Anyone got any advice on splitting with your married partner and kids? I am about to move out and finding life very hard at the momoment and drinking far too much,but cant sleep,is it posible to dislike your partner when with her,but miss her like crazy when you know she's not . I know this isnt really a swinging issue,but most swingers seem to be happy and comfortable with themselves and can offer salient advice
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Splitting Up
:? 
:lol:
Sex God
not married & don't have kids but i'd suggest dodging the booze for a bit, not the best thing for rational thought
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
not married & don't have kids but i'd suggest dodging the booze for a bit, not the best thing for rational thought
Yeah and I'm sorry but change yer avatar!
Best thing is not to be about to move out - but to have moved out if you're going. If you're not going - then get talking to her and work really hard - I mean really, really, really hard at finding a solution to your problems that will keep you together.
There may be so much more behind your predicament that makes what I have said total bollox - so it's just an option!
Good luck. And I'm not a swinger!
Sex God
Enjoying your own company would be a good start 
Sex God
If you really can't patch things up then it may be best to leave - but it's a hard thing to do. I know. No-one can judge your situation but the two of you, but I know what you must be going through. I remember that lack of sleep and trying drink - which was only partially successful. I will give some general advice here where others can read it (I hope I am not being presumptuous), anything that I don't want to share publicly will come in a PM.
1. If possible decide on a solution between you. Even if it is to part, try and make it agreed and as amicable as possible.
2. If it is that you are going to split, then try and resolve it quickly. Finances often don't allow you to go and rent somewhere whilst still paying the mortgage on the family home so you all end up living in the same house even though it's over. That can be a killer.
3. DON'T INVOLVE THE CHILDREN. This shouldn't need saying, but you will be surprised what can happen. Sadly, some parents will work on the children to alienate them from the other parent because they know it is a very potent way of hurting the other party. However, it is the kids that end up really hurt and it can often rebound on the manipulative parent later on.
4. Try and sort everything out between you without involving lawyers if possible. I know people who have got hold of the appropriate forms and done everything themselves. Not only is it quicker, less acrimonious and more civilised, it is a HELL of a lot cheaper.
5. Sadly, if it is going to get messy then you will have to get a lawyer and you need to get a good one. Go for one who specialises in Family Law. It is quite a specialised area and you need someone with a full command of the latest rules (they are constantly changing) and a really up to date knowledge of case law. A female lawyer is often best - though that can't be a hard and fast rule.
6. This may not be what you want to hear, but you will go through hell - so be REALLY sure that there is no other solution available. There will be some very dark times indeed and you will need your friends. The best ones will rally round and you will be surprised how many people will have been through it who may not have mentioned it before.
Try and talk to your wife and sort things out or at least agree to keep it civilised - for the children's sake if nothing else. Good luck, and I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
Will
1. If possible decide on a solution between you. Even if it is to part, try and make it agreed and as amicable as possible.
2. If it is that you are going to split, then try and resolve it quickly. Finances often don't allow you to go and rent somewhere whilst still paying the mortgage on the family home so you all end up living in the same house even though it's over. That can be a killer.
3. DON'T INVOLVE THE CHILDREN. This shouldn't need saying, but you will be surprised what can happen. Sadly, some parents will work on the children to alienate them from the other parent because they know it is a very potent way of hurting the other party. However, it is the kids that end up really hurt and it can often rebound on the manipulative parent later on.
4. Try and sort everything out between you without involving lawyers if possible. I know people who have got hold of the appropriate forms and done everything themselves. Not only is it quicker, less acrimonious and more civilised, it is a HELL of a lot cheaper.
5. Sadly, if it is going to get messy then you will have to get a lawyer and you need to get a good one. Go for one who specialises in Family Law. It is quite a specialised area and you need someone with a full command of the latest rules (they are constantly changing) and a really up to date knowledge of case law. A female lawyer is often best - though that can't be a hard and fast rule.
6. This may not be what you want to hear, but you will go through hell - so be REALLY sure that there is no other solution available. There will be some very dark times indeed and you will need your friends. The best ones will rally round and you will be surprised how many people will have been through it who may not have mentioned it before.
Try and talk to your wife and sort things out or at least agree to keep it civilised - for the children's sake if nothing else. Good luck, and I am sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
Will
Thanks for that,it all makes sense,although I havnt really got anyone to talk or turn to,apart from my brother and he lives in Poland,I have no mates anymore and feel so babd and down. The drinking is not wise I know but as the cliche says ,it does make me feel better short term but I know its not the answer. Does anyone know Samaritans number?
Hi,
I know how your feeling as in exactly the same boat - my husband has just left me after being together for 22 yrs - its awful, feel up some days and down others - i cant offer any advice cos its just a sad sad time but at least u know your not alone. Ive found help from my family, friends and from chatting in the chatroom.
Hope you feel better soon,
Suze x
I know how your feeling as in exactly the same boat - my husband has just left me after being together for 22 yrs - its awful, feel up some days and down others - i cant offer any advice cos its just a sad sad time but at least u know your not alone. Ive found help from my family, friends and from chatting in the chatroom.
Hope you feel better soon,
Suze x
I dont know weather its the alcohol but at the moment I feel terribly down,we were only maaried for 8 years and have 2 most wonderful kids,and I am going to miss them so much ,because they are my life,they give me a raison d'etre,just feel so absolutly crap,thanks everyone,it means a lot
Sex God
a mate of mine split from his wife after 6 months, when she started seeing one of his friends while he was a work. she tried lots of things to drag him down through the split and the divorce but as ever, he stuck to what he knew was right, kept clam and rational (and sober) cos his only aim was to stay seeing his daughter. he's now got a new woman and is doing great. so as you probably already realise, work out what you want, be calm and sensible, understand that you're going to have to deal with some crap but focus on the future cos things do improve. like i've said, i've never been married and don't have kids but everyone has the highs and lows in life, one way or another, only you can choose how to deal with them
I may have been a bit harsh earlier on! I appologise.
You are clearly going through a bad patch but my original post still stands - get a lawyer to sort things out. Yes, you will have to pay him/her but at the end of the day you - and the ex - know where you stand and there is no come back, no disputing an informal agreement etc.
Ultimately, without a legal document/agreement you do not have a leg to stand on and the ex can take you to the cleaners and, potentially, stop you seeing your kids.
I know some folk have sorted things out themselves, but you would be well advised to make any informal agreement legal.
In other words, speak to a lawyer!!
You are clearly going through a bad patch but my original post still stands - get a lawyer to sort things out. Yes, you will have to pay him/her but at the end of the day you - and the ex - know where you stand and there is no come back, no disputing an informal agreement etc.
Ultimately, without a legal document/agreement you do not have a leg to stand on and the ex can take you to the cleaners and, potentially, stop you seeing your kids.
I know some folk have sorted things out themselves, but you would be well advised to make any informal agreement legal.
In other words, speak to a lawyer!!
Sex God
Quote by McCloggieSadly. All true!
I may have been a bit harsh earlier on! I appologise.
You are clearly going through a bad patch but my original post still stands - get a lawyer to sort things out. Yes, you will have to pay him/her but at the end of the day you - and the ex - know where you stand and there is no come back, no disputing an informal agreement etc.
Ultimately, without a legal document/agreement you do not have a leg to stand on and the ex can take you to the cleaners and, potentially, stop you seeing your kids.
I know some folk have sorted things out themselves, but you would be well advised to make any informal agreement legal.
In other words, speak to a lawyer!!
Sex God
Quote by lambchop
On the plus side I've discovered the blues again,BB king ,Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf,so some good has come out of it!
Try Dancing Down the Stoney Road by Chris Rea - easily the best modern blues album for ages. There's fabuluos DVD of the making of the album as well. No doubt - the hard edge of the blues is uplifting.
The advice about staying off the drink from M2P2 is very good.
Quote by westerross
On the plus side I've discovered the blues again,BB king ,Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf,so some good has come out of it!
Try Dancing Down the Stoney Road by Chris Rea - easily the best modern blues album for ages. There's fabuluos DVD of the making of the album as well. No doubt - the hard edge of the blues is uplifting.
The advice about staying off the drink from M2P2 is very good.
Morose songs are not what you need right now.. get out and keep yourself busy .. what you are feeling now is all part of the healing process, and there is no 'quick fix' for it apart from time (a bit cliche I know - but true never-the-less). Alcohol is certainly not the answer as alcohol is an excellerant - it will enhance whatever mood you are in at the time and if you are feeling down you really don't want alcohol in your system as you will end up doing something you later regret.
Remember: ex's are ex's for a reason. If someone doesn't want to be with you then they don't derserve you anyway. To hell with them and move on.
Hi Lambchop
Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. Speaking from experience here you will have crap days and some REALLY crap days, but hang in there.
Echoing what others have said drinking will feel as if its giving you some short term relief from a hellish situation but it's not the long term answer. It could also go against you having access to the children in the future should your wife choose to use that as a factor during your divorce. Just a thought.
As Tune said if you've talked all this through as far as you can with your wife and you can't see any way to make things work, then the best thing you can do is make the break and move out,if finances will allow. It'll not be easy, believe me I've done it, but until you take that step you can't move on and begin to put your new life back in order. I had to stay with my ex for almost 18 months until we sold the house and could sort things out financially and it was hell but once I'd left and started my new single life it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope you manage to work out an amicable solution to all this and you get your life back on track. Good luck.
Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. Speaking from experience here you will have crap days and some REALLY crap days, but hang in there.
Echoing what others have said drinking will feel as if its giving you some short term relief from a hellish situation but it's not the long term answer. It could also go against you having access to the children in the future should your wife choose to use that as a factor during your divorce. Just a thought.
As Tune said if you've talked all this through as far as you can with your wife and you can't see any way to make things work, then the best thing you can do is make the break and move out,if finances will allow. It'll not be easy, believe me I've done it, but until you take that step you can't move on and begin to put your new life back in order. I had to stay with my ex for almost 18 months until we sold the house and could sort things out financially and it was hell but once I'd left and started my new single life it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I hope you manage to work out an amicable solution to all this and you get your life back on track. Good luck.
This has just reaffirmed my faith in humanity,everyone has been so kind,some a bit cheeky,but funny with it,however at this moment I cannnot see this hell ending,there is no light at the end of the tunnel,in fact sometimes there dosn't even seem to be a tunnel! My kids are the most important thing to me,and I dont want them to get hurt and protecting their happiness is paramount.
Thanks again everyone,you have really helped
Thanks again everyone,you have really helped
Orgasminator
Quote by lambchop
Anyone got any advice on splitting with your married partner and kids? I am about to move out and finding life very hard at the momoment and drinking far too much,but cant sleep,is it posible to dislike your partner when with her,but miss her like crazy when you know she's not . I know this isnt really a swinging issue,but most swingers seem to be happy and comfortable with themselves and can offer salient advice
Love is very fickle. It comes and goes in a flash, leaving us weak in the knees or making us feel as if we've been punched in the stomach. You say your partner does not love you any more. Why is that? Have you tried talking it over with her, find out why the spark is gone? Is there another man who is giving her more than you can give (emotionally, practically)? Or is she just fed up with the daily grind of life and hopes that once free she can start living again? It can be very hard to mend bridges but believe me it is much easier than trying to rebuild a life from scratch. At least you have the basic building blocks there lying around waiting to be used...
Talk to her, like friends. After all, who knows her better than you do? You have had two kids with her, seen her at her best and worst and your relationship has lasted 8 years which must account for something surely!
I wish you all the best and please do not take to drinking for solace as this can only help to alienate her from you. No woman likes a man who crumbles to pieces at the face of adversity. Show her she can depend on you, show her that whatever happens you will be there for her and the kids, able and strong to handle life!
Hi there
Sorry this is late but I am feeling for you right now as I dont think there is a spark between me and my partner anymore. But if it is for the best then get out while you can the saying is Plenty more fish in the sea. But you said you have 2 wonderful children who you are very attached to. Try and stay in contact with them. I am sure that they will miss there dad. I know that as I am adopted and never seen MIne.
Try and stay of the booze to if you can. Sometimes it is hard when you are feeling like shit.
Take care
xxxxxxxx
Sorry this is late but I am feeling for you right now as I dont think there is a spark between me and my partner anymore. But if it is for the best then get out while you can the saying is Plenty more fish in the sea. But you said you have 2 wonderful children who you are very attached to. Try and stay in contact with them. I am sure that they will miss there dad. I know that as I am adopted and never seen MIne.
Try and stay of the booze to if you can. Sometimes it is hard when you are feeling like shit.
Take care
xxxxxxxx
