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Fred
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FredFlintstone
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 62
Bisexual Female, 58
UK
Forum
I'd be sorely tempted to ask her what her nickname on SH is! 
Blade 'o grass to a ton 'o 'orse shit she read the letter - got to your sig and went white as a sheet and thought - "Oh God - I had sex with him in the Jacuzzi in the GFZ last week!"
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Ring her and ask why you were not considered for the post as you would like some suitable feedback - feign innocence and then comment on the signature as "OMG - just realised I signed it with my nickname" - explain about the mistake and that it is a nickname - nothing to lose now!
Fred
Blade 'o grass to a ton 'o 'orse shit she read the letter - got to your sig and went white as a sheet and thought - "Oh God - I had sex with him in the Jacuzzi in the GFZ last week!"
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Ring her and ask why you were not considered for the post as you would like some suitable feedback - feign innocence and then comment on the signature as "OMG - just realised I signed it with my nickname" - explain about the mistake and that it is a nickname - nothing to lose now!
Fred
Get a kids plastic football and cut a 4" hole out of the top - it will shrink quite a bit so get a big one!
Put it into a round bowl to keep its shape
Buy 4 feet of heavy chain from DIY store
Put end in football
Fill with wet cement
Leave to dry - cut off football and spray black
Buy a plastic drainpipe clip and a padlock
Put clip around ankle with chain in the gap with the padlock
Throw keys away.........
Wear steel toecaps out for the night if you go with him!
Leave a hacksaw next to bed if you are real mates otherwise let him knaw his foot off! :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Still got one in the loft - been used about 8 times now and really pisses 'em off by the end of the night!
Put it into a round bowl to keep its shape
Buy 4 feet of heavy chain from DIY store
Put end in football
Fill with wet cement
Leave to dry - cut off football and spray black
Buy a plastic drainpipe clip and a padlock
Put clip around ankle with chain in the gap with the padlock
Throw keys away.........
Wear steel toecaps out for the night if you go with him!
Leave a hacksaw next to bed if you are real mates otherwise let him knaw his foot off!
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: Still got one in the loft - been used about 8 times now and really pisses 'em off by the end of the night!
Help me into my Harness here girls - not gonna leave my buddy up there - we shared a sheep you know - only real mates do that! 
ops:
SARGE! I'm coming to talk to you!
Go and unplug the satellite aerial one of you - If Will has been anywhere near the electrics when he was plumbing it is probably 3 phase 440V up on the roof. :shock:
Call the fire brigade and tell 'em silent approach with no lights please - they will know what you mean!
Jags - check the ads and see if his mum or dad have posted an add - look for someone with the same glasses on! :shock:
Someone tuck a bottle of Whiskey into my back belt - not for him - for me. Not gonna freeze to death up there!
Right - I'm Off! Wish me luck
:wink: :wink:
COMING SARGE! Ready on not!
ops: SARGE! I'm coming to talk to you!
Go and unplug the satellite aerial one of you - If Will has been anywhere near the electrics when he was plumbing it is probably 3 phase 440V up on the roof. :shock:
Call the fire brigade and tell 'em silent approach with no lights please - they will know what you mean!
Jags - check the ads and see if his mum or dad have posted an add - look for someone with the same glasses on! :shock:
Someone tuck a bottle of Whiskey into my back belt - not for him - for me. Not gonna freeze to death up there!
Right - I'm Off! Wish me luck
:wink: :wink: COMING SARGE! Ready on not!
I suppose it is all down to personal choice.
For me I think any form of earning money from sex - other than proper sex therapy (nice work if you can get it!) is a form of prostitution to me. I do not mean that in a bad way and please don't take it like that - it is just a personal opinion.
There is always the danger that something you do for money loses it's appeal in the fun sense as well.
I can offer no advice on how these things work - but I have heard that some women even sell soiled panties on eBay for decent money!
Don't worry - Wilma will tell you - I am too tight to even think of paying for something like that - so I don't speak from experience!
The other thing for me is also that I have never been in the situation where I have had to consider any other line of work in order to put enough on the table to eat and therfore am not really in a position to condemn those that need to find income from any source.
Have I confused you? ops: Sorry!
Fred
For me I think any form of earning money from sex - other than proper sex therapy (nice work if you can get it!) is a form of prostitution to me. I do not mean that in a bad way and please don't take it like that - it is just a personal opinion.
