Ok, don`t mind me, as you were! :giggle:
Venusxxx
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
VenusnMars
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 54
Straight Female, 83
Forum
Quote by Ice Pie
Sometimes you people scare the shit of of me, you really do :shock: :shock: :shock:
Venusxxx
No need to be a afraid. I'm now committed to 'safe' fisting: From now on I'm wearing boxing gloves.
:shock: :shock: :shock:
Now I really need to find out where the hell I posted my other comment on fisting, cos it sure to hell isn`t here. This could be interesting :giggle:
Venusxxx
Perhaps if we don`t, it would encourage more newbies not to? 
I`m not sure it would ever stop, but it might buck the trend a little. I do feel it`s a lot more common than it used to be, I`d like to see the site wound back to when it wasn`t such a trend. I was much more comfortable with it then. It didn`t seem as sinister.
Maybe others here would like to comment upon whether they feel the baiting has become more popular of late, perhaps for some subjective reason I am just picking up on it more?
Venusxxx
I`m not sure it would ever stop, but it might buck the trend a little. I do feel it`s a lot more common than it used to be, I`d like to see the site wound back to when it wasn`t such a trend. I was much more comfortable with it then. It didn`t seem as sinister.
Maybe others here would like to comment upon whether they feel the baiting has become more popular of late, perhaps for some subjective reason I am just picking up on it more?
Venusxxx
I started to experiment beyond the three F`s at 15 (Mars is dirty bugger!). However, I was already in my future longterm relationship and with child, my perspective on life was much different to that of many other teens. That said, we still had a good few years to go before we were both mature enough to embark on a swinging relationship, something we both discovered the hard way when I was 17. We learnt from it though.
We still continue to learn something new about each other after 17 years, and I hope this never stops. Life changes people constantly and wtf am I whittering on about now?!
Venusxxx
We still continue to learn something new about each other after 17 years, and I hope this never stops. Life changes people constantly and wtf am I whittering on about now?!
Venusxxx
I think a great many things an become pleasurable to carry out if the recipiant is enjoying it. Unfortunately fisting is one of those things which just looks so extreme to me that no amount of pleasure on the other end is likely to tickle my fancy. All power to those who do enjoy it though. 
I could never be on the recieving end because it would just be physically impossible for me!
Venusxxx
I could never be on the recieving end because it would just be physically impossible for me!
Venusxxx
I think differing opinions are fine all the time they don`t become angryopinions. I for one am taking many opposing comment on board, chewing it over, and hopefully it will help me and others to determine where an acceptable line is between acceptable baiting and trolling. I`ve always had a problem with trying to read the wankers from those who could quite possibly fit in given a fair crack of the whip, and I cringe to think that sometimes I may have been party to hounding out the latter.
I don`t find this discussion need become personal at all, but if others here feel it is becoming such, I will quite happily bow out and let it die if that`s what people feel is needed. I have no desire to be seen as someone who is having an issue with anyone in particular. I`ve made my points anyway. I`m just answering people who missed them the first time around now.
Venusxxx
I don`t find this discussion need become personal at all, but if others here feel it is becoming such, I will quite happily bow out and let it die if that`s what people feel is needed. I have no desire to be seen as someone who is having an issue with anyone in particular. I`ve made my points anyway. I`m just answering people who missed them the first time around now.
Venusxxx
Quote by Reese
Would he have been given a little more time, and without the push which made him lose his temper?
Venus~
I do understand what you're saying, but I think it's a good thing that someone was able to bring out his "true colours". I can only imagine, fearfully, being in a swinging situation with such a person and inadvertently doing something that he might find objectionable. If someone is the least bit prone to violence or abusive behaviour, I want to know from the outset...so I can avoid them at all costs.
~Reese!
As he came across as a total `chav` as someone suggested, you are probably right. I think anyone who has that type of character will soon be picked up upon regardless. Even without the turn of events, I would never have chosen him as a potential swinging partner. But, just for the sake of argument :twisted: , a few people here have also pointed out that courage behind a keyboard can quite often become magnified, he may not have been as violent as he came across. I think it`s possible he simply adopted a `fuckit` attitude in light of what had been building up on all fronts. Some people react badly to provacation, he certainly did. Scandal pointed out earlier (but I missed it) that that works both ways. His behaviour also provoked a reaction, and I won`t debate that. It`s just that after growing to know many of the members here, I think they are capable of rising above a kneejerk reaction, whereas Wideboy (or other similar characters)probably couldn`t, especially since he was against the odds, that kind of out-numbering can just encourage it through defensiveness. I`ve read so many statements from people who feel that this place has taught them a great deal, and they feel they have grown as people, I suppose I do tend to put the onus on those who are capable of being more reasonable, as opposed to those who have not yet acheived this.
Venusxxx
Unfortunately the pub analogy doesn`t work very well here, he was contained to one or two threads, and so much more easily avoided. (pending on the size of the pub!)
Also, in some of your more `meat market` clubs, that `Wideboy` attitude can actually pull the female equivilent of his character, I`ve seen it in action
He probably didn`t drop it as quickly as we`d have liked because it may well have served him well in a different environment. He may not have recognised just how much of it he needed to drop here! I know he had the PMs etc, but was he willing/able to break the habit quick enough? Seems not. Would he have been given a little more time, and without the push which made him lose his temper? Perhaps not, but others might. As others here have pointed out, it all depends on how much effort someone is willing to put in, which is a very personal decision, each to their own. Just give them a chance for that effort to be extended by those who want to. If they don`t want to listen, they will burn their own bridges without assistance, that much is obvious.
I`m sorry, it`s not my fault. I turned into a ENFP. I was much less of a social worker when I was an ENTP! :giggle:
Venusxxx
Also, in some of your more `meat market` clubs, that `Wideboy` attitude can actually pull the female equivilent of his character, I`ve seen it in action
He probably didn`t drop it as quickly as we`d have liked because it may well have served him well in a different environment. He may not have recognised just how much of it he needed to drop here! I know he had the PMs etc, but was he willing/able to break the habit quick enough? Seems not. Would he have been given a little more time, and without the push which made him lose his temper? Perhaps not, but others might. As others here have pointed out, it all depends on how much effort someone is willing to put in, which is a very personal decision, each to their own. Just give them a chance for that effort to be extended by those who want to. If they don`t want to listen, they will burn their own bridges without assistance, that much is obvious.I`m sorry, it`s not my fault. I turned into a ENFP. I was much less of a social worker when I was an ENTP!
:giggle:Venusxxx
Quote by easy
Venus he was given plenty of chance to redeem himself during the night. As you can see at least 2 people sent him PMs advising him how the forum worked etc and he chose to ignore them or to try and pick them up (
I really don't think that the subject of this clown warrants a 3 page thread, but hey, he's getting plenty of attention now.
He did shoot himself in the foot and was banned. One of the first things we learn is that you can only help people that want to be helped.
I`ll be the first to admit that using Wideboy as an example of how newbie-baiting can become out of hand hasn`t done my case any favours, for all the reasons you state, and no, he alone does not warrant a three page discussion, but as Ice said,
Not him personally perhaps, but as an example of a recurring personality type that crops up now and then, I think it's a valid discussion.
And I still feel my points are worth considering when applied to the general trend of newbie baiting, because in varying degrees we can be very quick to alienate people who `don`t get it` purely for the entertainment value, and when they become angry they all too often become slaughtered . If they try to give as good as they get, they all too often become slaughtered. I think the latter can be particularly difficult for some who are advised it`s only a pisstake and try to join in, because one regular`s `humour` is, coming from a newbie, an `insult`. People will not accept such tit for tat behaviour from someone they barely know, but when we set the standard, is it all that surprising that some will try dive in with the mood, especially when advised to? Not everybody has the instinct to know how to behave in certain environments, and those who do not will try to do the next best thing, which is to look at the longer term members to see how they behave.
I think if you watch some of the patterns on how these road accidents build up, and how both some regulars and some newbies will read and react to each others behaviour, much of it can be understood to a point and the snowball effect avoided, depending upon recognising the emotions involved and where the point of no return lies.
Venusxxx
Quote by Dave__Notts:shock: :idea: :idea: :idea: :!:
if it all goes one way then that is bullying.
Dave_Notts
Now why didn`t I cut through the crap like that?! I`m hyper-sensitive to anything which smacks of bullying, which would probably explain a great deal about my tenacity on this thread.
/runs off to find scalpel to dissect self, but possibly might sleep first :lol2:
Nite all
Venusxxx
Quote by manofmuchfun
so would you feel that it would have made any difference in HIS case ?
You know, I don`t think it would have done, especially since the PMs came to light, but the thing is we will never know for sure will we? I think that`s what tends to sit uncomfortably with me. I have a lot of respect for this site, and prefer to see the main membership body can be perceived as blameless when someone gets booted. That hasn`t happened in this case.
now I can see that I have to adjust to accomodate these twats ? well yes I will , so i'm on a learning curve for the sake of peace in here ! i'm trying to see the balance between what is sense and whats not....you may disagree with me, you may not.......I will be more tolerant in future and let em hang themselves rather than push ! ....as I said as a whole How are and do we deal with it ? ....I have no wish to push anyone out....they may actually turn out to be decent fellas !
