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Darkfire
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 50
0 miles · Greater London
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by meat2pleaseu
Sorry Darkfine, im revoking your Charlotte Church nomination due to her being super sexy.
voice of an angel, body of a filthy trollop :bounce: sillyhwoar: :smitten: 69position hump

hmmmmm confused Well if you're revoking my nomination for Charolotte the Harlot Meaty, can I stick Makosi in there instead? ......for that ultimate drama queen -"I think I may be pregnant" -while-looking-innocently-but-directly-into BB-camera-after-having-sex-five-minutes-previously - line????
fookin twat Makosi evil :taz:
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Darkfire
Sex God
biggrin Several years ago I was considerably slimmer and into dance music - out on a girls night out in a really short skirt and bloody big gothy knee boots (ya know, 4 inch platform 'stompy' ones, with springs in the soles no less rolleyes )
Walking down a big staircase into main dance floor area with a 'oooo look at meee everybody, the Queen is in the building' attitude ....(yeah you know whats coming next)
I'm about 4 steps down when those damn boots didnt connect with the step ....falling....falling....grabbed onto someone about half way down, feeling a tad embarassed but laughing about it.....got up, flicks hair, steps down wishing the ground would swallow me, and fook me slips again, and did the remainder of the staircase on my ass, legs akimbo, landing in a very uncool heap at the bottom..... redface
Now I was soooooo embarrassed, I couldnt face getting back up, so just lay there........which only made matters worse cos I opened my eyes to find a BIG crowd of people stood over me because they thought I was dead!!
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Darkfire
Sex God
:arrow: Ann Widdecombe - can't stand the bloke :twisted: lol
:arrow: George Bush - ummm has anyone grasped that the red button is in the wrong hands??? :shock:
:arrow: Charlotte Church - cos your a choir girl not a fookin rock chick rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
rotflmao rotflmao good thread!
rolleyes rolleyes Men.
I was reading readers 'soft lad' letters in a magazine yesterday, and this one made me proper chuckle: "Me and my bloke had been for a drink, got home and fancied some chips so I put the chip pan on....we got a bit distracted on the sofa then he noticed the smoke and burning smell coming from the kitchen. All of a tiz he grabs the phone, while I quickly got a wet tea towel to place over the pan...and he's running round with the phone in his hand and shouts to me "Quick, what's the number for 999?"
rolleyes rolleyes Soft Lads!
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by TallSexyLondon
... fairly good idea you are thinking about other women's front bottoms - the fact that it is a friends is a whole other ball game..

omg I havent heard that for years!
Hello gorgeous, wanna come play with my front bottom?? :shock: lol
>>>runs off to search for an old thread 'What do you call yours?' (cos there's bound to be one somewhere!)
EDITED TO ADD: Yup, thought so rotflmao rotflmao http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/51189.html
rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by clifton224
HELP NEEDED FAST PLEASE CAN ANY FEMALES 100% GENUINE AND PLEASE NO needed for a swingers party that has been paid for so its FREE that incloods food and drink to the lady that can help. .......between 20 and 40 slim to average build looking for fun at a swingers party and they must be bisexual as hostess is bi ....PLEASE E-MAIL ME WITH WITH PIC'S PLEASE NO PIC NO REPLY.
PS
i will pick you up from your door and drop you at the door and you must like me as i will be taking you to party and would wont to play with you too.

You're cutting it a bit fine time wise dont you think? To be honest is anyone in their right mind gonna be picked up, from her home address, be taken to a party where she will be plied with free alcohol and then be expected to play - not only with you but with the 'hostess' too?
You're gonna have to work pretty damn fast to get to know someone enough for them to trust you, discuss what you both want from this event and alleviate those niggling gut feelings that say there's something not quite right to all this. If you can pull all that off, and perhaps learn how to punctuate a little so your posts are readable, you might get somehwhere. But personally I think your best bet would be to try the Chad luv, cos this is a Swingers site not an escort agency rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by sleazy
You try so hard you get so far but in the end dosnt even matter

Isn't that from a song or summat ?

Linkin' Park - The End wink
Mine would read: "Aww fookin 'ell, who's idea was this then? rolleyes " (complete with rolling eyes emoticon of course!)
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Darkfire
Sex God
:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: oh, so gross. But funny! biggrin
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde

biggrin

rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao
Well you best have this from me then

:thumbup: :thumbup: :laughabove: :laughabove: :thumbup: :thumbup: Brilliant HLB!
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Darkfire
Sex God
Spookily, I do things like that all the time! :shock: confused
People usually talk about 'gut instinct' but I think ESP or 6th sense is something more than that - you can either tap into it or you cant. A 'gift' perhaps? Gut instinct usually gives you a 'yes' or 'no' or 'there's something about him/her I dont like.....cant put my finger on it....' feeling. ESP is usually more of a full-on internal warning system!! - hence the ferry ticket change.
It's definately not coincidence!
Dark x
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Darkfire
Sex God
:happy: !!HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAMMY!! :happy:
<<<<<<pressie biggrin
have a good one!! kiss biggrin
Dark x
(told ya you was an 'old'!! rotflmao bolt )
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Darkfire
Sex God
wave Hiya :shock: :shock: biggrin
small piece of newbie advice - :idea:
LMU???? sorry but i think it's a blatant meet up post.

If you're not blatantly posting email addy for the purpose of meeting up, you might want to get your finger poised on the delete button.....
or read this: http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/57001.html
and this: http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic/55774.html
but Hello, Welcome, and Happy Emailing! loon
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Darkfire
Sex God
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: biggrin boink
you just knew that a pic would get posted too biggrin biggrin mmmmmmmmmm
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
I knew what exfoliating is! thank you!
I have had long term girlfriends you know!
just coz soem blokes are complete heathens does means we all are! lol
bu tyou mentioned swarfega can i use that?
its green and smells great! :silly:

Btw - ditch the Swarfega and go for the Tufenega with the little beady things. Orange is a much prettierer colour.

see other post in edit, you complete Dammie biggrin
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Darkfire
Sex God
I knew what exfoliating is! thank you!
I have had long term girlfriends you know!
just coz soem blokes are complete heathens does means we all are!

Well, pardon me for unwittingly preaching to the converted!! rolleyes rolleyes
Quote by dambuster
Bloke question rolleyes
Wtf is/who/where exfoliate ?????? dunno :doh:

Sometimes you blokies might need some enlightenment rolleyes rolleyes biggrin
I dunno if Swarfega would work sweetie...in the interests of research why not try it? remeber to slap it on liberally and give it a good rub wink
:twisted:
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by dambuster
I have some very nice Brittany Butter with Sea Salt Crystals in it. Any good ????

and if the rash is really bad, exfoliate then apply moisuriser

Bloke question rolleyes
Wtf is/who/where exfoliate ?????? dunno :doh:
rolleyes rolleyes Men!
>>>resists temptation to quote a full on dictionary term >>>
exfoliating is to rub something (rubbing in a circular motion being the key) of coarse texture on the skin to remove the top layer/layers of dead skin cells and reveal newer skin underneath - hence also removes the skin which traps new hairs below the skins surface and sometimes forces them to grow inward. In the same way, exfoliating hekps unblock pores and follicles so helps to prevent spots! leaves skin smooth, soft, revitalised and glowing biggrin
Usually comes as product like a body cream with 'bits' in it - (Man tip: bit like the Swarfega with crystalls in it you were talking about lol wink not a brillo pad or scourer!! ) Edited to add: Dammy - its the name for what you were talking about here: Tufanega is much, much better, cos it's got those little beady type things in it. Sort of scratches as you "use" it. wink
sea salt is really good on the ass - but food-type butter is too rich to use as a cream (the grease will cause more spots!) and too coarse for use anywhere else though - anything with really fine grains in will do the trick biggrin
Oh the effort we ladies put in for you lot sometimes rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by cuddly-catlin
i love to be fisted, its a amazing sensation and is the one time that when i orgasm im done in for at least 15 mins b4 i can go again lol.
xxxxxxxxfemxxxxxxx

same here, i have my best orgasms when being fisted. but the guy needs a rain coat
cos i squirt every were when being fisted biggrin
ditto to both, although I cant take a full fist... redface
and to anyone who's excited at the prospect of having uncovered the secret of the elusive squirting orgasm - fisting takes time and patience, go at it like a bull in a china shop and you'll render yourself celibate until (a) she recovers and the stitches heal or (b) she forgives you smackbottom
so......where do I buy shares in KY then?? :twisted:
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by Shireen_Mids
Try Aloe Vera gel..... Fantastic stuff biggrin
Shireen
xxx

I'm with Shireen on this one - aloe moisturises and cools!
failing that, any unperfumed moisturiser for sensitive skin (pure shea butter is )
and if the rash is really bad, exfoliate then apply moisuriser
(also works brilliantly if you wax and then suffer from ingrowing hairs! oh the joys! but I know not of any man who be brave enough to undergo gonad waxing! :twisted:
- that said I dont care how its done, as long as it is! if I want to floss I'll use dental tape thanks! rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
How do you think I feel Frecklebird :shock: :shock: :shock: His cocks probably bigger than me.


:lickface: :lickface:
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by naughtynymphos1
rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao rotflmao
:laughabove: nomination for PM victim of the week seconded

gwan darkfire you know you wonna wink
if you send him some pics i will lol
:twisted: :twisted: :twisted: ohhh go on then :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
>>>runs off to find some really nice pics
edited to remove references to anything contravening site rules
and - ffs I was joking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rolleyes
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by naughtynymphos1
we could always make cadburys PM victim of the week :twisted:

shurrup your 2 late we already nominated the pic guy lol
he's sooooo much more worthy of PM's though - he did ask politely :twisted:
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Darkfire
Sex God
Now what's that little thing called Discretion again?? :shock:
surely meant for pm?? dunno
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Darkfire
Sex God
Quote by johneboy
Great news, well done...... now go get that degree :thumbup:

I'll second that Johneboy! Well Done you - strike while the iron's hot, you've got confidence in your abilty and proof of that in your letter of achievement...go for it, you know you want to!!
Congrats x
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