As an electrician who had to examine a plug which had been put on a secondhand washing machine by a sales assistant, and it killed the lady who purchased it, I was very pleased when the EU directive came in stating that all new appliances must have a molded plug attached by the manufacturers, and doubly pleased when the directive was enforced requiring secondhand electrical goods to be tested and certificated as safe before re-sale. It was not a pleasant experience to stand in a coroners court, explaining to the woman's three small children how such a simple task as fixing a plug to a cable could be so dangerous if not done absolutely correctly.
My advice. If you're not absolutely certain of what you are doing, get a proffesional. Remember: Water makes a mess, Gas you can smell, but electricity can't be seen, heard, or smelt, yet discovering it's on the loose can, in many cases, KILL.
Don't take risks, and personally speaking, I think giving advice over the phone or internet is irresponsible.
Keith3006
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Hi Foxy,
Well if it'll help, I'd very much like to sympathise, and if hubby does decide to keep you in a wanting state, give me a call. I only live round the corner, and I'll bring you my hot-water bottle for your tummy while we satisfy any carvings you have.
Feel better very soon, won't you?
Keith
Well if it'll help, I'd very much like to sympathise, and if hubby does decide to keep you in a wanting state, give me a call. I only live round the corner, and I'll bring you my hot-water bottle for your tummy while we satisfy any carvings you have.
Feel better very soon, won't you?
Keith
Don't wish to brag but,
I had the pleasure of seeing both gilrl totally naked just off stage as they changed out of their cat-suits between numbers at Bingley Hall in Stafford. They wore nothing underneath, and simply unzipped and stepped out of them, took a lighted cigarette each which I was holding for them, and stepping into fresh outfits, zipped up and went back on stage.
I will never forget it, and it was just about the highlight of my six years as a roadie.
Keith3006
I had the pleasure of seeing both gilrl totally naked just off stage as they changed out of their cat-suits between numbers at Bingley Hall in Stafford. They wore nothing underneath, and simply unzipped and stepped out of them, took a lighted cigarette each which I was holding for them, and stepping into fresh outfits, zipped up and went back on stage.
I will never forget it, and it was just about the highlight of my six years as a roadie.
Keith3006
Quote by Alexandra
Big Hug Keith!!!!!!!!
Alex x
Thanks Alex, I needed that. But while you have your arm around me, perhaps you could massage the aching back.
Keith3006
With pleasure - I am quite good at massage!
Alex x x
Perhaps we should PM to discuss your techniques, and trawl over the days yore?
Quote by Alexandra
Big Hug Keith!!!!!!!!
Alex x
Thanks Alex, I needed that. But while you have your arm around me, perhaps you could massage the aching back.
Thought I was still quite young, until the young lady proved otherwise! I think I'll stick to my own age group in future. At least we can help one another off and on?
Keith3006
Quote by Keith K
Alex,I take it the big hug is for 3006,not for me :cry: !
Still,the lad has earned it with some cracking verse and a jolly old trip down memory lane.
..I was gonna say as a kid I remember women in ponchos..but..the cycle has turned back full circle ponchowise!
So,after Ponchos..will they bring back Cadburys Aztec bars after all!!???? :thumbup:
For you, my young namesake, they might even bring back Fry's Fiveboys, Zooms, tanner vending machines, jubblies, and sherbert dabbs. Buckingham and Lucky Strike could be back on the faggs shelf, Raleigh Bicyles could be made in Nottingham again, and goods sent by rail could be delivered by three wheeled Trojan wagons and trailers, painted in dark red and cream!
Still, never mind matey, good memories seem to be remenicences, while bad one's are just memories.
Cheers, Keith3006
Hi Alex,
If you've come out of your corner now, and taken you thumb out of your mouth, i'll cheer you up, by telling you of somethings you won't remember, but I do.
Being born in the city, I remember like everyone else the rag & bone man coming round with his horse and cart, but I also recall other goods being delivered by single horse power. There was; the coal, the milk and the bread from the co-op, the dust cart was also horse drawn. The tinker used a bike with his grindstone attached, and every day the street sweeper would sweep his way down our pavements. The bobbies would walk their beat with cape over their shoulder if it was dry, and if it was warm, would leave it in their police box on the corner. At night they used to carry a lamp, not a torch, and it resembled a smaller version of a train lantern.
Bonfires were held in cobbled back lanes, and father and mothers would take their children from fire to fire, to see the catherine wheel nailed to back gates. Jumping jacks would always be dropped by your wellies, and hot baked potatoes would be handed out to all those close by.
Every Thursday the rent woman would call round, with her leather bound folio under her arm, and a satchel slung over her shoulder. There was little chance in those days that she would be robbed, as everyone looked out for each other and word of who commited a crime would be know by everyone, long before the police.
Youngsters didn't live in fear, but accepted a clip round the ear as part of growing up, and instant punishment for wrong doings by the local bobbies. We grew up to be decent citizens, because our parents had learnt military disciplin and passed it on with a sharp word or sharper smack if we needed it.
Pub deliveries were usually by two horse power, and the draymen took as much pride in their own appearance as that of their horses. Men who workined in the city wore suit and tie, and if they attained any kind of status, would wear a bowler hat, otherwise a trillby was the order of the day. A lady, of whatever stautus, would never go out with wearing a hat, and sandals were suitable only for the beach! Full length pinnies were worn in the kitchen, and short ones saved for afternoons when visitors might call.
Washing was done with dolly-tub and ponch, anmd if you were lucky, there would be a hand mangle to squeeze out the water. Soda, a scrubbing brush and washboard were used to get dads collars clean, and starch by the bucket to get the stiff again.
Yes, I remember all these things, and can't understand when people say they were the good old days. Nostalgic, maybe, but good? Well, ask any woman over sixtyfive if hard work and druggery were the good old days?
Keith3006, no relation to Keith K. It's all lies I tell you!
If you've come out of your corner now, and taken you thumb out of your mouth, i'll cheer you up, by telling you of somethings you won't remember, but I do.
Being born in the city, I remember like everyone else the rag & bone man coming round with his horse and cart, but I also recall other goods being delivered by single horse power. There was; the coal, the milk and the bread from the co-op, the dust cart was also horse drawn. The tinker used a bike with his grindstone attached, and every day the street sweeper would sweep his way down our pavements. The bobbies would walk their beat with cape over their shoulder if it was dry, and if it was warm, would leave it in their police box on the corner. At night they used to carry a lamp, not a torch, and it resembled a smaller version of a train lantern.
Bonfires were held in cobbled back lanes, and father and mothers would take their children from fire to fire, to see the catherine wheel nailed to back gates. Jumping jacks would always be dropped by your wellies, and hot baked potatoes would be handed out to all those close by.
Every Thursday the rent woman would call round, with her leather bound folio under her arm, and a satchel slung over her shoulder. There was little chance in those days that she would be robbed, as everyone looked out for each other and word of who commited a crime would be know by everyone, long before the police.
Youngsters didn't live in fear, but accepted a clip round the ear as part of growing up, and instant punishment for wrong doings by the local bobbies. We grew up to be decent citizens, because our parents had learnt military disciplin and passed it on with a sharp word or sharper smack if we needed it.
Pub deliveries were usually by two horse power, and the draymen took as much pride in their own appearance as that of their horses. Men who workined in the city wore suit and tie, and if they attained any kind of status, would wear a bowler hat, otherwise a trillby was the order of the day. A lady, of whatever stautus, would never go out with wearing a hat, and sandals were suitable only for the beach! Full length pinnies were worn in the kitchen, and short ones saved for afternoons when visitors might call.
Washing was done with dolly-tub and ponch, anmd if you were lucky, there would be a hand mangle to squeeze out the water. Soda, a scrubbing brush and washboard were used to get dads collars clean, and starch by the bucket to get the stiff again.
Yes, I remember all these things, and can't understand when people say they were the good old days. Nostalgic, maybe, but good? Well, ask any woman over sixtyfive if hard work and druggery were the good old days?
Keith3006, no relation to Keith K. It's all lies I tell you!
Quote by Alexandra
Bloody Hell Keith - you know how to upset a woman!!!!!!!!!
I think I identify with all of those!
I think I'll go sulk now!!!! :cry:
Trouble is Alex, I too can identify with most of it, but to cheer you up, here's another little ditty that goes back even further, or so I assume, but perhaps we can hold ahnds and await our tun to be like this: It's called; Why and When?
I'm still religiously taking my pills,
they're supposed to control all of my ills.
One in the morning is to give me 'go'
while the last one at nightmakes me tick over slow.
In between there's one I hate,
it makes me freely irrigate!
There's also a potion to stop my blood clotting,
but nothing at all to stop the rest rotting.
If I move with a jerk there's a hell of a racket,
like a few dried peas in a large empty packet.
It's no fun I certainly can tell,
but somewhat better than being unwell.
Oh what it must be to be fit as a fiddle,
and need no pills to speed you, slow you, or make you piddle!
You can struggle along or have great wealth,
however it's just pot-luck when it comes to your health.
If I keep munching drugs, or if I stop,
no doubt I shall manage to live 'til I drop.
That always happens sooner than you think,
but I'll try to 'spend up' buying that last drink!
signed The Grimreaper.
Move over Alex, give a bit of space in your corner, will you?
I saw this in the doctors waiting room, and thought you might like to see it as it fits with this thread nicely.
What Is A Senior Citizen?
A senior citizen is one who was here before;
the pill, television,frozen foods,
contact lenses, credit cards,
... and before man walked on the moon.
For us, "Time Sharing" meant togetherness, not holiday homes,
and a "chip" meant a piece of wood.
"Hardware" meant nuts and bolts,
and "Softwear" wasn't even a word.
We got married first, then lived together,
and thought cleavage was something butchers did.
A "stud" was something that fastened a collare to a shirt,
and "going all the way" meant staying on a bus to the depot.
We thought "fast food" was what you ate at Lent;
a "Big Mac" was an oversized raincoat
and "crumpet" we had for tea.
In our day, "grass" was mown;
"pot" was something you cooked in;
"coke" was kept in the coalhouse and
a "joint" was cooked on Sundays.
We are today's Senior Citizens. A hardy bunch
when you think how the world has changed!
There was no name attached, so I beg foregivness for steeling and using the words.
Keith3006
What Is A Senior Citizen?
A senior citizen is one who was here before;
the pill, television,frozen foods,
contact lenses, credit cards,
... and before man walked on the moon.
For us, "Time Sharing" meant togetherness, not holiday homes,
and a "chip" meant a piece of wood.
"Hardware" meant nuts and bolts,
and "Softwear" wasn't even a word.
We got married first, then lived together,
and thought cleavage was something butchers did.
A "stud" was something that fastened a collare to a shirt,
and "going all the way" meant staying on a bus to the depot.
We thought "fast food" was what you ate at Lent;
a "Big Mac" was an oversized raincoat
and "crumpet" we had for tea.
In our day, "grass" was mown;
"pot" was something you cooked in;
"coke" was kept in the coalhouse and
a "joint" was cooked on Sundays.
We are today's Senior Citizens. A hardy bunch
when you think how the world has changed!
There was no name attached, so I beg foregivness for steeling and using the words.
Keith3006
Ah, my good friend Prof G,
In your oppinion, would it be too soon to suggest a follow-up seminar on the effects of telephone calls to mother, friends, daughter, daughter in law, etc, and relaying the conversation acroos the lounge, word for word, while husband, boyfriend, lover, lodger, swinging mate, (either or all of the afore mentioned) are sitting watching the football, golf, table tennis, horse racing, tiddly-winks etc?
I would imagine this would be a lively discussion/shouting match, and my only concernwould be that unless the doors were kept locked for the half hour or so, ther could be a mass exit, with stamping feet, of those ladies who cannot possibly see any reason for males to be interested in such pastimes, when their inain news of what whoever bought when at the supermarket that afternoon seems to be the mostimportant news in world affairs of that day.
Your grateful guidance would be appreciated
Keith
In your oppinion, would it be too soon to suggest a follow-up seminar on the effects of telephone calls to mother, friends, daughter, daughter in law, etc, and relaying the conversation acroos the lounge, word for word, while husband, boyfriend, lover, lodger, swinging mate, (either or all of the afore mentioned) are sitting watching the football, golf, table tennis, horse racing, tiddly-winks etc?
I would imagine this would be a lively discussion/shouting match, and my only concernwould be that unless the doors were kept locked for the half hour or so, ther could be a mass exit, with stamping feet, of those ladies who cannot possibly see any reason for males to be interested in such pastimes, when their inain news of what whoever bought when at the supermarket that afternoon seems to be the mostimportant news in world affairs of that day.
Your grateful guidance would be appreciated
Keith
Hi Alex,
It seems I'm a touch older than the other posters, so I'll try to tell what I remeber of the old days.
Born in '49, I am able to rememebr, just, the ending of sweet rationing from after the second world war, and seeing the miriad of colours in the sweetshop window as they advertised smarties and the like. Yes, there were liquoris sticks, Barley sugar twists, and toffee twist. I would be given six pence on a Saturday to go with my brother and buy sweeties for Sunday afternoon (the only day I was allowed to eat sweets (and still my teeth have given me trouble), and being told not to chomp, oir eat them all at once.
Afternoons before starting school I would be put down for a sleep on the sofa, with mothers fur coat over me, and can still re-call the warmth of it, and the tickle it gave me when it touched my face. Mother would have fifteen minutes peace to listen to Mrs Dale's Diary on the Light Program. Sunday would be church in the morning, and we would all dress in our Sunday best. As I got older, I was expected to walk to the side of the church during the second hymn and follow the lady who would take all us little ones for Sunday school.
Sunday raost was left to cook slowly in the oven, with just the veg to boil when we got back. A modern concession was to have the radio on during dinner (lunch is a fairly new word for a meal at mid-day), and you tuned in to Two way family favourites, with Jean Metcalf, and a chap who I can't re-call.
Other popular radio programs were, Billy Cotton band Show, The Navy Lark, Sing Something Simple, with Cliff Adams and his singers. the goons, who my father hated with a passion, Workers Playtime, The Sunday Half Hour, Hancocks Half Hour, and of course, The Archers.
Well that's a blast from the past, and I could re-call so much more, but I'm sure it is most boring to all but those like me who are old enough to have lived through those days, but, as has been asked, were they the good old days?
Yes, they were good, because we knew no different, and yes, they are the old days, but to put the three words together in one sentence is madness. After-all, who wants to go back to having only an outside lavatory, shops that were half empty, telephones that only existed for the majority in red boxes a mile away from your home, men who had to labour and toil until they were half dead to scrape a living, and could be fired on the whim of the boss simply because he wanted to save a couple of bob by setting on a younger man to do the same job for half a crown a week less. Yes, they are the old days, and yes, it's good we can remember them, because I doubt if we could cope with living like it today.
It seems I'm a touch older than the other posters, so I'll try to tell what I remeber of the old days.
Born in '49, I am able to rememebr, just, the ending of sweet rationing from after the second world war, and seeing the miriad of colours in the sweetshop window as they advertised smarties and the like. Yes, there were liquoris sticks, Barley sugar twists, and toffee twist. I would be given six pence on a Saturday to go with my brother and buy sweeties for Sunday afternoon (the only day I was allowed to eat sweets (and still my teeth have given me trouble), and being told not to chomp, oir eat them all at once.
Afternoons before starting school I would be put down for a sleep on the sofa, with mothers fur coat over me, and can still re-call the warmth of it, and the tickle it gave me when it touched my face. Mother would have fifteen minutes peace to listen to Mrs Dale's Diary on the Light Program. Sunday would be church in the morning, and we would all dress in our Sunday best. As I got older, I was expected to walk to the side of the church during the second hymn and follow the lady who would take all us little ones for Sunday school.
Sunday raost was left to cook slowly in the oven, with just the veg to boil when we got back. A modern concession was to have the radio on during dinner (lunch is a fairly new word for a meal at mid-day), and you tuned in to Two way family favourites, with Jean Metcalf, and a chap who I can't re-call.
Other popular radio programs were, Billy Cotton band Show, The Navy Lark, Sing Something Simple, with Cliff Adams and his singers. the goons, who my father hated with a passion, Workers Playtime, The Sunday Half Hour, Hancocks Half Hour, and of course, The Archers.
Well that's a blast from the past, and I could re-call so much more, but I'm sure it is most boring to all but those like me who are old enough to have lived through those days, but, as has been asked, were they the good old days?
Yes, they were good, because we knew no different, and yes, they are the old days, but to put the three words together in one sentence is madness. After-all, who wants to go back to having only an outside lavatory, shops that were half empty, telephones that only existed for the majority in red boxes a mile away from your home, men who had to labour and toil until they were half dead to scrape a living, and could be fired on the whim of the boss simply because he wanted to save a couple of bob by setting on a younger man to do the same job for half a crown a week less. Yes, they are the old days, and yes, it's good we can remember them, because I doubt if we could cope with living like it today.
Oh my god... I totally agree with this - but this is the sort of thinking that gets me all confused and upset. I get worked up that I have wasted time doing something that isnt worthwhile and that I have wasted precious time
I know im a sad case and I do seriously think I need help - its just worrying thats all.
You're not sad Melons, you simply worry too much. After-all, nothing is a waste of time, it's just that you assume it's a waste of time. Look back at all you've gained from the things you thought were a waste, and you'll see that you have gained much knowlege from them.
I know im a sad case and I do seriously think I need help - its just worrying thats all.
You're not sad Melons, you simply worry too much. After-all, nothing is a waste of time, it's just that you assume it's a waste of time. Look back at all you've gained from the things you thought were a waste, and you'll see that you have gained much knowlege from them.
Good question Frogster: Good answer Angelchat.
For myself, I have two real regrets in my life.
1) That I never took the opportunity to take my father to see India play England at cricket, at Trent Bridge, and buy him a pint. I was always too busy, and he died before I realised how much I'd miss him.
2) That I allowed my first wife to leave me for someone else, and then realise what love really means.
Other than that, as Angel said, life is an experience, and you learn from the good and bad things that happen to you. Without the bad you will not learn to be strong, without the good, you'll not learn to love.
For myself, I have two real regrets in my life.
1) That I never took the opportunity to take my father to see India play England at cricket, at Trent Bridge, and buy him a pint. I was always too busy, and he died before I realised how much I'd miss him.
2) That I allowed my first wife to leave me for someone else, and then realise what love really means.
Other than that, as Angel said, life is an experience, and you learn from the good and bad things that happen to you. Without the bad you will not learn to be strong, without the good, you'll not learn to love.
:lol: :lol: :lol:There you are Neil,
People keep telling me you've gone off sulk in a dark corner, and won't come out to play, so I thought I would do the simple thing to tempt you out, and you know it makes you feel better. A simple chastisement of your Yorkshire heritage, and you your usual hopping mad self. Now isn't that better??
And by the way, Buxton is the place God practiced on before he got it right and made Yorkshire, well the East and West ridings anyway! Oops, now who's going to start shouting??
Trainee! Nice? I'll say. And the only thing she bottles out on is her regular change of hair colour????? Airplane blond this week!!! You know, blond hair, black box.
WANTED, Trainee nipple sucker and hat-peg tester, must be nubile and supple. Contact. Neilinleeds, urgently!!!!
Any good mate?
People keep telling me you've gone off sulk in a dark corner, and won't come out to play, so I thought I would do the simple thing to tempt you out, and you know it makes you feel better. A simple chastisement of your Yorkshire heritage, and you your usual hopping mad self. Now isn't that better??
And by the way, Buxton is the place God practiced on before he got it right and made Yorkshire, well the East and West ridings anyway! Oops, now who's going to start shouting??
Trainee! Nice? I'll say. And the only thing she bottles out on is her regular change of hair colour????? Airplane blond this week!!! You know, blond hair, black box.
WANTED, Trainee nipple sucker and hat-peg tester, must be nubile and supple. Contact. Neilinleeds, urgently!!!!
Any good mate?
Quote by neilinleeds
madam chairlady, fellow members of the committee.
look you're never gonna believe what's happened. after all that about insurance for the club too. think you might have a point there, but maybe we can just get away with the policy on the cortina?
anyway! never mind that now i'll come back to it! i finally saw a prospective candidate, went running over the bloody road after her, and got hit by a bloody car! :shock: just never saw him coming. hit and run as well!
fortunately for me it was just one of them little plastic battery-powered things, so no real harm done, but i swear the three year old behind the wheel was pissed. went off running for his mam bawling his head off when i fell over him. no details or owt!
i'm just waiting now for RandomInsuranceFraudTypeClaimsDirect to get back to me. they reckon i have a strong case, and could be entitled to as much as once they've covered legal fees and that! seems to have worked out pretty well. keep this quiet like, but i'm even thinking now of getting me cousin to saddle me on his BMX up and down a coupla kerbs. whiplash! hey presto, the cheques in the post! never have to work again! woo hoo!
it may take me some time to catch up with the paperwork i've missed, so if anyone wants me i'll be in my office. well done on the members fronts by the way! keep it up!
neilinleeds
It couldn't 'ave 'append to a nicer blork, Neil old son, but I do worry about you.
Imagine if you'd fallen on thy face?? Nipple sucking for chapel-hat-peg test woul have been reet out the winda, so for God's sake, next time you're hit by somone bigger and harder than you, have the club's members uppermost in your mind, and drop to your knees like we would have done in the same situation.
And it's no good you offering the excuse that our trainee Little could stand in for you.
I know, I know, she would like to, but she hasn't the training yet, why only this morning I saw her get carried away, and began to pull outwards on a member, when she should have been just been feeling-up.
But I do think this may have taught us all two lessons, one is to consider up-graading the insurance policy to cover the tandem and floppy knee knocking incedent, and the other is to advertise for a trainee nipple-suckyness tester and chapel-hat-peg scorer, which you take take personal charge of indoctrinating in your ways. Omitting the drink, of course.
Get better soon chum, and I'll bet once I post this notice on the bulletin board, you'll forget your sore knees and think only of the prosect of getting your hands on your own trainee.
Your fellow inspector
Keith
Quote by heandtr
we are getting changed there!!! a bit worried walking through the streets of London as Matrix!!!!...lol
I'm afraid that the club tandem has a flat tyre at the moment, otherwise we'd have sent it for, but you'll be fine once you arrive here, but we'll have to ask you to leave the metal cone outside if you wish to use the facilities of the examination room.
Are you looking for full or guest membership?
Keith
on behalf of the doorman whose nipped off for a pee.
Quote by New couple
please can we both be guests?? we're both rather appreciative, if that stands for anything!!!
Good Evening New Couple,
I see that our trainee feeler-upper, little, has offered you a welcome as guest members of our little club, and I'm sure you will benefit from all the thing we have on offer.
Most importantly is the initial, shall we call it, check-over. This is a visual aid to the committee, verified by myself, as to your suitable visual sizeing.
Diue to popular demand for membership, and the obvious conotations of the name of the club, the Not So Busty Babes, it is a requirement that one of you have a chest with a breast cup size no larger than D. This can either be with or without extended nipples, and in the case of non performing breasts, or breasts which refuse to fill the required palm test, there is the chapel-hat-peg test, the suckabilty and chewynes test, and where breasts seem to be of different sizes on the one person, there is the balance test, and average equaling out test. I'm sure you will be please to know that all of these tests are preceeded by the simple yet highly effective feeling-up, carried out by myself.
We would also ask your permission to allow Little to be present, and for her to carry out a rudimentary feel-up, as it will help her training no-end if she can get a feel for the breast test from the begining.
Well again I say welcome, please look around the club, discover the hidden corners, try out our new dogging room if you wish, and then join us in the new test an examination room, at you convenience.
Happy clubbing,
Keith
club Feeler-Upper
on behalf of the committee.
Dear Little,
On behalf of our chairlady, who does have to take other matters in hand occasionally, as Mr RSAB2 can confirm, I feel your letter to the committee deserves some urgency in its attention.
I can confirm that the voting for trainee feeler-upper has taken place in your absence, and that you were dully elected, by an overwhelming majority of members waving the required objects in the air, to the said post of trainee feeler-upper, with special responsibilities to guests who just fall short of WBB's status, but overshoot NSBB's by a narrow margin.
Our training paper is indeed a restricted document, due to it being a white paper. This would naturally have been a pink paper, but the typist forgot to order some, and we ran out! Unfortunately, now it is on white paper it can't be changed, as the typist has a squint and finds it difficult to read anything on white paper, which is why she used up all the pink so quickly.
Next week we are going to try her on bue paper to see if that makes thing a little more transparent for her.
Because I announced my intentions to leave the office for a short time, it should not be construde that I am in anyway casting the thoughts of the club aside, far from it. In fact I had to attend, on behalf of the club, a thorough and rigorous examination of a prospective member, who by her graciousness has aggreed to become patron of the NSBB's club. I admit this did take a little longer than expected, but neither myself or the rest of the inspectorate knew that we would be required to also examine, feel-up, tweek, and balance the whole of her ladies in waiting, who are no longer waiting, as some of them are now wilting having found their way, to the satisfaction of the members present, into the NSBB's club, swelling members list considerably.
On a slightly more constrained note, I, on behalf of the committee thank you for the sterling effort you have shown so far, and note your note of welcome to New Swing. I will of course be communing with them shortly, and pass on the full requirements of membership, and the benefits obtainable thereto.
I do hope you recieve my private communicate on the complete methods of feeling-up, tweeking, balancing, and of course, the definitive methods of testing for chapel-hat-pegginess, written by Neil himself.
At this point I would like to appologise for the crayon used by Neil, but we were advised that to give him anything as sharp as a pencil could do damage to all our reputations. Mind you, it was hard enough getting the glass out his hand to even contemplate giving him a crayon in the first place. But you can't have an expert nipple sucker and literary tallent all in one body, can you?
Well I hope, on behalf of the chair and committee, we have glossed over, erm, settled your queeries, and I look forward to seeing you in person to give you the practical course on how to be a profficient feeler-upper.
Kind regards, bossom pal
Keith
Club Feeler-Upper
On behalf of our chairlady, who does have to take other matters in hand occasionally, as Mr RSAB2 can confirm, I feel your letter to the committee deserves some urgency in its attention.
I can confirm that the voting for trainee feeler-upper has taken place in your absence, and that you were dully elected, by an overwhelming majority of members waving the required objects in the air, to the said post of trainee feeler-upper, with special responsibilities to guests who just fall short of WBB's status, but overshoot NSBB's by a narrow margin.
Our training paper is indeed a restricted document, due to it being a white paper. This would naturally have been a pink paper, but the typist forgot to order some, and we ran out! Unfortunately, now it is on white paper it can't be changed, as the typist has a squint and finds it difficult to read anything on white paper, which is why she used up all the pink so quickly.
Next week we are going to try her on bue paper to see if that makes thing a little more transparent for her.
Because I announced my intentions to leave the office for a short time, it should not be construde that I am in anyway casting the thoughts of the club aside, far from it. In fact I had to attend, on behalf of the club, a thorough and rigorous examination of a prospective member, who by her graciousness has aggreed to become patron of the NSBB's club. I admit this did take a little longer than expected, but neither myself or the rest of the inspectorate knew that we would be required to also examine, feel-up, tweek, and balance the whole of her ladies in waiting, who are no longer waiting, as some of them are now wilting having found their way, to the satisfaction of the members present, into the NSBB's club, swelling members list considerably.
On a slightly more constrained note, I, on behalf of the committee thank you for the sterling effort you have shown so far, and note your note of welcome to New Swing. I will of course be communing with them shortly, and pass on the full requirements of membership, and the benefits obtainable thereto.
I do hope you recieve my private communicate on the complete methods of feeling-up, tweeking, balancing, and of course, the definitive methods of testing for chapel-hat-pegginess, written by Neil himself.
At this point I would like to appologise for the crayon used by Neil, but we were advised that to give him anything as sharp as a pencil could do damage to all our reputations. Mind you, it was hard enough getting the glass out his hand to even contemplate giving him a crayon in the first place. But you can't have an expert nipple sucker and literary tallent all in one body, can you?
Well I hope, on behalf of the chair and committee, we have glossed over, erm, settled your queeries, and I look forward to seeing you in person to give you the practical course on how to be a profficient feeler-upper.
Kind regards, bossom pal
Keith
Club Feeler-Upper
Quote by little
P.S.
Chair and Committee,
I feel that i cannot volunteer my services to science and be an official feeler upper unless I am provided by the committee, a full and detailed programme of requirements, which would allow me to assess my experience and identify any additional educational requirements.
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
Dear Little,
On behalf of the committee, may I thank you for your volunteership and undertake to show you the methods and practises undertaken by the inspectorate. For obvious reasons, you will understand if I refain from giving details here in open forum, but instead pass on this information both in person, by demonsrative methods, and written instructions by confidential white paper
: I have a prior engagement this morning, but will endevour to take up the challenge of education this pm, and would suggest you recline yourself in a suitably prepared state for the lessons to begin immediately I arrive. I will be coming shortly, and may bring an assistant.
Keith
Club Feeler-Upper, and Feel-Up trainer.
Hi Venus,
You're a woman of many deep rivers, but as they bubble to the surface you're able to free yourself from the rains of the past.
"Just be yourself, and allow the joys of the future mask the pain of yesterday." Told to me by a wise old lady, who knew what pain and joy were all about, at the age of 101.I've always remebered it, when reflecting on what might have been.
You're a very lovely lady, in all repects.
Keith
You're a woman of many deep rivers, but as they bubble to the surface you're able to free yourself from the rains of the past.
"Just be yourself, and allow the joys of the future mask the pain of yesterday." Told to me by a wise old lady, who knew what pain and joy were all about, at the age of 101.I've always remebered it, when reflecting on what might have been.
You're a very lovely lady, in all repects.
Keith
Quote by little
Keith- cracking idea regarding the machines, but does the club need to think about some form of insurance against injury - i.e. trapped nipple or god forbid a severed one!
I don't want to sound like a killjoy but as an upcoming club I'm sure the last thing we need is an expensive compensation claim....
Maybe a "Club accepts no responsibility" sign would do the trick?
Any comments?
Mr RSAB2.
Mr RSAB2,
Your point is taken very seriously, well it's hard to do otherwise, and I offer the following suggestion:
As only Dr Bustengrabbers aperatus is the only mechanical devise in the room, perhaps a sign warning of the unexpected thrills possibly derived for the machine would be more appropriate
: After-all, we wouldn't want to discourage it's use, as tight inner thigh muscels and cheeks can always be viewed as a bonus to members. However, we must discourage guests from the WBB's club from doing hand-stands and using the machine for purposes other than it was degned for, and to that end, I would suggest the reverse of the sign be printed upside-down, to read, "TIT GRABBER-BEWARE" This could be turned over each time a WBB cvlapped her hands and made as if to skip forwards towards the aperatus, or was seen tucking her skirt into her knickers.Does that mean we can go back to comforting the arses who are using the leather chair???
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:
Lots of love, hugs and kisses
Little
XXX
On contrary Little, there will always continue to be a need for someone to smooth and sooth the inner tighs and bums of those who've chosen to firm-up their muscles, and this will require similar expertise to those held by the breast inspection team. The committees problem is that until a suitable candidate has come forward, the room and all its equipment cannot be used to its full potential.
But thank you for your interest.
Keith
Club Feeler-Upper
I think MissChief wants to be admitted as a guest, just to try the dogging room 
Then there's newswing69, (34B & skinny) they have shown particular interest, and will present themselves at Leicester on Saturday, when formal entry will be made.
There may also be a couple of the Countesses maids, but you will need to speak to Neil about them, or indeed Mr RSAB2, as they both seemed to have their hands full while I carried out the preliminary with the Countess :twisted:
Then there's newswing69, (34B & skinny) they have shown particular interest, and will present themselves at Leicester on Saturday, when formal entry will be made.
There may also be a couple of the Countesses maids, but you will need to speak to Neil about them, or indeed Mr RSAB2, as they both seemed to have their hands full while I carried out the preliminary with the Countess :twisted:
Neil,
I'm almost brought to tears reading your 1002nd post. Congratulations
Your not aware of course, but you started me in here, and perhaps it shows my mentality because I have understood all of the post you have written. However, now that it has been pointed out that you write complete bollocks all the time, and admit it yourself, perhaps I should take a leaf out of your book to try and achieve the same mile-stone by writing much more drivel than I do now?
Anyway, see you over the otherside, in the members bar in a couple of minutes.
Keith
PS. Those for a feel-up or nipple tweek, please for an orderly queque, and Neil and I will take you in turn.
I'm almost brought to tears reading your 1002nd post. Congratulations
Your not aware of course, but you started me in here, and perhaps it shows my mentality because I have understood all of the post you have written. However, now that it has been pointed out that you write complete bollocks all the time, and admit it yourself, perhaps I should take a leaf out of your book to try and achieve the same mile-stone by writing much more drivel than I do now?
Anyway, see you over the otherside, in the members bar in a couple of minutes.
Keith
PS. Those for a feel-up or nipple tweek, please for an orderly queque, and Neil and I will take you in turn.
