Quote by Vix
You're just after NSA sex and this is not a bunk-up shop, mate.
Go to your local meat market nightclub and get a life.

Quote by Lazeeboy
"when you are confronted by an opponent,conquer him with love"
Who?
Lb :love:

Quote by Sgt Bilko
I had almost the same joke sent to my phone, and I found it funny!! :lol: :lol:
I passed it on to a few people via phone text, but decided that this site would not be an appropriate place to post it. :? :? :? :?

Quote by kbuk
* This was originally written by Roger743 *
Because some of us guys are apparently so bad, here's something that may help; a standard response form us guys can use to create a better-than-awful reply with no effort required whatsoever. So don't spend minutes trying to find the perfect way to express your feelings - just use this form, put an X in the relevent boxes, and you're away!

*********************
Hi _________!
(recipient's name here)
I
saw your advert
saw your website
saw you in the forum
saw you in the chatroom
heard about you from a mate
wanked over your pictures
(choose one answer)
You are
without a doubt
certainly
almost
(choose one answer)
the most beautiful woman I have ever seen
one of the most gorgeously sexy creatures on God's green Earth
a mysterious and enticing lady
much sexier than my last girlfriend
a funny and amusing girl
pretty enough to pose in Playboy
really hot
endowed with a fine pair of tits
a sexy slut
a horny bitch in need of a good hammering
pining for my massive dick
desparate for a real man to pleasure you
a likely prospect
a woman
(choose one or more answers)
and I would really like to
get to know you a little better
chat and see if we get on
see some more of your pics
have webcam fun with you
have phone sex with you
see you naked
kiss you until your toes curl
take you to an expensive hotel for a gourmet meal and a night of making explosive love between warm silk sheets
take you out for a friendly, no-pressure drink
travel across the country for an afternoon of passion with you
pay for your rail ticket to bring you across the country for an afternoon of passion with me
take you to our local Travel Lodge for an hour of good hard screwing
take you round the back of the cinema for a quick fumble
have sex with you
let you teach me exactly how to please a woman
make you my dinner
let you suck my dick in the back of my car
slam my dick up your bum really hard, the way I know you bitches like it
(choose one or more answers)
because
you sound like a fun and interesting person
you make me laugh
your eyes have enchanted me, and only your lips can free me from your spell
we could make beautiful music together
you look so sexy I could faint
I bet you're a demon between the sheets
I can make you cum really hard
I want to suck your tits
I want to eat your pussy
my dick needs sucking
I want to fuck you
I feel sorry for you, because a minger like you couldn't pull under normal circumstances
I'm a virgin and I need a woman like you to teach me about sex
my dick is hard
my wife's a dud
(choose one or more answers)
I think you should choose me over all the other men mailing you because
we get on well in the forum/chatroom
I will love and worship you for ever we are together
I have a good sense of humour
I have lots of money
I'm artistic and talented, and can compose poetry in your honour
I'm gentle and tender and very affectionate
I'm big and hairy... everywhere
I'm tall dark & handsome
I'm really hot
I can give you a really good massage
I'm very clean, and shower regularly
my dick is 9 inches
my dick is hard
my cum tastes really yummy
it'll be the best 5 minutes of your life
I can keep going for hours
I can do it 7 times a night
I work out regularly
I have my own place
I have my own car
I have enough money to book a hotel room
I'm within 100 miles of you
I've attached some nice pictures of my cock
I have a penis
I'm desparate
(choose one or more answers)
and if you refuse me I will
take in on the chin and thank you for your time
slink away quietly
cry
send you the same message in three week's time, just in case you change your mind
write an angry reply calling you a tease and an ugly bitch
(choose one answer)
If you're interested, then just
add me to your MSN
reply by email
phone me on (_____) ___ ___
(choose one answer)
Thanks for reading my message. Goodbye for now, but I hope to hear from you soon!
_________________
(your name here)
_________________
Well It had to be done!!!!
KB

Quote by Dawn_Mids
People will ALWAYS make jokes out of a bad situation. Its a fact of life.
I don't think this is funny, to me it is offensive but we have to accept it will happen.
Maybe you just found out who you wouldn't want to meet for fun
Dawn :silly:

Quote by northwest-cpl
This joke has just been told in the chat room and when a couple of people said it was offensive the teller was defended by several of the regulars in there.
" santa flying over thailand on christmas eve, he looks down and sees all the people waiting for him,,, he turns to his head elf and says,,, im just so tired what am i going to give all those people for christmas, the elf thinks about it and says,,,,, dont worry santa, just give them a wave that will be enough !!!!!!! Bad i know
gets ready for the abuse !!! "
The joke seemed bad enough, but some people's defence of it on the grounds of "humour" seemed even worse.
.
Is it me????

Quote by lorrilove
What a rude thread.
I never imagined when I joined this site that it would descend into such debauchery.
You girls were all pink and fluffy and talked of kittens and cardigans.
Now I read of "Grand slams","DP" and forming orderly lines for other unspeakaable sexual deviances.
For Gods sake is the age of romance truly dead?
SEE see what I mean?!
Wanton hussies the lot of you!!!
Thankfully
Lb :love:
Fuckin great thread btw.
Lb :love:

Quote by MQ
get a parmo on the way home.

Quote by Rabbit69
Thanks everyone! i really apreciate the response and the piss taking! Its all in good humour, i know i left myself open to it, i suppose its a good way for everyone to remember me, 1st impressions and all that!
Ok i will take the advice given and read some posts/info and get to know you all. Hopefully in the near future i will get to meet some of you!
Keep the piss taking comming!

Quote by Vix
No no, I told you to tell us when you DO go to work, not when you don't!
I mean, fancy pulling a double shift and making me worry, like that.

Quote by Vix
...to have a bit of a greedy girls night, the night before and/or the night after my wedding?
I'm gonna have a few peeps stopping over and it seems such a wasted opportunity, if I don't carpé dieum, or however you spell it.
Um, apologies to those from here who we have invited to the wedding as this is the first I have mentioned about being a GG, but I am sure it will come as no surprize!
D'ya think that this is just wrong? Does that make it all the better, or is it just me that thinks that?

Quote by Sgt Bilko
Venus!!!!!! :x :x :x :x :x
Anyway, I thought Dolphins had the odd shag every now and then just for a giggle?? :? :? :?

Quote by VenusnMars
Are we the only mammal that has sex for pleasure?
S'always puzzled me that has.
Lb :love:

Quote by PoloLady
Does baronS have a thing for animals???? katylady and coolchick???? He appears to be attracted to our feathered friends. Does he like a gobble????
Watchout freckledbird, he might be after plucking you :shock:

Quote by PoloLady
Pololady if those boobs in your avatar are yours then I guess you have to hold everything you read at arm's length hwoar:

Quote by baronS
:D :D :D WOW, new to this site and tonight I met this stunning lady. We had a drink and then went back to her place and it was the best sex I'd had for years. If this is the response from the chicks on this site then I want more :D :D :D :D :D
Never thought it was going to be this easy to get a lay, keep trying chaps, it works

Quote by lucyuktv2
Hey, Dawn is so engrossed on another thread, I don't think she's noticed this one ........... so what shall we do ..............