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agricola
Over 90 days ago
Male

Forum

Just wondering, as a poor country lad who thought a blow-job had something to do with autumn wind, would whistling have the same effect?? I notice that very few people whistle thesedays. I'm an inveterate whistler, have been since I got over -excited watching Lauren Bacall instruct Humphrey Bogart to whistle in 'To Have or Have Not'
(You know how to whistle don't you Steve, you just put your lips together and blow....')
What a film: supercharged with sexual chemistry. Bacall was/is one of the sexiest women ever! Anyway, before I'm chained to the SH railings for hijacking threads, as I'm more likely to be found whistling than on the business end of a blow-job, I am intrigued that that my Roger Whittaker impressions might be providing me with a positive health benefit...
Sorry about this:
I can't think of any lyrics except :
'I remember to this day
The bright red Georgia clay
And how it stuck to the tires
After the summer rain
Will power made that old car go
A woman's mind told me that so
Oh how I wish
We were back on the road again
Me and you and a dog named boo
Travelin' and livin' off the land
Me and you and a dog named boo
How I love being a free man
I can still recall
The wheat fields of St. Paul
And the day we all got caught
Stealing from an old hen
Old McDonald he made us work
But then he paid us for what it was worth
Another tank of gas
And back on the road again
I'll never forget the day
We motored stately into big L.A.
The lights of the city put settlin'
Down in my brain
Though it's only been a month or so
That old car's buggin' us to go
We've gotta get away and get back on
The road again
Yes, that wondrous song , 'Me and You and a Dog named Boo'
Well, bugger me. If this is all I can remember from the pantheon of good songs that were the seventies, then I must have sucked a little too hard on the juice of the apple! Yes, old Lobo must have had quite a neck to sing lyrics like that.
Anyone else remember it...or are you too embarrassed to admit it.
I nominate it for the SH 'Corniest Crap Lyrics ' Award
A
Quote by davej
Agricola you make a valid suggestion.
Being from a poor family we were never able to have a Turkey at Christmas so mother always roasted the pet Budgie as the family meal. Now before anyone shouts cruel, I would like to point out that being loving parents, they always brought us a replacement Budgie as a christmas present.
There were other benefits aside from the cheapness( no pun intended)
To add to the christmas flavour as it were, instead of teaching our budgies to curse, we always taught them to sing 'Ding Dong Merrily On High' which added to the atmosphere as they were layed in the baking tray.
Your point on stuffing them is well made, however mother found that feeding them on a diet of dried Paxo a week before the festivities worked a treat. The only thing that we forcefully stuffed into the Budgie, was it's little bell as a substitute for the traditional shilling in the christmas pud.

Well, Mr Dave J, I applaud your creative use of Budgies! I'm sure that Noel Edmonds would have included them in his 'Christmas Wishes' programme:
A desperately deprived street -urchin, probably with a crippled brother called 'Tim' (who was probably very small), would have been sent around to the local butcher, a jolly fellow with a striped apron and more facial hair than Dame Edna, who would have presented him with the'biggest Budgie in the shop window'....This would have been taken home, cooked over a candle, and the horrible employer-Mr Crogeos-would have seen the error of his ways as the happy family sat down to dine, and become a born -again Socialist! He would have immediately rushed out, voted for Saint Tony, and taken up membership of Swinging Heaven.....(OK, so I added that bit)....but, being a businessman, he would have seen the opportunity offered by the Budgies that chime 'Ding Dong Merrily' while being marinaded in Rick Stein's 'Grumpy, Miserable Bugger' Sauce, and bought the franchise. The whole scene would end with a big fat chap with a penchant for leather boots, wide belts and enclosed, sooty places, rushing in with toys for all the family....wooden dogs for Little Tim, Teddy Bears for the siblings, and a large vibrating object for mum and dad....
Oh, Mr DaveJ, you have indeed brought about a Dickens of a Christmas Carol
Yo Ho Ho.......
A.
Quote by jericho
Agricola...
you appear to be an expert on this and so for an newcomer perhaps you could help,
I am having something like 16 peopel over for Christmas this year, weell actaully diwalli rosh hashan and chistmas,mates are a tolerant buch who enjoy the celebrations somewhat more that the significance!!!!
so Agricola could you suggest a useful celebration. or celebrations to unite the various types?
jerry
feeling not to religious, but wanting to please

