Can't I just bite the inside of your thighs - that seemed to work last time???????????? You was squealing then - ain't that right Hmm Hmm LL?
:roll: Fred
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
FredFlintstone
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 62
Bisexual Female, 58
UK
Forum
be alright hun? 
Quote by Jags:x :x :x :x :x
I can feel a Jags Slap Special twitching it's way down my arm towards my hand...
:x :x :x
Ooohhhhhhhhh - whilst it is still twitching hun - grab my roundhead will you - shame to waste such a tremble!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh - thats nice - but could you warm your hands a little next time please!
:wink: 
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: *checks guest book*
OK - WHO forgot to sign Jags in?
Oh - yes - your right - she came in with me.......
ops:
Sorry guys - won't happen again.
Jags hun - can I just pin this guest badge on you please...
ummmmmmmmm - no it's alright - I'm just shy.......
ummmmm - ok - can I close my eyes.......
Yes I know it's near your left booby! I will stop shaking in a minute - honest... :oops:
Bugga! - Sorry did the pin get you - are you bleeding
Not very good at this......
Hmm Hmm LL could you do this for me please!
Fred
OK - WHO forgot to sign Jags in?
Oh - yes - your right - she came in with me.......
ops: Sorry guys - won't happen again.
Jags hun - can I just pin this guest badge on you please...
ummmmmmmmm - no it's alright - I'm just shy.......
ummmmm - ok - can I close my eyes.......
Yes I know it's near your left booby! I will stop shaking in a minute - honest... :oops:
Bugga! - Sorry did the pin get you - are you bleeding
Not very good at this......
Hmm Hmm LL could you do this for me please!
Fred
All of you that have posted are going to think I am really wierd..........
I an scared of nothing! - de nada, zip, fuck all squared!
I have no idea why I just can not think of a single thing that worries me at all - I even loved it when a bat decided to fly into me thinking I was a tree in a Bat cave at Chester Zoo and I particularly love picking up all those spiders that are so huge that Wilma and the kids swear they have boots on and letting them run up my arm. I used to be a climber - have stiched people up and all manner of other things and never felt squemish once!
So what is it in me that makes me this way because I know that most people have a phobia of some sort or other! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Mushrooms? What is THAT about Sarge - or can you not tell us without getting arrested? And NO - I'm not taking the piss! - I never do out of those that have phobias.... but I can never quite understand! Sorry!
Fred
I an scared of nothing! - de nada, zip, fuck all squared!
I have no idea why I just can not think of a single thing that worries me at all - I even loved it when a bat decided to fly into me thinking I was a tree in a Bat cave at Chester Zoo and I particularly love picking up all those spiders that are so huge that Wilma and the kids swear they have boots on and letting them run up my arm. I used to be a climber - have stiched people up and all manner of other things and never felt squemish once!
So what is it in me that makes me this way because I know that most people have a phobia of some sort or other! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Mushrooms? What is THAT about Sarge - or can you not tell us without getting arrested?
And NO - I'm not taking the piss! - I never do out of those that have phobias.... but I can never quite understand! Sorry!Fred
i'm banned after doing all the work in here last week and nothing at home - see you all in a year!
Oh - go on then - twisted my arm LL - (sorry cannot use all the letters in your name anymore!) - I know Hmm Hmm LL!
I'll have a glass of Merlot please - make that a pint - but if Wilma appears at the window I was not here OK?
Fred
Oh - go on then - twisted my arm LL - (sorry cannot use all the letters in your name anymore!) - I know Hmm Hmm LL!
I'll have a glass of Merlot please - make that a pint - but if Wilma appears at the window I was not here OK?
Fred
- Sale on now girls - 10% off everything - come and get it! Yeeehaaaaa!
We're off to have some fun now - reckon it's gonna be a late one so may catch you tomorrow - unless I decide I am ever so witty when I am half smashed when we get home!
Hehehehehehehe!
Put me in the right mood there BlueEyes - Thank You - you are such a darling! :wink: :wink:
Bath's Free!
Night all - have fun.....
Fred
We're off to have some fun now - reckon it's gonna be a late one so may catch you tomorrow - unless I decide I am ever so witty when I am half smashed when we get home!
Hehehehehehehe!
Put me in the right mood there BlueEyes - Thank You - you are such a darling!
:wink: :wink: Bath's Free!
Night all - have fun.....
