Hello runtie,
you sex vixen you!!! :shock:
Anyway down to business.......
Firstly apologies if anyone else has come up with this suggestion I haven't read the posts just the main one.......
Right I'm assuming (though assumation is the mother of all fuck up's) that you want to leave your current "vanilla" partner and pursue a relationship with a "swinging scene" partner??
If so then maybe try the Let's Meet Up Section and put something along the lines of a "Would Like To Meet" type advert stating that you are looking for a single man using the site and being part of the scene, for the possibility of a relationship?
Go on a few dates and see how things go just as you would in a normal relationship, with the added factor that you don't have to go through the whole "getting into swinging as a couple" type chats or worrying about one another's reactions to the possibility!!
I'd say it's a sensible and practical approach to your situation, I like realists and that is what your being, if your with a guy that wants different things to you, you have to move on for BOTH your sakes rather than a dalliance with cheating on your partner and risking hurting them, which I'm sure is not your intention.
Let us know how you get on and I'll look out for yout "WLTM" adds on the LMU forum
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Srne
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 47
0 miles · Tyne and Wear
Forum
I was going to mention something about bratwurst sausages and frikkendale meatballs, but I wont.
Maybe just put a smallish spread on 'cos the people at the party wont be interested in the fruit cocktail and party food with all that flirting and sexy fun going on. We went to a similar do a year back an the spread was massive and really nice but hardly got eaten (except for me and miss srne, we are rogues and never miss the opportunity for a free feed)
.
Just a thought, have a great night though!!
Maybe just put a smallish spread on 'cos the people at the party wont be interested in the fruit cocktail and party food with all that flirting and sexy fun going on. We went to a similar do a year back an the spread was massive and really nice but hardly got eaten (except for me and miss srne, we are rogues and never miss the opportunity for a free feed)
.Just a thought, have a great night though!!
Hi guys,
Welcome to the forum as you look like your pretty new to the place..........
*In edit* agreed jaymar chatting is the best way to find out if the people are compatible/trustworthy etc*
As Sexkitten mentioned, asking people from the "vanilla" or (non swinging)world to get involve is fraught with all kinds of pit-falls.
Firstly, maybe have a look at what it is that you dont like about the system of mail on here? We find it the best way to get to know people initially and maybe your approach to the system is what is making it appear or seem a bit unattractive to you and could do with a new approach?
This is what we do and we have had great success using the site and have had lots of fun with many great ppl over the 3 years we have been here.....
Hope this helps......?
We have a copy and paste reply that we send out to adverts we like the look of giving a really detailed bit about us, ie what we like, what/who we are looking for and what we are interested in etc.
This saves sooooo much time having to write one out each time and you can spend a bit of time developing it to be something really comprehensive with a good lot info about the two of you.
We reply to adverts that appear to be just what we want as we believe there is a "rule of numbers" on the site that basically goes a little like this.....
For every 20 replies you send out to adds you like, 10 will not reply, 5 might reply with a "thanks but no thanks", 5 with a positive response, and of those final 5 only 1 will possibly lead to a meet up.
This is because there are so many variables when doing the online swinging thing, distance,attraction, compatibility,whether the people are genuine or not etc,etc,etc.
The thing that you will probs find the more you use the site is you have to be realistic and your initial expectations probably wont be met. When we first came here we thought, "right we're a young, attractive couple, we will find loads of people and be swinging whenever we want", when, in reality we have only met 6 couple in all the time we have been here, due to the above listed factors.
We are not disappointed though, as the meet ups we have had have been pretty great and we have made lo0ads of friends going to socials and munches.
Hope this helps and if not, well we tried
Welcome to the forum as you look like your pretty new to the place..........
*In edit* agreed jaymar chatting is the best way to find out if the people are compatible/trustworthy etc*
As Sexkitten mentioned, asking people from the "vanilla" or (non swinging)world to get involve is fraught with all kinds of pit-falls.
Firstly, maybe have a look at what it is that you dont like about the system of mail on here? We find it the best way to get to know people initially and maybe your approach to the system is what is making it appear or seem a bit unattractive to you and could do with a new approach?
This is what we do and we have had great success using the site and have had lots of fun with many great ppl over the 3 years we have been here.....
Hope this helps......?
We have a copy and paste reply that we send out to adverts we like the look of giving a really detailed bit about us, ie what we like, what/who we are looking for and what we are interested in etc.
This saves sooooo much time having to write one out each time and you can spend a bit of time developing it to be something really comprehensive with a good lot info about the two of you.
We reply to adverts that appear to be just what we want as we believe there is a "rule of numbers" on the site that basically goes a little like this.....
For every 20 replies you send out to adds you like, 10 will not reply, 5 might reply with a "thanks but no thanks", 5 with a positive response, and of those final 5 only 1 will possibly lead to a meet up.
This is because there are so many variables when doing the online swinging thing, distance,attraction, compatibility,whether the people are genuine or not etc,etc,etc.
The thing that you will probs find the more you use the site is you have to be realistic and your initial expectations probably wont be met. When we first came here we thought, "right we're a young, attractive couple, we will find loads of people and be swinging whenever we want", when, in reality we have only met 6 couple in all the time we have been here, due to the above listed factors.
We are not disappointed though, as the meet ups we have had have been pretty great and we have made lo0ads of friends going to socials and munches.
Hope this helps and if not, well we tried
Quote by Jasonandandrea
interesting question, i have recently given up the bad habit and i can honestly say i gave up out of pressure, when the smoking ban came in within a week if i lit up i felt like a lepper and completely anti-social.
please dont let there be a chineese food ban x
CHINESE FOOD BAN NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
what else would we eat on a saturday night?
Welcome to the Forums by the way guys!!
Happy Easter guys and girls.....
Following on from what trixie said (good post btw) Easter is a celebration of rebirth, hence the chocolate easter egg, a symbolic gift that we give, to hope that we pass on the message and chance of rebirth to those we love.
I myself, like trixie am an atheist, but that does not mean I don't have a spiritual side, I am very spiritual and yes I celebrate Easter and Christmas.
Why then, am I a hypocrite?
No, not at all, as a spiritual person I have decided to disregard a chosen faith such as Christianity, Buddhism etc and concentrate on the parts of religion I KNOW to be true rather than believe what somebody else has written which gives THEIR interpretations on faith and events!!
I have a "Bible according to me" philosophy, where I set down my own beliefs and faith brought about by how I see the world.
I dont wanna get all "religious on your asses" and start a huge debate on religious theology but the Gnostic Gospels, thought to be the true written word of Jesus, are vastly different from the Bible which has been rewritten and reworded MANY, MANY times over the past 2000 years.
The Gnostic Gospels preach more about "personal faith" more akin to the "......look under a rock and there you will find me, pick up a log and there I am......" stuff that theologists take to mean that Jesus didnot believe we had to go to a church or believe in one set faith, but that we must exercise good spiritual practice in our everyday lives, as God was all around us in the world we live.
Anyway I sound like im giving a sermon (spelling check anyone?) but what I really wanna say is that, everyone, regardless of their faith or spiritual beliefs can take an important message from Easter, that we all have the ability through our OWN faith or belief to be "reborn" or change who we are to become better than we were.
Now dont go eating all those chocolates an makin' yourselves sick dudes!!
Have a good 'un.
Following on from what trixie said (good post btw) Easter is a celebration of rebirth, hence the chocolate easter egg, a symbolic gift that we give, to hope that we pass on the message and chance of rebirth to those we love.
I myself, like trixie am an atheist, but that does not mean I don't have a spiritual side, I am very spiritual and yes I celebrate Easter and Christmas.
Why then, am I a hypocrite?
No, not at all, as a spiritual person I have decided to disregard a chosen faith such as Christianity, Buddhism etc and concentrate on the parts of religion I KNOW to be true rather than believe what somebody else has written which gives THEIR interpretations on faith and events!!
I have a "Bible according to me" philosophy, where I set down my own beliefs and faith brought about by how I see the world.
I dont wanna get all "religious on your asses" and start a huge debate on religious theology but the Gnostic Gospels, thought to be the true written word of Jesus, are vastly different from the Bible which has been rewritten and reworded MANY, MANY times over the past 2000 years.
The Gnostic Gospels preach more about "personal faith" more akin to the "......look under a rock and there you will find me, pick up a log and there I am......" stuff that theologists take to mean that Jesus didnot believe we had to go to a church or believe in one set faith, but that we must exercise good spiritual practice in our everyday lives, as God was all around us in the world we live.
Anyway I sound like im giving a sermon (spelling check anyone?)
but what I really wanna say is that, everyone, regardless of their faith or spiritual beliefs can take an important message from Easter, that we all have the ability through our OWN faith or belief to be "reborn" or change who we are to become better than we were.Now dont go eating all those chocolates an makin' yourselves sick dudes!!
Have a good 'un.
I agree with what steve j said about a difference between having fun and abuse, sitting on a guys lap and wiggling her bum would not be seen as outrageous in an office environment, and I know that she is the guys carer as he has spina bifida, but its better than the guy feeling that nobody would want physical contact with him because of this maybe?
I dunno I'm just surmising an hoping to give a differing viewpoint without offending anyone, as I know when family are involved it is a very serious matter.
As for family involvement in decision making Anais, I would hazard a guess that the next of kin ALWAYS have a right to make decisions, unless "loco parentis" has been signed? Even in this instance I would think the carers/facility would be compassionate enough to take the families concerns and opinions regarding their son/brother or whoever into consideration. They may have a duty of care to the individual but it is a much broader scope than that when they are caring for a person who's family have issues with that persons welfare.
Maybe ask for a meeting with the centre manager rather than a phone call and if it's not forthcoming go down and demand to be seen. Family comes first.
Good luck and I hope all turns out well!!x
I dunno I'm just surmising an hoping to give a differing viewpoint without offending anyone, as I know when family are involved it is a very serious matter.
As for family involvement in decision making Anais, I would hazard a guess that the next of kin ALWAYS have a right to make decisions, unless "loco parentis" has been signed? Even in this instance I would think the carers/facility would be compassionate enough to take the families concerns and opinions regarding their son/brother or whoever into consideration. They may have a duty of care to the individual but it is a much broader scope than that when they are caring for a person who's family have issues with that persons welfare.
Maybe ask for a meeting with the centre manager rather than a phone call and if it's not forthcoming go down and demand to be seen. Family comes first.
Good luck and I hope all turns out well!!x
I think a lot of the guys who come on here who are married and their wife doesn't know they are on here are a bit sad and deceitful really, but not ALL of them.
Im kind of going off topic a little here but here goes anyway.........
Lets imaging per say that I'm a married man who after being married to my wife for 15 years, have come to a bit of a plateau in sexual relations with said betrothed.
I desperately want to tell her how I feel and try to improve the situation but fear she will "kick off" possibly throw me out and even think I'm a pervert :shock:
I have seen this happen so many times as I worked, until recently in construction, and many of the older guys who had been married a while, always seemed to be complaining about the lack of sexual interest from their wives etc.
I (unknown to them) have a relationship where I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy a sexual freedom unfamiliar to most men, myself and my partner meet other couples that we like from this site and indulge in things most men could only ever dream of.
This is possible because I realised from an early point that miss srne was quite open and able to discuss anything without flying of the handle, I could talk to her, and her to me about without the fear of not giving the idea we proposed careful consideration.
Many people on here, usually, are fortunate enough to have the same kind of relationship and partner and thus that is why they are on here enjoying the sexual freedom and liberation that swinging creates and gives.
Here's how it happened for us......after a while as usual in relationships we started talking more candidly and openly about sex, sexuality, fantasies and such like and I told her that in the past I had slept with more than one woman at a time and had been involved in m/m/f threesomes.
She seemed a little taken aback but curious and interested as her sex life had, until then been quite tame in comparison.
In the end after talking about fantasies and the possibility of involving other people in our sexual activities we discovered this place and here we are today.
Some folk don't have the pleasure of an understanding spouse, and I am talking both about men and women here (though it is usually men that come on here seeking "extra sexual gratification").
I try to look at each case objectively when people appear on the forum or the chat and are "single - BUT married" as I can kind of relate through my own experiences of working closely with, and hearing people, who are in a situation where they want more active sex lives but daren't tell their partner as they KNOW THEM and KNOW they will inevitably go mad!!!
I don't know the original poster from Adam, he may have a wife who is very understanding and open to discussion and is just "chancing his luck at an easy shag on a swingers site" (in which case he is a bit of a rat IMHO) or he may have a wife who is a complete "closed door" to any discussion of a sexual nature and in this case I can empathise with him.
All we can do is offer advice I suppose, being that we are here (most of us) with our significant other or their permission, and hope that if his wife is an unfortunate victim of finding out he has been on here "chancing his luck" (if he decides not to tell her, or try and break the possibility of involving others into their sex life to her subtly), she doesnot get hurt too badly!!
Im kind of going off topic a little here but here goes anyway.........
Lets imaging per say that I'm a married man who after being married to my wife for 15 years, have come to a bit of a plateau in sexual relations with said betrothed.
I desperately want to tell her how I feel and try to improve the situation but fear she will "kick off" possibly throw me out and even think I'm a pervert :shock:
I have seen this happen so many times as I worked, until recently in construction, and many of the older guys who had been married a while, always seemed to be complaining about the lack of sexual interest from their wives etc.
I (unknown to them) have a relationship where I am lucky enough to be able to enjoy a sexual freedom unfamiliar to most men, myself and my partner meet other couples that we like from this site and indulge in things most men could only ever dream of.
This is possible because I realised from an early point that miss srne was quite open and able to discuss anything without flying of the handle, I could talk to her, and her to me about without the fear of not giving the idea we proposed careful consideration.
Many people on here, usually, are fortunate enough to have the same kind of relationship and partner and thus that is why they are on here enjoying the sexual freedom and liberation that swinging creates and gives.
Here's how it happened for us......after a while as usual in relationships we started talking more candidly and openly about sex, sexuality, fantasies and such like and I told her that in the past I had slept with more than one woman at a time and had been involved in m/m/f threesomes.
She seemed a little taken aback but curious and interested as her sex life had, until then been quite tame in comparison.
In the end after talking about fantasies and the possibility of involving other people in our sexual activities we discovered this place and here we are today.
Some folk don't have the pleasure of an understanding spouse, and I am talking both about men and women here (though it is usually men that come on here seeking "extra sexual gratification").
I try to look at each case objectively when people appear on the forum or the chat and are "single - BUT married" as I can kind of relate through my own experiences of working closely with, and hearing people, who are in a situation where they want more active sex lives but daren't tell their partner as they KNOW THEM and KNOW they will inevitably go mad!!!
I don't know the original poster from Adam, he may have a wife who is very understanding and open to discussion and is just "chancing his luck at an easy shag on a swingers site" (in which case he is a bit of a rat IMHO) or he may have a wife who is a complete "closed door" to any discussion of a sexual nature and in this case I can empathise with him.
All we can do is offer advice I suppose, being that we are here (most of us) with our significant other or their permission, and hope that if his wife is an unfortunate victim of finding out he has been on here "chancing his luck" (if he decides not to tell her, or try and break the possibility of involving others into their sex life to her subtly), she doesnot get hurt too badly!!
Im very health conscious, I train every day and Monday to Thursday eat a very strict diet to keep me in the shape I need to be in. However on a Friday and Saturday I eat absolutely anything that I crave. Junk food being the usual, then on Sunday usually have a roast dinner and a few healthier snacks.
I don't smoke as although I do occasionally binge eat junk food, the effects of fatty foods can be neutralised through good exercise levels and maintaining a balanced diet the rest of the time, and smokings effects on the lungs, heart and other major organs cannot!
I choose to lead a healthy lifestyle and can sacrifice a few extra hours in the gym doing cardio for a couple of "cheat meals", but I could not justify myself smoking as I could never balance out the negative aspects that goes with it.
Junk food for me every time, now where's that kebab
I don't smoke as although I do occasionally binge eat junk food, the effects of fatty foods can be neutralised through good exercise levels and maintaining a balanced diet the rest of the time, and smokings effects on the lungs, heart and other major organs cannot!
I choose to lead a healthy lifestyle and can sacrifice a few extra hours in the gym doing cardio for a couple of "cheat meals", but I could not justify myself smoking as I could never balance out the negative aspects that goes with it.
Junk food for me every time, now where's that kebab
First, and not that I'm judging you here, but I take it your wife doesn't know you have a profile on here looking for couples or single women?
If not then why not introduce the idea over a drink or two, I would avoid sentences like "id love to shag another couple" and stick to the more subtle approach like "as we have been together for so long and done so much sexual stuff together do you have any fantasies you would like to act out or try?"
She may shock you and say "yeah Id love your mate to bend me over and shag my brains out" or even suggest something kinkier. Then you have the opportunity to say how much you would be interested in finding another couple to meet up with and see how you got along etc?
Id leave out terms like "shag each others wives", or "fuck each others partners" this tends to be a little crude and not endear the idea to your loved one. Maybe explain that a "friend of yours ahem" uses a website that allows couples to meet other couples with the emphasis on seeing if they are all sexually attracted and maybe having some mutually agreed sexual fun with pre determined boundaries and limits?
I would of course delete or cancel your current "married" but "looking to meet couples or single women" account before you attempt to bring your wife on here as she may wait till you fall asleep and cut your testicles off in the night with a sharp kitchen knife if she sees it?
Anyway thats my advice for what it is worth!!
If not then why not introduce the idea over a drink or two, I would avoid sentences like "id love to shag another couple" and stick to the more subtle approach like "as we have been together for so long and done so much sexual stuff together do you have any fantasies you would like to act out or try?"
She may shock you and say "yeah Id love your mate to bend me over and shag my brains out" or even suggest something kinkier. Then you have the opportunity to say how much you would be interested in finding another couple to meet up with and see how you got along etc?
Id leave out terms like "shag each others wives", or "fuck each others partners" this tends to be a little crude and not endear the idea to your loved one. Maybe explain that a "friend of yours ahem" uses a website that allows couples to meet other couples with the emphasis on seeing if they are all sexually attracted and maybe having some mutually agreed sexual fun with pre determined boundaries and limits?
I would of course delete or cancel your current "married" but "looking to meet couples or single women" account before you attempt to bring your wife on here as she may wait till you fall asleep and cut your testicles off in the night with a sharp kitchen knife if she sees it?
Anyway thats my advice for what it is worth!!
I have been careful to read this one very carefully, or is that non grammatical syntax?
Anyway, enough word play, I myself have, at times been a little dismayed that some folk have been picked up on their spelling when a thread has been of good content but poor spelling or grammar and punctuation.
When somebody has been on the site a while and is a "known member" and makes these type of mistakes, people just either accept it or have a bit of a dig (normally in good humour as we who use the forum regularly know one anothers posting style). A small "thread hijack" sometimes ensues before returning (usually and thankfully) to the topic in question.
However this type of thing has a more impactual (is that a word) effect on those newer members who donot have the familiarity of "the way things go here", and can, and will, probably be seen as criticism. This can affect the newer members self confidence if they are a person of lesser mettle than the "water off a duck's back type" and as such is probably not very nice for them!
IMHO (text speak haters will be reaching for the pitch forks) if the content of a thread is good, I will read it even if the grammar and spelling are not what one would expect on the essay of a student studying for a Masters Degree in English Language.
However, if the content is terrible, vulgar or just plain stupid, I might make a small comment about the lack of effort taken to write it.
Here is an example of one I remember vividly, having been sent it by a single male.
Quote........"wud luv to bang ur las i do mets with any1 age size looks no important give me a male on here if u want a nice big cock 4 ur las. Unquote.
This is where I can empathise with people who make comments or reply with posts of a negative connotation. They are probably not having a dig at the persons spelling or grammar but the crudeness and lack of thought that has gone into it.
People have mentioned that this thread is perhaps about one particular person or occasion, but I have to look at it objectively as I donot know the original poster or the person in question other than from what they have written previously on this site.
Whether the original poster has an "ulterior motive" or not, they have brought up an interesting topic for discussion which is what this section of the site is about.
The people who are assuming that it is anything other are speculating at best and fanning the flames for those "bandwagon types" or people who take up a moral crusade on the behalf of one faction or another.
Let us discuss the topic in question, without a thread hijack, sub topic or speculation. There is too much politics and sociology going on in the site and it drives people away. We are a community and for this place to exist in the manner we have come to know and love there must be conflicts of opinion.
Anyway, enough word play, I myself have, at times been a little dismayed that some folk have been picked up on their spelling when a thread has been of good content but poor spelling or grammar and punctuation.
When somebody has been on the site a while and is a "known member" and makes these type of mistakes, people just either accept it or have a bit of a dig (normally in good humour as we who use the forum regularly know one anothers posting style). A small "thread hijack" sometimes ensues before returning (usually and thankfully) to the topic in question.
However this type of thing has a more impactual (is that a word) effect on those newer members who donot have the familiarity of "the way things go here", and can, and will, probably be seen as criticism. This can affect the newer members self confidence if they are a person of lesser mettle than the "water off a duck's back type" and as such is probably not very nice for them!
IMHO (text speak haters will be reaching for the pitch forks) if the content of a thread is good, I will read it even if the grammar and spelling are not what one would expect on the essay of a student studying for a Masters Degree in English Language.
However, if the content is terrible, vulgar or just plain stupid, I might make a small comment about the lack of effort taken to write it.
Here is an example of one I remember vividly, having been sent it by a single male.
Quote........"wud luv to bang ur las i do mets with any1 age size looks no important give me a male on here if u want a nice big cock 4 ur las. Unquote.
This is where I can empathise with people who make comments or reply with posts of a negative connotation. They are probably not having a dig at the persons spelling or grammar but the crudeness and lack of thought that has gone into it.
People have mentioned that this thread is perhaps about one particular person or occasion, but I have to look at it objectively as I donot know the original poster or the person in question other than from what they have written previously on this site.
Whether the original poster has an "ulterior motive" or not, they have brought up an interesting topic for discussion which is what this section of the site is about.
The people who are assuming that it is anything other are speculating at best and fanning the flames for those "bandwagon types" or people who take up a moral crusade on the behalf of one faction or another.
Let us discuss the topic in question, without a thread hijack, sub topic or speculation. There is too much politics and sociology going on in the site and it drives people away. We are a community and for this place to exist in the manner we have come to know and love there must be conflicts of opinion.
Although we don't often come on here much these days as we seem to be taking a sabbatical from swinging, I (Mr Srne) do have the occasional browse through the Forum still as it just interests me so much!
I have always has a healthy interest in people, not shagging them or anything like that, though as animals we all have these primitive urges, but actually chatting to them and finding out about them and what makes them tick.
I love listening to people and hearing their stories, or what they have to say, and often, in quite normal situations find myself sussing them out as individuals.
I find myself to be a quite complex character, somebody who is always looking for something underlying and that is what interests me so much about this site.
We all have our reasons for being here and as I have said many, many times in threads previous, we have to accept that within this site lies a broad cross section of the population of the country.
I treat this place just like a real situation as apposed to a virtual world that I drift in and out of just as I would treat going to the gym or into work and interacting with people there.
When we are here sharing, debating, defending or criticising ours or others ideas we must realise that the affects of what we say affect people in the REAL world.
We have within the site all the same characters and personalities that we meet in our everyday lives, the jokers, the serious types, the gossip mongers, the criticisers, ass - kissers, the fun lovers and the more sinister types such as back-stabbers, stirrers and liars.
When we come on here I think a lot of people "shut off" from the real world as they don't assume that it exists here. The same rules of social interaction apply here as they do in the non-cyber world, it's just that here we can alter our real life selves slightly as we donot have the face to face situation, where other psychological and social personality factors come into play.
Many people will say things online that they would never say in a real world situation and the site acts as a release for them.
Me personally, I enjoy the fact that I can come on here type down my thoughts and know that whether people read them or not, I have released what I wanted to on one subject or another.
I think the thing that I am trying to say or get across to anyone who hasn't fallen asleep, is that we must use the same common sense we use in our normal everyday lives, when we are on here, and use a little restraint, tolerance or careful judgment when dealing with people or replying to posts and/or threads.
Errrm sorry if I sound a little weird, try spending as long in my head as I do!!
I have always has a healthy interest in people, not shagging them or anything like that, though as animals we all have these primitive urges, but actually chatting to them and finding out about them and what makes them tick.
I love listening to people and hearing their stories, or what they have to say, and often, in quite normal situations find myself sussing them out as individuals.
I find myself to be a quite complex character, somebody who is always looking for something underlying and that is what interests me so much about this site.
We all have our reasons for being here and as I have said many, many times in threads previous, we have to accept that within this site lies a broad cross section of the population of the country.
I treat this place just like a real situation as apposed to a virtual world that I drift in and out of just as I would treat going to the gym or into work and interacting with people there.
When we are here sharing, debating, defending or criticising ours or others ideas we must realise that the affects of what we say affect people in the REAL world.
We have within the site all the same characters and personalities that we meet in our everyday lives, the jokers, the serious types, the gossip mongers, the criticisers, ass - kissers, the fun lovers and the more sinister types such as back-stabbers, stirrers and liars.
When we come on here I think a lot of people "shut off" from the real world as they don't assume that it exists here. The same rules of social interaction apply here as they do in the non-cyber world, it's just that here we can alter our real life selves slightly as we donot have the face to face situation, where other psychological and social personality factors come into play.
Many people will say things online that they would never say in a real world situation and the site acts as a release for them.
Me personally, I enjoy the fact that I can come on here type down my thoughts and know that whether people read them or not, I have released what I wanted to on one subject or another.
I think the thing that I am trying to say or get across to anyone who hasn't fallen asleep, is that we must use the same common sense we use in our normal everyday lives, when we are on here, and use a little restraint, tolerance or careful judgment when dealing with people or replying to posts and/or threads.
Errrm sorry if I sound a little weird, try spending as long in my head as I do!!
Back on topic...........
This is an interesting thread.....
Think this might be a long one here goes.........
I think when you first meet somebody you can be blind to their less appealing personality traits depending on a few factors that involve most new relationships.
When you start off with somebody new you are so excited by them and all the trappings of newness such as great sex, butterflies in the tummy and the unpredictability of how things are going to turn out, that you are blinkered to things you see in others.
How many times have you met somebody and on the first date they have said "look I have to be honest with you, I'm a completely selfish bastard/bitch who will rarely if ever take your feelings into consideration and only ever really put myself first"???
Probably never, this is because we as human beings, especially when we meet people we are attracted to or like, try to put our best foot forward and avoid showing any traits which might make us less appealing and attractive to our intended.
We hope that by showing our best and most appealing characteristics they will engage us.
Here is the problem, the more a relationship goes on and the more time we inevitably spend together, the harder it is for us to "hide" or keep back who and what we truly are, the bits we never really want those we care about and covet to see.
Most of the time the bad bits aren't really that bad, they might have smelly feet or swear a little more than we think is necessary but it isn't enough to warrant ending the relationship. However, there are times when we can be well and truly duped, though this can not entirely be the fault of the other person, we must take some responsibility for allowing ourselves NOT to see what was always there. We were just blind to it, and as we know the old saying goes "love is blind."
In this instance when the relationship is quite advanced and "love" has clouded the equation and we have just had "realisation" what are we to do?
This is all about the individual in question and whether or not they are prepared to live with it or not. Some people try to change the other person as they have a personality type that makes them believe they are the ones that CAN change this person, as in the original post.
In trying to change someone you are really saying "look I dont like this/that about you and I want you to change or stop it" and are relying on that person loving or caring about YOU enough to want to change.
If the thing they want to change about you is a negative thing that you subconsciously block out of your self image, then that isn't necessarily always a bad thing, such as being selfish without you realising you are being so, or having a lack of tact about things they are conscious about.
Where it becomes a problem in relationships is where one person doesnot see that they have a problem or doesn't think it needs to be changed.
Social issues such as how we were raised come into this such as what our parents let us get away with or do or how they behaved etc, and affect how we view certain things or even who we have become and what we believe is acceptable as adults.
All I am trying to say is that each and every case is different, I have met people in the past, as we all probably have, who seem great when we first meet them, but after spending a few days/dates with them we think "OMG how am I going to get rid of this person?"
In a relationship it is much more difficult as thoughts feelings and emotions are involved and when love is brought into it, it becomes a minefield.
I say if you love someone you try and make them happy and accept who they are, if you don't like who they are, and they accept that they need to change try to help them, if not set them free. Rather they be happy and ignorant to their shortcomings with someone else than unhappy knowing about them with you.
Good thread original poster!!
This is an interesting thread.....
Think this might be a long one here goes.........
I think when you first meet somebody you can be blind to their less appealing personality traits depending on a few factors that involve most new relationships.
When you start off with somebody new you are so excited by them and all the trappings of newness such as great sex, butterflies in the tummy and the unpredictability of how things are going to turn out, that you are blinkered to things you see in others.
How many times have you met somebody and on the first date they have said "look I have to be honest with you, I'm a completely selfish bastard/bitch who will rarely if ever take your feelings into consideration and only ever really put myself first"???
Probably never, this is because we as human beings, especially when we meet people we are attracted to or like, try to put our best foot forward and avoid showing any traits which might make us less appealing and attractive to our intended.
We hope that by showing our best and most appealing characteristics they will engage us.
Here is the problem, the more a relationship goes on and the more time we inevitably spend together, the harder it is for us to "hide" or keep back who and what we truly are, the bits we never really want those we care about and covet to see.
Most of the time the bad bits aren't really that bad, they might have smelly feet or swear a little more than we think is necessary but it isn't enough to warrant ending the relationship. However, there are times when we can be well and truly duped, though this can not entirely be the fault of the other person, we must take some responsibility for allowing ourselves NOT to see what was always there. We were just blind to it, and as we know the old saying goes "love is blind."
In this instance when the relationship is quite advanced and "love" has clouded the equation and we have just had "realisation" what are we to do?
This is all about the individual in question and whether or not they are prepared to live with it or not. Some people try to change the other person as they have a personality type that makes them believe they are the ones that CAN change this person, as in the original post.
In trying to change someone you are really saying "look I dont like this/that about you and I want you to change or stop it" and are relying on that person loving or caring about YOU enough to want to change.
If the thing they want to change about you is a negative thing that you subconsciously block out of your self image, then that isn't necessarily always a bad thing, such as being selfish without you realising you are being so, or having a lack of tact about things they are conscious about.
Where it becomes a problem in relationships is where one person doesnot see that they have a problem or doesn't think it needs to be changed.
Social issues such as how we were raised come into this such as what our parents let us get away with or do or how they behaved etc, and affect how we view certain things or even who we have become and what we believe is acceptable as adults.
All I am trying to say is that each and every case is different, I have met people in the past, as we all probably have, who seem great when we first meet them, but after spending a few days/dates with them we think "OMG how am I going to get rid of this person?"
In a relationship it is much more difficult as thoughts feelings and emotions are involved and when love is brought into it, it becomes a minefield.
I say if you love someone you try and make them happy and accept who they are, if you don't like who they are, and they accept that they need to change try to help them, if not set them free. Rather they be happy and ignorant to their shortcomings with someone else than unhappy knowing about them with you.
Good thread original poster!!
I remember during English Literature at secondary school we read a book called "There is a Happy Land" which started out really nice and pleasant but ended up with a guy whom the author and his childhood friends calling "uncle mad", sexually abusing and killing a child that they used to hang around with.
This book was by no means substantially graphic but it made an impact on us and I'm sure that is what it was intended to do. It's not the type of thing I would read these days we have enough bad shit staring at us in the papers or on TV to feel the need to top myself up with more grief or misery!!
This book was by no means substantially graphic but it made an impact on us and I'm sure that is what it was intended to do. It's not the type of thing I would read these days we have enough bad shit staring at us in the papers or on TV to feel the need to top myself up with more grief or misery!!
Shame that the fire service cannot lecture kids these days as thats what I would have suggested initially.
Maybe look on the internet for fire safety advertisements and even shocking pictures or accounts of what house fires can do!!!
I dont think giving shock tactics is a bad thing, smacked bottoms are long forgotten before the memory of you saying something like "how would you have felt if mummy and daddy died because you had started a fire and were all alone in the world because that is what might happen if you ever play with matches and a fire breaks out!!"
Pretty brutal but we live in the real world and thats really what happens!!
Maybe look on the internet for fire safety advertisements and even shocking pictures or accounts of what house fires can do!!!
I dont think giving shock tactics is a bad thing, smacked bottoms are long forgotten before the memory of you saying something like "how would you have felt if mummy and daddy died because you had started a fire and were all alone in the world because that is what might happen if you ever play with matches and a fire breaks out!!"
Pretty brutal but we live in the real world and thats really what happens!!
Quote by Lost
When entering 'Swingworld' do you also enter into a different personality? Do you become the person you maybe really want to be, or do you remain the same as you do ostensibly in real life?
Regarding J and I we are what we say on the packet no more no less. Not a lot different, well not as yet anyway.
Good post this one as I believe that a good majority of people have "alter ego's" and different faces of their true persona depending on where they are and whom they are with!
In the "real world" Im sure nobody would suspect myself and miss srne to be into the scene as to all who know us outside we seem the quaint, polite couple who dont go out much and enjoy each others company.
Those who have seen us at the various munches we have attended will know different! :twisted:
I myself have a few "alter ego's" depending on what Im doing etc. At training people see me as a very cold, pretty mean dude who likes to kick ass, but then when I get in the car to come home and pull onto the driveway I generally have a good old chat with my elderly neighbours who have no idea Im anything but the nice young man next door who mows their lawn. Similarly the guys I train with have no idea about the type of guy I am at home getting nagged and bossed by the good lady to do the washing up or run her a bath!!
I think in answer to the original post, yes we do have a different persona when we come on the site but I think to some extent everybody does who uses it, unless they tell all and sundry that they are swingers in which case they would have no need to hide a part of their identity most of us keep from the general poulus?
Interesting one this, as we are on a site that is used by a large and varied cross section of the populous.
Its a bit of a minefield the old "what constitutes threatening or abusive behaviour" debate precisely because of the issue that has already been raised on the topic, that different people have different levels of what they constitute as such!
I myself am pretty thick skinned, I like a bit of rib taking and banter and would say that I can take stick as well as give it out, I am cautious on the site (more so on the Forum) as to what I will say as I do worry that people will take my somewhat "out there" sense of humour to be something more sinister.
The people I usually banter with or comment on are people that I know, (as so much as you can know somebody on an internet site) so I feel they know my style and that I am a bit of a "piss taker" for want of a more colloquial term.
To deliberately make a statement to make somebody in particular feel bad or use some of the big social no no's such as racism, sexual orientation and sexism (to an extent) or threats of a violent nature are pretty much intolerable and inexcusable.
I have been known to on occasion call some homosexual members "poofs" and "bum bandits"(tho I know them personally) and they have responded by calling me an "anally retentive pompus twat" but this bares no relevance to me thinking of them in a negative connotation, we are simply engaging in light-hearted extraction of urine.
Whilst on another occasion I used the word "stupid" in reference to another member (whom I didn't know personally) on the persons viewpoint in a Forum thread and was severely reprimanded by a Mod.
What I have realised during my time here is to be very cautious. Why? i hear you cry, because we have such a mixed and diverse bunch of people on the site that somewhere, sometime down the line you are going to make a flippant off the cuff remark that hurts somebody's feelings.
Some would say they are being over sensitive, some would say that I was being insensitive, each of us has our own levels of tolerance and judgments on matters that can vary greatly depending on whether or not we know the person.
Anyway enough rambling, good post I will keep my beady, judgmental eye on it!!
Its a bit of a minefield the old "what constitutes threatening or abusive behaviour" debate precisely because of the issue that has already been raised on the topic, that different people have different levels of what they constitute as such!
I myself am pretty thick skinned, I like a bit of rib taking and banter and would say that I can take stick as well as give it out, I am cautious on the site (more so on the Forum) as to what I will say as I do worry that people will take my somewhat "out there" sense of humour to be something more sinister.
The people I usually banter with or comment on are people that I know, (as so much as you can know somebody on an internet site) so I feel they know my style and that I am a bit of a "piss taker" for want of a more colloquial term.
To deliberately make a statement to make somebody in particular feel bad or use some of the big social no no's such as racism, sexual orientation and sexism (to an extent
) or threats of a violent nature are pretty much intolerable and inexcusable.I have been known to on occasion call some homosexual members "poofs" and "bum bandits"(tho I know them personally) and they have responded by calling me an "anally retentive pompus twat" but this bares no relevance to me thinking of them in a negative connotation, we are simply engaging in light-hearted extraction of urine.
Whilst on another occasion I used the word "stupid" in reference to another member (whom I didn't know personally) on the persons viewpoint in a Forum thread and was severely reprimanded by a Mod.
What I have realised during my time here is to be very cautious. Why? i hear you cry, because we have such a mixed and diverse bunch of people on the site that somewhere, sometime down the line you are going to make a flippant off the cuff remark that hurts somebody's feelings.
Some would say they are being over sensitive, some would say that I was being insensitive, each of us has our own levels of tolerance and judgments on matters that can vary greatly depending on whether or not we know the person.
Anyway enough rambling, good post I will keep my beady, judgmental eye on it!!
If you meet in a bookshop perhaps wait until the other person has bought a book and then say "can i have a quick look at that book" get a pen out write your number in the front and say "once you've read the book and need something else to occupy your time, give me a call" then walk away.
When i was single i did things like this a lot, trust me they always call!!
When i was single i did things like this a lot, trust me they always call!!
Hi kinkypal, great post.
Like Dawnie has mentioned we were going to suggest a social or munch, and then thought about the chatrooms too?
Your add and profile are very informative, have what you are looking for and what your into and have photos which is always what the people we speak to, and ourselves look for in a profile.
Stick around as you will be a welcome addition with your well thought out and measured approach to the site.
Like Dawnie has mentioned we were going to suggest a social or munch, and then thought about the chatrooms too?
Your add and profile are very informative, have what you are looking for and what your into and have photos which is always what the people we speak to, and ourselves look for in a profile.
Stick around as you will be a welcome addition with your well thought out and measured approach to the site.
Yes it would, and has, put us off in the past!!
We did a similar thing last year sexy undies under a long coat (miss srne not me of course) and went out for a drive to a not so well known place where 2 cars were parked.
We parked up about 10 meters away and just as miss was about to "reveal all" unbuttoning her coat a guy actually tried to open the door, not once but in rapid succession :shock:
Needless to say we drove off but it has put us off ever since and we now do prearranged stuff which some call "outdoor swinging", we prefer it called "have some control dogging" but we are new school doggers due to the fact we haven't found any "old school doggers" in our area!
We did a similar thing last year sexy undies under a long coat (miss srne not me of course) and went out for a drive to a not so well known place where 2 cars were parked.
We parked up about 10 meters away and just as miss was about to "reveal all" unbuttoning her coat a guy actually tried to open the door, not once but in rapid succession :shock:
Needless to say we drove off but it has put us off ever since and we now do prearranged stuff which some call "outdoor swinging", we prefer it called "have some control dogging" but we are new school doggers due to the fact we haven't found any "old school doggers" in our area!
Quote by flower411
we tried to help find a PUPPY that someone had taken out to an organised firework display at 12 on NYE, we were a little annoyed at the owners irresponsibility to be honest!! :shock:
A little annoyed !! :shock: I`d have stuck a rocket up their arses !!
The girl was so devastated that I refrained from giving the type of tirade of cliches that i would normally have dished out. We started looking at just after 12, and stayed till half 2 looking but to no avail, it was on a massive cliff edge in North Yorkshire too!!
Apparently the pup (only 11 months old)had slipped its lead when the fireworks started
Bah Humbug u lot, we love fireworks even though they are used on every occasion now!!
Nice to watch but are a bloody nightmare for the poor animals that get scared witless when crazy people take their dogs out on NYE to watch them, we tried to help find a PUPPY that someone had taken out to an organised firework display at 12 on NYE, we were a little annoyed at the owners irresponsibility to be honest!! :shock:
Nice to watch but are a bloody nightmare for the poor animals that get scared witless when crazy people take their dogs out on NYE to watch them, we tried to help find a PUPPY that someone had taken out to an organised firework display at 12 on NYE, we were a little annoyed at the owners irresponsibility to be honest!! :shock:
