What do you want to know about Swinging?

28 Apr 2007

The other bloke's missus is giving you a chomp....you're past the point of no return, do you...
1, Unleash your filthy yoghurt in her mouth unannounced :twisted:
2, Withdraw, but kablosh her tits with enough spunk to shampoo a Buffalo lol

3. Scurry off to the bog but leaving a dottled trail of 'Harry Monk' in your wake? (aka Hantzel & Gretel) redface

??? I've actually always been intrigued what the protocol is wrt tto the 'money shot' when swinging with 'another' woman. After all it's not like you're scripting a porno ....chances are the action has taken off without discussing the grand finale.

29 Apr 2007

Quote by duncanlondon
You are a guy and you are meeting a couple. He lays down the law, 'You can do whatever you want, just wear a condom!'
He does a bit of action and then fucks off to do the cuckold bit. She says' Sod him, he's just a wanker, come inside me'.
What do you do?

Title: The Lady wants Love-Juice
Despite originally being told "condoms are a must", the lady(ish) half of a couple I met has made an unexpected request for me to set free my seeds of life in her baby pot confused

Once my penis is hard and there is a wet set of fanny-flaps in front of me, I obviously don't worry about the likelihood that she has had more semen in her than the Ark Royal, nor that my penis may fall off a month down the line (after turning green and flames shooting from it when I pee)... My question is more related to the responsibilities of parenthood. I want to save a bit of money and have my garage extended next year, so - could the CSA track me down from a website username?

29 Apr 2007

Quote by northeastcoupleuk
you go to a swinging party at a house there are some icebreaker games ,you dont feel comfy in the situation but join in,the first game is naked hide and seek any off you trot find a right mint place to hide in the broom cuboard but 8 hours later your still there .
a/ are you really the hide and seek champ
b/ the wifes been found and getting shagged
c/ the fookers and wife are trying to tell you something.

Title: Coming out of the closet - after cumming in one!
Have you ever been so bored in a broom cupboard that you eventually go beyond wondering and deicide to find out what it would actually feel like to fulfil your wife's/boss's/children’s beliefs that no matter how busy you are... they won’t be happy until you also have a broom up your arse so you can sweep the floor at the same time?
I have to admit that a bit of puckered-ring-ramming with a standard wooden broom handle did turn out to be quite pleasing (especially when a thick layer of bee’s wax is first applied) If you wedge the bristle end of the broom into a corner, handle angled around 30 degrees, it goes in a treat (and I see what the missus means about doggy now and being in control of how hard you push). The wedging of the broom end also leave your hands free to experiment further – I fully recommend the DustBuster.
The plastic bristle house broom was not so effective due to the overhang on the end of the gel-touch hand grip, which was restricting penetration to 5 inches. However, if you detach the hand grip, it does make a snug fitting butt-plug.
Beware the dustpan and brush set also - you really need to check it doesn't have a hanging hook built into the end of the handle - it may feel nice going in - but latches on to your piles on the way out :shock:

29 Apr 2007

Quote by PoloLady
your married you meet someone down a lane in the car a nice sleezy shag ,go home forget about it ,wife goes shopping the next day comes home with 5 bags of shopping and pair of knickers found in back seat that aint your size
what are your options (even though she over spent on shopping)

Title: Polo do you want your knickers back?
:grin:

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
This is the best one yet! brilliant Pololady ... just brilliant!
Cx

29 Apr 2007

You're a guy seeing a couple. She's giving you a strap on up the arse and he's standing by lapping it up.
She backs off and suddenly there's a new feeling at your rear, he's sent his log splitter right up your shitter!
You look round to see him giving a sheepish leer at you, what do you say?

29 Apr 2007

You meet up with someone for an agreed no strings (hopefully wonderful) shag. You have shag (well a few shags). And then he says ‘give all this up and be my girlfriend’ confused

What do you say? :P

29 Apr 2007

Quote by berksbex
You meet up with someone for an agreed no strings (hopefully wonderful) shag. You have shag (well a few shags). And then he says ‘give all this up and be my girlfriend’ What do you say? :P

"Fuck off"

29 Apr 2007

Quote by dambuster
You meet up with someone for an agreed no strings (hopefully wonderful) shag. You have shag (well a few shags). And then he says ‘give all this up and be my girlfriend’ What do you say? :P

"Fuck off"
rotflmao

29 Apr 2007

Quote by duncanlondon
You're a guy seeing a couple. She's giving you a strap on up the arse and he's standing by lapping it up.
She backs off and suddenly there's a new feeling at your rear, he's sent his log splitter right up your shitter!
You look round to see him giving a sheepish leer at you, what do you say?