There is always the danger that something you do for money loses it's appeal in the fun sense as well.
I can offer no advice on how these things work - but I have heard that some women even sell soiled panties on eBay for decent money!
Don't worry - Wilma will tell you - I am too tight to even think of paying for something like that - so I don't speak from experience!
The other thing for me is also that I have never been in the situation where I have had to consider any other line of work in order to put enough on the table to eat and therfore am not really in a position to condemn those that need to find income from any source.
Have I confused you?
ops: Sorry!Fred
That was bloody easy!
Got rid of her and we could get down to some real work................ :twisted:
Will went and got the bag of plumbing bits we hid under the stairs and inside 15 minutes it was all working!
Sarge finished varnishing the bar......
MrFC hung the door on the stairs cupboard and the bedroom doors....
Will finally finished scrubbing out the Jacuzzi and the bathroom fittings and grouted the tiles.... Still cannot work out what he did in the shower - it works fine but you can definitely hear Radio4 when you are in there - most disconcerting when a dear old lady from "The Archers" starts talking - you automatically try and cover up! - wierd!
The ceilings finally got finished and that was the lot!
Few spots of spattered burger and paint on the furniture where it got caught in the crossfire last night - but it adds character....... :shock:
All the barglasses and that lot can be added next friday when we open it up and everything is dry............
Finally - the best bit......
Fitting the security system and alarm system.... :twisted:
To all the guys - you have been sent a swipecard for the door and by seperate post a pin number. Don't worry if you lose it, we can deactivate it remotely to stop the girlies getting in. If they do happen to intercept it in the post it is not a problem as none of the cards are activated until you ring me personally to confirm you have the card!
To all the girlies - if you want to come in - press the white button with Doorbell written underneath it!
The alarm was a requirement of the Insurance as we had the "Dogs Bollocks" TV set - funnily enough the guy from the insurance company said he had only seen one other like it before but that had been stolen last week.......... Carpy????????? :?: :?: :?:
Never mind - sorry it was all a bit late - remember to set the alarm when you leave - same as your pin code - (shows us who unlocked it and who set it - clever eh?)
I will lock it up for now and hand control back to Kat...........
Thanks for all your hard work guys - we got there in the end....
Me and sarge are off for a beer or ten and to settle a score with a certain sheep from last night! :roll: :roll:
*swish, beep, beep, beep, beep, BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
Got rid of her and we could get down to some real work................ :twisted:
Will went and got the bag of plumbing bits we hid under the stairs and inside 15 minutes it was all working!
Sarge finished varnishing the bar......
MrFC hung the door on the stairs cupboard and the bedroom doors....
Will finally finished scrubbing out the Jacuzzi and the bathroom fittings and grouted the tiles.... Still cannot work out what he did in the shower - it works fine but you can definitely hear Radio4 when you are in there - most disconcerting when a dear old lady from "The Archers" starts talking - you automatically try and cover up! - wierd!
The ceilings finally got finished and that was the lot!
Few spots of spattered burger and paint on the furniture where it got caught in the crossfire last night - but it adds character....... :shock:
All the barglasses and that lot can be added next friday when we open it up and everything is dry............
Finally - the best bit......
Fitting the security system and alarm system.... :twisted:
To all the guys - you have been sent a swipecard for the door and by seperate post a pin number. Don't worry if you lose it, we can deactivate it remotely to stop the girlies getting in. If they do happen to intercept it in the post it is not a problem as none of the cards are activated until you ring me personally to confirm you have the card!
To all the girlies - if you want to come in - press the white button with Doorbell written underneath it!
The alarm was a requirement of the Insurance as we had the "Dogs Bollocks" TV set - funnily enough the guy from the insurance company said he had only seen one other like it before but that had been stolen last week.......... Carpy????????? :?: :?: :?:
Never mind - sorry it was all a bit late - remember to set the alarm when you leave - same as your pin code - (shows us who unlocked it and who set it - clever eh?)
I will lock it up for now and hand control back to Kat...........
Thanks for all your hard work guys - we got there in the end....
Me and sarge are off for a beer or ten and to settle a score with a certain sheep from last night! :roll: :roll:
*swish, beep, beep, beep, beep, BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
Ah - Miss Orange Peel - yes you can help!
First of all come and hold this piece of pipe for me and pass me the blow torch....
NO! Unlit will be fine!
Right now if we just swap this pipe with this...... :roll:
Oh - and Will - you connect the earth wire to the pipes not the aerial - hopefully that will stop Sarges fillings whistling when he is in the shower.... :shock:
And finally - the jacuzzi - hopefully Will will have..... :shock: :shock:
OMG - what the hell is this?
:x
WILL!
Get some rubber gloves and a bottle of Ajax and get in here man - WHAT the HELL is that? :?
On second thoughts - don't tell me!
Fred
First of all come and hold this piece of pipe for me and pass me the blow torch....
NO! Unlit will be fine!
Right now if we just swap this pipe with this...... :roll:
Oh - and Will - you connect the earth wire to the pipes not the aerial - hopefully that will stop Sarges fillings whistling when he is in the shower.... :shock:
And finally - the jacuzzi - hopefully Will will have..... :shock: :shock:
OMG - what the hell is this?
:x WILL!
Get some rubber gloves and a bottle of Ajax and get in here man - WHAT the HELL is that?
:? On second thoughts - don't tell me!
Fred
Quote by willxx69
Will! - The reason he was jumping up and down was because we were just on our way out of the door because we had already been in front of "The Beak" and got off!
But no - you would not let him get a word in edgeways and so handed over the beer!
That was what he was getting so excited over!
SARGE! For god sakes man take your hands from round his throat - he is driving.....
NO! I dont care - he is turning BLUE.....
Are you trying to kill us all??????????
FFS!
Will - just drive man!
Fred
My goodness - took us hours to talk ourselves out of that one and even that was a close squeek. It was fortunate that I caught sight of one of the Magistrates as she came in and asked her very quietly if she was "big'nfluffy365" from the party in the BFZ! :shock:
BINGO! :twisted:
She blushed completely - as soon as the session began in court she asked to adjourn for procedural reasons - they came back in and said that the paperwork was wrong and the case was dismissed!
Have to say though - the copper with the green tash was really pissed off - especially as it had still not washed off and he looked like a cross between Adolf Hitler and a American Football Player! :twisted: :twisted:
Thanks MrFC for all the support - NOT - the only saving grace was that he slipped us some bars of choccie in the night and allowed us to keep the doors open so Sarge did not get frightened of the dark. :wink:
Bloody thing is - we did not get the sheep - Dolly turns up anyway - work has stopped and everyone else seemed to have a great fry up this morning except us! :x
The ONLY good thing is that Wilma thinks I slept in the BFZ last night and so has no idea about our brush with the "Old Bill".
One other bonus - "big'nfluffy365" slipped me a piece of paper with her phone number on as we left the court and said if we fancied kinky Sarge to give her a call. :?
BINGO! :twisted:
She blushed completely - as soon as the session began in court she asked to adjourn for procedural reasons - they came back in and said that the paperwork was wrong and the case was dismissed!
Have to say though - the copper with the green tash was really pissed off - especially as it had still not washed off and he looked like a cross between Adolf Hitler and a American Football Player! :twisted: :twisted:
Thanks MrFC for all the support - NOT - the only saving grace was that he slipped us some bars of choccie in the night and allowed us to keep the doors open so Sarge did not get frightened of the dark.
:wink: Bloody thing is - we did not get the sheep - Dolly turns up anyway - work has stopped and everyone else seemed to have a great fry up this morning except us!
:x The ONLY good thing is that Wilma thinks I slept in the BFZ last night and so has no idea about our brush with the "Old Bill".
One other bonus - "big'nfluffy365" slipped me a piece of paper with her phone number on as we left the court and said if we fancied kinky Sarge to give her a call.
:? Sorry Mate!
It was I!
Still paying for last night. Warm beer and cold pizza today did not help!
Funny enough - wearing handcuffs has given me this strange sense of Déjà vu !! :roll:
His green tash was funny though - especially when you said "you have paint here and here" and wiped your fingers under his eyes.....
Ah well - at least we get a warm bed for the night - wonder what the breakfast is like?
Do you know if we can order papers and an early call for the morning coz I would hate to miss a cooked breakfast. Also - wonder what time we get cocoa tonight and what channels we have got on telly?
Isn't this exciting? Yawn - ready for my bed now
"Can you turn your light on orrifice and get us to the station a bit quicker, I need some sleep?"
It was I!
Still paying for last night. Warm beer and cold pizza today did not help!
Funny enough - wearing handcuffs has given me this strange sense of Déjà vu !! :roll:
His green tash was funny though - especially when you said "you have paint here and here" and wiped your fingers under his eyes.....
Ah well - at least we get a warm bed for the night - wonder what the breakfast is like?
Do you know if we can order papers and an early call for the morning coz I would hate to miss a cooked breakfast. Also - wonder what time we get cocoa tonight and what channels we have got on telly?
Isn't this exciting? Yawn - ready for my bed now
"Can you turn your light on orrifice and get us to the station a bit quicker, I need some sleep?"
Right sarge - shine that torch over here...
Do you reckon this one looks like Dolly? ...
How should I know- the only time I saw her was with a broom stuck up her arse and she was dripping green paint...
No I KNOW she is not green... :shock:
Think man - IF she was green - would she look like Dolly did? :roll:
YES before the manicure! :shock:
OK OK OK if it will help yes you can paint her face green and see if she looks the same....
Here, did Dolly have dangly bits at the back.... :?:
Shine that light over here... :roll:
Yes - with the green face she does look like Dolly - now get her in the car....
Stop flashing that blue light - hold it steady...
What do you mean you don't have a blue light... :shock:
EVENING OFFICER!
Do you reckon this one looks like Dolly? ...
How should I know- the only time I saw her was with a broom stuck up her arse and she was dripping green paint...
No I KNOW she is not green... :shock:
Think man - IF she was green - would she look like Dolly did? :roll:
YES before the manicure! :shock:
OK OK OK if it will help yes you can paint her face green and see if she looks the same....
Here, did Dolly have dangly bits at the back.... :?:
Shine that light over here... :roll:
Yes - with the green face she does look like Dolly - now get her in the car....
Stop flashing that blue light - hold it steady...
What do you mean you don't have a blue light... :shock:
EVENING OFFICER!
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Right Fred, there's only one thing we can do. One sheep looks pretty much like another doesn't it? Well, lets jump in my 4x4, drive up to that field on the edge of town and catch ourselves a replacement sheep.
Easy - He'll never know the difference and we can be back here in no time eating lamb butties. :shock:
What a star!
Lets go!
Sarge,
I am in soooooo much trouble.....
I think I just blew up Dolly the sheep...
You know we used her as a roller and tried to wash her out with thinners.... well I reckon someone put her in the skip last night and she cant have been dry.........
What the HELL am I gonna tell old Arti.. :roll:
And have you seen Fly by any chance - he was last seen sniffing round Dolly at the party last night.:
Pray it is not Dog & Lamb Kebabs or we are never gonna be able to stay around here. :shock: :shock:
Buggery buggery buggery!
I am in soooooo much trouble.....
I think I just blew up Dolly the sheep...
You know we used her as a roller and tried to wash her out with thinners.... well I reckon someone put her in the skip last night and she cant have been dry.........
What the HELL am I gonna tell old Arti..
:roll: And have you seen Fly by any chance - he was last seen sniffing round Dolly at the party last night.
: Pray it is not Dog & Lamb Kebabs or we are never gonna be able to stay around here. :shock: :shock:
Buggery buggery buggery!
Fred wanders out to the skip - lights a vanilla scented tealight - (mmmmmm - smells ok) touches it to the frilly bits on an old lampshade he found dumped on the floor and chucks it into the skip on top of the pile of rags and some dustsheets someone kindly donated right at the end when we didn't need them...... (strange that the rags had tassles on to match the lampshades though - hmmmmmmm!) - some people eh!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
WTF!
Oh god - what is this all over me - looks like raw meat......
Oh NO! :?
Who dumped Dolly the Sheep in the skip - no wonder we could not find her - and on top of all the bloody photo paper as well.....
*rubs face*
Where are my eyebrows! - Arrrggghhh! :x
How the hell am I gonna tell Arti about Dolly now? :roll: :roll:
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
WTF!
Oh god - what is this all over me - looks like raw meat......
Oh NO!
:? Who dumped Dolly the Sheep in the skip - no wonder we could not find her - and on top of all the bloody photo paper as well.....
*rubs face*
Where are my eyebrows! - Arrrggghhh!
:x How the hell am I gonna tell Arti about Dolly now? :roll: :roll:
