Quote by Sgt Bilko
I can stretch to !!
and that's my final offer... Hang on - am I paying to receive or give :shock: :shock: :shock:
Paul
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Fun365
Over 90 days ago
Bi-curious Male, 71
0 miles · Hampshire
Forum
Quote by MrsFC
Paul and Davej, why..... why .....do you feel that you have to go to such lengths, to look your best.
I for one do have a liking for slap heads as Davej put it. There are also benefits to your lack of folicles. No blocking the bath with all the hairs that fall out.
No man should be in the bathroom for more than 2 minutes. Otherwise this would indicate that he is vain and will have no time to attend to his female companion.
As I always say Less is More !
Dear MrsFc;
Thankyou for your kind words. I think that I might have learned my lesson now and will not adorn my slaphead with any more wigs, designs or cow dung. (cow dung!!!?????)
I agree with the two minute limit. I for one can have the proverbial : shit, shave, shampoo and shower (or shoeshine) within that time.
I'm feeling much happier now
Paul
Quote by Sgt Bilko
Right!!! Stand by your beds!!!
Time to bring some much needed sanity to this thread.
Welcome aboard Chris. Between you and me, they are all barking mad!! I feel I have to distance myself from them all.
They think this is a Swingers Site, when it is really a Lunatic Asylum, provided by the NHS as part of the Care in the Community Programme. The Moderators are all nurses and regularly administer doses of virtual sedatives. Some, such as WBB, need more doses than others!!!
So, when they talk about Swinging, just smile and nod and generally humour them. We wouldn't want them to find out the truth now, would we???
Over here Sarge!!! I think it's time you took your medication again
Paul
Bloody hell Davej. I can always rely on you for a reasoned response.
I encountered a couple of problems in that I don't have a partner (well not on a daily basis
) and nor do I have any marker pens.
Luckily in my sons bedroom was some red acrylic paint. Well, you can imagine at this time it is vital to show that we all support the boys in Euro 2004. What better way than to paint a Cross of St George on the old dome..
Just been to the pub - only stayed for one as everybody laughed :shock: :shock: :shock:
I came home in tears :cry: :cry:
Regards
Paul
I encountered a couple of problems in that I don't have a partner (well not on a daily basis
) and nor do I have any marker pens.Luckily in my sons bedroom was some red acrylic paint. Well, you can imagine at this time it is vital to show that we all support the boys in Euro 2004. What better way than to paint a Cross of St George on the old dome..
Just been to the pub - only stayed for one as everybody laughed :shock: :shock: :shock:
I came home in tears :cry: :cry:
Regards
Paul
What is it with women and couples on this site... I try my best and yet nothing happens.
I've indicated previously that I am somewhat challenged in the follicle area. So, to get over this I decided that I needed a syrup (wig, rug etc). Not being able to afford one, they are bloody expensive, I decided to knit one. Talk about success - I now have a wonderful off grey dreadlock wig. It's perfect, even if I say so myself. Wore it to the pub yesterday and what a reaction. Some people stared open mouthed in admiration whilst others slyly smiled in a jealous sort of way. A couple of ladies even came up to me (obviously gagging for it) and said " you look a complete twat". Whilst "twat" is an alien word to me, when I asked my friend 'Ron the painter' he said that it was a term of endearment and I should continue with the dreadlocks as success would be round the corner. I popped round the corner - but nothing happened. The pubs doors were locked when I tried to get back in.
I decided not to place an ad - as the advice on the forum is to get yourself known and then everything will fall in to place. Well I'm sorry, but the square root of fuck all has happened. Not only have I not been swamped with mails from 'swingers' I have now taken to anonomously mailing myself in the hope that I have some success. This has worked to a certain degree as I have arranged some meets. But it's bloody typical that I don't turn up at the arranged venue. I shall persevere.
I though that I would try PMs as it has been indicated that everybody loves them. Well, don't you fucking well believe it. I have now sent out 974 PMs with the sensitive yet direct message " Anyone looking for a fuck from a huge cocked superstud"
I have had some replies - but they all seem to be along the lines of " fuck off you complete moron". Why do people have to be so rude. My motto has always been if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. However, I am not downhearted and will persevere with this tactic as I know I will succeed eventually.
I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how I can improve my strike rate.
Thankyou for any help
Paul
ps: can you tell I am somewhat bored this morning
I've indicated previously that I am somewhat challenged in the follicle area. So, to get over this I decided that I needed a syrup (wig, rug etc). Not being able to afford one, they are bloody expensive, I decided to knit one. Talk about success - I now have a wonderful off grey dreadlock wig. It's perfect, even if I say so myself. Wore it to the pub yesterday and what a reaction. Some people stared open mouthed in admiration whilst others slyly smiled in a jealous sort of way. A couple of ladies even came up to me (obviously gagging for it) and said " you look a complete twat". Whilst "twat" is an alien word to me, when I asked my friend 'Ron the painter' he said that it was a term of endearment and I should continue with the dreadlocks as success would be round the corner. I popped round the corner - but nothing happened. The pubs doors were locked when I tried to get back in.
I decided not to place an ad - as the advice on the forum is to get yourself known and then everything will fall in to place. Well I'm sorry, but the square root of fuck all has happened. Not only have I not been swamped with mails from 'swingers' I have now taken to anonomously mailing myself in the hope that I have some success. This has worked to a certain degree as I have arranged some meets. But it's bloody typical that I don't turn up at the arranged venue. I shall persevere.
I though that I would try PMs as it has been indicated that everybody loves them. Well, don't you fucking well believe it. I have now sent out 974 PMs with the sensitive yet direct message " Anyone looking for a fuck from a huge cocked superstud"
I have had some replies - but they all seem to be along the lines of " fuck off you complete moron". Why do people have to be so rude. My motto has always been if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. However, I am not downhearted and will persevere with this tactic as I know I will succeed eventually.
I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how I can improve my strike rate.
Thankyou for any help
Paul
ps: can you tell I am somewhat bored this morning
Quote by mal609
And the butt is working.I had a couple contact me with a view of joining them sometime - all because of my little botty
Oh and sorry TS, I got a better offer for Friday. Well actually, I got 1 offer for Friday, but that was all I needed
Mal
Mal;
That is a lie...Nobody contacted you because of your bot!!!!
Well, alright, Carolyn might have intimated that your bot was rather splendid... but when I pointed out that it was no better than mine she just smiled sweetly and at that point I knew that I had won.
Can I repeat that you are a lucky bastard ?
:shock: 
:P 
:cry: 
:twisted: Paul
True story that shows that the pedeophile activity is still not punished hard enough.
Worked in an IT Security dept a couple of years ago. Basically we caught a staff member downloading child porn. Set a trap and captured him on film. Informed the police and the guy was arrested. They searched his home PC's and found much more.
Guess what. They could not afford to take him through the court process as they did not have the budget!!! The police officers could not be held to blame as they were extremely diligent - but only three cops to man there unit and they worked with technology that could have come out of the ark.
I have no reason to believe that anything has changed for the better
Paul
Worked in an IT Security dept a couple of years ago. Basically we caught a staff member downloading child porn. Set a trap and captured him on film. Informed the police and the guy was arrested. They searched his home PC's and found much more.
Guess what. They could not afford to take him through the court process as they did not have the budget!!! The police officers could not be held to blame as they were extremely diligent - but only three cops to man there unit and they worked with technology that could have come out of the ark.
I have no reason to believe that anything has changed for the better
Paul
Quote by davej
Failing this Davej and Fun365, may I suggest a different approach? Why don't you draw attention to something you do have. Perhaps towards your feet. Everyone knows big feet are a sign of great virility and manliness. You could accentuate this feature by investing in a proper pair of clown shoes. Maybe in bright colours to draw the eye away from your lack of pony tails. Just a thought.....
Hope this helps, good luck to you both
But then people wont take us seriously....
Wise words from Misschief... Will be off into town on Monday for a nice set of clown shoes..
ps: Also, have started knitting myself a syrup
Paul
Quote by davej
Dear agony Auntie
Another thread, has a fair smattering of girlies that prefer long hair on men. Now that I am in my mid forties I am in the fortunate position that hair is growing in my ears at an alarming rate. I currently remove this with a small trimmer.
Should I now stop this hair removal and allow it to grow so that it falls gently onto my shoulders as a replacement for the hair that is no longer on my head.
One hopes that Misscheif can make this a double answer - as this is a problem for me as well and I am sure for many other men and women. Thankyou for posting this Davej.
Over the years I have found that sporting a comb-over has always brought much success with the ladies. No woman can fail to be impressed with a well manicured comb-over. A smile cpmes to their lips and even sometimes racous laughter. So, I know they are enjoying themselves and just love my company... Happy days indeed - but sadly the comb-over got down to only 5 hairs I have had to remove it forever :cry: :cry:
I was thinking of investing in a syrup but would need some advice as to whether this is a wise course of action..
Thanks
Paul
Quote by Pheonix
Hi folks
I'm new around here (late starter in life, I'm afraid
Seems most ads on here are looking for guys with mutant members (are 10+ inches that common in the human genus?), so I've decided to trade one of my arm's for an extension
Now I just need to locate some more hair, a longer tongue and extra digits - and I'm ready to party
Seriously though - does anyone have any tips on how to get started posting?
