I have been using the forums a while now and enjoyed coming in and reading the threads and participating. There were few subjects that caused heated debate which were interesting, (the spelling thread, ban smacking, scroungers) as some of the examples where people has strong opions, and a few desagreements soon started flowing. But it was good to see that things soon setteled down, before the next clash of personalities came in. All these threads all make for an interesting read and worth an input, as most people have an opionion on these isssues. But I have noticed lately everything has gone very quiet! What has happened? Where has everyone gone? Are we all allowed a voice on here? I pay £15 a month part of the reason I contuine is I have enjoyed the forums the last few months! Or should I cancel my membership and Move on? As I have found swinging partners that I am happy with!
Its the happy hols, kids off school, chocolate to eat and other things to do.....most forums go through a period of quietness. This particular forum has its own cycle and this is one of them... I dont worry about it an just do what I wanna do Ive seen posts like this everytime it gets a bit quiet and its still here years later.
The forums goes in peaks and troughs, phases of certain types of thread, kind of almost goes in circles. In fact, come to think of it, we haven't had the "shaved or unshaved" threads come up for a while, usually about 400 of them at once, before that phase dies til the next time Usually followed by "why keep locking threads" threads So if you feel the site isn't for you, then maybe it's not worth paying the subscription, which would be a shame, cos must admit I enjoy your posts thoroughly....... but that's not fair of me, demanding you stay, just cos I enjoy your company on here :lol:
Quote by Missy The forums goes in peaks and troughs, phases of certain types of thread, kind of almost goes in circles. In fact, come to think of it, we haven't had the "shaved or unshaved" threads come up for a while, usually about 400 of them at once, before that phase dies out for a while So if you feel the site isn't for you, then maybe it's not worth paying the subscription, which would be a shame, cos must admit I enjoy your posts thoroughly....... but that's not fair of me, demanding you stay, just cos I enjoy your company on here
Can I start a *shaved or unshaved* thread? Surely its my turn now? :lol:
Wow, I wasnt even aware there was a monthly fee now? When did SH start charging and why? As we only recently came back to the site a few months ago. We paid for the Extras pack but thats all.. I kept wondering why people keep asking for differnt forms of contact info when they are PM'ing us, though we never give that info out, as if they are to tight to pay out for membership I often question if they are legit or not. So theres a debate.. Why have SH started charging for what was once a free site? Not that I'm questioning site ethics or service. We'd have paid now if we hadn't found this site a few years ago.
Quote by anais Its the happy hols, kids off school, chocolate to eat and other things to do.....most forums go through a period of quietness. This particular forum has its own cycle and this is one of them... I dont worry about it an just do what I wanna do Ive seen posts like this everytime it gets a bit quiet and its still here years later.
We joined in 2005 and this is the longest trough I've seen in the Forum to be honest. It was positively buzzing when we arrived and over the last couple of days I have been sat reading for the sake of nostalgia a few of the old threads that were started around that time and through 2006. They are funny, full of friendly debate and I remember not wanting to turn the computer off because I thought I might miss something interesting. I can see lots of reasons why this trough is lasting a long time and they are: 1) Some great posters are not here anymore 2) A small few have objected to the charge and either dont post at all or only post about the charge 3) There is more hijacking than there used to be. I will say though that in alot of cases this is possibly due to folk wanting to lighten the sometimes oppresive atmosphere in here. 4) Some new posters who show a bit of promise are nit picked to death and then they dont post. I bet if we look at just these 4 (and there are more) we are, every one of us guilty of one or two of them. These are unfortunately all things that will affect a forum in the end. To every member here its your forum, use it or it will die. Welcome everyone like we used to instead of pulling their profiles apart on the first post. If someone seriously upsets you PM them instead of bringing everyone else down and trying to score points over them. If you hijack make an effort to get the thread back on track quickly or people just won't bother starting them anymore. If you are an active poster, give your thread some thought and don't post just for the sake of seeing your name on the screen. Lastly if you don't like someone don't constantly dig at them! there's about 300 other members here than you might like better so concentrate on them instead. Sorry but it had to be said! Love Fire xx
why don't I post as much as I use to..... Various reasons, work, life, don't have the time, ect ect.... sometimes you just have to take time out... sometimes there are just so many hijacks you think "why bother"... sometimes new posters come in, treat it like a new toy, shake everything up, get bored and/or burn themselves out... sometimes it is just so fluffy that people seem scared to have a position on any topic.... all forums happen to be cyclical in what happens....this one is no different........
Another problem is the amount of recycled subjects that go around again.. When we joined a few years ago, we were encouraged to search previous posts before posting a question ourselves etc.. All I see now is the same old subjects coming up time and again.. I have to admit though that theres a lot of old posts in the database to check through before making sure you dont duplicate them..
Quote by Colonel_Mustard Another problem is the amount of recycled subjects that go around again.. When we joined a few years ago, we were encouraged to search previous posts before posting a question ourselves etc.. All I see now is the same old subjects coming up time and again.. I have to admit though that theres a lot of old posts in the database to check through before making sure you dont duplicate them..
Using the search is a good idea :thumbup: Trouble is these days telling someone to do a search is often seen as a negative style of posting by some ..
OK. Fire, with regard to your comments; 1. longest trough - yes, I think so too. It's not just the last few days. 2. Great posters not here - yes, mainly because they said what they thought. 3. Objectors to the charge - tough shit. 4. I don't think there's any more hijacking, I just think it's more obvious because there are less active threads. 5. New posters/nit picking - yes, I agree that it happens and yes we've all been guilty. However, I do think that some of the better ones have been encouraged. Fabio - yes, it's fluffy and I think it's a particular group of people. Minx - agree with you on all points and thanks for your PM. I do think we all have a voice, but the nature of debate is that we will undoubtedly disagree with at least one person on any given topic. Therefore, any one of us could be seen as being negative or argumentative. If people take personal offence to another disagreeing with them, well,
I am new to the forums and at first it was scary, but have also been encouraged by many to contuine to post threads. If someone disagrees with me I don't take it personal, we all have different opionions. I would find it a challege to see if either of us could find a common groud to disagree. If we could change an opinion of another party all well and good if not I would move on as I havent found anyone who i disagree with on all their posts. I do feel at times some must complain to the Mods (it is a bit like telling Mum or Dad when you are a child) Are we not all adults water off a ducks back? If people get upset at such a level as to complain are the forums a place to express your views? If you ask a question you might not like the answer. If you give an opinion someone might not agree. Isn't that the chance you take when entering into a debate?
Quote by Missy The forums goes in peaks and troughs, phases of certain types of thread, kind of almost goes in circles. In fact, come to think of it, we haven't had the "shaved or unshaved" threads come up for a while, usually about 400 of them at once, before that phase dies til the next time Usually followed by "why keep locking threads" threads So if you feel the site isn't for you, then maybe it's not worth paying the subscription, which would be a shame, cos must admit I enjoy your posts thoroughly....... but that's not fair of me, demanding you stay, just cos I enjoy your company on here :lol:
oooo Thanks missy I am not going anywhere just yet, as my friends know in the kent room, I love a good chat :lol:
Quote by Theladyisaminx The forums goes in peaks and troughs, phases of certain types of thread, kind of almost goes in circles. In fact, come to think of it, we haven't had the "shaved or unshaved" threads come up for a while, usually about 400 of them at once, before that phase dies til the next time Usually followed by "why keep locking threads" threads So if you feel the site isn't for you, then maybe it's not worth paying the subscription, which would be a shame, cos must admit I enjoy your posts thoroughly....... but that's not fair of me, demanding you stay, just cos I enjoy your company on here :lol:
oooo Thanks missy I am not going anywhere just yet, as my friends know in the kent room, I love a good chat :lol: Oh yes we know that Minx....can't shut you up at times!! :lol: :lol: I love a good debate but people take things too much to heart, and that includes me as well if honest. Some of the subjects of late have been very controversial. Those kind of subjects will always lead to strong feelings, and I have had my knuckles doubt deserved it as well if honest but...there is a lot of people who do not post anymore because their threads get picked on, and that puts them off from posting again. Don't stop posting Minx as like you I like a good debate, and I know from messages that I have got, people will agree with you and strongly dissagree but...is this not what it is all about on a Forum? Wanna shag then Minx? :lol: :lol:
People do get upset by what is said to them in the forums, but it's not actually said, they read it and sometimes they read it entirely different from the way the writer intended it to read. And think how ridiculous it is sometimes when you lose your temper over a remark that someone has made, and that someone has a name like bigredhugedick or something along those lines. My advice is take everything that's written with a pinch of salt (altho not too much, as salt is bad for you). Life is far too short to get wound up because someone has dared go against your opinion. If you don't and can't do that then why post in the first place, well! there is freedom of speech?? exactly that...... Everyone has a right to say something even if it is total crap (ffs my posts are full of crap). If you notice someone picking on someone else for their spelling or grammar then stick up for the person, there are too many bullies getting away with far too much in this world. sorry folks end of rant
There have been several cracker threads which have rolled off the end of the list because nobody was that bothered with them. They didn't attract the 'celebrity' posters or perhaps were a bit too challenging for some, and appeared to wither on the vine. If they were locked due to arguments, or general dissaproval it was because there was an 'attitude' taken up for some threads but not necessarily for other similar ones. But its no big deal. They will all come around again, and mostly the topics benefit by losing the contributors with attitude, listening to new people with a new approach. And for the regulars to polish their viewpoints. The topic of this thread is one of the regular repeaters.
This is a quote from the opening page of the Steam Room. VenusnMars wrote: If it`s not too presumptious I`d just like too add that I too run a forum, and Admin/mod work is a tough job, most of which could be avoided if people practiced the following.........
Tips for Resolving Conflict Online What can be done to prevent unnecessary conflict in cyberspace? The following are tips for handling conflict online with respect, sensitivity, and care: Don't respond right away When you feel hurt or angry about an email or post, it's best not to respond right away. You may want to write a response immediately, to get it off your chest, but don't hit send! Suler recommends waiting 24 hours before responding - sleep on it and then reread and rewrite your response the next day. Read the post again later Sometimes, your first reaction to a post is a lot about how you're feeling at the time. Reading it later, and sometimes a few times, can bring a new perspective. You might even experiment by reading it with different tones (matter-of-fact, gentle, non-critical) to see if it could have been written with a different tone in mind than the one you initially heard. Discuss the situation with someone who knows you Ask them what they think about the post and the response you plan to send. Having input from others who are hopefully more objective can help you to step back from the situation and look at it differently. Suler recommends getting out of the medium in which the conflict occurred - in this case talking to someone in person - to gain a better perspective. Choose whether or not you want to respond You do have a choice, and you don't have to respond. You may be too upset to respond in the way that you would like, or it may not be worthy of a response. If the post is accusatory or inflammatory and the person's style tends to be aggressive or bullying, the best strategy is to ignore them. Assume that people mean well, unless they have a history or pattern of aggression Everyone has their bad days, gets triggered, reacts insensitively, and writes an email without thinking it through completely. It doesn’t mean that they don't have good intentions. On the other hand, some people pick fights no matter how kind and patient you are with them. They distort what you say, quote you out of context, and make all sorts of accusations all to vilify and antagonize you. Don't take the "bait" by engaging in a struggle with them - they'll never stop. Sometimes, the best strategy is to have nothing more to do with someone. Clarify what was meant We all misinterpret what we hear and read, particularly when we feel hurt or upset. It's a good idea to check out that you understood them correctly. For example, you could ask, 'When you said...did you mean...or, what did you mean by...'? Or, 'when you said...I heard...is that what you meant?' Often times, what we think someone said is not even close to what they meant to say. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to be clear about what they meant. Think about what you want to accomplish by your communication Are you trying to connect with this person? Are you trying to understand them and be understood? What is the message you hope to convey? What is the tone you want to communicate? Consider how you can convey that. Verbalize what you want to accomplish Here are some examples, 'I want to understand what you're saying' 'I feel hurt by some stuff that you said. I want to talk about it in a way that we both feel heard and understood' 'I want to find a way to work this out. I know we don't agree about everything and that's okay. I'd like to talk with you about how I felt reading your post' ' hope we can talk this through because I really like you. I don't want to be argumentative or blaming.' Use 'I' statements when sharing your feelings or thoughts For example, 'I feel...' versus 'You made me feel...' Use strictly feeling statements Feeling statements include saying you felt hurt, sad, scared, angry, happy, guilty, remorseful, etc. In everyday conversations, we describe our feelings differently than this. For example, we say that we felt 'attacked' 'threatened', 'unsafe', or 'punched in the stomach'. When the person upset with is not present, or able to read our words, this is an understandable way to express the full depth of our feelings and experience. Generally though, these statements are not simply feeling statements because they contain within them unexpressed beliefs. For example, you believe that you were attacked by the person, not that it just felt that way. If you want to communicate with the person involved (or they can read your words), it is best to stick to simple feeling statements otherwise they will hear you as accusing them of attacking them and be angry or upset with you. Some people get confused why other people get upset with them when they think they are only expressing their feelings; usually in these cases there were unstated beliefs expressed which the person reacted to. Choose your words carefully and thoughtfully, particularly when you're upset Do your best to keep in mind that the person will read your post alone. You are not physically or virtually present with them to clarify what you meant, and they can't see the kindness in your eyes. They must rely entirely on your words to interpret your meaning, intent, and tone. This is why it's important to choose your words carefully and thoughtfully. You can still be real and honest while being selective. Place yourself in the other person's shoes How might they hear your message? To avoid unnecessary conflict or a lot of hurt feelings, it helps to take into account who you're writing to. One person might be able to hear you say it exactly how you think it, and another person would be threatened by that style of communication. Think about the other person when writing your email or post. Do your best to communicate in a way that is respectful, sensitive, and clear to them. People often say, to do that feels like they're being controlled and why shouldn't they just write it the way they want to. Of course you can write it any way you want, especially online, but if you want to communicate with this person and have them hear and understand what you're saying, it helps to think about how they will hear it. Use emoticons to express your tone In online communication, visual and auditory cues are replaced by emoticons, for example, smiles, winks, and laughter. It helps to use emoticons to convey your tone. Additionally, if you like the person, tell them! Having a conflict or misunderstanding doesn't mean you don't like the person any more, but people often forget that reality, or don’t think to say it. It may be most needed during a tense interaction. Start and end your post with positive, affirming, and validating statements Say what you agree with, what you understand about how they feel, and any other positive statements at the beginning of your email. This helps set a positive tone. End on a positive note as well. The Paradox of Online Communication Handling conflict constructively is hard at the best times, and it can be even harder online. It can take a great deal of effort, care, and thoughtfulness to address differences, tensions, and conflicts online. Paradoxically, some of the same things that contribute to heightened conflict online can contribute to peaceful resolutions as well. The internet is an ideal place to practice communication and conflict resolution skills. Just as the absence of visual and auditory cues, the anonymity, invisibility, delayed reactions, and neutralizing of status free us to say what ever negative thing we want, they can also free us to try new, and more positive communication styles and to take all the time we need to do that. As with any new technology, the internet can be used to enhance our personal growth and relationships, or to alienate us from each other. It's our choice.
There is alot more explained on the site I took this from, but I wont quote it here, for those who are interested here`s the link I hope I`m not over-stepping the mark here, but I`ve found the above really helpful, and I hope others here do too, because at the end of the day, I wanna have some fun godammit, not come on to witness traffic accidents! :P Venusxxx Made sense when it was written and makes sense now.
Quote by Sgt Bilko I have received a complaint from a member called bigredhugedick who is not happy about being singled out in this thread!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Trust you Bilko :lol: Altho because I knew you would say something along that line, I did check to see there was no member of that name or type on here
Venus' advice in Jags post above is very wise. I would add that everybody deserves respect when they are encountered for the first time. Sometimes though people lose the respect because they behave in an obnoxious or anti-social way. This in itself presents a problem. Some will wish to continue to offer respect whatever and may as a consequence avoid the anti-social poster. This can be difficult because it can create no-go areas on threads merely because 'that person' is there. Others will not be constrained and will let the anti-social poster know exactly what they think of them. Either course is not unreasonable. The difficulty can then arise when different regulars realise that someone new is a plonker at different times and the ones who have not yet formed an opinion feel that the plonker is being abused. I have experienced this on more than one occasion when I have stepped in to defend someone when I thought they were getting the rough end of the stick - only to discover eventually that they are in fact a plonker and deserve everything they're getting. The ones meteing out the stick were in fact way ahead of me and had sussed out the plonker well before me. There are some people here whom I have learnt to trust as good judges of character and so I will not criticise them for acting in a way that will send the undesirable poster on their way asap. That's how the forum naturally regulates its quality. One or two of those good judges have received some stick behind the scenes lately and I think it devalues the forum. This is not intended as a dig at anyone. But I hope it provokes some thought along the lines that it can't all be sweetness and light all the time. Life and the forum just ain't like that - just as long as it stays within the AUP. .
I'm with FB and Splendid on this one I'm afraid. In life you cannot expect to walk around with a constant smile on your face, we all have disagreeable days! In addition I don't think there's any rule that says you cannot come to the Cafe and post honestly. That's what it's all about at the end of the day. Unfortunately, some people have been 'warned' off by fellow 'posters' which I find deplorable! EVERYONE should be able to say what is on their mind, I always post my thoughts. Not everyone will agree with them.. but then so what I'm not here to be agreeable with everyone. It's a damn shame when new people come in and feel they are victimised. I don't think it's anyone's intention to pull them to bits. I was a 'newbie' once over and I faced a few 'challengers' but I'm still here, I took on quite a bit of the advice back then and learnt from it. This will be a boring forum if everyone ends up feeling they cannot post their thoughts, either that or it'll end up like fluffy candyfloss, too sweet and gooey for me So to your question Minx, I think a few people have simply had a gutfull of being told this, being told that, PM's and so on, it'll be back to it's normal self soon I'm sure.
I agree that this is the longest trough there has been here in the forums for a long time. I rarely feel like posting anything in here these days, and skips loads of threads and loads of posters, mainly because of: professional stirrers unfunny comedians (or those who think they're comedians) sneerers and jeerers those who can't write in intelligible English.
Quote by duncanlondon There have been several cracker threads which have rolled off the end of the list because nobody was that bothered with them. They didn't attract the 'celebrity' posters or perhaps were a bit too challenging for some, and appeared to wither on the vine. If they were locked due to arguments, or general dissaproval it was because there was an 'attitude' taken up for some threads but not necessarily for other similar ones. But its no big deal. They will all come around again, and mostly the topics benefit by losing the contributors with attitude, listening to new people with a new approach. And for the regulars to polish their viewpoints. The topic of this thread is one of the regular repeaters.
I want to be a celebrity poster.....where do I apply??
Quote by MikeNorth I agree that this is the longest trough there has been here in the forums for a long time. I rarely feel like posting anything in here these days, and skips loads of threads and loads of posters, mainly because of: professional stirrers unfunny comedians (or those who think they're comedians) sneerers and jeerers those who can't write in intelligible English.
F*ck me i think there are some briliant posters in here and to those that take the time to post and at least try and give something to the rest your appreciated a lot. To those miserable bastards who are just miserable BOLLOX Oh of course it was always better in the old days wasn't it yes lots lots better you know the days when you were newish and things were fresh(yawn) And the world was a young place with flowers and things glowing all around (awwwwww). But now now the smog is here :sad: the smog that blights the land and this fair place covering all in a miasma of gloom and that miasma is so loud! :cry: Life's too short for that shit. We might be dead tomorrow so you'll find me by the bar ordering a loud cocktail waiting for the music to start so i can have a dance. Hey even if it was 'that' much better way back when. Why not just drive it in so as to make otheres in for the first time feel like shite why not eh go on just throw a few more f*ck me's its bad in here why not. Chill time :D
Quote by firelizard 4) Some new posters who show a bit of promise are nit picked to death and then they dont post.
Forget the people who used to be here and arn't any more. No point dwelling on the past. People move on for many reasons. If they've stopped posting, then the success of the forums must come from expansion and new blood. Look to the future! I've seen a number of people who I know start posting on one of the forums only to be shot down in flames at the first opportunity by people who ought to know better. For some of those friends it was there last post. So I see the forum from being strangled from within, and it's also the main reason I don't post very often myself. Also I find that the few good threads that come along seem to explode. I go to work and its on page 2. Come home and its on page 15, with a dozen more pages added before bed time. I physically can not spend so much time reading the posts, and often any comments I might have are only going to be quoting somebody from way back in the thread and it would look like I'm going over old ground. I wouldn't say slow down... but there are a number of threads where two people seem to be holding a real time conversation with each other. You want to do that guys? use the 'kin chatroom ! The final reason behind my positive abstention from posting is the sometimes overused emoticons. If I want to see what somebody is saying, I cover up the emoticon. In my book there are too many insults being thrown, and just cos there's a wink at the end of the sentence, that makes it ok? Right, that should have just about insulted, upset or generally annoyed most people, but if there is still somebody out there with a smile on their face, I apologise, and I'll try and include you next time. Ian
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Ive seen posts like this everytime it gets a bit quiet and its still here years later.
Usually followed by "why keep locking threads" threads 
:lol: :lol:
I am not going anywhere just yet, as my friends know in the kent room, I love a good chat :lol:
I'm not here to be agreeable with everyone.
ops: 
