been screened out by a seniority cut-off, it was a long-established and universally known member of the site. That person was egged on by other regular members and I found the behaviour both offensive and threatening. Someone more eager to fit in than myself may have felt obliged to submit to a full on snog, and I know that other people have felt under pressure to comply, that it was 'normal', and that to refuse would be seen as anti-social.
As much care needs to be taken with established people as with newbies when considering who is an appropriate person to invite to a social gathering, and that person can be in no doubt that they will never be invited to any event that I organise.
I intend at some point to arrange a social specifically for newbies, because I feel they are often subject to unfair prejudice. We keep telling newbies "come to a munch, get to know people" and then in the next breath tell them they can't come because they're not senior enough.
As Dawn rightly says, events advertised openly as social gatherings should be precisely that, with no expectations placed on anyone other than the normal standards of public behaviour. Those who wish to go beyond that behaviour by mutual consent should not be putting pressure on those who don't.
Ice
I have never been to a Munch, but if I did, I would never try to be familiar with anyone ever, even if i knew them, as I would consider it to be the height of bad manners. Even being inebriated is not a legitimate excuse, as one always knows and is aware of what is going on and the proper way to conduct oneself in company.
Quote by O. K.
Using the cut off date criterion seems to be a really good way of ensuring that the majority of attendees will already have a feel for what is/isn't acceptable behaviour at a munch.
Sorry Bev, I have to disagree from personal experience: The first big munch I attended, virtually the moment I walked through the door I was pounced on by someone I'd never met in person demanding a snog. My refusal was countered with a claim that snogging is "just our way of saying hello." This was not a newbie who would have been screened out by a seniority cut-off, it was a long-established and universally known member of the site. That person was egged on by other regular members and I found the behaviour both offensive and threatening. Someone more eager to fit in than myself may have felt obliged to submit to a full on snog, and I know that other people have felt under pressure to comply, that it was 'normal', and that to refuse would be seen as anti-social.
As much care needs to be taken with established people as with newbies when considering who is an appropriate person to invite to a social gathering, and that person can be in no doubt that they will never be invited to any event that I organise.
I intend at some point to arrange a social specifically for newbies, because I feel they are often subject to unfair prejudice. We keep telling newbies "come to a munch, get to know people" and then in the next breath tell them they can't come because they're not senior enough.
As Dawn rightly says, events advertised openly as social gatherings should be precisely that, with no expectations placed on anyone other than the normal standards of public behaviour. Those who wish to go beyond that behaviour by mutual consent should not be putting pressure on those who don't.
Ice
I have never been to a Munch, but if I did, I would never try to be familiar with anyone ever, even if i knew them, as I would consider it to be the height of bad manners. Even being inebriated is not a legitimate excuse, as one always knows and is aware of what is going on and the proper way to conduct oneself in company.
What a nice avatar and what a nice post!!!
Sex God
I have just thought of something.
Is it clear that the same rules apply with the same sex, i.e. male gropping another male, female groping another female.
It is a situation that can put a few people into feeling akward. I know I have been put in this situation before with another woman and found it just as uncomfy as with when it happens with a man.
Gem. x
Is it clear that the same rules apply with the same sex, i.e. male gropping another male, female groping another female.
It is a situation that can put a few people into feeling akward. I know I have been put in this situation before with another woman and found it just as uncomfy as with when it happens with a man.
Gem. x
Quote by little gem
I have just thought of something.
Is it clear that the same rules apply with the same sex, i.e. male gropping another male, female groping another female.
It is a situation that can put a few people into feeling akward. I know I have been put in this situation before with another woman and found it just as uncomfy as with when it happens with a man.
Gem. x
Quote by shireen_Mids
Yes Gem it should apply to everyone whether its a same sex or different sex situation.... Just because someone is bi-sexual doesn't mean they are going to welcome the advances of someone else from the same sex.