Fred
Quote by WilmaFlintstone
Talking of nail varnish Fred, have you finished with mine yet?
Love
Wilma
x x x x
Not yet hun - was just finishing putting some on the new Flies I had prepared for the fishing trip - nice blob of red on top of the varnish gives a wicked look to them!
Whats that on my toes -
ops: - nothing hun - BlueEyes just wanted to experiment - problem is she is asking for a ladyshave now - what else does she want to do????????Fred
Quote by brumlad
Oh the cheeky little ladies !! Guys, I was just mooching around in the cupboards trying to find a pint glass, when I stumbled across a swipe machine for copying credit cards; looks like they were planning on getting us drunk tonight, and then copy our GFZ swipe cards.
Girlies, you will have to try harder than that ! :giggle:
Lot of good that would have done them - the new cards have smart chips on them - MD5 Hash encryption on the Pin numbers and the mag stripe was for opening the beer fridge only!
Hahahahahahahaha
:doh: :doh: :doh: :doh: :doh:
Fred
Quote by willxx69
There is no real need to change the anthem - unless we simply fancy a new tune and words. Fred you have a PM.
Just remember that the hmmm hmmm do NOT own the copyright to either the words (William Blake - long since dead) or the tune (Parry - not quite so long since dead) to Jerusalem. It is very frequently sung, not least at the Last Night of the Proms and no-one has to ask the hmmm hmmm for permission to do so. In any case, we never printed extracts from the tune and the words are our own. Legally speaking, the copyright on our version of the words is mine, I believe. :smug:
Totally agree we don't need to do this Will - but to be honest with you they bore me now and I think that "Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" has more relevance for them than Jerusalem after this little debacle!
So - if we are going to have a new name and new logo and strapline - why not go the whole Hmm Hmm - sorry - HOG! and have a new anthem and words as well!
Someone pass the smelling salts to the infiltrators in the back row again - they have just seen March's Calendar is up again!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Fred
ATTENTION! Owwww - that hurt my throat!
The pages are back!
Modified to protect the interferring - sorry, meant innocent! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/humour/clubs/hmmhmm/
Any reference to Hmm Hmm has been removed for now and there is a naff tune, logo and strapline there for the time being - so come on - get your thinking heads on - new name and strap line for the revamped Hmm Hmm and we can then get people working on the graphics.
Thanks for your patience!
Fred
The pages are back!
Modified to protect the interferring - sorry, meant innocent!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/humour/clubs/hmmhmm/
Any reference to Hmm Hmm has been removed for now and there is a naff tune, logo and strapline there for the time being - so come on - get your thinking heads on - new name and strap line for the revamped Hmm Hmm and we can then get people working on the graphics.
Thanks for your patience!
Fred
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
As a temporary measure I have modified all the pages - removed the offending Hmm Hmm references and Hmm Hmm graphics and replaced them all with the words Hmm Hmm for now!
The tune has been replaced with a temporary one and Wilma has penned some words for it.
As soon as I get a chance tomorrow I will up the pages and then the Hmm Hmm can go kiss my arse! Coz I think the page is so much funnier now knowing why it is called the Hmm Hmm!
Happy now Always Wright! ( I Know how I spelt it and so does she!) :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Fancy meeting sometime?
Fred
As a temporary measure I have modified all the pages - removed the offending Hmm Hmm references and Hmm Hmm graphics and replaced them all with the words Hmm Hmm for now!
The tune has been replaced with a temporary one and Wilma has penned some words for it.
As soon as I get a chance tomorrow I will up the pages and then the Hmm Hmm can go kiss my arse! Coz I think the page is so much funnier now knowing why it is called the Hmm Hmm!
Happy now Always Wright! ( I Know how I spelt it and so does she!)
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: Fancy meeting sometime?Fred
Quote by Heather
I've never doubted that someone is scanning over every word we write, button lipped and just seething that we can carry on in such an open manner. Right now, some pompous wizzen faced old fart is rubbing their hands with glee and claiming this a small victory.
Yes H - could not agree more...
However - revenge awaits that same "pompous wizzen faced old fart" - he will have arrived home - told his wife about their victory and she will then have poured his soup in his lap as she has only been getting sex because she has been a member of this site for years and has met most of us and had a chance of winning this month's caption competition! :shock: :shock:
Now picture this - some poor junior at BWB has been tasked with checking this site every day to see what we are doing - they will then realise that this site is about humour and fun and full of intellectual people (mostly!) and that their action today will probably have cost the Hmm Hmm 60% of their membership in 10 or 20 years time.
:roll: I want to see the accounts of the Hmm Hmm next year where it will show a cost associated with Swinging Heaven - that will raise a few eyebrows!
Hey - hope it cost em a fair few squid for the letter!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Can someone attend conference this year and speak on behalf of the cyber Hmm Hmm that was cut off in it's prime!
I reckon it was Mrs Wibble who dobbed us in - remember, she was the one who bought the homemade love egg from the table top sale and decided to put it in there and then only to find that the egg was not hard boiled????! I told you it was a mistake to charge her for the clean pair of knickers from the "Rummage in Yer Knickers" bin!
Fred
Quote by JQL
Bit of a bugger. I'll give it some thought.
If you need a hand with any of the web work Fred PM me.
John,
Thanks for the offer - to be honest with you removing a few logo's and words and the theme song will take less than 5 mins - It is all the replacement stuff that will take the time!
I know Brumlad is a whizz with the graphics - can someone go find him!
Sappho could probably come up with the right tune and then Will and Arti need a "poem off" between them to write our anthem!
No Sarge - definitely not a joke mate - these guys are serious - there were even three of them on the letterhead! Their initials are BWB - perhaps we could use that!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: In fact I feel that new rules may be forthcoming.
You can no longer use the letter M in case McDonalds get to hear of it and think we are parodying thehmm.
DAHhmm - just realised - cant use hmm now because hmm is banned - how about ooo errr?
Fred
Right you lot, LISTEN UP!
This is a tale of gread sadness........ :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Today the SH website got an email from Solicitors acting on behalf of an organisation for which we had built our own web pages. This letter was copied to all of the moderators. The letter basically threatened legal action against the site if the S H hmm hmm pages stayed up!
Many of you will have noticed that the S H hmm hmm pages have disappeared - they are no more! Gone! Dead! Deceased! Snuffed it! :cry: :cry:
This is not an April Fool's - although we did think it may have been to start with! :x :x
We are no longer allowed to use the word hmm hmm (The letter before X and the letter after H for those who are struggling!) :roll:
We are not allowed to use the hmm hmm logo, or any words from their website. Although not specifically mentioned I do not suppose we can use the tune Jerusalem or the parody of their anthem!
So here is the challenge - The SH hmm hmm must go on!
:lol:
We need a new name for this club / association
We need a new Logo
We need a tune (How about Yellow Polka Dot Bikini!) makes as much sense as the old one!
We need new words for our theme
If you lot can help me I will rebuild the pages and we will put them back up. We are not allowed to use hmm hmm's Registered trade mark or logo. We cannot make any reference to hmm hmm or hmmomen's hmmnstitute "or any variation or deviation thereof" or use any words from their website! :roll: :roll:
Basically folks - do not parody them - take the piss - use their name or anything. Anyone with anything in their signatures needs to remove them and if we do it again you will all have to give yourselves up to the nearest hmm hmm meeting on the second Thursday of the month for a public flogging! (Sorry hmm hmm, bit of a joke there!) :wink:
I appreciate that there will be great disbelief among us all but they do have a point and in the original hmm hmm threads I did say that someone may say something one day and they did! :doh: :doh:
Let's move on and not get Mark or the site into trouble! 8) 8)
My work on the April edition will now not take place until we have solved this issue and can move forwards!
Once the new pages are done I am sure we will invite the representatives of the hmm hmm's solicitors to check out the pages and ensure we have complied with their request!
In the meantime the S H hmm hmm pages are removed, all threads relating to the S H hmm hmm have been deleted and normal service will be resumed as soon as possible! 8) 8)
Fred
Whispering to Sarge *Does that mean I can't use words like wish or wipe or wimmin?*
This is a tale of gread sadness........ :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
Today the SH website got an email from Solicitors acting on behalf of an organisation for which we had built our own web pages. This letter was copied to all of the moderators. The letter basically threatened legal action against the site if the S H hmm hmm pages stayed up!
Many of you will have noticed that the S H hmm hmm pages have disappeared - they are no more! Gone! Dead! Deceased! Snuffed it! :cry: :cry:
This is not an April Fool's - although we did think it may have been to start with!
:x :x We are no longer allowed to use the word hmm hmm (The letter before X and the letter after H for those who are struggling!)
:roll: We are not allowed to use the hmm hmm logo, or any words from their website. Although not specifically mentioned I do not suppose we can use the tune Jerusalem or the parody of their anthem!
So here is the challenge - The SH hmm hmm must go on!
:lol: We need a new name for this club / association
We need a new Logo
We need a tune (How about Yellow Polka Dot Bikini!) makes as much sense as the old one!
We need new words for our theme
If you lot can help me I will rebuild the pages and we will put them back up. We are not allowed to use hmm hmm's Registered trade mark or logo. We cannot make any reference to hmm hmm or hmmomen's hmmnstitute "or any variation or deviation thereof" or use any words from their website! :roll: :roll:
Basically folks - do not parody them - take the piss - use their name or anything. Anyone with anything in their signatures needs to remove them and if we do it again you will all have to give yourselves up to the nearest hmm hmm meeting on the second Thursday of the month for a public flogging! (Sorry hmm hmm, bit of a joke there!) :wink:
I appreciate that there will be great disbelief among us all but they do have a point and in the original hmm hmm threads I did say that someone may say something one day and they did! :doh: :doh:
Let's move on and not get Mark or the site into trouble! 8) 8)
My work on the April edition will now not take place until we have solved this issue and can move forwards!
Once the new pages are done I am sure we will invite the representatives of the hmm hmm's solicitors to check out the pages and ensure we have complied with their request!
In the meantime the S H hmm hmm pages are removed, all threads relating to the S H hmm hmm have been deleted and normal service will be resumed as soon as possible! 8) 8)
Fred
Whispering to Sarge *Does that mean I can't use words like wish or wipe or wimmin?*
Sarge,
You think our marriage is a shambles - I'm sorry to say it is worse than you think... :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
This is a letter Wilma wrote a long time ago. Unfortunately we have still not heard anything so I guess they are still dealing with the backlog of applicants! :shock:
You think our marriage is a shambles - I'm sorry to say it is worse than you think... :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock:
This is a letter Wilma wrote a long time ago. Unfortunately we have still not heard anything so I guess they are still dealing with the backlog of applicants! :shock:
Dear Sir,
I have just received the AIDS leaflet through my door and would like to apply straight away for AIDS.
My husband has been on the dole for the past ten years and we have been living on Supplementary Benefit and every other kind of State aid we can get. It now seems I will be getting aid for sex. It is a pity that this AIDS has come so late as I have already got 15 children and I was wondering whether you will be paying back payments?
Your leaflet states that the more sex I have the more chance I have of getting AIDS. My only problem here is persuading the husband, who is not so keen after 15 kids. Several years ago I bought some sex aids but he showed no interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a refund for the I paid for these gadgets ? (I still have the receipt.)
Anyway I will now explain to him that the Government will now be paying us for all the sex we have and I'm sure he will agree that we cannot let a chance like this slip by.
You also state that I can pass my AIDS on, but as you will appreciate with 15 kids and a work shy lazy bastard of a husband to feed, there won't be much left to pass on. If by any chance there is a bit left though, I will pass this on to my poor old Mother-in-Law, who only has her pension.
I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through a blood transfusion and I intend to write to my local hospital straight away to see when I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the hospital be deducted from the AIDS I get from you ? Perhaps you could write and let me know.
I am a firm believer in getting every aid from the country that I can get, and I'm sure you will agree that by past performance, I do qualify for this new one.
Could you let me know how much I will get paid each time, will it be weekly or monthly payments and what evidence do I have to produce to prove I have had the right amount of sex ?
Yours faithfully,
Wilma Flintstone
P.S. Your advert is great. I certainly won't die of ignorance. I know my rights!!
Bollocks to all this pandering to the girlies!
*throws a bag at the feet of MrFC*
"Your spine - you might need it!"
Actually thast is not quite true.
I said he could do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays as she could get the bus into town but could they pay for the bus fare coz I have always said I would never pay for sex!
He said she was not worth the 68 pence bus fare!
Fred
*throws a bag at the feet of MrFC*
"Your spine - you might need it!"
Quote by The Sarge
Fred scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
Actually thast is not quite true.
I said he could do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays as she could get the bus into town but could they pay for the bus fare coz I have always said I would never pay for sex!
He said she was not worth the 68 pence bus fare!
Fred