You don`t HAVE to do anything, I`ve just offered a point of view which you and others here can either choose to take on board, or dissect, I welcome both. People who choose to take it on board will perhaps validate what I`m thinking, people who choose to dissect will possibly open my eyes to other valid points of veiw, depending on the strength of their argument. People who feel they HAVE to take it on board for the sake of peace and quiet leave me with the impression they feel I am hounding them, which is not my intention at all
now i'll tell you another thing ........I tried to offer someone who has ASKED my advice some help..........behind my back he has gone to someone and asked for a shag with someone he knew damn well I was seeing, .....again is my blood boiling ? ...ok.....I'm gonna let the twat hang himself .....
I`m sorry to hear that
, if it`s personal, go get him!Venusxxx
Quote by Ice Pie
Several people told him that his sig was really hurting him. Credit where it's due, he did eventually remove it, but by that time he'd pretty much destroyed any chance he might have had of gaining any credibility with his blasé tone, despite some well intentioned advice from quite a few people. I'm fairly convinced he was just chancing and had no real intention of taking either SH or himself seriously.
Yeah, I got that bit! :P
MOMF, I don`t think we can necessarily change someone who is determinedto be a twat, I think the only thing we can do is let them burn their bridges in their own time thus giving the not so twattish time to come around. Different twats may be more receptive, and more people giving them this chance, instead of being so judgemental, may aid that reception, or alternatively if people don`t want to bend over backwards (their perogative) twats are just as easily ignored. That said, I`m not Mother Teresa, I`ve jumped on the odd twat myself, but I do tend to question my motives afterward, especially when I see harsher degrees of it in other areas which make me uncomfortable. This is far from a `holier than thou` thing.
Of course, I could be completely wrong, perhaps this baptism of fire is a good way of cleansing the forum, making it more comfortable for others here. I am more inclined to be sympathetic toward any chance of someone becoming hurt because I`m a soft twat
, but regardless of that, I still feel I am making some sense......somewhere along the line Venusxxx
Quote by manofmuchfun
Ok...... an I was to blame, hand up, just didnt like his attitude at first.......I realised that I would give him the benfit of the doubt and personally apologised ! even by PM ! ........yet....still the nature of shooting himself in the foot ! .........
ok the damage was done ......he had the chance to contain himself, ....but for my personal opinion he came for a shag without doing any reading an thought he'd show us he was top dog ! ...........what sort of remark is that about scandal ? or anyone else for that matter ...thats not being friendly or anything to do with swinging .....an as for the threat as others have said ...a doorman ? ........... are we not best off without those types ? ......
in future....I'll keep out of such things cos I shouldnt take the bait......but i wont write anything I'm not prepared to back up an I wont hide behind a keyboard....but there really isnt any place for his threats or attitude on here is there ?
MOMF, I hope I didn`t make you feel I was pointing the finger, sorry if I did. I am aware that you clashed with him the most, but I was going off on one of those `generalised group dynamic thingies` that I do
, course, chances are given that I`m not the only one who raised a sympathetic attitude, that it`s not `all about me`, but I can dream can`t I?! I hadn`t realised that so many had also sent the guy in question PMs, which does speak volumes about a lack of accomodation on his part, the chances are that yes, he probably never would have fit in, but is this still a justification for running him out of town? His last comment certainly warranted deactivation, I won`t debate that, I just wonder how emotive he`d become at the time and how much of that was a result of the interaction with everyone here, and if that had been different whether he could have learnt something....eventually
. This is something I have asked myself before he came along regarding others who have bit the dust.So Tune, yes, I do understand where you are coming from regarding those, who like me, sometimes feel like this, say nothing, and then bring it up later, making people feel guilty. I won`t speak for everyone, but it`s not an admirable trait, but it`s also one which is pretty hard to overcome when there is an active majority who are likely to disagree with you if you do speak up. It`s another one of those `Gorilla grunting` thingies which I`m personally trying to work on. In the meantime I hope that others will read this as an interesting discussion and not see it as an accusation. I wouldn`t blame anyone for feeling a little defensive, I certainly have at times, I just try to spot it reel myself in from time to time. I`m not always that good at it either.
Why does `naval gazing`, piss you off so much? I`d be interested to know.
Venusxxx
Quote by Scandal
I'm absolutely certain you have very sincere motives Venus but like I said that's life in the big city.
Venus, our very own Florence Nightingale. x x x
Thank you, I needed someone to bounce this stuff off. Yes, I do have sincere motives, and despite the `big city` and `Florence Nightingale` comments I don`t think these motives are quite as niave as they might seem at first glance. I do take on board how people interact, and thought very hard about the cause and effect with all involved, including his behaviour. Many of the threads I start, I start because I have a great deal of respect for the intelligence of majority of the people on this site, and think people here are capable of not flaming with quite as much relish as they do. Ok, so I`m a nice guy, but if I challenge others here to extend a little patience, it`s not because I`m stupid, it`s because I believe the membership here are not. There is a popular sentiment that `this is the real world, deal with it` and that those who suggest otherwise are living in gaga land, I wonder if sometimes this attitude is something which people carry to validate themselves, I feel it`s a destructive attitude which stagnates society, but will stand to be corrected on that, I just haven`t encounted a rationale which is acceptable to me yet. It`s a bone of contention of mine, I`ll admit. I also know I come off as opinionated and invalidating of other people at times. I don`t mean to, and I`m sorry for that. However, by the same token, the way people react to my sentiment that we could be better than this, by suggesting `this is the real world`, will also go a long way toward invalidating my reasoning, it feels like it`s being dismantled as the blatherings of a social hippy (that is not a dig, you know I like you :rascal:, it`s just something I get all the time). I`m also well aware that I need to learn some acceptance of `how the real world works`, I just haven`t yet decided where to draw that line, with both my behaviour or that of other people.
Now I know that everyone is different, and I`m not trying to suggest everyone be me. We all have our personal levels of tolorance, and differing personalities, and that is how it should be, but how capable are we of avoiding that `gorillas grunting` thing when things like this kick off? I`d like to think we are capable avoiding it a lot more than we do, but the `get real` sentiment interferes with it.
Ok. That was deep :shock: and I didn`t actually confront any of your comments on `wideboy` did I?! :lol2:
I think I`ll go take a bath before I hurt myself
PS, I think the baby just went down the plughole
Venusxxx
PS. Ice. Fuck off :P
Quote by easy
Agreed Venus, but when he was told in a way he could grasp that if he didn't like the site he should perhaps leave, his reaction was to threaten physical violence, rather than saying what have I done wrong?
Sorry Easy, I missed your edit! That was when he shot himself in the foot, I agree, but at this point I think he`d just adopted a `fuckit` attitude, which had much to do with the way people handed him the noose. After all, Sarge didtell him he didn`t like the site he could fuck off! He simply reacted aggressively to aggression which had been thrown at him left right and center. Advice was offered, but it was too little, too late, and paled in comparison to the piss-takes. I`m not saying he would ever have made a valuable member, but I`d rather see people burn their bridges without the assistance of others here, they are perfectly capable of doing so themselves, and it would at least make the regular membership seem more `newbie friendly` to those lurking and thinking of joining up. Wideboy is quite an extreme example really, other characters have been flamed for much less.
Venusxxx
Also, I find myself inclined to answer the questions by thinking up certain scenarios, and these scenarios will change depending upon my current situation. For example `do you prefer to be the center of attraction at parties`, well that would depend much upon the type of party I`m imagining at the time of answering the question. I tend to focus on Munches, because I feel I can be more myself in such environments, but is that kind of confidence valid if I`m not as confident elsewhere?
I`ve often wondered if the similar questions, and the way they are worded, which crop up later on in the questionaire are designed to compensate for this. I`m not sure.
Also, the questions on how intuitive a person is, will they be answering from what they have learnt to spot via experiance? If so, it`s not likely to be an indication of Intuitivism is it?
Marmalaid brought up a good point concerning the question `do you think everything in the world is relative`. I answered yes, because I beleive everything is relative to somethingelse, Mars but although Mars agreed with me, he answered no, because he read the question as `Is everything in the world relative to everything else`
Food for thought.
Venusxxx
I`ve often wondered if the similar questions, and the way they are worded, which crop up later on in the questionaire are designed to compensate for this. I`m not sure.
Also, the questions on how intuitive a person is, will they be answering from what they have learnt to spot via experiance? If so, it`s not likely to be an indication of Intuitivism is it?
Marmalaid brought up a good point concerning the question `do you think everything in the world is relative`. I answered yes, because I beleive everything is relative to somethingelse, Mars but although Mars agreed with me, he answered no, because he read the question as `Is everything in the world relative to everything else`
Food for thought.
Venusxxx
Quote by PoloLady
Thomas International is a leading system on DISC - I am licenced in that one if you ever want a full analysis doing.
I`d love one done, seriously.
Boring info - did you know psychometrics date back to 400 whatever BC and the time of Hippocrates. He noticed he could put his patients into 4 catagories and named them after body fluids.
That does ring a bell, something to do with humours and phlegms, and medical stuff was tweaked pending upon a personality and fluids therein...or summat or other! Something else for me to review!
The Venus monster is back on the prowl.....
Sorry Sarge! :lol2:
Venusxxx
Quote by Ice Pie
Ever the skeptic, I took a scientific approach to this:
I read through all the descriptions without looking at the dates, and listed them in the order of relevance to me, i.e. the one that I think is most like me at the top, and the one that I think is least like me at the bottom.
To my total lack of surprise, all of the descriptions are relevant to me to a greater or lesser degree as they are simply a compendium of perfectly normal human characteristics.
In this case, the description supposedly matching my birthday is 9th on my list. I don't regard that as being in any way significant. As with astrology, it's just a random list of character traits that everyone possesses.
I would have done that, honest, but I`ve been multi-tasking!
Venusxxx
