Quote by essex34m
I'm back.............
:happy: :happy: :happy: :happy:
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Darkfire
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 50
0 miles · Greater London
Forum
Quote by neilinleeds
...so we get more of all sorts of newbies, hence more obvious amounts of TTT&Ts, but as far as i can see, the balance of decent genuine members to absolute fuckwits seems pretty good?...
...if they turn out to be twats, then yeah, adios, fuck off, don't ask again, and if we have any say in the matter whatsoever, don't expect to log in again cos we'll do our damndest to see 'em get a ban, but until they prove themselves to be twats, we'll take 'em at their word?
Maybe its the single fem in me kicking in hun, I dont know, but while the balance seems pretty good here on the site, its a balance we need to keep at munches & socials.
Every one I've been to so far has included newbies and I'm usually one to go up and say hello and try to make folk feel included etc. I've done my fair share of hand-holding and encouraging noobs to come in the first place - but I do it in the safety of a well organised munch, in a room full of people I know/ am familiar with and in whom I have complete faith in that if anything 'went wrong' because someone was an absolute fuckwit, one of you would be by my side in seconds. You lot are good at that.
My issue with 'newbie munches' or indeed any munch or social where a good number of more well known folk ,and i say this tentatively because i am not as naive as i sound, do nothave their name down, is what happens if someone gets over-zealous, doesnt quite get what its all about or someone decides to cop a feel ? ? That's where the balance is important and thats why I personally wont take the gamble of taking people at their word and seeing if they turn out to be twats once they're there.
My first social (thanks Sarah for the reminder of my shyness
) had that balance, I was nervous as hell of walking into the pub because i already knew that everyone else knew each other. In that gathering of people, only myself and a couple were newbies, and looking back on it now, yes it was scary to walk in there, but i wouldnt have the 'balance' any other way. And yes, while we currently have the situation of a Munch being down -scaled, i am not the least bit surprised that its happened and IMO has turned out like this because that balance wasnt in place.
Quote by st3v3
Some good points raised;
1) People being members on more than one site
This shouldn't have any impact at all on who attends, provided that the munch criteria are met.
But it does impact on wether an event can be called a munch - hence why many that would have been termed a munch are called socials - its a loophole, that's all.
2) Membership fess
If everything continues as is we have no intention of charging fees in December, we will make an official announcement in the near future.
Waits with baited breath
3) Admin arranging munches and charging.
I still think that the mebership would do a better job and that the munches should remain non profit, we will provide support where we can.
I agree Steve. I am sure that organisers will be grateful of support but my personal feeling on this particular point is that Munches are events for the community run by the community/ members of it. I would not like to see a situation where munches themsleves are a commercial venture or even thought of as such.
4) There has been a shift from the site being a useful tool for go out and do it swingers, to cam based stay at home voyeurs doing safe sex. That's the new clientele.
I disagree, we now have the cams In Addition to evrything else, true its popular but everything else remains provided that the SH membership continues to support the site and use it.
There is a new clientele but I dont think we're (the 'membership') cam-based stay at home voyeurs - & although there is an element of that, I'm not that phased about it , because if that's their cup of tea , they're not go out and do it swingers anyway.
5) Organisers elsewhere probably feel it's easier when they know everybody who might want to attend already, as far as invites and timewasting and no shows go. it's a bit of a leap into the unknown here at the mo with such a large influx of new members who will most likely be keen to attend, but are complete unknowns. sadly that means that SH loses out on one of the secrets of it's success, and one of it's main strengths.
Not only easier, but safer. There has been a massive influx of new members and while yes of course its more convenient that organisers know everybody for the purposes of invites and alleviating timewasting, it is my opinion that we (as munch-goers) cannot accomodate too many 'newbies' at any one munch.
Probably true short time but not long term, so on the one side there is a regular group of munchers that feel comfy meeting each other on a regular basis, on SH now we have an influx of new people wanting to participate, to sustain the munches surely its better to encourage new people to join in.
I'm really not sure where i stand on this one. When I first joined the site I had many a rant at people here because of the old catch 22 situation - cant get into a munch becuase not known, cant get known cos cant get to a munch !
However, my perspective on this has changed somewhat, particularly with the influx of new members. We see every day the lack of understanding of what swinging is across the whole site - cafe, lmu and chat. Along with the influx of 'new blood', what we also got was a tidal wave of quick shag brigaders who treat SH like a sex site, not a swinging site - and to me personally there is a massive difference in the way those two camps of people think and behave.