I think that you have started rather well
10" penis size is absolutely normal for here. In fact you'll find that most ladies wont accept anything less - and who can blame them :shock:
Keep posting
Paul
I think that you are all pervy!!!! :shock:
Sex should be saved for the bedroom, all lights should be off, thick woolen jammies should be worn by both parties (that is if two HAVE to be involved) and only allowed on the first Tuesday of every alternate month. That's more than ample for anyone...
Paul
Sex should be saved for the bedroom, all lights should be off, thick woolen jammies should be worn by both parties (that is if two HAVE to be involved) and only allowed on the first Tuesday of every alternate month. That's more than ample for anyone...
Paul
Quote by clarensteve_lincs_69796
- maybe watching Arsenal DVD's or some light knitting.
Or maybe you would prefer to stab yourself in the eye with the knitting needles rather than watching the Arse DVDs. I know I would!!! :shock: :shock: :shock:
Well said
Or perhaps a blow up doll or Thierey Henry and a baseball bat, i know that'd cheer me up
Life is too short to get bitter
Paul
Quote by davej
But, to the point of this discussion: the old 'raised flagpole', as Mrs M puts it. I find that a cricket box, several sizes too small, is just the ticket. Indeed, Mrs M insists I wear one on all social occasions-just in case. She now insists I wear it in bedThe chafing eases eventually, and Johnson's Baby Powder, keeps the sweat level down. Only drawback is, that after being entombed for so long, when finally released 'Old Rodger' stands at a somewhat peculiar angle. It's made a real mess of our bedside lamps.
This is an amazing coincidence, as mrs davej also makes me keep Peter in an appliance to prevent any possibility of a sudden rise whilst in company. Unfortunately we havn't the funds to purchase a ready made appliance and have had to make do with useing items that lay around the house.
Our first efforts were not successfull, as we found out whilst visiting a fine restuarant. We had made the mistake of useing an old musical jewellery box in place of a cricket box and all would have been fine if we had only rememberred to remove the batteries from the box. As usual I got a stirring whilst at the table with the result that as my Peter forced the lid open my crotch started playing 'Swan Lake' more embassingly a small plastic ballerina appeared from my fly did two twirls and returned from whence she came.
We have thrown this in the bin and have now hollowed out the back of an old Cuckoo clock to try next time.
Davej;
You are a master... At 4:30 am you have got me laughing so hard.
Paul
Quote by Lucifer
Heather,
I've spent alot of time thinking about this...
I reckon one of your blow jobs would do it
xxxxxxxxxxxxx
(cya soon
Lucifer; I don't think that you spent any time thinking about that suggestion
Heather; May I suggest that sex is completely off the agenda. Rather, you should have an evening of relaxation - maybe watching Arsenal DVD's or some light knitting.
Failing that; maybe try a marathon Scrabble session.
These things always work for me - and never fail to leave the lady 'gasping for more'
Kind Regards
Paul
Quote by Tkano
I think you two need to seek serious professional help! :shock:
Looks like I found my deputies!
Pray continue giving your insane advice my disciples!
Tkano; Wise choice indeed. Both of these lovely people show an intimate knowledge of the world in general and can also lend a sympathetic ear to others problems.
Paul
Quote by davej
I for one would have had DaveJ as my number one for the post of Agony Uncle but am beginning to have serious doubts. I mean, one could think that he lives in some sort of fantasy world - whereas the rest of us live in the real world.
Paul
Dear Paul your comments have really hit home with me. I had no idea that my posts made me out to be someone who lives in a different world. I read them before going to bed last night and to be honest they played on my mind, do I live in a fantasy world? is everyone else on a different planet to me?
The answer came this morning whilst having breakfast on my balcony. I looked across the valley below our house as the sun rose and I heard birds singing , saw trees and meadows glistning with dew, Unicorns were gently grazing along the river bank and the fairies were still sleeping in hammocks made from spiders webs and I thought, whats not normal about this. So I guess I do live in the real world.
Its untrue that my knowledge of animals isnt great, my god I have had more pets than its possible to count my garden is a pet cemetry. All have been treated with kindness. The only reason I found out that Tortoises are good mimicks was because when we put ours into the chest freezer for its winter hibernation we were amazed at how quickly it settled down and immediately withdrew all its extremities to mimick as best it could, a large Cornish Pastie.
Dear Davej;
Gald that my comments have struck a chord and that you have reviewed your previous posts and hopefully your life.
Your vista of Unicorns grazing and faires sleeping in web hammocks brought a tear to my eye. But, and there is always a but, I think that you still have a fantasy world problem - coz I don't believe that you have a balcony!!!!!
Regards
Paul