Shireen
maybe some ONE will read this and take note!
been grabed and forced in to a situation, that you can't get out out off, and are not hapy with is not very nice indeed, and it kinda ruins ya night!
JIGGLE
Sex God
Quote by Jiggle
maybe some ONE will read this and take note!
been grabed and forced in to a situation, that you can't get out out off, and are not hapy with is not very nice indeed, and it kinda ruins ya night!
JIGGLE
Blimey Jiggle, you sound a little brusied, I hope you won't stay unsociable for too long. It was great to meet you, and I for one would be sad not to bump into you again.
John
Quote by Horous
maybe some ONE will read this and take note!
been grabed and forced in to a situation, that you can't get out out off, and are not hapy with is not very nice indeed, and it kinda ruins ya night!
JIGGLE
Blimey Jiggle, you sound a little brusied, I hope you won't stay unsociable for too long. It was great to meet you, and I for one would be sad not to bump into you again.
John
well last night i was really thinking about not going to anymore munches.. sort of taken the fiz out of them. but i might go to the odd one, to catch up on friends
Jiggle
Sex God
Quote by Jiggle
well last night i was really thinking about not going to anymore munches.. sort of taken the fiz out of them. but i might go to the odd one, to catch up on friends
Jiggle
It has really afected you then mate,, I do hope you will come to more, you are a great bloke, and I enjoyed your company. Perhaps the incident had more to do with drink than causing offence?
John
Sex God
Oh Shireen, now I feel really and don't quite know what to say. I truly hope that Jiggle won't stay away.
John
and don't quite know what to say. I truly hope that Jiggle won't stay away.John
Sex God
I don't think blaming alcohol is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the people who had a grope at me were a on the drunk side of tipsy, probably for "dutch courage". It doesn't make someone feeling uncomfy, threatened or awkward any easier to deal with, especially if you are quiet by nature, or simply a very different personality in real life than your online personality.
Gem. x
I'm pretty sure the people who had a grope at me were a on the drunk side of tipsy, probably for "dutch courage". It doesn't make someone feeling uncomfy, threatened or awkward any easier to deal with, especially if you are quiet by nature, or simply a very different personality in real life than your online personality.
Gem. x
Sex God
Quote by little gem
I don't think blaming alcohol is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the people who had a grope at me were a on the drunk side of tipsy, probably for "dutch courage". It doesn't make someone feeling uncomfy, threatened or awkward any easier to deal with, especially if you are quiet by nature, or simply a very different personality in real life than your online personality.
Gem. x
Sorry Gem, I didn't mean to cause offence.
John
Quote by Dawn_Mids
been grabed and forced in to a situation, that you can't get out out off, and are not hapy with is not very nice indeed, and it kinda ruins ya night!
Jiggle..........I take it you never got your apology and reassurance that this would NEVER happen again?
Dawn
Unfortunately Dawn this shouldnt have happened in the first place.... Especially as the people involved are long standing members of this site and should know better :x
The one thing that I have noticed all the way through this thread is that the people known to be the worst for this sort of behaviour have not said a word at all..... Is this a case of "if we ignore it, it will go away??"
Shireen
xxx
Sex God
Quote by Horous
Sorry Gem, I didn't mean to cause offence.
John
No offence caused to me Horous!
I was simply and calmly stating what I thought as we all do in a forum. It's about open debate and discussion and an opposing veiw can sometimes enlighten the participants greatly.
It is a bit of a personal pet hate when people blame alcohol for their lack of control over their own body and their behaviour. If I knew I was a fighter when I had too much to drink, I would refrain. Same for wandering hands, imho.
Sex God
Quote by little gem
No offence caused to me Horous!
I was simply and calmly stating what I thought as we all do in a forum. It's about open debate and discussion and an opposing veiw can sometimes enlighten the participants greatly.
It is a bit of a personal pet hate when people blame alcohol for their lack of control over their own body and their behaviour. If I knew I was a fighter when I had too much to drink, I would refrain. Same for wandering hands, imho.
I agree with you.
John