While I will encourage 'noobs' who show a genuine interest in the lifestyle to join in on the forums in order to get themselves known, i'll dish out advice and the hand of guidance til I'm blue in the face, and help newbies in whatever way I can if they need it, I personally, IMHO, do not want to be mixing/ associating in person with people who just dont 'get' what this is about, and i wont compromise my own personal safety (nor theirs, in cases of uninvited arse groping/ attention etc
) for the sake of 'accomodating' all newbies. Again IMO, I think NWC took a massive gamble with the Wigan newbie munch, and hats off to them for it :thumbup: but I think that one worked because of the experience and sheer effort that went into it. What happens when the organiser is not so experienced or prepared to take on the responsibility of not having people there who may bring munches into disrepute? I have been openly oppinionated over other 'munches' aimed at complete newbies and will continue to be so. I personally am not comfortable with the possible situation where XXX amount of people get to go to a munch just because they're new and have stuck thier names down, and furthermore because they've done that it suddenly means they're vouched for, ok folk who can be trusted.
I'm all for bringing new blood, for accomodating small numbers of noobs at munches who have shown a genuine interest, got to know a few people via the cafe/ posting/coffee meets/ pm & phone chats... and for welcoming new people wholeheartedly - but my issue is over which people and how its done.
not quite to explain properly:
I am only interested in people I have respect and admiration for, and them me. Now that big time cuts down my chances of finding what I'm looking for here, but because I love the social side so much, i'll probably be around long enough to stumble on the real reason i'm here, however long it takes.
What turns my 'screw' are those who dont flirt incessantly with others, who dont treat me like meat with an sbf label, who dont swing with people just for the sake of it, who are picky about who they play with etc. That, for me, will earn the respect, the admiration bit comes from knowing the person behind the posts and actually liking them for who they are.
Now add that to the feeling of, like you say TE, wanting to make that person feel good, feel special and wanted and horny and everything posistive in between... and that's what does it for me.
I keep popping in, especially over the last few weeks when things are a bit slow over here, but
(1) I last about 10 minutes in any room before I get that 'Dark, remove yourself from this before you say something you'll regret' feeling
(2) I dont know many people in the chatrooms so tend to gravitate to the Mids or Derby rooms as they're local people usually
(3) I like the rooms set up by one of us forum lot because its easy to spot people you are familiar with, easier to start conversation and no one takes liberties by whispering uninvited etc
(4)I hate directors with a passion and the minute I'm in a room with that god damn single fem symbol up I can put money on it someone will say 'are you going on cam/ get ya tits out?'
(5) .........shall I shut up now?
Once or twice now I've caught myself saying 'bye' in the chatroom by announcing that 'right, i'm going home now' - meaning back to the Cafe :shock:
(1) I last about 10 minutes in any room before I get that 'Dark, remove yourself from this before you say something you'll regret' feeling
(2) I dont know many people in the chatrooms so tend to gravitate to the Mids or Derby rooms as they're local people usually
(3) I like the rooms set up by one of us forum lot because its easy to spot people you are familiar with, easier to start conversation and no one takes liberties by whispering uninvited etc
(4)I hate directors with a passion and the minute I'm in a room with that god damn single fem symbol up I can put money on it someone will say 'are you going on cam/ get ya tits out?'
(5) .........shall I shut up now?
Once or twice now I've caught myself saying 'bye' in the chatroom by announcing that 'right, i'm going home now' - meaning back to the Cafe :shock:
Quote by foxyandbeasty
I thought that may confuse someone Dark, didnt think it would be you though! :doh: .......
Oh and the avatar wasn't there before on earlier posts, it got added after so thats why you never noticed, not because you were going mad!
I'm very easily confused - and there's a few here who'll laugh at the thought of Dark notbeing mad
good to see ya
Quote by firelizard
We are now real swingers and very happy to be so.........
*sharp intake of breath*
Wots that for :confused2:
Love
Mrs L xxxxxxxxx
I deliberately put my thoughts on two different posts because I did not want to detract from your point that you've both found what you're looking for and the site (and people/ support in it) have evidently worked for you, which is fantastic
:bounce: to clarify though, the sharp intake of breath was at your comment of now thinking of yourselves as 'proper swingers'....... so, does that mean those who are 'still' bi curious/ not yet found what they're looking for etc etc etc are not 'proper swingers' ?
I think you know what I'm getting at, but I'm not going to push this further as it may well be a case of wrong wording/ lack of use of inverted commas where they might have been appropriate - AND I have no intention of stirring up a whole can of worms on that basis and stealing your happy thunder so to speak - but you should know me by now, if i've got something to say, I'll say it.
be afraid, be very afraid :twisted: 
but seriously, I dont think for one minute that there are any less number of people attending, or wanting to attend, in fact there's probably more getting involved in the social side of this than before.... but perhaps that's down to the fact most of us bang on about it so much that it's beginning to appeal to more folk?
but seriously, I dont think for one minute that there are any less number of people attending, or wanting to attend, in fact there's probably more getting involved in the social side of this than before.... but perhaps that's down to the fact most of us bang on about it so much that it's beginning to appeal to more folk?
