MandH's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

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MandH

Over 90 days ago

Straight Male, 72

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Straight Female, 65

0 miles · Bedfordshire

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2 Oct 2005

Quote by Kit
He's obviously young, or at least immature, .................. I wonder how many zits he's got :rascal: :wanker:

Can you really denote lack of maturity and age by the number of zits a person has? :shock:
Kit presses up close to the mirror inspecting her recent breakout with pride :happy: :happy: :happy:
Sorry kit, no you can't tell age by the number of zits (so stop bloody looking at them :grin smile

smile

, but generally young males have zits at some stage so I bet he has.
Anyways, what you worried about age for? you only look 21 innocent

innocent

2 Oct 2005

H went to one last week, just waiting for the sexy bits and bobs to turn up now

2 Oct 2005

umm what are the fantasies???, and maybe it would be nice to know a little more about you.

2 Oct 2005

Quote by oliveoyl
Depends on the response, that time ofyear there all sorts of places to be hired with accomadationn,
And no my house is on ickle lol bit like me really

and there are lots of mobile homes that would be empty, and cheap that time of year as well

2 Oct 2005

Quote by burnie
Did you ever wonder why so many of us list 'no pain or watersports' in our ads, as though it's a mainstream activity?
It's kind of like going to someones for dinner and saying, 'I eat anything, but no diesel fuel or pieces of carpet....'
I'll have sex with you, but don't pee on me or slap me hard around the buttocks!!! .......or is it just me? :taz:

yeah your right burnie, a lot of us do say that, but we never say "can accomodate, but don't wipe your cock on the curtains" do we??? :grin:
Wae Aye, but can I swab down me minge on the roller blind, petal? :moon:

aww me sides are hurting, sorry burnie but I can almost imagine that........
Dambuster, thats wy we took the valence off the bed lol

2 Oct 2005

Quote by burnie
I just take my husband, strip him naked, douse him with cold water, stand him next to an open fridge, and climb up on his head..... :bs: and presto....silent vibrator.

WOW don't his teeth chatter :grin:

2 Oct 2005

Quote by burnie
Did you ever wonder why so many of us list 'no pain or watersports' in our ads, as though it's a mainstream activity?
It's kind of like going to someones for dinner and saying, 'I eat anything, but no diesel fuel or pieces of carpet....'
I'll have sex with you, but don't pee on me or slap me hard around the buttocks!!! .......or is it just me? :taz:

yeah your right burnie, a lot of us do say that, but we never say "can accomodate, but don't wipe your cock on the curtains" do we??? :grin:

2 Oct 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Ewwwwwwwwwww Marmite flavoured condoms - that's just GOT to be wrong :shock:

LOL thats what I thought frecklebird, but she says no it should be the morning version, and she'll take it with tea and toast :grin:
Bleurghhhhhhhhhhh biggrin

biggrin

Help I think my other half is wierd

2 Oct 2005

Quote by freckledbird
Ewwwwwwwwwww Marmite flavoured condoms - that's just GOT to be wrong :shock:

LOL thats what I thought frecklebird, but she says no it should be the morning version, and she'll take it with tea and toast :grin:

2 Oct 2005

Quote by EnglishChris99
I didn't investigate as my date at the time was put off by the sleezy men hanging around outside (as was I... they were very sleezy).

Sleazy??? try walking around the blue mosque in Istanbul, mid-evening....... the guy says hey would you like a woman, when you say no thanks, he says ok would you like a young man??? .............. now thats sleazy !!

2 Oct 2005

Quote by sierra
it would be very early to wear a french letter ,after all she might want to give you oral sex and that would be like eating a sweet with the wrapper on,so why spoil her fun

Unless of cause it was flavored.
sierra x x lol

lol

Thats why they were invented.............
H reckons they should be butterscotch, mint, or marmite flavoured

2 Oct 2005

Try yellow pages, I've heard you can find anything in there

2 Oct 2005

Can just see it DD
NEWSFLASH............ The bomb squad today carried out a small controlled explosion on a suitcase in Central London............
when they open up the case there it is.......... the remains of some duracell batteries, some plastic beads, and a tiny pair of rabbit ears :grin: :grin: innocent

innocent

2 Oct 2005

Hello and :welcome: to the site. Kick off yer shoes, look around and enjoy......... oh and the natives don't bite (they only nibble)

2 Oct 2005

OK this may sound far fetched but it really did happen a few months back........
I supply services to the motor trade, and I was in the workshop at one of my dealer customers........
The lads were standing around looking at this car. A woman had just brought it in, complaining of a rattle coming from the dashboard area. The lads did the first and obvious thing, and looked in the glove box...... sure enough, hidden away under the cd cases and sweet wrappers was one of them lipstick sized vibrators, buzzing it's little heart out.
You should have seen the look on the womans face when they explained what they had found....... :grin: :grin: innocent

innocent

2 Oct 2005

Quote by sleazy
whey hey, first thread i have ever statred thats made it to 2 pages......do I get a pay rise now ?

Errrrr No.............. and your next question??? :grin:

2 Oct 2005

Quote by Dune
soon you will get a green L

nah it will be a green P like this............

:grin:

2 Oct 2005

Quote by bluexxx
.....Anyways, today it's cold, so I tried to put my central heating on. Will it work....? Will it bollocks..... even the instruction book gives no indication of the problem............ See, central heating boilers hate me..... they hate more more than any other piece of technology in the world..... one a few years ago tried to gas me, then at another house it wouldn't work unless everything was turned up so high it was like a sauna, then my next one......... well, Â£800 later it finally worked.......... now this one is on the bloody blink.
Not happy (and cold!!!)

Well put yer thermal knickers on........ you know those big ones that you keep in the bottom of yer knicker drawer, pair of bed socks, 3 nighties, and a wooly hat, get back into bed and.............. bobs yer uncle :grin:
Look on the bright side, it's only technology that doesn't like you lol

lol

2 Oct 2005

Quote by Pete_sw
Donâ€™t worry Lep
The escape committee have built you a hang glider form bits and pieces we found lying around in the GFZ
Glad your having a good time

Ummm......... excuse me if I'm being fick, but isn't the idea of using a hang glider, (or any glider come to that) for an escape, to jump off the high walls and/or towers and glide to freedom, at the same time singing nana na nana, and generally giving flipa

flipa

to the people below, in this case the Sarge??
So how the feck is the little fella going to use one to get back in again!!! rolleyes

rolleyes

2 Oct 2005

Quote by dambuster
can i semi hijack this thread and change it to sunday lunch........ we going for a pub roast hre, how about everyone else ?

Spit ?
Nah Dammie, I don't spit (cos my mum said it's rude), and there's only me and H here we can't do the roast variety either sad

sad

Depends how far "somewhere North of London" you are
Mum is of course quite right - swallowing is always preferable to spitting :twisted:
well not that far north of London, but too far from Derby's to do anything today, so I'll go for a long walk over the fields with the dog, and H will probably watch her soap omnibus again !!!!
Oh and don't tell Wish............ we sort of live round the corner from him :grin: innocent

innocent

2 Oct 2005

Quote by Edin BBW
Nice one Lancy..........
Your next step is to come out with me hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Awe bluexxx, give the poor guy a chance to settle in first or you'll scare him off. :evil2: :evil2: :evil2:
Oh Fluck............. run mate she'll eat you alive, then spit out the bones

2 Oct 2005

Quote by dambuster
can i semi hijack this thread and change it to sunday lunch........ we going for a pub roast hre, how about everyone else ?

Spit ?
Nah Dammie, I don't spit (cos my mum said it's rude), and there's only me and H here we can't do the roast variety either sad

sad

2 Oct 2005

Come on Pleasure seeker, get it together..................
I like many others sympathised with your plight on the first thread, and I still sympathise now BUT...............
You need to stop asking the same things over and over again, and get on and do something about it. Every post on this thread has merits of one sort or another, and many people have offered good advice, when are you going to start following it?
The last thread got heated, because some of the ladies were unhappy with the morals involved, ok it's up to you whether you agree with that line or not but sorry mate, you either go out and play, and run the risk of divorce, (and some of the issues that Postie has just inferred in his post), or you go and sort it out. Relate could help, even on your own. It could be that if you open up to someone who is actually trained to understand these issues (unlike most of us lot who go by our own feelings and experiences), you will get a balanced view of what the problem is, and some guidance on what to do about it. Either way you must make that decision.
Good luck !
M

2 Oct 2005

Quote by Dawn_Mids
Years in prison: 96.5 Potential fine: Â£2000 :eeek: :eeek: :eeek:

Eeeeewwwww, you'll be an old wrinkly when you get out hehehehe innocent

innocent

2 Oct 2005

Quote by freckledbird
PMSL, never noticed. You can definitely sense the desperation

Oh poor lamb................. wait till he gets older, he'll soon learn that being between a womans legs is not the be all and end all of things :grin: :P

1 Oct 2005

Quote by EnglishChris99
although I always thought magicians had the nicest rope, it was always so pliable and soft looking ?!?! :shock:

Yeah like a few women I have known :grin:

1 Oct 2005

Yeah Chris I followed a link in someones post the other day that had something similar in it, some very interesting patterns and knots !, and it needed lots of rope

1 Oct 2005

Quote by NorfolkBBW
Aww hun ........grovel grovel

Would u wear a signed Norwich shirt to fuck and mad Norwich fan?? lol
Hun what ever turns you on :P

1 Oct 2005

Aww hun ........grovel grovel smile

smile

1 Oct 2005

Quote by GenHertsCpl
Shopping tip for you.......
If you buy the toms on the vine, before putting in yr trolley, take them off the vine and put in bag, check out will only charge you the loose price Im so bad :twisted:

Oh naughty naughty, I'll have to remember that, and tell H to do it (she doesn't trust me to do the shopping, reckons I spend too much!!),
Umm 2 eggs, Bacon, tomato, mushrooms, fried bread, and several mugs of tea.......... oh I wish!, since the diet started, it's 2 pieces of dry toast or cereal, and a cup of tea without sugar.......hhhmmmm