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Theladyisaminx
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 62
United Kingdom
Forum
I was out with a group of friends last night when this conversation came up.
As I work from home and am self employed I was saying it isn’t always easy as some make think, as with everything in life there are advantages and disadvantages.
The advantages are
I can fit work around children, but not always easy in the holidays
I don’t have the expense and hassle of commuting
I can work the hours that suit me
I can work at late or as early as I like
I can free up time easier
I only have myself to answer too
The disadvantages are
It gets pretty lonely at times
There is very little social interaction
You have to be disciplined
It is harder to leave work at work
As we both work from home, you miss saying, “how has your day been”?.
I do enjoy being based at home, but I do miss so much about being out in the workplace too.
Would you like to change the way you work?
What are the pros and cons of your work life?
As I work from home and am self employed I was saying it isn’t always easy as some make think, as with everything in life there are advantages and disadvantages.
The advantages are
I can fit work around children, but not always easy in the holidays
I don’t have the expense and hassle of commuting
I can work the hours that suit me
I can work at late or as early as I like
I can free up time easier
I only have myself to answer too
The disadvantages are
It gets pretty lonely at times
There is very little social interaction
You have to be disciplined
It is harder to leave work at work
As we both work from home, you miss saying, “how has your day been”?.
I do enjoy being based at home, but I do miss so much about being out in the workplace too.
Would you like to change the way you work?
What are the pros and cons of your work life?
too! 
Quote by northwest-cpl
At the time of SH's inception I don't believe there were many (if any) other sites of it's kind around. People who were "swinging" had been using other media (contact mags, word of mouth etc) to discover like-minded people and arrange meets.
The original creators of the site (Mark and Helen) were swingers themselves. They found a niche in the market which could be filled by SH.
There were plenty of swinging websites around before SH. Dirty Davids and then Dean and Mattys were both large sites, albeit not as big as SH has become, but much larger than SH in its first year. There were many small sites that came and went. I was a user of many swinging sites since about 2000 and prior to that used the old bulletin boards to find information about swinging. I first became aware and started looking at SH in Spring 2003 when it was a tiny site and registered in Dec 2003 to attend the first NW munch.
Mark's skill probably lay in getting SH to the top of the list in all the search engines, which allowed SH to quickly grow to the size it is now, allied to his statement that SH would always be a totally free site. The definition of swinging that seems to be the accepted view on this site comes from the views of the originator of the site and his immediate circle of friends. Go to a club and ask the many people there that do not use the internet for their views on the SH definition for an alternative view.
Should people be here who don't actively play? Why shouldn't they be? There is no problem with using this site for whatever you want to use it for. As a social site it seems to very successful. My personal view is that, within the forums, and especially the cafe, the people who might feel more uncomfortable being here are those who are here for sex before friendship and the so-called 'hardened' swingers.
I think you have hit the nail on the head there to some degree and might be why some may think we are a clinque bunch in here, I don't feel that to be the case, as I have never met anyone that uses these forums, but feel perhaps we share a common theme, that being a swinging interest with the mindset that was originally set out.
Quote by Cubes
whoops I didnt see this thread here and just asked the same question
will teach me not to have my glasses on
Men do make passes at girls who wear glasses! :twisted:
Anyway, while the steam room is out of action you'll all have to have nice fluffy times.... :smile2:
or PM me if you can't hold out. ;-)
I may regret saying that, but at least I didn't promise to reply to them all! :shock:
I have no complaints, just noticed it was missing, I thought someone new might have pressed a wrong button
Quote by DeeCee
ive always thought that to be on a site called "swingingheaven" and not be an active swinger is a bit of a contradiction in terms.
I also think that it would be easy for someone, say a journalist, or private Investigator to use this "angle" as a lever to delve into the private life of others and not have to use that old cliche " i made my excuses and left" if this makes sense.
Whilst i am not against people using the site purely for social reasons Im not convinced that the forums will provide you with a balanced view of all the sites members.
Dee what happens if you were active but are not now actice, but are unsure at this stage if we will be active again haven't totally ruled it out.
We are just not active right now.
Does this still mean we are swingers, were swingers or are no more swingers? If that is the correct term.
Thats a toughie!!
why not take a break from the site whilst you decide..??? It seems to be a popular option for some....me included once or twice during my membership because I was in relationships with non-swingers..
if you cant stay away as many cant, you will answer your own question.
I have the answer that I would like to happen, and I feel I should explain a little bit first.
When we joined this site I didnt expect to gain anything out of it only the possility of meeting a couple of people to have sexualy fun and pleasure with, which we have done and both enjoyed.
What I have also found it has helped me in other ways too, one of the things is the forums, before posting anything here I had never written my thoughts on anything down before, as I never had the confidence to do so.
I also have spoken to some great people that have helped me with knowledge and to understand things I never knew in topics or subjects that interest me, I am not talking sexually.
although we are in a postion at present that due to other commitments means we have decided to not meet, which I clearly state to people plus its on our profile, I do feel and some have asked why if I am not looking for sex am I on a sex site.
My hubby knows why I am here and understands my reasons why I would like to say here, partly it is because these forums have opened up a side of me that was hidden, and I have spoken to people I enjoy chatting to.
I have looked elsewhere to see if I can find somewhere that I feel there are like minded people that you can converse with on all levels that have an open mind, but feel here is the best place I have found them.
So I would like to stay on and just go about my own business without feeling at times a fraud.
I have my own reasons as stated for being here, I just have no other hidden agenda.
Some see this as a swinging site, others a sex site, I guess I see it as a place I just like to come to.
Quote by DeeCee
ive always thought that to be on a site called "swingingheaven" and not be an active swinger is a bit of a contradiction in terms.
I also think that it would be easy for someone, say a journalist, or private Investigator to use this "angle" as a lever to delve into the private life of others and not have to use that old cliche " i made my excuses and left" if this makes sense.
Whilst i am not against people using the site purely for social reasons Im not convinced that the forums will provide you with a balanced view of all the sites members.
Dee what happens if you were active but are not now actice, but are unsure at this stage if we will be active again haven't totally ruled it out.
We are just not active right now.
Does this still mean we are swingers, were swingers or are no more swingers? If that is the correct term.
Quote by Too Hot
If it is going to be more and more of a social site as that is the way it appears to be going then I am only suggesting that there should be non sexual chat rooms.
Whenever I open a chat room I do generally make the room name "Minx not meeting just here to chat to friends"]
Irrelevant to us - but just an observation IF the drift away from a Sexual Site to a Social Site continues.
That is where I see the confusion lies, I don't see this as a sex site, I see it as a swinging site, I believe there to be a difference.
If you are wondering what I mean about this - then just peek into the chat rooms and look at the on going threads.
In my opinion, the reason that many prolific posters just don't want verification is that they would be 'outed' as non players. This would not be a problem if it was a social site as opposed to a swinging.
I don't want verificatation but I pay my subsciption, as I am not meeting should I be intitled to 7 months refund? Then pack my bags?
I do think it is a swinging site as least that is why I joined, please correct me if I am wrong
You have metioned it as a swinging site plus a sex site.
What site is it?
And what does that stand for please?
In case you wonder what we would vote for:
YES - To Verification
I voted no but have been active and do pay a membership
CANCEL - all non active subscriptions
Am I active?
PERMISSION - to name and shame
I disagree
SEPERATE - Adult and Swinging sites
What would be the difference?
Then again, it is just our opinion and we not going to fall out with anyone who thinks differently. ]
Everyone is intitled to their opinions I hope you don't mind I have just put mine.
We came here to meet originally and we have since decided to give up, we may at some stage continue again but that isn’t at this stage something I feel I want as I am happy with what has happened so far.
But I (mrs) still like to come on the chat rooms have a laugh and banter with people I have spoken to here on a non sexual level.
I sometimes feel that purely just being on this site might give off the wrong impression as I have guys that seem to think I am still looking for something else.
I see this as a swinging site and enjoy like minded people that can hold a conversation not just based on a sexual level, but I feel with an open mind and have some good laughs and great chats.
Am I misleading just because I am here?
Can some be accepted just as friends without the pressure of feeling that we are here for other agendas?
Should I just find somewhere else to go to extend my network of friends?
Sometime I feel like a fraud being here this upsets me.
But I (mrs) still like to come on the chat rooms have a laugh and banter with people I have spoken to here on a non sexual level.
I sometimes feel that purely just being on this site might give off the wrong impression as I have guys that seem to think I am still looking for something else.
I see this as a swinging site and enjoy like minded people that can hold a conversation not just based on a sexual level, but I feel with an open mind and have some good laughs and great chats.
Am I misleading just because I am here?
Can some be accepted just as friends without the pressure of feeling that we are here for other agendas?
Should I just find somewhere else to go to extend my network of friends?
Sometime I feel like a fraud being here this upsets me.
It's the same as boobies ain't it?
Why is it then. Come on? I think if I was the small bollock i'd have a complex.
Oh and while we're on the subject. Is one of your bollox/nipples more sensitive than the other.
My left bollock is smaller and more squeamish (/quote]
Sorry lost, but I was just wondering, does it make you walk with a limp too?
Why is it then. Come on? I think if I was the small bollock i'd have a complex.
Oh and while we're on the subject. Is one of your bollox/nipples more sensitive than the other.
My left bollock is smaller and more squeamish (/quote]
Sorry lost, but I was just wondering, does it make you walk with a limp too?
Quote by kentswingers777
Lol... I tried, but having looked at several hundreds profiles, I don't seem to find many in the vicnity that want seek "Just yourself, with no added extra"
Lets face it, every swinger on here approaches another swinger for an initial "common interest" reason, as per "G.R.A.D.E.S" or other things (you're into Top Gear too? Fab!), sometimes its even sub-conscious, but there are very few (if any) that have NO preference. I wanna know who those greedy sods are!
Me, I simply start at "Seeks female that plays" and start the eliminating from there. Works so far.
There are quite a few that have nothing written on their profiles.
Now either they really have NO preference or.....maybe lazy buggers?
Your comments above are bang on the money. I do not care if people think we discriminate. We want to meet people who fit into what WE are looking for.
But then again sometimes I do not know why we bother with a profile, as so many just don't bother reading it. They just like looking at the pictures.
But in reality we are fussy and because of that we do not attract many meets but......when we do it is invariably excellent. There has to be a " chemistry " and you cannot get that if the person you meet, does not fit into what one calls sexy or shaggable. Even though they may be great people, feel good factor has to be there.
Now where are the slim guys out there for mrs777?
Thats not the first time you have refered to people like me as being lazy buggers....
I'm not.......I do have preferences as well....
I can write anything down on a profile......Anything at all......Means jack shit really.....
I do my research at socials and make my choices by talking to people in chat,at socials/munches and on the forum....
Never been let down yet ;-)
Sorry Steve, maybe I should clarify.
I was really talking about peoples stats. Some profiles have nothing filled out nor do a lot of people have anything written on their stats.
Now IF these people are looking for meets, how the heck do they get people to contact them or meet them, with nothing written down?
I suppose I am expecting way too much for others to be as honest as us, with pictures or profile or stats. Some peoples home page is completly blank. How does that work on a swingers site?
If there were not pictures, or written profile stats or advert I would use that as a tool to think possibly not be somebody that meets. Hence verifying them in my mind as someone that has not spent the time and a little bit of effort to meet
I think there should at least be something there to indicate something even if just a well written profile
then or at the very least a new pot and a bag of totties Quote by Dave__Notts
Wife swapping make me laugh. I don't see myself as such and hubby said he wouldnt swap me for the world
Not that I believe that for a second
I offered a second hand fridge for you.
He told me to give him a week so he can organise a trailer. Didn't he tell you that?
Dave_Notts
Errrm Dave that was Mrs minx you spoke to.
Hubby is on his way to you in swap for the fridge.
Please have it ready!
Thanks
Mrs Minx
xxx
Quote by neilinleeds
*snip*
But all those in favour for a system, do you believe what Neil has said to be a fair system?
*snip*
I think they've brought that in as a way of making forum moderation easier for themselves. I do not believe for one minute SH Admin would ever entertain such an idea, and I would expect every Mod on this forum to come out against it if they did. Just so we're clear I'm absolutely not suggesting we'd ever go down that particular road. It's a side issue to this particular discussion. ;)
Neil x x x ;)
I hope and agree you could be right there.
I was just using your example as something those that said they want a system should think about all the implications that could entail. I am not suggesting for one minute I think SH would do that, but I do feel that is the kind of example that needs consideration for the people that feel that opting out of a system could have knock on effects.
Quote by Ahabs
I think before we wish for something we all need to think about what it is you are wishing for or what is on offer.
Because sometimes wishes don't come true to form.
Very true, which is why I feel along the lines of understanding the type of verification this is supposed to be, its the right of every member to not only vote if they want it or not (Why am I saying that??) but more importantly, suggest ideas on how it will work for the benefit of the larger community.
I totally agree!
I think we have to resign ourselves at least to the fact it could well be a consideration by Admin to implement, due to the fact of the questionnaires.
Maybe we should start talking what we don't want it to include.
Quote by neilinleeds
Dean, the message I get when I try to reply to a forum thread is that photo-verification is now compulsory for forum posting rights. Just goes to show how easy it is to add an element of compulsion to so-called optional verification systems, eh? ;)
Neil x x x ;)
People are raising a debate based on choice, the point you have mentioned eliminates all choice. If SH were to bring in such a system here would that not be against personal choice?
I do understand the frustrations of some and the stories that have been told.
I do understand that we don't all have time to be spent wasting time.
But all those in favour for a system, do you believe what Neil has said to be a fair system?
I think before we wish for something we all need to think about what it is you are wishing for or what is on offer.
Because sometimes wishes don't come true to form.
I feel what most people dont understand about the cause of the credit crunch is the fact that fixed income structurers and traders were filling banks books with risk that senior management didnt understand.
Those traders collected large bonuses based on volume and then more often and not moved on to other banks as "star" traders leaving large residual risks using the much maligned Credit Default Swap and CDO squared (and CDO cubed. The nature of these instruments, like all derivatives, is that one loan can spawn 1000 instruments. If that loan goes bad then the losses (and profits) multiply.
Bottom line is bank management structure...senior bankers have no clue what risks the traders are filling the banks book with...until its too late. It only needed a few mortgage books to go bad and hey presto...the knock on effect is what we are now witnessing.
A useful lesson for regulators and the future...?
Those traders collected large bonuses based on volume and then more often and not moved on to other banks as "star" traders leaving large residual risks using the much maligned Credit Default Swap and CDO squared (and CDO cubed. The nature of these instruments, like all derivatives, is that one loan can spawn 1000 instruments. If that loan goes bad then the losses (and profits) multiply.
Bottom line is bank management structure...senior bankers have no clue what risks the traders are filling the banks book with...until its too late. It only needed a few mortgage books to go bad and hey presto...the knock on effect is what we are now witnessing.
A useful lesson for regulators and the future...?
I know this has been done before but I thought I would try and ask again.
To me when entering into this lifestyle I believe it to be a kind of free open mindedness about enjoying sex, with a free spirit to do so.
It meant to me to enjoy and see sex as something as pleasurable for all parties, it was having the abilities to open the mind.
It was to meet people with the same free outlook on life, but to understand it was about the enjoyment of sex between people.
I sometimes wonder if what I saw in the beginning is really what it is all about.
Is it really just an excuse to be able to have sex with anyone?
So what is a swinger?
To me when entering into this lifestyle I believe it to be a kind of free open mindedness about enjoying sex, with a free spirit to do so.
It meant to me to enjoy and see sex as something as pleasurable for all parties, it was having the abilities to open the mind.
It was to meet people with the same free outlook on life, but to understand it was about the enjoyment of sex between people.
I sometimes wonder if what I saw in the beginning is really what it is all about.
Is it really just an excuse to be able to have sex with anyone?
So what is a swinger?
Quote by fem_4_taboo
but timewasters would still get away with it as i presume a verification will not prove anything. especially not whos a timewaster.
unless you will only meet verified, but then your potentially missing out on some great people cause they are not verified?
i would hate to turn up to a meet and feel i should play or feel im on a job interview as i dont want that negative deduction to my star rating?
ffs we are adults, you can only have time wasted if you let someone. we are not hotels to be rated.
we are not commodities we are humans, yes people will cancel, yes there will be fakes, but thats something your own judgements should decide for you.
i now these are sugestions, and in fact it has thankfully hi lighted to me again the potential abuse of a system.
will we all start writing contracts and getting people to sign to say they were happy with the service just incase they try and leave negative feedback?
i have spokne to people who have left feed back on other sites and they have said about the feed back, oh they were ok, it was a bit crap, but i woudnt go back again, but what are you ment to say when asked to leave feedback after the meet???
i dont wnat them dissing me if i leave crap feedback.
xxx fem xx
Fem sorry! That really made me :giggle:
Perhaps we could put in a disclaimer too!
ooo and a CV to be attached.
Quote by Lucyandmike7
Lucy and ahabs I would like to say great points raised on both sides, these makes for a good read. Just how a debate should be conducted in my book.
I would like to ask something of Ahabs.
If as you are saying there are rooms as you mentioned.
Are these people not alienating others, that feel as we don't have the same set prefreance
My thoughts are if we met in another room that was open to all, we might just find another common intrest so could strike up a friendship from a different angle?
Minx, Ive read my post back several times now!
What point did I make??
I thought I was just being witty or sarcastic, depending on how my type is interputed, the two often get confused!!
Why are you asking me? :shock:
I would need to be in your head to know the answer to that question
I saw it as a well thought out and logical response, But then I am known as 0.5 watts so don't rely on me to be correct
Quote by soul_girl
Couldnt we just have a star system like on e-bay less hassle, no negative comments to worry about and far easier for the site to introduce.
If there is no negatives, how would a star be a guarantee?
They could have met one couple all went well they got their star, then they decided swinging was not for them, they would like to stick with just sexual chat or cam to cam. Would the star still shine?