Well Jerry,
(By the way, I LOVED you in the 'Commando' comics I read as a child..('Feur'; ''Take Zat Tommy, Ha Ha'; 'Scnell. mach mit dem grossen gun!!'-you were a real star!!)
I suggest you follow the lead of our Saxon forebears and bring in a Yuletide Log...
A bit of Oak, Ash, or if you are in a town, pinch the neighbour's line-prop, and cook it at a low heat , gas mark one, for approximately six weeks. Smother it with a bit of Garlic Sauce and, Bob's your Auntie, you'll be well fed for the entire Christmas break. Yes, I admit, it's a bit tough, and the splinters can play havoc with Granny's dentures,but just think of all that roughage!! But, steer clear of Spruce, the evergreens can be a little bitter, but the added bonus is that you might inadverdently cook the occasional Red Squirrel-delicious little beasts.
Hope this is of help...
A
Quote by davej
Nooo !! Mrs FC don't go eating Spaniels ...their ears will get stuck in your throat and choke you.........

Well said Mr Dave J; I nominate you to be Health &Safety representative for this site.
It is a well known fact that Spaniels are 5% brains; 45% ears and 50% enthusiasm......(sounds a bit like certain members of the Royal Family??)
Anyway, if you must eat dogs Mrs FC, try something like a 'Bichon Frise'-you would never know it wasn't some exotic recipe that the sainted Delia had dreamed up (but be careful of choking on the little ribbon).
I suggest you stick to more edible family pets: try hamsters-Freddie Starr did quite well on them. But don't put a wheel in their cage or they may get a little 'tough'. As an aside, instead of the usual (boring) Turkey this Christmas, try a Budgie......they are, I admit, a bugger to stuff, but at least you don't have the leftovers hanging about till New Year's Day.
A.
Now I'm embarrassed redface
Thanks for your kind comments. I'm looking forward to catching up with you all.
To those that you don't know me: please pick my lottery numbers tonight, you are obviously blessed with great fortune...
To those that do: please don't blame my parents, they did the best they could...
God Bless
A.
Quote by Omar The Wünderhorse
Yes, Alex
I do love my name just as I'd love to have your breasts in my mouth.
:twisted: confused: :idea:

The Man from Del Monte he say 'YES'.
Distinctive name for sure; the juxtaposition of Arabic and Teutonic influences is most interesting. Sort of Tannhauser meets Sarabande? One worry, would your relative 'Champion the Wonderhorse' be happy with it?
On a more serious note: if you want to experience the feeling of Alex's breasts in your mouth, try applying the biggest wasp you can find to each of your tonsils. Should do the trick...
Quote by burose
is it too early to wish everyone ...happy christmas ... yet
drinkies :cheers:

On the contrary Burose, you are in fact nine months too late...
Nostalgia
Yesterday seems closer, sweeter
As the golden grape warms my soul.
The faces seem much closer, dearer
And part of that which makes me whole.
Looking back seems right, good
And the world I knew seems near,
The friends I had are with me, real
Their eyes and voices oh so dear.
Surely is is right, now
To celebrate the past,
But knowing it is gone, borne
In golden amber, but will last
As long as my head lives, turns
To gaze on that which formed my being,
The miles walked with friends, loves
Eyes that met in saying, seeing
Beneath the dross that men, life
Require our spirits to aquire,
For a while we knew, shared
A spark from an eternal fire.
A.
(will copy to poetry thread)
Quote by MISSCHIEF
I had to sell my bike to get double glazing sad

