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Wishmaster

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15 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Im right handed dress to left and wank with left (used to be right)....howz that work then??
Mr goodtimez

erm , is your mouse on the right of your keyboard? Looking at internet porn i reckon has made you switch hands.... lol

lol

Funny you should mention that....... the only thing I prefer doing with my right hand over my left is use the pc's mouse..... perhaps this explains why ... tried switching it around and reset the left and right buttons for my left hand but it just didn't feel right ...... I couldn't get the rythym with my right hand correct when looking at porn ... grrrr wink

wink

15 Aug 2005

Quote by BigScotsBloke
I dress to the right , always have but i'm abidextrous ( can write or wank with either hand lol ) so dunno if that means anything.
Only time I "hang loose" lol is when i've got the kilt on then its just left to swing in the breeze lol.
Davie :shock: :twisted:

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous .. hehehe .......

15 Aug 2005

Quote by easy
BASTARD!
I thought it was going to be stills from that Lynx advert with the horsie-types and the large pool of mud. hwoar:
*storms out of thread feeling completely cheated*
*sticks head back in*
You haven't got any stills from that advert have you?................. no. Oh bugger.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

hehehe ...... knew I'd catch someone out ......... that'll teach yer for getting turned on by men in horsey outfits..... rotflmao

rotflmao

15 Aug 2005

Bernie,
I sympathise with you and as I was there I can testify that you sure hit the ground hard being drunk probably stopped you from hurting yourself too much as you were totally relaxed (although I did piss myself coz it was very Chaplinesque)
I have two states of being pissed........... falling down rolling drunk and merry, happy go lucky drunk. I learned years ago that to avoid the former I have to have a good meal a couple of hours before I start drinking. It seems to stop me getting totally wasted and I end up having a good night out and sober enough to remember getting home.
For munch days, I try and avoid drink the day before and NEVER drink during the day of a munch (if we all meet up in the afternoon for example). That's the plan anyway, doesn't always hapen that way though. Daytime drinking wipes me out completely and ruins the evening. So I guess if I want a cracking night out, for me it's a case of wait till I get to where I'm going and start drinking from that point on.
My one saving grace is that I never suffer from hangovers... lucky me I guess.

15 Aug 2005

OK guys ... an interesting topic of conversation was raised over the weekend at Tatty's BBQ while we were all chilling out in the garden ......
Which way do you dress: To the Left or to the Right
I'm left-handed so I tend to dress to the right...... of 4 left-handed men that were there 3 of us were the same .. dress to the right ........
What hand is your strongest and which way do you dress?
.......and Equi .... I know the title of this thread may have drawn you in Sparkle .... but it's not about horses.... hehehe

15 Aug 2005

I'm commando ALWAYS!!! ........... except at Weddings & Funerals (just doesn't seem decent somehow) ...... the only problem with commando is that you have to be very careful zipping up again ...... :shock:

15 Aug 2005

Having been to several clubs up and down the country I can assure you that it is a myth that everyone is slim, beautiful and young. People from all walks of life and of all sizes etc use the clubs and so long as you are relaxed and have an open mind you should fit in quite nicely. Most of the clubs have a lounge area where you can aclimatise yourselves before exploring the other areas of the club. Go for it! . Have Fun!!!

15 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Is scooter_maxi using his avatar to make sgt Bilko look like an arse? Or is it an evil twin of sgt bilko's???
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/75398353942fe41673ef2c.jpg
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/images/avatars/12377186342a9a19e981d9.jpg

The bare faced cheek of it!!! is this 'Pick-on-a-Mod' week???..... hehehe rotflmao

rotflmao

15 Aug 2005

Quote by equi-princess
Apparently something like this:
Permatanned women who wear plunging leopard-print dresses and men with too much aftershave and medallions round their necks.
This was in a book I read recently...... is this how people see swingers? Do you recognise yourself there :
I've not met anyone of that description yet....although I'll definitely be on the lookout in future

Omg... i was rolling on the floor with laughter when i saw this......... lol
I guess that swingers look pretty much the same as everyone else....... we are normal people after all.... and not the depraved deviants the press would make us out to be...
equi-princess xxx
Aren't we Equi???
I thought being a depraved deviant was mandatory to be a swinger???
......as for Brut aftershave ............. I don't care if it becmes the absolute must have fashion item ...... it ain't going on my fecking body .... never never never .... nope ...... not at all!!! - It bloody stinks, it's cheap, common and crass........should sell quite well in some southern areas ... hehehe

15 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
Whilst walking through Preston town centre the other day I heard someone get dumped via mobile phone ......... Class.... she started off by pointing out quite politely all the guy's faults, and then ended by saying she never wanted to see him again.......... fair play, he did sound like a total prick :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

He must have been a prick to listen to her point out all his faults and stay on the line ......... Id've hung up on the woman!!!.
I don't mind people using mobile phones around me (probably coz I'm a nosey bastard) but I hate people with personal Walkman's, iPod's etc ...... all you can hear is tinny music and can't make out the song ..... so fecking irritating!!! grrrrr

15 Aug 2005

Welcome To SH .... there's a few established trios on here already ..... have fun and happy hunting xxx

14 Aug 2005

Well what can I say ........... last minute invite and it was a bloody good laugh....... at MY expense I might add!!! lol . it was great seeing loads of people I know and meeting those that I didn't............. now for the highlights:
Thanks to Tatty ........... great party babes .... although why you chose to sit in a corner all night is beyond me...... it wouldn't have been so bad if it was an open corner but why behind the table ..... you're really weird girl!!!
Postie ..................X ........... zany as ever m8 ... still think ya new hat looks fecking gay and not Australian !!! .... and you just had to join ya partner in crime under the table at the end .. hehehe
Cisco ................... X..........great to finally meet you...... top marks for all the cooking ..... glad someone else got roped into it this time ...... although I did get 'roped' into sommat else by the end of the night ... grrrrr!!!
The Unmentionables .......... nice to see yas again ....... what a giggle .... Mrs Unmentionable certainly liked having all the guys sucking her boobs ........ well it was part of the game and you had to comply ........ hehehe
Glenn ............. last time I met you u never said a bleedin word all night ....... what the feck happened!!! .... had u been eating sommat u shouldn't have been? ... what a riot m8 ....... although you did look like a Jetson's reject with that space helmet glued to you all night ...... next time don't fecking cheat though ok!!!
Richardm................ was great meeting you m8 ........ I always thought this talk of a blankie was just that .. talk ...... it ain't ffs .......... he was curled up in it most of the night .... ya big softie ... pmsl ... cya in the mornings fellow Breafast Crew Member!
Essexlady ........... you gave me quite a surprise when you felt my todger while blindfolded and whispered 'I know who that is!' ....... have u been groping me in my sleep? ... hope u enjoyed thrashing my arse... it's the last time you'll ever do it hehehe.
Sue^Steve.... irrepressable as always .... tks for brekkie darlin'
Tigersgobounce ............... lovely box of tricks u had on the dining table ... I enjoyed sampling them immensely ......... Nice seeing ya both again. x
MikeC ........... what can I say!!!! ..... fair dues to you mate... ur certainly game for a laugh and would liven up any party ........... although next time you wanna flash ya tackle can u face away from me .... put me right off my food hehehe... full marks for wearing 'THAT' outfit mate!.. White/No Sugar biatch ok?
lorraine ..... as always babes ... a real pleasure to see you again .... we always have a giggle .... and this was no exception ...... forgot ya strappy this time though :wink:
JucyLucy & Marms ............ Glad I helped ya night go with a 'bang' under the stars in that HUGE bed....hehehe .... next time you require my services .... SHOUT A BIT FECKING LOUDER!!!
Tabbi ....... absolute pleasure meeting you after all these months of chatting ........ love the tatts babe ;) never quite believed they were real but I do now ... how's ya ass ... :lol:
Jiggle .......... ur not supposed to check ya email halfway through a party.... and ya didn't blush much this time either .... ur becoming a hardened swinger m8 . word of advice though .... lose the thong .... hehehe
Bernie........... has tatty given you the cost for relaying her garden path yet ........ ur head hit it hard enough to break it up :lol: it was like slow motion, I could see it happening but couldn't get out of my chair fast enough to catch you......... thanks for the chat later babe .......
Bassman ....nice to meet you..... ur a life saver m8 ......... no way would I have got that cork outta that bottle without smashing it...
Olive & Popeye........ never got to chat much ... I was looking forward to meeting you but you rushed off shortly after I arrived..... nevermind... next time.
Mr_D & Hornyoldtart .............. lovely to see you both again
Peachy & Aardvark .............. it was nice meeting you both ..... Peachy.... u had me fantasising about your figure ..... hmmmmm lovely. ;)
MrHorny & Linda ........... thought Linda was a bit quiet..... guess it's a bit daunting meeting us lot all at once ... lovely to see you both.
LouiseEssex ................ always a pleasure hon .... shame u didn't stick around a bit longer... u missed all the fun ;)
........and Finally, ............. Yes, I do snore.... terribly!!.......... and No, .......... I don't like being unable to get out of bed in the morning so whoever tied me to my bed whilst I was passed out better watch out!!..... Revenge is a dish best served cold ...... hehehehehe
p.s. Women cannot join the X Organisation .... period...... so don't fecking ask anymore...... hehehe........... X
Cracking night, great party, good food, superb company ...... when's the next one???

13 Aug 2005

Quote by KitKat
or should that be:
Highjack - we were parked next to you the other night.
Mods Message - This belongs in Dogging - please text to the correct forum .
lhk
Kat

Not trying to hijack KitKat ... just a boy joke from a sexist comedian (Don't normally watch Jack Dee but I was bored shitless last night) that I thought would be ok to post in a GFZ. soz.

13 Aug 2005

Quote by tallnhairy
Forgetting the condom STD thing, which I am sure most of us are aware of. There are (or have been) adds posting specifically for pregnancy risk sex, and other adds with 'she may even let you get her pregnant ;)' (direct quote).
Is trying to get pregnant actually swinging? Should we as a community take a stand on any practice or allow everything that is legal? After all it is legal to have sex without protection, and create kids if you want, even on a one night stand. However I find it disturbing that people are actually asking in their adds for people to play at this.
Very little out there do I have a stand on, but pregnancy risk sex is one thing I do take offence at, as likely the outcome would be an abortion. Now not looking to start the abortion debate (I am pro choice for women personally), but deliberatly putting yourself at risk of having to do it is wrong.
We have a stand against various illegal practices (for obvious reasons), maybe this is somthing else that should be frowned on, or even banned in the AUP?

Maybe the girl cannot have children and their 'kink' is to get off on allowing another man to think that he is running a risk of getting her pregnant.... people have all sorts of kinks anf fetishes.. this could well be one of them...
At the end of the day the people involved have to deal with the consequences of this type of game playing.... if it doesn't appeal to you then don't contact them... simple really.

13 Aug 2005

I was watching Jack Dee on TV late last night. At the end of his show he reads out text messages that the audience have sent him during the performance. He read out this corker:
Hi Jack, we were parked next to you the other night!
His response:
You were? Dogging is supposed to be discrete fgs!!!
Had me giggling .. hehehe

13 Aug 2005

Quote by goodtimez
Mmmm just got me thinking...... what a load of old crap!!
Dont believe in all that! cant see how it could work
I stopped believing in that sort of thing when i was about 5 yeras old lol
Mr goodtimez ( Watch out for the bogy man)

Couldn't agree more ..... it's right up there with Father Christmas and the tooth fairy!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by TheLovelyOne

Once upon a time, I was going to have a 'last time' with the man I (then!) loved - we weren't going to see each other for two years.
In the weeks before we had to part, we seemed to change to only making lots of slow, bittersweet love. And on the last night, though we intended to have a farewell fuckfest for two, in fact all we did was hold each other close - the only wet patch was from tears!
Of course ... this isn't really as soppy as it sounds - I didn't manage the whole two years
(Oh - and hello everyone )

Hmmmm .... so you didn't actually have a 'last time' with this guy then ..... well actually you did... the time before the scheduled 'last time' was your actual last time .. feck this is confusing.... I think first times are better.
Oh - and Hello TheLovelyOne.

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Possum
God, what I wouldn't give to actually own a penis for one day... it'd be hilarious....

You can borrow mine for a day if ya like......... only thing is........ I'm still attached to it!!! .. hehehe ........ :lol:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by lucyweebaps
:bounce: Im so happy :bounce:
our 27year old has finally managed to buy his first house :bounce: Yipeeeeeee

You're kidding me!!!
hehehe.. u thought I was referring to you actually having a 27y/o didn't ya ..... lol..... nope.. just surprised you didn't send him on his way sooner.... think of all the swinging you couldv'e done ...... hold on .. does that mean you have a spare room now??
(party @ Lucy's house???)

13 Aug 2005

Perfectly happy with my 2-bed exec apartment....... I chose it carefully for a number of reasons: I needed a 2nd bedroom for my daughter, good access to motorway etc... it's furnished well (wooden floors throughout, black leather suite, fully fitted kitchen), got secure parking, Net Access, Sat & TV in all rooms, secure entry system. It ain't cheap but then the good things in life never are.
Ideal for me and I love living here.....
lol

lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

13 Aug 2005

I've certainly learned a few new tricks since I started swinging and I am far more confident sexually than I was before. I've never been a selfish lover and I've always tried to please whoever I was having sex with, my enjoyment is derived from her enjoyment. But overall? Yes, swinging has made me a better lover.

13 Aug 2005

Quote by deancannock
subs eh.....well hope it ain't one of those russain ones...could get all caught up in fishing nets again....and then we have to call international rescue....mind you that would be quite a good demo to watch wouldn't it

Silly person!!...... not THAT kinda sub .... hehehe ..... but now I have mental images of Russian sailors being kinkily flogged by Master X in their Grey Lady Down boat on the bottom of the ocean whilst awaiting International Rescue ...... ffs.... too early for this.. FAB Scotty!!!!!

13 Aug 2005

Have you got one of those old fashion keyboards that doesn't have a Shift key??
Everything you say is in Caps - Even your nick.. a trip to the Rules page might help you out before you get really stuck in..... learn the etiquette and you'll do ok.
Anyway... Welcome to SH.. have fun and happy hunting!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by challo
i dont realy like the guy had a few rows with him, i realy realy love what im doing and who i do it for and with, when i told the company i am with they offered me more money and told me the next promotion is mine,
Promises don't buy the finer things in life that you want, I worked for a company once and they promises me this and that but never delivered!
except now they tell me ive got to wait for a guy to leave (he's been there 15yrs) and i carnt have the pay rise till he goes.....
If they valued you enough they'd give you the rise anyway plus who really wants a job whereby you're waiting for someone to either: Die, Retire or get promoted himself.
the job offer with the new company still stands
Regardless of the rows you had with your former boss you must remember that a boss is doing a job that requires him to run his dept to the best of his ability and to the company's overall betterment and sometimes that means coming down hard on some people. He obviously values you and wants to surround himself in his new position with people he knows and trusts.
over to you guys ....... should i stay or should i go ?????
Go! Definately!! It sounds like to good an opportunity to miss.

13 Aug 2005

Quote by oneismagic
9 1/2 out of 10

Couldn't go the whole hog and give it 10/10 eh? .... Don't say much for the sex side of the equation...... hehehe
Glad u enjoyed urselves guys.... gonna have to give it a whirl myself one of these days.
lol

lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

12 Aug 2005

Quote by Paul23k
I once remember a girl bringing one into school and the teacher deciding to do a whole lesson messing about with the thing.
nothing happened.
Wierd teacher though

Tsk tsk..... New Labour ... run by old crones!!!

12 Aug 2005

Quote by Andy100
Just wanted to say bugger off and introduce myself , well I am single with a big sideboard that likes to be polished am clean and concrete and love my tongue being polished as well , I very much like ladies who perform in their knickers but not to much as I am shy , I am very much into stamp collecting as well and practice safe socks.
Look Forward to hearing from you

That's all well and good Andy but how deep is the sand and what's at the bottom of it? And... and..... while we're on the subject of grass.. how do the streetlights know when it's dark and how does the road always seem to know where I'm going?

12 Aug 2005

Welcome to SH m8.. pop along to the chat room ... there's a few from your neck of the woods in there......
Happy Hunting pal.

12 Aug 2005

Quote by Phoenix
If I knew it was going to be the last time I would want to spend the entire night with my partner, making love slowly at first, then fast and furious, then slowly again till the sun rises and quietly fall asleep in each other's arms. Yup. That would do me just fine.

Everyone, say Ahhhhhhhh. I'm going away to cry quietly in a corner, sentimental old me :cry:
Well I've done all the other things I want to do sexually so no point doing all that again is there.... sex with the one I love would be the way to go for me, without a doubt. Besides, she might bury me upside down or sommat coz she's pissed off that I didn't choose to have my last night of sex with her...... women are funny like that you know. :shock: :shock: :shock:

12 Aug 2005

I'm always happy anyway ....... no point letting life beat you up .. jump on for the ride and enjoy the bugger while it lasts!!!
oooo I just love cliches ..... get busy living or get busy dying (which film??)
lol

lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: