Red__Van__Man's Forum Posts

9 Oct 2003

Okey cokey, from the top...........
Mark: Our survey said...... X sad

Mal: Our survey said.... X :(
Kat: Our survey said..... X :(
Peter: Spot on!! biggrin

8) :D
Yep, I was too lazy to look any further than my own monitor confused

Fortunately, I hadn't bought the Milky Bars, so looks like they're down to you Peter wink

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9 Oct 2003

Picking myself up off the floor, amazed at getting something right, I shall away to Morrisons (hopefully avoiding Blue and her marrow) and get the Milky Bars in lol

I wasn't looking over your shoulder Mal, honest. I was too busy looking over Foxylady's, in an attempt to see how massive her mammaries really are redface

Very nice, by the way wink

Right, back to the job in hand.............. I spy with my little eye something beginning with
M
too lazy to think of another letter, he he he he

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9 Oct 2003

That'll teach me, attempting lateral thinking on a Thursday afternoon redface

OK, still taking the "too big" reference as a clue, how's about MOUSE? smile

Alright, I'll get my coat :cry:

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9 Oct 2003

Can't argue with that one, Lovelikea biggrin

I'd also like to add to the list, the kitchen scene in the re-make of "The Postman Always Rings Twice", starring Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange. There is virtually no exposed flesh in this scene. However the sheer lust and passion shown, as Jack has her across the kitchen table, makes it worthy of a place in your list. IMHO 8)

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9 Oct 2003

Errrrrrrm............ could the answer be ME? confused

Probably wrong as per bloomin' usual sad

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9 Oct 2003

Jags wrote

I teach about runner beans, jelly beans etc but never heard of the dogging bean

One of the lesser known members of the bean family, the Dogging Bean or Phaseolus Carparcus to give it it's full name. Whilst other beans have gained in popularity, this variety has faired poorly recently, due to adverse publicity. (See Mark's thread about the JV show on Radio 2)
Flowers in late spring and starts spreading it's seed soon after, if given the right cultivation and handling. Prefers a warm environment, with little or no watering and doesn't require a bed, for it to root. This variety actually flourishes under poor lighting, although can often be seen blooming in broad daylight.
Certain strains are known to be creepers and thus have been condemned, by others. Their attempts to root, in or around any motor vehicle containing moist potting compost, has caused some concern amongst the gardening fraternity. However, these are not hardy annuals and so unlikely to be seen next year.
Hope that has helped de-mystify, the much berated Dogging Bean, Jags? wink

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9 Oct 2003

Nice one H, thoroughly enjoyed that biggrin

Anorak time, Peter confused

A guy called Cuthbert Clarke wrote the music to accompany "The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God"
If my old English master is looking down now, he'd be proud of me
If my old English master is looking down........ What are you doing reading a forum in a swingers site? :shock:

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9 Oct 2003

Blue Wrote:

I shop at Morrisons personally, and next time I'm in there I shall keep my eye out for those tell tale badges.

Oh so it was you I saw in Morrisons!! I take it you misunderstood, when that "Young maaaannn" asked if you needed any help packing? Bless him. The look on his face, when you produced a marrow a bottle of extra virgin olive oil then asked him to bend over, will haunt me for years! :shock:
When I got to the till the cashier scanned my shopping and, as I was handing over my credit card, commented that she assumed I lived alone.
"Why yes" I responded enthusiastically, "Did you deduce that from the items I bought?"......
"No" she said, "Coz you're f**kin' ugly, that's why" :cry:
I like the idea of a discrete badge. Rachel pointed out a key on a chain or collar, is an indication of someone's involvement in the D/s scene. Perhaps a small gold badge, tie pin, earrings or brooch, in the shape of a dog could denote someone's interest in the car park scene?
As long as the country's dog lovers didn't wear a similar item, we should be quite safe wink

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9 Oct 2003

Welcome me2ur, hope you enjoy yourself here smile

As for the Rufty-Tufty Club think I'll pass on that one, if you don't mind? :shock:
Were they Metric or AF bolts? confused

Not that it'd make a huge difference. A big bolt up the arse, is a big bolt up the arse, I guess? sad

Oh and cheers Kat, I'm going to be haunted by visions of corkscrewing jobbies, for the rest of the day! rolleyes

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8 Oct 2003

Kat wrote:

Penis - nope, but it is something left out from last night

Panties?
Don't know why I bother, I'm always wrong. Think I'll go and eat worms :cry:

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8 Oct 2003

Bearing in mind Mark's new arrival............. Breast Pump? confused

As for Blue's comments, last time she said that was when she met one of her admirers!! :shock:

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8 Oct 2003

Don't think you're cwite rite, with that one, Kat confused

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8 Oct 2003

Hi Nathan and Sharky, welcome to the madhouse smile

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8 Oct 2003

Hello Blue Eyes and welcome to the madhouse smile

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7 Oct 2003

Eeeeeeee, looks like I've bin goin' t'wrong type o fund raiser. Never see owt like that round these parts. Best as we can 'ope for is a coupla ferrets doin' a turn sad

Are the streets really paved with gold, in London? :shock:

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7 Oct 2003

Sharkyhotlove wrote:

I love the G.P it never fails in sending me to sleep on a sunday afternoon

Bloody philistine rolleyes

Is that how doctors spend their days off, getting loved by hot sharks? confused

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7 Oct 2003

I wonder how many Swinging Heaven members will be watching the GP on Sunday, trying to catch a glimpse of either of these beauties? biggrin

I know I will wink

he he he he he

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7 Oct 2003

Cock? (Of the soot blackened variety confused

)

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7 Oct 2003

Don't be daft, Lord Nelson is over there, Henry the 8th, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra having a foursome, and in the corner is Florence Nightingale being impaled by Vlad the Impaler.
Just cos no one else can see them, does not mean they are not there!

I'm getting very worried now. Ever since Kat moved up to "swinger status", his mind has gone AWOL :shock:
What's even more worrying............ I actually tried his remedies, before realising I was taking the advice of a mad man!! confused

Ahhhhhh well, looks like it's a life of celibacy for me :cry:

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7 Oct 2003

Now for Diesel soot my granny used to always swear by scrubbing vigorously backwards and forwards in a neighbours spring loaded letterbox while wearing a tutu and a blue flashing police light and yelling "Woo Woo Woo" at the top of your voice.

Your granny used to swear by that???? :shock:
My granny used to swear at my grandad, but that's another story wink

Think I'm starting to realise that some of the advice, dished out in these forums, is not all it's cracked up to be rolleyes

Anyway, I'm getting to like my black willy, so there :P

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7 Oct 2003

Great suggestion, Kit or Kat!!!
No more print visible on my willy.............. Because I've now got a black willy, from all the f***in' diesel soot!!! mad

:x :x :x
Anyone got any...........? confused

Hang on a minute maybe all isn't lost here? Where were those advertisers, looking for a black cock? 8)

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7 Oct 2003

As Foxylady says, imagination is very important. However, does it just have to be the blokes who shows some? confused

Come on ladies, you're not telling me you simply lie back and think of England do you?? (Yes I know, before you rise up in anger, some of you may wish to think of lesser countries) :P
What's more important is getting the mood right, passions running high and you going for it for all you're worth. At times like this any male member will rise to the challenge and can appear, if not actually, bigger. smile

Anyone got any suggestions, for removing laser print from sensitive skin? Somehow managed to end up with Wendy, printed on my willy :shock: When erect, it actually says Welcome to Salford have a nice day, but that's another story wink

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7 Oct 2003

Not sure if you watched fame academy or not, Blue? Louise was one of the contestants this year. smile

I've copied a link, to some of her pics, so you can see why I think she and Connie would look "OK" together wink

Or you could try;

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7 Oct 2003

Heh Jinx,
That bugger and his mates, in the big white transit, don't half get around. We've had them lurking around some of the North West sites. Sometimes, not content with driving round the car park shining his bright light on everyone, he'll send some of his other mates along in a green and white or orange and white car. You can tell they're his mates, coz they've got those big blue lights on the roof and some fancy stickers on the doors. 8)
How they ever expect to get involved, when they keep harrassing the folks who are out for some fun, god only knows? I suspect they're looking for a greedy girl, who's into uniforms, hand-cuffs and maybe a little rough handling, so they can all join in wink

Anyway, I think he's jealous of my Red Van. He keeps asking me if it's mine and where I live. I keep telling him I'm not selling it to him and that fettling is as good a reason as any, to be in a dimly lit carpark in the middle of the night with my trousers round my ankles! :shock:

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6 Oct 2003

Connie Montoya, with Louise Griffiths (Jenson Button's g/f). Now that, my friends would be well worth seeing! 8)
In fact, Connie Montoya with any of the other F1 driver's wives or g/friends biggrin

Oh what the hell, Connie Montoya on her own, with another woman, man, animal or vegetable. I'd like to see her with anyone other than that useless Latino, she's married to confused

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5 Oct 2003

I took a video back to Blockbuster, does that count? confused

OK, I admit, I also took a peek at Mark n Linda's pics redface

Yes alright, I took a peek at Heather's pics as well wink

Sadly though, I didn't take any pics of me doing any of the above sad

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5 Oct 2003

Have to agree with not posting offenders reg. numbers, for the reasons mentioned. I think we'd be opening up a can of worms, were we to post vehicle reg. numbers.
However, a brief description of the vehicle or the occupant or location, without naming names or giving out numbers, may work. Not everyone may have the presence of mind, to do as Pete&Sue did. (Very clever and very funny, by the way)
With all the bad press, dogging is attracting at the moment, the last thing we need is more adverse publicity. Were someone to get hurt, not only would the press have a field day, the boys in blue would (rightly so) show more than a passing interest.

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3 Oct 2003

My question is, how do I get my balls to travel further? wink

This is the golfers forum isn't it? rolleyes

Betterswingingheaven? confused

They'll be claiming us blokes are stupid, next. As if! :shock:

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3 Oct 2003

Like my friend's encounter, with someone posing as a woman, claiming to be part of a swinging couple then producing my pic, claiming me as her partner :shock:
My friend couldn't believe her eyes. She phoned me in fits of laughter, whilst she was still chatting to her/him, asking me how long I'd been swinging with this woman. When I got p***ed off, that someone else was getting my nooky, she laughed all the more.
My only question was, why? Why choose my pic, when they could've used a better looking bloke? The pic of the woman was of a pretty lady, no doubt fake, which was used as the main attraction. But surely they could've found a better looking bloke confused

Has anyone here, ever met up with people who weren't the ones in the photos?

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3 Oct 2003

John & Pat, that's a terrible thing to have happen. It can be a frightening experience.
Personally, if he behaves like that, I believe he deserves to have his details published as a warning to others.
I'm certain I have missed out on opportunities, through erring on the side of caution. However, I'd far rather do that than chase people round or approach, when I wasn't certain they wished me to.
When will they learn?

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