Just thinking: the bloke that sold you the double glazing was probably only doing it so that he could afford to buy the bike you sold to get the double glazing in the first place.......
Funny old world really....
A.
Alexandra,
What memories you've brought back Thankyou. A hotch potch of memories comes floating back over far too many years.....
My younger life is overwritten with the smell of ladies' hair laquer, the ubiquitous 'Players' No. 6 Cigarettes' for the young folk, the smell of' Wills Woodbine' from the older. My Grandad's pipe , filled with Erinmore 'ready rubbed'. The taste of 'Boiling Bacon' for sunday tea; the horrible taste of 'Camp' Coffee; the 'Shambles' where the old country ladies came in on the bus once a week , to haggle with the market men over the price of cheese and meat; wearing a cap to school; taking a girl out and plying her with 'Cherry B'-believing it to be the strongest thing imagineable ; cattle being driven down the road; chippings being spread on the road by brawny men with shovels-not the huge machines we have today; my beloved Ford Corsair V6-first car I ever had; yes, Robinson Crusoe-I still love the theme music; the smell of my new leather satchel -do they still exist? 'Duffel Coats' were worn by all us country kids in the winter; queueing up for the 'nit nurse' when she came into school; the overwhelming fear of nuclear war-that is one of the strongest. We really did believe it was only a matter of time; 'Bubble Cars'; 'Chopper Bikes'; 'The 'I -Spy' club-anybody still got the codes?; collecting 'tea-cards' from tea packets-I still have several albums; 'Bleep and Booster' on Blue Peter; the picture of Julie Christie I hid under my mattress redface Jack Hargreaves on 'Out of Town; the 'old people' and 'people with difficulties' that still lived with families back then, in pre-nursing home days; crowds of children walking long distances to school; all the farm kids 'missing' from school at harvest time; the 'rag and bone ' man that drove his horse and cart around the villages with his resonant cry; frost on the inside of the windows in those colder and pre-central heating times; the last of the 'shire horses' that dozed in fields after being usurped by tractors-I remember them vividly, many of the old farmers couldn't bear to have them destroyed and they gazed out at us as we walked by, their big brown eyes mourning the passing of their vocation and a way of life that my father, grandfather, great grandfather and those before him had lived and breathed since their childhood-my greatest regret is that I never had the chance to 'follow the plough';....
anyway, enough.....
There never were 'Good Old Days' ... there were just 'different days'...
A
listening , with a tear in my eye, to the late, great, Sandy Denny. 'who knows where the time goes' is one of the wonders of the universe. Beautiful.
Which reminds me, there is another Sandi that is a wonderful creation too.....greetings wink
A.
I saw appalling cruelty to dumb animals only this morning. It was horrific. That kind of transportation should be made illegal!!! They were squashed into dirty, poorly ventilated, outdated equipment; they had no access to water although many were showing signs of distress; they looked sullen and depressed, their eyes looked sunken, they were totally unable to carry out any of the functions appropriate to their species; and the worst thing?....nobody seemed to care. Barbarism, pure barbarism....
...and if the Victoria line has ONE more signal breakdown...I'm taking a cab!!
Dock Green Police Station
Nostalgia Avenue
1960's England.
Evenin' All,
PC George Dixon 'ere.
This evenin', at 'ours, I was pedalling my bicycle along the 'Igh Street, when I 'eard a disturbance takin' place at the Avatar and Advert public 'ouse. Upon investigating, I came upon a large crowd of gentleman, of a Hoirish persuasion, fighting with the locals. Upon my arrival , they himmediately scarpered. 'Owever, on my way out I noticed a dirty white Transit Van, License Plate number GYP 0 S. My hattention was himmediately drawn to the Guinness label taking the place of the Tax Disc. Upon hinvestigation I found a Hoirish sounding gentleman, somewhat the worse for drink, holding tight to a rope, at the end of which was a small long -eared animal. In my best copper's voice I said,
'Don't be silly sonnie, 'and it over'
The hanimal is now in the Dog Pound at the Station, where we noticed a henvelope stuck to its posterior which said,
'If found, return to Mr. Mal Adjusted, Swinging Heaven, Cyberland.'
So, if you would like to come around, wiv proof of hownership, I'm sure we can quickly reunite you wiv your pet.
Mind 'ow you go.
Evenin' all...
George Dixon
from T.A. Macadam,
(By Appointment: Diddicoy to The Queen)
Right, yer moithering jinnits.....
Take no notice of that eejit Dave J: he's a grand one for the craich but he wouldn't know a donkey from a doorknob. I don't know about kissing the Blarney Stone, he must o' swallowed it. The fact is, on the grave of me sainted mother, we've got the long eared pony tethered to the back of the caravan. He's braying like a one of the 'Little Folk' under an electric -fence. Why, I've just stopped Mick O' Flynn from banjaxing him with a tarmac rake. Sure, if the little eejit keeps it up, there'll be a new Donkey Jacket out tarmacing the roads tomorrow, so help me Mary.
Now, I reckon you'll want the little feller back, aah, go on, go on, go on; course yer do. Well, we just happen to have a load of tarmac 'surplus to requirements' and, by the bones of me sainted Da, we just happen to be around your area. What luck!! Saint Patrick himself couldn't have set it up any better. So, if you good people should happen to want your drives tarmacing-good job, 200 year guarantee, contact us by (stolen) mobile phone any time you like-then, we'd be delighted to return him to yers all. Now, I can't think that yers all wouldn't now, so go on, go on, go on. Ring us now....before we get too full o' the black stuff to give a monkey's arse.....
Oh why yes, I forgot to mention, it would be cash of course...but don't worry, we are pleased to be of assistance and will gladly drive you round to the cash machine, in the Transit, with a few of the boys along to make sure you 'don't go astray'-just ask any of the old people in your area.
I'll keep te phone on and will be waiting for your call...
(just remember, there's many an eejit motorcyclist would love them ears on his helmet........)
GodBless All Here:
Terence Aloisius Macadam
Somerset is a wonderful place-second only to Shropshire in the league of places God would choose to live...
The good burghers of said county saved my life-literally-and I won't have a word said against them.
Visit Doone Valley and tell me your life isn't changed.
In May, the cider blossom is a joy to behold.
The cider is good-not quite as good as Hereford's best-and the ghosts of Monmouth's men haunt the 'Levels'.
Listen to Evensong in Wells Cathedral and tell me the spirit of England has gone...Stand beneath Glastonbury Tor, when the festival has gone, and tell me you can't imagine King Arthur and his Knights lined up on the horizon...
If still in doubt, read 'Lorna Doone'.
Do not fear my 'Zummerzet' friends: you inhabit a wonderful place....
Agricola
In reflective mode.
Quote by Alexandra
Agricola!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Give us a hug!!!!!!!!!!

