Hi all... I'm new to the site and really need some NSA sex today..
I'm 49, bugger all hair, smell a bit, am somewhat overweight, fart a lot and am pretty ugly. I've never had any luck with women, so thought I'd try this Swinging thing; coz it ensures a shag no matter what.
Any woman will do.. Even a shaved monkey might be okay. The only criteria is that she (or the monkey) must be available today. Coz; you know, I don't want people wasting my time. My time is precious, so please respect it and get overe here today.
I'm off to play golf this morning ; so late afternoon will be fine. I'll probably be a bit pissed and in a foul mood as the golf game will have been shite... But don't let that put you off as I do have a lovely personality.
Thanks for your attention... I just can't wait to see my PM box full of replies from lusty ladies.
Paul
PS: I know I posted this in the wrong section.. But thought what the fuck - can't be arsed to correct that
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
New to all of this - but desperately need sex today
last reply
48 replies
2.1k views
2 watchers
0 likes
Quote by Clare_Lincs
OOh how could a girl resist such an offer
I would love to give you all you needyou sound like a god in any womans eyes!!
Just let me be first,ill fight the rest of em off for you
Please send me a pm with as much thought and charisma in it and i will treasure it forever
Hmmmm... Not much of a reply. But as you are the first , of many no doubt, I suggest that you get in your car and get a move on..
Can't be bothered to send you a PM.. Too much effort
See you later, unless something better comes up
Paul
Quote by Fun365
Hmmmm... Not much of a reply. But as you are the first , of many no doubt, I suggest that you get in your car and get a move on..
Can't be bothered to send you a PM.. Too much effort
See you later, unless something better comes up
Paul
Oh so manly,soooo very sexy,theres nothing like a man who speaks to you that way to get the juices flowing,mmmmmmmm
Paul
I'm 36 but look 57. I washed last Christmas. I have pubes growing down to my knees and all my own teeth (4 on the top, 3 on the bottom) Tit sag but I got this off-white bra that holds em up a bit if I don't move to fast.
I go like a rabbit in any position ya fancy and love a bit of rough. Never swung before but then thats cos I'm usually being paid for it
I don't get the bit about what section your posting in but who gives a shit.
If ya wonna fluck then just stick in on here and I'll be there.
By the way, can we go doggin in a bunker thingy cos I got time about pm if thats any good. You could fill me empty slot.
Yours mingingly
Dawn :silly:
I'm 36 but look 57. I washed last Christmas. I have pubes growing down to my knees and all my own teeth (4 on the top, 3 on the bottom) Tit sag but I got this off-white bra that holds em up a bit if I don't move to fast.
I go like a rabbit in any position ya fancy and love a bit of rough. Never swung before but then thats cos I'm usually being paid for it
I don't get the bit about what section your posting in but who gives a shit.
If ya wonna fluck then just stick in on here and I'll be there.
By the way, can we go doggin in a bunker thingy cos I got time about pm if thats any good. You could fill me empty slot.
Yours mingingly
Dawn :silly:
Hi there
Well, I'm a foul tempered, lazy arsed minger. I will expect to be picked up from the train station, and don't bother with any inane chit chat cos I have nothing interesting to say anyway. On arrival at your place just get on with it please my time is precious and don't expect anything out of the ordinary, you're going on top!
Should you be interested please pvt to lliarliarpantsonfire for details of where you can make payment.
:shock:
Well, I'm a foul tempered, lazy arsed minger. I will expect to be picked up from the train station, and don't bother with any inane chit chat cos I have nothing interesting to say anyway. On arrival at your place just get on with it please my time is precious and don't expect anything out of the ordinary, you're going on top!
Should you be interested please pvt to lliarliarpantsonfire for details of where you can make payment.
:shock:
lliarliarpantsonfire I saw ya being scrubbed down with by the guy from the council afer a complaint that ya stank and now ya don't :!:
See Clare..........I turned up :!: So Miss PerfectPants
Go play with the nice girls like you usually do
Paul, over 'ere hun, I'm ready for ya
Yours Dampandready
Dawn :silly:
Quote by Fun365
See you later, unless something better comes upl
See Clare..........I turned up :!: So Miss PerfectPants
Go play with the nice girls like you usually do
Paul, over 'ere hun, I'm ready for ya
Yours Dampandready
Dawn :silly:
Quote by Dawn_Mids
See you later, unless something better comes upl
See Clare..........I turned up :!: So Miss PerfectPants
Go play with the nice girls like you usually do
Paul, over 'ere hun, I'm ready for ya
Yours Dampandready
Dawn :silly:
Hmm he did say better,phew your sh*t out then arent you
And i bet youve put so much work into peeling off the cheese in certain places too,ah well never mind!! :lol:
Quote by Clare_Lincs
See you later, unless something better comes upl
See Clare..........I turned up :!: So Miss PerfectPants
Go play with the nice girls like you usually do
Paul, over 'ere hun, I'm ready for ya
Yours Dampandready
Dawn :silly:
Hmm he did say better,phew your sh*t out then arent you
And i bet youve put so much work into peeling off the cheese in certain places too,ah well never mind!! :lol:
Bugger that, cheese means I can provide Paul with crap sex AND something to eat :flipa:
Mod
I take it Cblew you out this morning then, Paul? 
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: 
Mal
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Mal
Hi!
I'm a hairy crossdresser. I live alone with my infirm mother who I have to attend to most of the day. I haven't had proper sex for 15 years. I'd love to come and watch as well. I'll just sit in the corner and masturbate, don't mind me! I can get down there this aftternoon as I can arrange for mother to be under the chemical cosh. I often do this when I need a bit of space to rummage through her wardrobe! We run a motel by the way! If anyone fancies another motel munch well the place is yours to have for the night! Just don't go in the basement!
By the way, I'm a really nice guy! Hope to see you soon! :twisted:
Norman.
I'm a hairy crossdresser. I live alone with my infirm mother who I have to attend to most of the day. I haven't had proper sex for 15 years. I'd love to come and watch as well. I'll just sit in the corner and masturbate, don't mind me! I can get down there this aftternoon as I can arrange for mother to be under the chemical cosh. I often do this when I need a bit of space to rummage through her wardrobe! We run a motel by the way! If anyone fancies another motel munch well the place is yours to have for the night! Just don't go in the basement!
By the way, I'm a really nice guy! Hope to see you soon! :twisted:
Norman.
Sex God
No comment to add here - just an excuse to do a lot of these ...
:flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa:
Excellent value
:flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa:Excellent value
Sex God
are you bi?
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:
neil ;-)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao:neil ;-)
Sex God
Quote by Alexandra
oh yeah - our mum says she wants to join us too.
That'll be OK won't it?
She's got no teeth (due to bad halitosis) but she gives one hell of a suck!
davej is in love .....got a thing about younger women!
Hi guys!
I'm sorry to have to say this but I now won't be able to come today. Mother has wet herself and I have to stay behind and clean it up! Also she is off her Ketamine and refuses to take it, which is altogether unlike her! Funny thing is, she ALWAYS does this to me everytime I have a hot date. I tell her nothing, but she always seems to know and creates a problem so I can't go. No wonder I can't get a girlfriend!
I know I've let you guys down badly and I'm sorely dissapointed! I hope you don't think I'm a timewaster! I hope I can come along next time. PM me!
By the way, I'm a really nice guy!
Yours
Master Norman (Bates)
I'm sorry to have to say this but I now won't be able to come today. Mother has wet herself and I have to stay behind and clean it up! Also she is off her Ketamine and refuses to take it, which is altogether unlike her! Funny thing is, she ALWAYS does this to me everytime I have a hot date. I tell her nothing, but she always seems to know and creates a problem so I can't go. No wonder I can't get a girlfriend!
I know I've let you guys down badly and I'm sorely dissapointed! I hope you don't think I'm a timewaster! I hope I can come along next time. PM me!
By the way, I'm a really nice guy!
Yours
Master Norman (Bates)
Quote by Lovecommando
Hi guys!
I'm sorry to have to say this but I now won't be able to come today. Mother has wet herself and I have to stay behind and clean it up! Also she is off her Ketamine and refuses to take it, which is altogether unlike her! Funny thing is, she ALWAYS does this to me everytime I have a hot date. I tell her nothing, but she always seems to know and creates a problem so I can't go. No wonder I can't get a girlfriend!
I know I've let you guys down badly and I'm sorely dissapointed! I hope you don't think I'm a timewaster! I hope I can come along next time. PM me!
By the way, I'm a really nice guy!
Yours
Master Norman (Bates)
Aww LC - and I was going to bring me classy mate just to keep you and the Sarge entertained!
She will be sooo dissappointed......
Well Sarge - it looks like you have got her all to yourself!
Dear Alex
Thanks for the photo of your classy mate. I've just had a good wank over her whilst mother is dozing. I managed to micky fin her tea with a good measure of Rohypnol and she's away with the pixies now. Bless her!
Tis a pity I couldn't be there to meet your mate. She's just my type. I never get to meet woman as gorgeous as this in real life. Seems like I'm living in a sexual wilderness. Oh well!
Give her my email addy will you?
By the way, I'm a really nice guy!
Yours
Master Norman (Bates)
Thanks for the photo of your classy mate. I've just had a good wank over her whilst mother is dozing. I managed to micky fin her tea with a good measure of Rohypnol and she's away with the pixies now. Bless her!
Tis a pity I couldn't be there to meet your mate. She's just my type. I never get to meet woman as gorgeous as this in real life. Seems like I'm living in a sexual wilderness. Oh well!
Give her my email addy will you?
By the way, I'm a really nice guy!
Yours
Master Norman (Bates)
Sex God
hhhhmmmmm!!!!
far be it from me to suggest that we are in any way, shape or form becoming ageist or sizeist! i'm disgusted with you! ((( specially your mate alex! poor lass! no wonder you kept her quiet! )))
neil x x x ;-)
far be it from me to suggest that we are in any way, shape or form becoming ageist or sizeist! i'm disgusted with you! ((( specially your mate alex! poor lass! no wonder you kept her quiet! )))
neil x x x ;-)
Master Bates.........................
I have passed on your email address as requested.
She did say however that you have now missed your chance as she has a waiting list of men who wish to discover her charms. (Discover being the important word!).
If she finds herself with a cancellation though I am sure she will fit you in!
I have passed on your email address as requested.
She did say however that you have now missed your chance as she has a waiting list of men who wish to discover her charms. (Discover being the important word!).
If she finds herself with a cancellation though I am sure she will fit you in!
