Things I have learnt today!!

13 Dec 2006

What I learnt today!
1. Vehicle Mechanics don't necessarily make good plumbers ! confused

2. When repairing a leaking heating pipe it is a good idea to drain the heating system first! confused

3. Hot water when sprayed from the pipe you are cutting isn't nice, comfortable or helpful when it is squirting in your face! confused

4. Sticking your thumb over a cut pipe to stop the hot water leaking is fine for a few seconds but then the heat starts to hurt! confused

5. Sticking chewing gum over the afore mentioned pipe isn't a good idea. It blows a big bubble then pops and covers you in hot water.!! confused

6. Mrs Bilko is useless in a crisis!! confused

7. Mrs Bilko has no sense of humour!! confused

What Mrs Bilko learnt today!
1. Sgt Bilko shouts a lot when in a crisis. :shock:
2. Running around the house shouting "I'm not very good in these situations" is not very helpful! :shock: :shock:
3. When asked to find something to stuff into a 15mm pipe to stop the flood of water, a 97mm piece of wood just isn't up to the job. :shock: :shock:
4. When asked to find something more suitable, a piece of 4mm wire is less use than a 97mm piece of wood for blocking a 15mm pipe!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
5. Picking this moment to shout "See, I told you we should have got a plumber!" is not a fantastic idea!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
6. Water features, comprising of water trickling down the light in the room below are far too highly rated!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
7. Three buckets should be enough to catch all the different drips in (this one will be confirmed in the morning!! :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
rolleyes

13 Dec 2006

So what time did the plumber get there then? wink

13 Dec 2006

*Makes a note never to ask Steve to do any plumbing* confused

13 Dec 2006

if the job was that complicated you should have remembered your training and got a " bigger hammer"
rolleyes

13 Dec 2006

Quote by Sgt Bilko

7. Mrs Bilko has no sense of humour!!

She must have a wonderful sense of humour, she married you :thumbup: :grin:

13 Dec 2006

Quote by Shireen

*Makes a note never to ask Steve to do any plumbing*

Sassy makes a note never to ask Bulko to do any plumbing :giggle:

13 Dec 2006

Sarge, you're a bluddy idiot! Priceless!! rotflmao

13 Dec 2006

You're description of the work sounds like many of the plumbers I come into contact with at work. biggrin

So maybe a career change could be in the offing :shock:

13 Dec 2006

Quote by lilacgem
So what time did the plumber get there then?

Did he get his wrench out :twisted:
I've obviously seen to much cheesy porn lol

I'll be going now bolt

13 Dec 2006

Bilko you are way overdue a promotion, you are clearly Rupert material. wink

13 Dec 2006

That my xmas tree looks lovely but i now cant get my lounge curtains open redface

Earthy xx

13 Dec 2006

that happened to me too.
the help i got was to have a pic taken (inbetween the fits of laughter) :shock:
good job you can`t tell what i`m sayin through gritted teeth rolleyes

13 Dec 2006

Well.......
Good job Sarge is good for something, never had him down as the shouting type though!!
innocent

I mean, Sarge shouting ff's... as if!! lol

13 Dec 2006

Quote by philstarnchoozy
that happened to me too.
the help i got was to have a pic taken (inbetween the fits of laughter) :shock:
good job you can`t tell what i`m sayin through gritted teeth

OMG

Reminds me of that story about that boy and a dam!!! :lol2:

13 Dec 2006

:laughabove:
You don't know where he's stuck his finger though :shock:

13 Dec 2006

Lessons I've learned today ........... well not today, but last Thurs to be exact confused

A conservatory roof makes good ghosty whistling noises when being lifted by the wind confused

It's possible for a cats eyes to expand about 7 times their normal size in conjunction with running practically on their bellies - when ghosty roof noises happen :shock:
Watching a cat run on it's belly with eyes roughly the size of two capital "O's", the size of the first line of an eye test card, is v. funny rotflmao

Conservatory roofs never blow off when you're there, only make ghosty whisling noises - they wait until you're out before launching themselves to a distant neighbours! mad

Laptops in roofless conservatories aren't waterproof mad

Tarpaulin is good for temporary roof repairs biggrin

Cats tails can expand to roughly the size and shape of a small nordic xmas tree, at the sound of rattling tarpaulin :shock:
When lying flat out in a star shape on top of tarpaulin in the wind, causes boyfriends to not want a cuppa confused

It also causes them to use their 'outdoor voices' to the max :scared:
When being told to pass a screwdriver, a cutlery knife will not suffice :undecided: dunno

The best make of screwdriver to baton down tarpaulin is a brand called "effin" :undecided: dunno

When being sent out to buy extra baton by a star shaped boyfriend - it's not a good idea to pop in Tescos on the way back, even it does include beers sad

13 Dec 2006

Now this thread really made me laugh for the first time in AGES. Huge thanks!
I'm NOT posting my disaster stories though.... redface

though the most recent involves shower fitting and water pipes.
:P

13 Dec 2006

If I ever have a leaky watnot I wont be asking you for help Sarge! confused

I'll just go buy some tenna lady's! wink

National shortage of qualified plumbers an all...
xanaisx
Ps I would tell you about my grandma and a freezer but I wont, its not funny! lol

13 Dec 2006

What I learnt today
After reading this thread I too have a leaky watnot redface

Can I borrow one of your tenna's anais??
Maybe borrow was the wrong word dunno

13 Dec 2006

Hot pizza really burns :shock: :shock: :shock:
An eight month old german shepard is still a pup :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
I have a blister th size of the millenium dome on my tounge :shock: :shock: :shock:

13 Dec 2006

lessons i learned last year with my father-in-law
1. don't let you father in law move a washing machine to put lino underneath it.
2. if you do then don't believe him when he says he's turned the tap off
3. taking the hot water pipe off the washing machine is not a good idea
4. using a rubber glove to try to put pipe back on does not work. it's still too hot.
5. don't try this in a space 3ftx4ftx4ft high
6. don't do ANY job with your father-in-law
h

14 Dec 2006

Quote by cu3b4ll
What I learnt today
After reading this thread I too have a leaky watnot
Can I borrow one of your tenna's anais??
Maybe borrow was the wrong word

Nothing worse than a leaky watnot!!! :wink wink

You can borrow a tenna anytime smile

xanaisx

14 Dec 2006

What I've learned today
A Guinea Fowl can tell just by the way you walk whether you're gonna feed it or catch it :shock:
A Guinea Fowl can do a vertical take off, very similar to a Harrier Jump Jet, only quicker :shock:
A Guinea Fowl doesn't need tail feathers to to the Harrier Jump Jet manouvre :undecided: confused

A Guinea Fowl will never approach you - not even if you're offering it's tail feathers back confused

15 Dec 2006

Quote by Missy
What I've learned today
A Guinea Fowl can tell just by the way you walk whether you're gonna feed it or catch it :shock:
A Guinea Fowl can do a vertical take off, very similar to a Harrier Jump Jet, only quicker :shock:
A Guinea Fowl doesn't need tail feathers to to the Harrier Jump Jet manouvre :undecided:
A Guinea Fowl will never approach you - not even if you're offering it's tail feathers back

Oh Missy I love you!! rotflmao

I must make the effort to get down to your neck of the woods and spend a bit of time in Missy's World!!!!!!

15 Dec 2006

Quote by Missy
Lessons I've learned today ........... well not today, but last Thurs to be exact
A conservatory roof makes good ghosty whistling noises when being lifted by the wind
It's possible for a cats eyes to expand about 7 times their normal size in conjunction with running practically on their bellies - when ghosty roof noises happen :shock:
Watching a cat run on it's belly with eyes roughly the size of two capital "O's", the size of the first line of an eye test card, is v. funny
Conservatory roofs never blow off when you're there, only make ghosty whisling noises - they wait until you're out before launching themselves to a distant neighbours!
Laptops in roofless conservatories aren't waterproof
Tarpaulin is good for temporary roof repairs
Cats tails can expand to roughly the size and shape of a small nordic xmas tree, at the sound of rattling tarpaulin :shock:
When lying flat out in a star shape on top of tarpaulin in the wind, causes boyfriends to not want a cuppa
It also causes them to use their 'outdoor voices' to the max :scared:
When being told to pass a screwdriver, a cutlery knife will not suffice :undecided:
The best make of screwdriver to baton down tarpaulin is a brand called "effin" :undecided:
When being sent out to buy extra baton by a star shaped boyfriend - it's not a good idea to pop in Tescos on the way back, even it does include beers

never laughed so much for ages reading that.. rotflmao

3 Jan 2007

Quote by creampie123
never laughed so much for ages reading that..

Awww thank you :lol2: kiss

Things I have learned today
A cats sneeze sounds identical to a can of coke being opened :shock:

3 Jan 2007

Things I found out today
the worse kind of distributor you can have fitted to a landy is the ducilear
parts for above are like rocking horse poo
weber 34 carbs go furry when water in fuel system
and landy bonnets hurt when they hit your head

3 Jan 2007

Quote by sparky230
Things I found out today
the worse kind of distributor you can have fitted to a landy is the ducilear
parts for above are like rocking horse poo
weber 34 carbs go furry when water in fuel system
and landy bonnets hurt when they hit your head

Things I learnt today.........
Sparky your posts are always on the same subject and are often boring, sorry redface

3 Jan 2007

Quote by Dawnie
Things I found out today
the worse kind of distributor you can have fitted to a landy is the ducilear
parts for above are like rocking horse poo
weber 34 carbs go furry when water in fuel system
and landy bonnets hurt when they hit your head

Things I learnt today.........
Sparky your posts are always on the same subject and are often boring, sorry redface

:thumbup:
I have learned today that I just love how direct Dawnie is
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:

3 Jan 2007

One persons boring is another persons passion ......... ooooooh something else I've learned biggrin

Something I learned in the Summer biggrin

What on earth people see in them static steam engine things at steam rallys :confused: They all phutt, and they all either saw, pour water or hammer something - they all look at each others engines doing that knowledgable strokey chin thing And they turn up to these rallys like they've never been to one before, when in reality, they've been ardently moving from rally to rally practically since steam was invented, over 50 years ago!! :shock:
I've learned never to ask a question about said phutt phutt - you're then stuck until the suns well over the yardarm, and not understood a word they've said, partly gobbledy , partly odd accents
I've learned that the beer tent has magic powers :shock: After half hour or so in there, I knew exactly what these people were saying Although buggered if I can remember the next morning, once out of the magical tent
I've also learned that these people are some of the friendliest, funniest, passionate, enthusiastic people, one is ever likely to meet
They Rock!! And I've found myself so excited about jumping on the Steam Rally bandwagon next year, so I can catch up with me new found mates again :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:
Got me tartan blanket and thermos at the ready :happy:
I've also learned I don't know how to spell the word "rally" - David just made me take out all the "e's" I had in there ........ but it still don't look right to me :undecided: