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Theladyisaminx

Over 90 days ago

Straight Female, 62

United Kingdom

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22 Jan 2009

Quote by Dave__Notts

The main difference I can see between you and Splendid is that her child asks questions (so they are ready/want/need to know the answer). You said that when you want you will tell your children (so they may not be ready/want/need to know the answer).
All in all, as a parent you have a right to bring your child up as you wish (and within the law) and sod anybody else as they are not living your life.
Dave_Notts

Dave I said in the op I feel at the right time in their lives I will tell my children
Thats what I said above. The difference between both posts is that you will decide and not your child. The other poster said she will wait for her child to ask the questions
ok I should have said would instead of will.
It is still you deciding and not your child. That is the difference.
I never said "when I want I will tell my children.
You said when you decide it is the right time, you will tell them. In other words, when you want you will tell them
But you are right we bring our children up as we wish. lol

lol

Absolutely, each to their own
I did ask how others would handle it, I didnt ask to be told what I should do.
I haven't. You said you agree with Splendid's post, but my understanding is that the two posts are different. Hence my reasons above. I am just getting confused by what you are saying. Do you mean you as the parent will decide when it is right for a child to be told or will you wait for the child to ask?
Dave_Notts
Maybe I could have been clearer in my op.
We talk openly about sex in our house, given the fact too that sex education is taught at such a young age now. If I felt my child was at a age that I thought they would understand and the conversation was that we thought it was approprate to tell them then, I would not hide the fact of what I have done. That is to have had sex outside of a stable loving and committed realationship.
I don't feel it is something I would need to keep from them.
We haven't put at risk our commitment to our Children or each other so I think it could help in their future thoughts of keeping an open mind about such things.
I wouldn't endorse the fact that it would be right for them or indeed they need to try it.
Unlike before I started I had a very closed mind on how it could work.

22 Jan 2009

Orgasms come on guys and girls, is it really that hard to achieve? :P
Guys have it easy a few tugs and wham bam! :wanker:
Girls are a little more complex as we are made with a little more thought and attention to detail. :dry:
It isn’t really that hard to achieve, a few guys I guess could get bored of scrambling around trying to find something that can’t be seen, but come on when you hear a oooo mmmm arrrrrr pleaseeeeeeeee that is a little indication that your searching isn’t in vane.
But some guys (I can’t say all) tend to get bored at this stage and seem to thing it would be nice to try something different. :yawn:
Why do guys get bored so easily dunno

dunno

Maybe too many played tug of war as a youth (a quick pull and its over) rather than hide and seek and there could be a pleasant surprise in store. lol

lol

22 Jan 2009

Quote by Lost
oooo Come on lost you can't stop there.
There must be some more you need to add.
Spill the beans

:cry: No there isn't :-( I would like to say that we pulled over and that an all out orgy ensued but alas no :-( we just bade each other goodnight all going our seperate ways. Bloody shame really lol

lol

I want to know the bit about the intense orgasims,
What are they?
How do they work?
How do you achieve one?
Didn't you learn anything?
Don't be shy!
We are all friends here!

22 Jan 2009

Quote by markz
I'm a click magnet..............

Is that a bit like a clingon dunno

dunno

22 Jan 2009

oooo Come on lost you can't stop there.
There must be some more you need to add.
Spill the beans wink

wink

22 Jan 2009

welcome to the forums! wave

wave

I am sure it means friends outside of swinging circles.
But others will correct me if I am wrong.

22 Jan 2009

Quote by JTS
Its just a thought, and you know its rare I start a thread -due to my complete lack of imagination- but I have a revolutionary idea that has worked for many many of the most popular web sites on the internet.
What we could do is not change anything about the site at all, and when people come and join and dont like it........they could like not use it. Then we would have to make do with the massive number of subscribed users who find it perfectly acceptable as it is?
Just a thought

That's just......weird.
You mean that if people do not like the site, they just depart FROM it to another ?
Isn't that a bit like......errrr......well.....not drinking at a pub that has crap beer ?
It'll never catch-on mate.
I was having a cool cider at a town pub....many years ago....and just chatting to a guy (now dearly departed) (gone to Australia) when another guy started to berate the landlord about the quality of beer (the landlord was ex-prison-officer)....

This beers shit....warm and cloudy...gimme another

Quote by landlord
So are you, f**k off

Then the fight started....but since the ll was ex-po, it only ran for a few blows...
I don't know! A few blows would be fine for some!

22 Jan 2009

Quote by Silk and Big G
Sorry mate, I said it was revolutionary

I would patent it wink

wink

covers you incase someone wants to steal it rolleyes

rolleyes

21 Jan 2009

Quote by Dave__Notts
I have no idea how 'you' envisage a conversation happening between an adult and child. I certainly haven't ever sat him down and handed over all of the information in one go... It was a drip feed in response to questions over years.
I am almost sure that I haven't ever used the term 'swinging' as that has negative connotations that he may pick up along the way from some other medium (eg The sun or daily wail)
I discussed my life and choices as and when I made them (if he asked questions that led to that discussion) just as he has done with me. As with all of the things that we discuss he is used to knowing that others may not appreciate it is acceptable and he needs to choose wisely who knows. He grew up knowing my sexuality and, to prevent him being abused because of it, I had to educate him about other's opinions and beliefs so that he could, again, choose who to tell.
I do agree that it is a need to know basis... but he decides what he needs to know just as I do. If he asks a question that I think he may not be happy knowing the answer to I give him a 'second chance' and say 'are you sure you want me to answer that' He will probably retract the question or may insist on being answered. That is the way I parent and when I ask questions of him he will give me the same 'second chance'.

Splendid I agree with you, I have not said once that it is something I feel I need to sit down and tell my children at the moment. I said when I feel the time is right I would.
I believe nothing in my house should ever be a subject, this is how I was raised. I have never frowned on or judged my parents for choices they have made, or of things they have told me. I feel this is what makes a non judgement of people and an open mind.
But I do accept we all think different and treat things in a different way, I do not have an issue with anyone that sees things differently to me, but I am happy doing things my way.
The main difference I can see between you and Splendid is that her child asks questions (so they are ready/want/need to know the answer). You said that when you want you will tell your children (so they may not be ready/want/need to know the answer).
All in all, as a parent you have a right to bring your child up as you wish (and within the law) and sod anybody else as they are not living your life.
Dave_Notts
Dave I said in the op I feel at the right time in their lives I will tell my children
ok I should have said would instead of will.
I never said "when I want I will tell my children.
But you are right we bring our children up as we wish. lol

lol

I did ask how others would handle it, I didnt ask to be told what I should do.

21 Jan 2009

Quote by splendid_
I have no idea how 'you' envisage a conversation happening between an adult and child. I certainly haven't ever sat him down and handed over all of the information in one go... It was a drip feed in response to questions over years.
I am almost sure that I haven't ever used the term 'swinging' as that has negative connotations that he may pick up along the way from some other medium (eg The sun or daily wail)
I discussed my life and choices as and when I made them (if he asked questions that led to that discussion) just as he has done with me. As with all of the things that we discuss he is used to knowing that others may not appreciate it is acceptable and he needs to choose wisely who knows. He grew up knowing my sexuality and, to prevent him being abused because of it, I had to educate him about other's opinions and beliefs so that he could, again, choose who to tell.
I do agree that it is a need to know basis... but he decides what he needs to know just as I do. If he asks a question that I think he may not be happy knowing the answer to I give him a 'second chance' and say 'are you sure you want me to answer that' He will probably retract the question or may insist on being answered. That is the way I parent and when I ask questions of him he will give me the same 'second chance'.

Splendid I agree with you, I have not said once that it is something I feel I need to sit down and tell my children at the moment. I said when I feel the time is right I would.
I believe nothing in my house should ever be a subject, this is how I was raised. I have never frowned on or judged my parents for choices they have made, or of things they have told me. I feel this is what makes a non judgement of people and an open mind.
But I do accept we all think different and treat things in a different way, I do not have an issue with anyone that sees things differently to me, but I am happy doing things my way.

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777
Hi i am raylafs new and want to learn to use the site...help

Filling in your profile might be a good start too and get a few tasteful pictures up.
You can make them private if you would rather no one saw your face.
Be polite and well mannered in chat and try and have lots of humour.
Oh!! and welcome to the site, even altho it's took you nearly four years to find out how to post lol

lol

Funny Woo but I have been slated for saying that to others in the past. lol

lol

Putting a completed profile up ( being honest )and a few pics, not face ones if they do not want, will increase your chances big time.
As a couple we would not even spend any longer than 5 seconds looking at a profile that did not have those things.
So good luck and welcome to the mad house, which is the forums.
NO but you would spend hours bashing their ears.
Haven't you noticed ..I HAVE NO PICTURES rolleyes

rolleyes

bolt

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777
I don't have, or plan to have, kids but I know I absolutely don't want to know any details of my parents' sex life - because I've occasionally had to hear more then I wanted, I know that if I was a parent I'd be careful to keep the details of my private life private. Having said that they both brought me up to be very openminded and I appreciate that - I'm all in favour of discussing types of behaviour in general terms and getting kids to learn that many diferent things are acceptable. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to know my parents had 'swung' in the past, but there's absolutely no way I want graphic images put in my mind by being told so for sure!!!
End of waffle

I would say that sums it up for most people.
Plus you cannot just say to your kids " hey we have shagged other people ", and then not tell them all the details. By not telling them they will of course conjure up all sorts of images in their heads.
By telling them all the details, that is presuming they want to know, which I am sure most kids would not, then the images will be there anyway.
To me it is a no win situation, whatever way you paint the picture. You can imagine a conversation which goes like..... " my parents told me they have had sex with others during their marriage ". The other person would say " what they told you "? They would then say " yes, I keep having these images of them in my head ". The other person would say " I would hate it if my parents told me that ".
I can picture the scene right now. lol

lol

rotflmao

rotflmao

I am so glad we don't don't think alike or conjure up the same images! wink

wink

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777
Would I tell my kids? What do you think? :shock:
MY private life is MY business, and nothing whatsoever to do with my kids. Now they are adults I would still never discuss my private sex life with them.
There is a time for openess with your kids, but that does NOT include discussing ones sex life with them, and certainly not about shagging others.
Anyway I thought you was going to take it out on your ironing?

done!

21 Jan 2009

Who is he

dunno

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777

Or is this another thread for threads sake? Sorry Minxy but there is a lot I do not understand, and this is right there at the top of the tree.

Crikey Kent, what side of the bed did you get out of this morning? lol

lol

Obviously as this thread has a few replies already, other people find is an interesting question - I myself have seen this discussed on other swingers' sites and it always provokes a lively response.
The same side as every morning Cherry. wink

wink

I have known Minxy for ages and we tell each other a lot and chat a lot, so on that basis I felt I could be more open with her. She has with me at times too. lol

lol

I just feel her kids are on a need to know basis, and they do not need to know.
Why the heck would a parent want to openly tell them, when they do not have too? Why burden them with that kind of information?
Most I feel would be horrified if their parents told them that kind of stuff. Some things are best left private, and a parents sex life is one of those things.
You want to tell Vanilla mates ok, but to tell your kids such stuff, in the wrong circumstances, is being irresponsible.
Maybe Minx should have done another poll?
Kent yes we have chatted and we very rarely see eye to eye, but we have always got on.
But to be trueful here I am really offended by want I saw you write there, I was only asking others opinions as I don't mind differing of opinions.
What I didnt expect was a puplic thrashing.
But I have broad shoulders, I will go off and take it out on my pile of ironing.
And let you have time to read again what you wrote! wink

wink

Sorry Minxy but....the only reason that I can see for you being offended, is well I cannot see any reason. Other than the fact it was not an answer you liked.
Tell your kids but do not moan when they see you in a completly different light.
Should your own sexual activities not remain private from your kids? Obviously you see not. I could understand if they had caught you " at it ". Then an explanation might be called for but.....to tell them when they have no need to know is dangerous in the extreme, and as I said before.......irresponsible.
Kent I will get offended when people tell me how to raise and what is right for my children. I didnt ask if people thought I was right or wrong. I was wondering what they would do for their own.
I believe there is a big difference there.
Then out of the responses I could maybe be swayed to change my opinion.
So I will take from your response you wouldn't tell yours?
Thats all I asked wink

wink

21 Jan 2009

I think to hold onto some morals and still be able to and maintain this lifestyle is normal. I believe in that way you are being true to yourself, as at the end of the day you are only answerable to your own conscience.
Hope that make sense!

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777

Or is this another thread for threads sake? Sorry Minxy but there is a lot I do not understand, and this is right there at the top of the tree.

Crikey Kent, what side of the bed did you get out of this morning? lol

lol

Obviously as this thread has a few replies already, other people find is an interesting question - I myself have seen this discussed on other swingers' sites and it always provokes a lively response.
The same side as every morning Cherry. wink

wink

I have known Minxy for ages and we tell each other a lot and chat a lot, so on that basis I felt I could be more open with her. She has with me at times too. lol

lol

I just feel her kids are on a need to know basis, and they do not need to know.
Why the heck would a parent want to openly tell them, when they do not have too? Why burden them with that kind of information?
Most I feel would be horrified if their parents told them that kind of stuff. Some things are best left private, and a parents sex life is one of those things.
You want to tell Vanilla mates ok, but to tell your kids such stuff, in the wrong circumstances, is being irresponsible.
Maybe Minx should have done another poll?
Kent yes we have chatted and we very rarely see eye to eye, but we have always got on.
But to be trueful here I am really offended by want I saw you write there, I was only asking others opinions as I don't mind differing of opinions.
What I didnt expect was a puplic thrashing.
But I have broad shoulders, I will go off and take it out on my pile of ironing.
And let you have time to read again what you wrote! wink

wink

21 Jan 2009

Quote by kentswingers777
I was talking about swinging and how and why we decided to try it to someone the other day, and how It has made me feel different about my thoughts on sex.
While I still feel and value sex within a relationship is upmost important, with solid foundations in place within a relationship you can explore together sex outside of that comfort zone.
Before entering into this lifestyle I had only ever had sex with my hubby who I have been with for 29 years, I didn’t take trying this lightly we talked about it for a few years before hand. I believe that was the time that I realised that you could have sex outside of love, that lust would be the driving force so liberated my mind.
I am a very honest person so I have told a couple of vanilla friends and my Mum that we were going to try this lifestyle, nothing has changed and they have never judged us but understood that it was something we both wanted to do.
I feel at the right time in their lives I will tell my children, so that they could understand too.
Would you tell anyone what you do?
Would you tell your children?

Understand what exactly? That their Mother chose to get shagged by other blokes? You may well have brought your children up in an honest and openminded way but.... what the heck is there to gain by telling them you had sex with other men?
I know it is your decision to make Minx but...why fgs? :shock:
Are adults not allowed a private life away from their kids? I think you are making a big mistake, and are being very naive if you think your kids will understand your reasons for doing it. They I feel will look at you differently, and I really cannot even begin to understand your logic.
Or is this another thread for threads sake? Sorry Minxy but there is a lot I do not understand, and this is right there at the top of the tree.
I didn’t mean I will tell them that I have shagged other men as you so nicely put it. rolleyes

rolleyes

As really that isn't how I see it.
I see it being able to explore something that both parties would like to do, to keep an open mind about it.
I judged people for years for living this kind of lifestyle, I believe that was due to upbringing and taboos, I wouldn’t tell my children that it is right to do, I would say if it is right for you that’s what matters.
What I find are people’s attitudes to judge come from upbringing from when is perceived as right or wrong.
As for saying is this another thread for thread sake, I find slightly Patronising
I didn't realise I spoke such a load of rubbish!

21 Jan 2009

I watched a programme last night about the rise from birth of Barack Obama, while I always watch sure programmes with an open and cynical mind.
I do think that a man that has his obstacles’ to overcome not only mixed race but from a broken home from the age of two. He had schooling and spent some early years living in Indonesia, went on to graduate in political science and specialised in international relations, then found this wasn’t enough to make change, so went to Harvard to study and graduate in Law. Plus travelled to Africa to find him self and where he had come from.
I think he has great credentials for the job in hand, I wish his mum was alive to see her son, she was the back bone for raising what seems to me a well adjusted open minded individual, I say well done to her it couldn’t have been easy.
I think and hope he is able to carry out what I feel is in his heart, I have never looked at and a political person in this way before.
He has won me over.
Good luck!

21 Jan 2009

I voted no, I have no pictures but I do have a cam.
I believe you can tell more about a person when seeing them on cam than any picture can tell you.
We met a guy once for a drink in the very beginning what he didn't tell us was his face picutre on here was taken a few years prior.

21 Jan 2009

I just respond to a thread regardless of whose responded, if I feel I want to contribute something I do.
But I wouldn’t just post for postings sack

21 Jan 2009

:shock: Are you sure you are the male half?
I thought woman can talk lol

lol

You have made me giggle! :thumbup:
Welcome to the forums I was sane when I arrived! wink

wink

21 Jan 2009

Quote by Rak
No way. I wouldn't tell anyone of my vanilla friends., family of children (if I had then)
Its far too risky, they may not understand. Somethings are supposed to be private.
Also, once you tell your children, you cant go back and "untell" them. I'm sure they will know about swinging, and decide if its right for them by themselves
Just my thoughts.

I wouldn’t tell them to go out and swing lol

lol

I felt for years once you are commit yourself to a person that you should never stray.
But what I always knew, that to be in a monogamous relationship for some is a hard commitment. I never felt the want or desire to stray, but only having one sexual partner in my life, did wonder what it would be like to try another.
What I would say to my children is that whatever two people decide to do that feels right for both should never be frowned upon by others.

21 Jan 2009

Quote by travlinmanukok
I was talking about swinging and how and why we decided to try it to someone the other day, and how It has made me feel different about my thoughts on sex.
While I still feel and value sex within a relationship is upmost important, with solid foundations in place within a relationship you can explore together sex outside of that comfort zone.
Before entering into this lifestyle I had only ever had sex with my hubby who I have been with for 29 years, I didn’t take trying this lightly we talked about it for a few years before hand. I believe that was the time that I realised that you could have sex outside of love, that lust would be the driving force so liberated my mind.
I am a very honest person so I have told a couple of vanilla friends and my Mum that we were going to try this lifestyle, nothing has changed and they have never judged us but understood that it was something we both wanted to do.
I feel at the right time in their lives I will tell my children, so that they could understand too.
Would you tell anyone what you do?
Would you tell your children?

personally no....my private life is where it should stay ...private :shock: as for kids and family a deff no :shock:
I love what I do and am ......but keep it private methinks ? not all of us are open minded .
steve x
I see open minded is about breeding what we instill into our children, I already bring my children up to not judge and view things in an open minded way, so I just feel at the right time, another subject to discuss on that level.

21 Jan 2009

I was talking about swinging and how and why we decided to try it to someone the other day, and how It has made me feel different about my thoughts on sex.
While I still feel and value sex within a relationship is upmost important, with solid foundations in place within a relationship you can explore together sex outside of that comfort zone.
Before entering into this lifestyle I had only ever had sex with my hubby who I have been with for 29 years, I didn’t take trying this lightly we talked about it for a few years before hand. I believe that was the time that I realised that you could have sex outside of love, that lust would be the driving force so liberated my mind.
I am a very honest person so I have told a couple of vanilla friends and my Mum that we were going to try this lifestyle, nothing has changed and they have never judged us but understood that it was something we both wanted to do.
I feel at the right time in their lives I will tell my children, so that they could understand too.
Would you tell anyone what you do?
Would you tell your children?

20 Jan 2009

What about people after their death doing adverts be it for charities?
John lennon 28 years after his death and Bob Monkhouse 4 years after his.
I think this is really bizarre.
Are there not enough people alive to spread the word?

20 Jan 2009

Quote by neilinleeds
Thanks for the link
It added the majority of the station's funding would be met by the charity and that the prison service now saves money as prisoners have to spend more time in their cells.

So, it's not 2 million of taxpayers money? It's funded mostly by a charitable organisation. Glad we cleared that up before Kenty explodes in righteous indignation! lol

lol

((( Sorry Kenty! ;) )))

Neil x x x ;)
O dear why spoil kenties fun?
I bet he was off steaming ready to let it off in here! lol

lol

He hasent had a good rant in ages.
He must be mellowing a bit in old age lol

lol

bolt

19 Jan 2009

My mind :rascal:
I am sure I am the only one that understands it! lol

lol

19 Jan 2009

Quote by Kojak
I work from home as i'm self employed. I agree with most of the comments above about working from home. I get distracted by logging on here.

shhhh I didn't mention that one lol

lol

19 Jan 2009

Quote by flower411
I`m having a break from searching for the loose leaf binder that has the most important pieces of paper in my world in it !!! :shock:
I had it yesterday !!!

If you don't find it write it on a piece of paper and put the piece of paper under your pillow tonight. lol

lol

That normally works for me loon

loon