Tolerance.
Reading through the Forums over the last few months, I constantly see reference to how tolerant, open-minded and non-judgemental swingers are supposed to be. The impression given is of a “society†of caring, giving and welcoming people who will give anyone a fair hearing and be willing to welcome anyone (within the legal constraints of the site) without prejudgment or hostility. I have seen lots of evidence to support this viewpoint. Acts of kindness and support are not at all uncommon.
However,
I have also witnessed indifference, arrogance, hostility, bullying, backbiting, thinly disguised threats etc, which lead me to believe that swingers are no more tolerant or forgiving than any other group of people.
So, my question is, are swingers really the tolerant open minded forgiving folk they say they are, or do they just think they are?
My view, people are people, being a swinger doesn’t make you any more likely to be tolerant than anyone else.
Stormwalker
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
Tolerance
last reply
65 replies
3.1k views
0 watchers
0 likes
I don't wish this to appear to be a 'cop-out' but I can't see anything I really disagree with in your post Stormy.
:thumbup:
I do think the few spoil it for the many, but none of us is perfect and we are still human beings, all comlex, all different and come with our own set of experiences, values, beliefs etc.
However if you are looking for understanding and open-minded people to have fun with or make friends with I think SH is a good a place as any, if not better.
:thumbup:
I do think the few spoil it for the many, but none of us is perfect and we are still human beings, all comlex, all different and come with our own set of experiences, values, beliefs etc.
However if you are looking for understanding and open-minded people to have fun with or make friends with I think SH is a good a place as any, if not better.
Have to agree...
No better but no worse... take as you find.
One thing I will say I have noticed is that people are very different in here (the Forums and Chat) to when you meet them for real.. Face to face they seem much much nicer. Its easy to form opinions based on so little information, we have done it too so were no better lol.
Its a good point though....
Mike
No better but no worse... take as you find.
One thing I will say I have noticed is that people are very different in here (the Forums and Chat) to when you meet them for real.. Face to face they seem much much nicer. Its easy to form opinions based on so little information, we have done it too so were no better lol.
Its a good point though....
Mike
stormy I love you ....
can't deny it...
IN contributing to your thread. I know that I did expect a lot more tolerance than in real life specifically to do with sex....
I have seen people on here get flamed for their fantasies.... the particular sexual acts that they enjoy.... people making judgements about people based on their likes/dislikes.
opened my eyes to the realisation that people are still people no matter what group they belong to or associate with.
splendid. x x
can't deny it...
IN contributing to your thread. I know that I did expect a lot more tolerance than in real life specifically to do with sex....
I have seen people on here get flamed for their fantasies.... the particular sexual acts that they enjoy.... people making judgements about people based on their likes/dislikes.
opened my eyes to the realisation that people are still people no matter what group they belong to or associate with.
splendid. x x
Interesting question!!!
My initail response would be to think that swingers are more tollerant,
However - with a bit more thinking - I too can remember plently of people seeming to sound the opposite even in here......
But as for this thread - - do you really think any intollerant people would come and post their honest views?????
If not it would then lead to a host of very nice people being nice to each other and giving an impression of a completely tollerant community............lol
???
My initail response would be to think that swingers are more tollerant,
However - with a bit more thinking - I too can remember plently of people seeming to sound the opposite even in here......
But as for this thread - - do you really think any intollerant people would come and post their honest views?????
If not it would then lead to a host of very nice people being nice to each other and giving an impression of a completely tollerant community............lol
???
Orgasminator
I think i have to agree with the consensus, in general swingers are no more tollerant than the 'main stream', however....
I do think that in the realms of sexual tollerance we are more open to breaks from the norm - generally. As Kiss pointed out, its generally a few that let the side down, but you get that in any close knitt circle.
I do think that in the realms of sexual tollerance we are more open to breaks from the norm - generally. As Kiss pointed out, its generally a few that let the side down, but you get that in any close knitt circle.
Quote by PoloLady
It is probably more accurate to say that ’swingers’ are less likely to be judgmental towards the sexual activities of other people – but that is about as far as it goes.
Grrr I was gonna say that!!