Title: Laird the True Story :shock:

29 Apr 2007

Quote by duncanlondon
You look round to see him giving a sheepish leer at you, what do you say?

your a very ba baaa d boy lol

29 Apr 2007

Quote by berksbex
You meet up with someone for an agreed no strings (hopefully wonderful) shag. You have shag (well a few shags). And then he says ‘give all this up and be my girlfriend’ What do you say? :P

Title: My Pussy is a Nutter Magnet
Unfortunately not a rich, attractive nutter magnet sad

29 Apr 2007

at a posh person house party things get out of hand drink wise the police is called theres a £200 cuban ciger gone missing as the police come you pass out the police take you to the hospital where they find the cigar up your jaxi will they do you for theft or wasting police time????

30 Apr 2007

Things are going well with the new couple. Whilst oralling both you have slipped a butt plug up your arsehole. Nice feeling, except suddenly there's a pooey accident. At the first whiff of shit the couple spring into a new lease of life, eyes gleaming and grins on their faces, 'You're into BROWN !', they say with disturbing relish. She attends to you and he reappears with hellish looking appliances and various pipes and nozzles. Plus a sheet of damp proof membrane.
What do you do?

1 May 2007

I have to say this is the funniest thread I have watched in bloody ages!!!!
Classic thread....LoL

2 May 2007

Quote by northeastcoupleuk
at a posh person house party things get out of hand drink wise the police is called theres a £200 cuban ciger gone missing as the police come you pass out the police take you to the hospital where they find the cigar up your jaxi will they do you for theft or wasting police time????

Title: Blowing Smoke Rings
I have been meaning to purchase a butt-plug for sometime now, but every time I pluck up the courage to go into Ann Summers they seem to be out of stock. redface

I recently managed to blag an invite to a house party where a wide variety of sex toys were left around for guests to use. I hunted for ages, but could not find sight of a butt-plug anywhere.

As the vino flowed things seemed to get confused somewhere along the line and my offer to teach a young lady how to blow smoke rings and my disappointment at not being able to try out a butt-plug must have kind of merged into one rambling sentence.
What followed still remains a blur up to the point where I regained consciousness in the back of a police van. This is the moment I was asked to explain why I had a cigar concealed up my arse, a swan vesta match poking out of the jap's eye and a strip of sandpaper matted onto my pubes. :shock:
Once I had sobered up the police let me go without charge, as long as I promised to return the cigar. Despite finding out the cigar was actually a £200 Cuban, the house owners told me not to bother returning it and seemed keen that I should keep the cigar as a gift. So all that turned out good in the end. biggrin

Anyhow, apparently cigars don't make good butt-plugs and are not that pleasant to smoke after spending 4 hours blocking your anal passage.
So what would you suggest trying as a substitute butt-plug and does anyone want to finish off this cigar? dunno

2 May 2007

Quote by duncanlondon
Things are going well with the new couple. Whilst oralling both you have slipped a butt plug up your arsehole. Nice feeling, except suddenly there's a pooey accident. At the first whiff of shit the couple spring into a new lease of life, eyes gleaming and grins on their faces, 'You're into BROWN !', they say with disturbing relish. She attends to you and he reappears with hellish looking appliances and various pipes and nozzles. Plus a sheet of damp proof membrane.
What do you do?

Title: Wrong end of the stick!
Would you believe it? I was playing away merrily with a couple the other day and my makeshift cigar butt-plug popped out. You should have seem the couples faces when I bit the end off and it lit :shock:
Does anyone know how to blow smoke rings? confused

3 May 2007

You've organised a party and its all going very well. People chatting, in the play area it's all going on, except there's a guy staring at the ground. You sort of know him and it looks like he's going to go into one. So he does, and it all comes out, tears, the grief the whole works.
The mood of the party starts to change and people begin edging to the door......
How do you save the situation?

4 May 2007

a couple that you naw cany well split up the fem has no where to go so you rent out the spare room ,you come home early from the for days and days the plate are piled up on the sink,you find the two girls are having the lezzy times of there lifes your bedroom has that sexy smell in the air.
do you start charging a obsene amout of rent ,so you can afford a disher washer nail the windows down to keep that sex smell over the moon cause you naw you got the remote control