T'would be a honour, my proud and noble beauty....
A.
Ray Davies!! I am tempted out from my poet's lair to pay homage to a master song-writer. If anyone represented the 'joi-de-vivre' of late 60s/early 70s Britain (and I was there) it is he. 'Waterloo Sunset' is an enduring masterpiece. 'Autumn Almanac', 'Death of a Clown', 'A Well Respected Man', ...all excellent. A later offering, 'Come Dancing' is one of my enduring favourites.
It seems seems strange now that in this short period of time I saw ' The Corries', 'Johnny Cash', 'Kinks', 'Fairport Convention', 'Halle Orchestra'... how diverse can you get. But their music will live forever...
A.
Thoughts on Friendship
September evenings melting into darkling dusk
The sun away to pour its gift on people I don’t know,
Lilies permeate the senses with their heady musk
And bats take wing in daring show.
A time for beer and and peace and quiet reflection
And bringing to mind the friends we’ve known,
As vainly we courted meaning and direction
Yet on the fickle winds of fate were blown.
A good time this, to raise a brimming glass
To lives that sailed in our waters for a while,
Unworthy communicants in this human Mass
Fellow travellers on this Golden Mile.
And as light fades from a world grown dark in death of day
Mere reminder and rehearsal for a time awaiting all,
My friends are near me: and will stay
My partners at this final Ball.
To my friend Sappho. Happy Birthday. wink
No one has a life that is more than a few seconds old....what came before is mere history. Life is what is waiting round the corner......enjoy it!!
As music is poetry with crotchets, I'm tempted out by this thread. Try these:
'All The Time in The world'-Louis Armstrong
'Memories of the Alhambra'
'Lark Ascending' and 'Variations on a Theme by Tallis'-Vaughan Williams
''String Quartet no 12 (American)'-Dvorak
'Appalachia Waltz'-(O'Connor)-by Yo Yo Ma
'Cello Concerto'-Elgar
'Summer Wind'-Sinatra
'Hurt'-Johnny Cash
'Gypsy'-Suzanne Vega
'Misere mei, deus'-Allegri
'Porcelain'-Moby
'Piano Concerto No 2'-Shostakovich
Anything by Ludovico Einaudi
'Song for Athene'-Tavener
'Hallelujah'-Jeff Buckley
'Suzanne'-Coen
'La Noyee'-van Tiersen (anything from 'Amelie' soundtrack)
'Main Theme from Once Upon a Time in The West' -Morricone
'Flowers of The Forest' (Traditional -Scottish-Lament)
'Lacrimosa'-Preisner (from Requiem for a Friend')
'Benedictus''-from 'The Armed Man: A Mass for Peace' by Karl Jenkins
'Fanfare for The Common Man'-Aaron Copeland
'Swing Low'-at Twickenham!!
'Tanhauesser'-Wagner
'Parting Glass'-Voice Squad
but, number one:
'Spem in Alium'-Tallis
Sorry for long list: but try them!! my hair would be standing on end, as I have none, my skin prickles......
Tubular Bells (Virgin001)-Vinyl LP: still got it.
First Single: 'Crackling Rosie', Neil Diamond-still got that too..
Thanks to Mike for pointing this out: TV commercials have utilised some excellent music.
The car companies have used some real classics (best, Janice Joplin -'Mercedes Benz, closely followed by 'The Passenger' by Iggypop, Citroen)
Levi have been the most consistent in using top tracks (best, 'Sarabande' by Handel, followed by 'The Joker' by Steve Miller)
Mobile phone companies are catching up fast, e.g 'Bohemian like You', Dandy Warhols.
Award for most memorable goes to NSPCC for advert using a beautiful rendition of 'Silent Night', overlaid by sounds of children being abused. came out at Christmas, about four/five years ago??
However, top track must be 'Slip into Something Comfortable' by 'Kinobe', as used in the Kronenbourg advertisement in which the gorgeous young lady, carrying Kronenbourg, causes butcher to cut fingers off, roadman to put pick through foot etc
Anyone care to nominate any others?
Morecambe and Wise were true greats; however, we should not forget the real genius behind their success, the writer, Eddie Braben. As someone who wants to be a writer when he grows up, I think writers are often the forgotten people, understandably I suppose, as they are rarely seen. He was truly brilliant and wrote for Ken Dodd, Mike Yarwood, Les Dawson et al. I recently heard him interviewed about his years with M&W and was interested enough to search out his book, aptly titled, 'The Book What I Wrote'. He also wrote a play, 'The Play What I Wrote', which got good reviews but which I've never seen. Not hard to guess what it was about.
As for Rolf, I was always amazed at his ability to muster a work of art out of a few tins of eulsion and a fence painting brush while humming 'Sun Arise' (which I still love). He is a trained and well respected artist in his own right, and I watched in amazement at the series where he painted pictures in the style of famous artists; he really is good. In fact, he was so good that I was tempted to forgive him for 'Animal Hospital'......(but perhaps he wasn't THAT good)
Quote by DJohn
I was about to post a rant about "when did 'female' become a noun?" It has always been an adjective to me.
Of course, when I consult my dictionary (it's best to be sure of the facts before making a fool of yourself. If you're right, you're just a fool. If you're wrong you look like an idiot) I find that the good men and women at Oxford think it's a noun too.
So I'll keep my mouth shut.

DJohn, I too have always been confused by this particular word: my research reveals that in medieval times, a female was in fact a noun, but often transformed into Nun. This faded out when Henry VIII made the habit more difficult to achieve.
In my own experience, I have come across several grammatic anomolies with this word.
When I was young, the noun became nan. Good sort she was too. As a teenager it was definitely transmuted to 'none'. Later, female became objective, in my case at least, but always reverted to it's noun , or rather the french derivative', 'NON!'! , whenever I attempted to get a grasp of the 'subject' This became the 'rejective' case, often accompanied by several clauses in the 'invective'. However, I persevered and tried the dative case. Big mistake: it got very 'vocative', ended up in the 'accusative' and I finally achieved clarity on one case: it comes up at Bow Street Magistrates next wednesday.
Quote by MikeNorth
Hi Agricola,
Yes of course it was Miss Print, and played by Barbara Hicks, who has played so many good roles over the years, especially good as the woamn who ran the funeral parlour in "Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit". "Miss Prism" was a character in "The Importance Of Being Earnest" - fancy getting my Wilde mixed up with my Pastry.
Last paragraph: Robinson Crusoe I think.
Mike.

Yep, Robinson Crusoe: well done Mike!!
As for Oscar Wilde...'A handbag!!' must be one of the greatest lines of all time?
Quote by MikeNorth
And lo it was written:

What about the real name of Mr Pastry??? Anyone know without resorting to Google???
Indeed, that was Richard Hearne: I clearly remember the adventures in 'Little Wotting'. Seemed so funny then: so dated now. Sad.

You beat me to it, Agricola. Who was the woman with Mr Pastry? Was it Miss Prism?
Then there was also "Whirligig" with Humphrey Lestocq, with Peter Hawkins ("Hawkyboy"), Colonel Crock, the King Brothers, Mick and Montmorency (where have I seen that name more recently? - and one of them was Charlie Drake, very early in his career) and others evenIcan't remember.....
It's too far back for me Mike...I remember 'Miss Print', seemed an hilarious joke to me at the time!, perhaps that's whom you are thinking of?
I remember so many programmes from that period:
'Land of the Giants'; 'mystery and Imagination' (saturday, after 'match of The Day'); 'Whiplash'; 'Corrie' with Ena and Minnie; 'Gideon's Isle; 'F-Troop'; 'Green Acres'; 'Beverly Hillbillies' 'Flight of the Heron';...too many to mention without sounding a sad anorak ........, slightly later, my VERY favourite of all time......
starred 'Robert Hoffman' and 'Fabian Canalos': music still haunts me to this day. Can any one remember what it was? Can't remember when it was shown....should have been on Friday perhaps?
Quote by anais
I enjoy a good comedy, anything based on fact, true life, the odd weepy.....dont like war films with too much gore.
My favourite film is Amelie, directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Makes brill films.....
xanaisx

Amelie, Local Hero, Once Upon a Time in The West, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, Brief Encounter, Third Man, Shane......my favourite films......genre doesn't matter-it's quality that counts.
Quote by Alexandra
OK - trivia quiz
Name a famous 60s musician (well in a very famous group anyway) who was a child actor in Corrie!

was it the guy who played Emily Bishop and Fred Gees love child from a torrid session down on the red wreck?
Nope!
Wasn't he a little Monkee by the name of Davy Jones?
Quote by Jags
Ah... Peter Glaze - what a bloke! He always looked so 'lost' and then Lesley Crowther took great delight in 'torturing' him.
What about the real name of Mr Pastry??? confused Anyone know without resorting to Google???

Indeed, that was Richard Hearne: I clearly remember the adventures in 'Little Wotting'. Seemed so funny then: so dated now. Sad.
What about 'Old Mother Riley?