At the end of the day, swinger or not, we're all just people. I would say that swingers have more of a tolerance, acceptance and understanding of peoples sexual lifestyle, but that's it
On occasion, on here, I would say that tolerance of others is well below average - but that could be an online thing, in RL they wouldn't either talk or if they did, wouldn't come across like that
But there again, in RL many of us wouldn't have to tolerate people that we're not keen on - we just wouldn't put ourselves in a position where we would have to associate with em on such an often basis :dunno:
Being in both the Swinging and Fetish scene (both supposibly tolerant) I have seen sexual and general intolerance in both. What I have noticed is that smaller sub-groups appear (like the bare backers with swinging) which are sometimes treated with intolerance by the larger more dominant 'general' group.
As has been said we are all human at the end of the day and just because we are swingers doesn't make us more tolerant than if we were footballer supporters. We still have our own beliefs and dislikes and these will always show through.
Now I have depressed myself with the slow destruction of the human race I think I will go ;)
As has been said we are all human at the end of the day and just because we are swingers doesn't make us more tolerant than if we were footballer supporters. We still have our own beliefs and dislikes and these will always show through.
Now I have depressed myself with the slow destruction of the human race I think I will go ;)
I agree. I've found swingers to be more open and accepting of sexual practices and diversities but on the normal day-to-day stuff, we have opposing views and preferences the same as those in the vanilla world.
I guess if this were a forum that WASN'T sex-related you'd still have the same discussions and debates that we have here but without the en masse flirting
I guess if this were a forum that WASN'T sex-related you'd still have the same discussions and debates that we have here but without the en masse flirting
I regret the strength of some opinions in my last post, but I am going to leave it because it's how I felt at the time. 
This is how I feel about life and people: pleasure seeking is fine, everyone to their own interests (EDIT:as long as they show regard for other people!)
Those who show kindness to people in need are particularly valuable in this world. :D
People who act for no other reason than to hurt others for their own entertainment (I don't mean S&M sex things here), should not be tolerated. People that behave with calculated thoughtlessness may not fit into this category, they may have to be tolerated, but that doesn't mean that you need to approve of all their behaviour.
In the swinging world, I know that many people are generous souls who want to share their passions and enjoyments. I also know that some just feel that they have personal needs to satisfy and I know that some people just get a buzz from wasting people's time (these are not the real swingers, but we all know it happens).
In the real world, we've all remembered moments when total strangers have made us feel good with a kind word :D but other moments when people's comments seem motivatied by no other reason than to make them do this
while your doing this 
As someone that is very affectionate and loving and needs other people to be the same, I sometimes think that I have tolerated too many people who were intolerant of my individuality. Basically, we all deserve respect when we show respect for other people's feelings
but I find it hard to respect acts which disregard others :?
Holly
ops:
This is how I feel about life and people: pleasure seeking is fine, everyone to their own interests (EDIT:as long as they show regard for other people!)
Those who show kindness to people in need are particularly valuable in this world. :D People who act for no other reason than to hurt others for their own entertainment (I don't mean S&M sex things here), should not be tolerated. People that behave with calculated thoughtlessness may not fit into this category, they may have to be tolerated, but that doesn't mean that you need to approve of all their behaviour.
In the swinging world, I know that many people are generous souls who want to share their passions and enjoyments. I also know that some just feel that they have personal needs to satisfy and I know that some people just get a buzz from wasting people's time (these are not the real swingers, but we all know it happens).
In the real world, we've all remembered moments when total strangers have made us feel good with a kind word :D but other moments when people's comments seem motivatied by no other reason than to make them do this
while your doing this As someone that is very affectionate and loving and needs other people to be the same, I sometimes think that I have tolerated too many people who were intolerant of my individuality. Basically, we all deserve respect when we show respect for other people's feelings
but I find it hard to respect acts which disregard others :? Holly
ops: 
Sexpert
Couldn't have put it better myself loveh4s. But personally i have encountered far fewer genuine people than I would have liked. Feelings get hurt just as readily on here as they do in the vanilla world, possibly more so!!
Quote by Atlantis
Interesting question!!!
My initail response would be to think that swingers are more tollerant,
However - with a bit more thinking - I too can remember plently of people seeming to sound the opposite even in here......
But as for this thread - - do you really think any intollerant people would come and post their honest views?????
If not it would then lead to a host of very nice people being nice to each other and giving an impression of a completely tollerant community............lol
???
This poses the question, do some swingers profess a tolerant attitude merely to increase their chances of a successful encounter.
Stormwalker
Quote by Stormwalker
This poses the question, do some swingers profess a tolerant attitude merely to increase their chances of a successful encounter.
Stormwalker
Good God yes ! !
Some people will say whatever it is they think the other person(s) want to hear, in order to "fit in" or to increase their chances of "success"
You only have to see some of the "secret of my success" posts (TM HLB) and the "I'm not like that" type posts.
Quote by PoloLady
This poses the question, do some swingers profess a tolerant attitude merely to increase their chances of a successful encounter.
Stormwalker
Good God yes ! !
Stop fucking agreeing with me!
Just cos I'm scared of you, doesn't mean I can't agree with you . . . . . .
from a distance
:wink:
This will cause trouble...
and this statement demonstrates no judgement?
:bolt: :bolt:
Holly
x
Quote by Stormwalker
I have also witnessed indifference, arrogance, hostility, bullying, backbiting, thinly disguised threats etc, which lead me to believe that swingers are no more tolerant or forgiving than any other group of people.
Stormwalker
and this statement demonstrates no judgement?
:bolt: :bolt: Holly
x
Quote by loveh4s
This will cause trouble...
Why??
I have also witnessed indifference, arrogance, hostility, bullying, backbiting, thinly disguised threats etc, which lead me to believe that swingers are no more tolerant or forgiving than any other group of people.
Stormwalker
and this statement demonstrates no judgement?
No I think it's an observation rather than a judgement.
:bolt: :bolt: Holly
x
Love
FIRE xx
I guess in an ideal world we would all be tolerant of each other, maybe choose to disagree with someone's point of view or preferences and that would be that....
Instead, over the time I've been using these forums, I've seen almost personal vendettas against people purely because they haven't 'fit in' with the main crowd.
Everyone in entitled to their own views and opinions I know, but I have seen a few people who seem notorious for slating and back-biting, and I for one have ended up biting my tongue on occasions so I don't get said back-lash.
However, that said, I do believe in the main that these forums are generally a good place to be (well, I'm still here aren't I?), I've been reduced to tears from laughing so much on many many occasions and felt sympathy for others when things aren't so good for them. It's a bit like an extended family where we all have something in common which ordinarily sets us apart from the rest of the world for one reason at least, yet in our little corner, you are bound to get diversity and it's a simple fact that not everyone will get on with everyone else.
Ok, nuff said, just don't shoot me down in flames!!!
Instead, over the time I've been using these forums, I've seen almost personal vendettas against people purely because they haven't 'fit in' with the main crowd.
Everyone in entitled to their own views and opinions I know, but I have seen a few people who seem notorious for slating and back-biting, and I for one have ended up biting my tongue on occasions so I don't get said back-lash.
However, that said, I do believe in the main that these forums are generally a good place to be (well, I'm still here aren't I?), I've been reduced to tears from laughing so much on many many occasions and felt sympathy for others when things aren't so good for them. It's a bit like an extended family where we all have something in common which ordinarily sets us apart from the rest of the world for one reason at least, yet in our little corner, you are bound to get diversity and it's a simple fact that not everyone will get on with everyone else.
Ok, nuff said, just don't shoot me down in flames!!!
Sex God
Quote by SexySara
I guess in an ideal world we would all be tolerant of each other, maybe choose to disagree with someone's point of view or preferences and that would be that....
Instead, over the time I've been using these forums, I've seen almost personal vendettas against people purely because they haven't 'fit in' with the main crowd.
Everyone in entitled to their own views and opinions I know, but I have seen a few people who seem notorious for slating and back-biting, and I for one have ended up biting my tongue on occasions so I don't get said back-lash.
However, that said, I do believe in the main that these forums are generally a good place to be (well, I'm still here aren't I?), I've been reduced to tears from laughing so much on many many occasions and felt sympathy for others when things aren't so good for them. It's a bit like an extended family where we all have something in common which ordinarily sets us apart from the rest of the world for one reason at least, yet in our little corner, you are bound to get diversity and it's a simple fact that not everyone will get on with everyone else.
Ok, nuff said, just don't shoot me down in flames!!!
very good thread stormy :thumpup:
I wish I had the time to do it justice, but I think what Sara said sums it up for me.
Quote by SexySara
...I for one have ended up biting my tongue on occasions so I don't get said back-lash...
Ok, nuff said, just don't shoot me down in flames!!!
It's a shame if you've been holding back Sara, because you express yourself very eloquently and so thoughtfully that I can't imagine you giving offence to anyone.
I'm very thoughtful in that I spend a lot of time thinking about what I think I should be doing in life and about things that are happening in the lives of people that are important to me, but I'm not the best at saying things in the best way. My husband on the other hand is the most diplomatic person I've ever met, most of the time lol.
It's a truism that it's not what you say, but how well you say it that often determines how successful you are in life. At the same time, if you say nothing at all then you never make an impact at all. I can't tell you the number of times I've done daft things and looked silly, but if I didn't talk to strangers on trains then I'd have missed out on one of my best friends.
Holly
x
Rather than asking are we… I think a more pertinent question is should we be?
I for one am happy to demonstrate occasional snippets of intolerance towards bollocks, bullshit, lies and hypocrisy.
I rarely feel guilty for sometimes lacking the patience to be more tolerant of blatant closed-minded ignorance and arrogance.
I am proud to throw tolerance out of the window on occasions, when people send PM’s demonstrating their total disregard to whatever I have written in my profile and ads. The people who think that just because they send a distorted photo of their penis/kebab, inform me they will be at a hotel in my area on whatever night it is and expect that to be enough to make me want to turn up and fuck them silly – why should I be tolerant of them? May be my intolerance will make them stop and think before they send the same message to others who would also not welcome it.
I for one am happy to demonstrate occasional snippets of intolerance towards bollocks, bullshit, lies and hypocrisy.
I rarely feel guilty for sometimes lacking the patience to be more tolerant of blatant closed-minded ignorance and arrogance.
I am proud to throw tolerance out of the window on occasions, when people send PM’s demonstrating their total disregard to whatever I have written in my profile and ads. The people who think that just because they send a distorted photo of their penis/kebab, inform me they will be at a hotel in my area on whatever night it is and expect that to be enough to make me want to turn up and fuck them silly – why should I be tolerant of them? May be my intolerance will make them stop and think before they send the same message to others who would also not welcome it.
Quote by PoloLady
Rather than asking are we… I think a more pertinent question is should we be?
I for one am happy to demonstrate occasional snippets of intolerance towards bollocks, bullshit, lies and hypocrisy.
I rarely feel guilty for sometimes lacking the patience to be more tolerant of blatant closed-minded ignorance and arrogance.
I am proud to throw tolerance out of the window on occasions, when people send PM’s demonstrating their total disregard to whatever I have written in my profile and ads. The people who think that just because they send a distorted photo of their penis/kebab, inform me they will be at a hotel in my area on whatever night it is and expect that to be enough to make me want to turn up and fuck them silly – why should I be tolerant of them? May be my intolerance will make them stop and think before they send the same message to others who would also not welcome it.
:thumbup:
Best thing I've read yet on this thread!
Holly
x
Quote by PoloLady
Rather than asking are we… I think a more pertinent question is should we be?
I for one am happy to demonstrate occasional snippets of intolerance towards bollocks, bullshit, lies and hypocrisy.
I rarely feel guilty for sometimes lacking the patience to be more tolerant of blatant closed-minded ignorance and arrogance.
I am proud to throw tolerance out of the window on occasions, when people send PM’s demonstrating their total disregard to whatever I have written in my profile and ads. The people who think that just because they send a distorted photo of their penis/kebab, inform me they will be at a hotel in my area on whatever night it is and expect that to be enough to make me want to turn up and fuck them silly – why should I be tolerant of them? May be my intolerance will make them stop and think before they send the same message to others who would also not welcome it.
Bravo! I think you have hit the nail on the head! This may be a swinging site, but I doubt that anything other than a small percentage are actually swingers. Sadly, there is a high proportion of people on here who view this site as a "sex" site rather than a "swingers" site. Witness the "get yer tits out" brigade in the chatrooms. Sex sells well, swinging perhaps less so!!
