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29 Sep 2004

Excuse me, what's all this eating Yorkies sad

sad

After sitting up half the night recently, reading the threads in the Fox Hunting debate, I was still ambivalent, but, was beginning to err on the side of protecting Mr Fox. Now, here we are, openly discussing scoffing innocent little Yorkies-and Aunt Bessie's in particular. Does Aunt Bessie know about this? Well there was I , ashamed to admit that my Bull Terriers were partial to making 'Hors de'Ouvres' of Yorkies, ribbons and all, whenever I took them a walk. Seems I worried in vain. So, might I suggest we get Rick Stein involved, he's bound to have a wonderful recipe for sauted fillet of Yorkie, probably with sugared ribbons. But, I can't believe that you northern folk consider them to be a 'meal in themself' or 'wonderfully filling'...Blast my ears with a Mare's dribblings, the biggest one I ever saw wasn't as big as one of its (irritating ) little yaps, in fact there would have been more protein in its leash. Anyway, must be some Viking genes that have survived-you probably carve dragons' heads on your cars and long to be called Erik son of Erik Erikson the Elder, or something like that. I'm waiting for the first thread that suggests we change the name of this site to Swinging Valhalla. And, I can only surmise that the little Yorkie has some sort of religious significance up there, otherwise, why else would Melvyn Bragg wear his hair like that if it wasn't in some sort of homage to the Yorkie?

28 Sep 2004

I watched tely on my Gran's 14 inch Bush-(yes, I know, you can't say that these days without someone asking where she kept the aerial!!-but in those days a bush was either a green leafy thing in which is was wise to have two birds to equal one in the hand, a baby President or a small television set) Anyway, it only worked intermittently and skipped about from channel to channel, which got me a little confused at times. Hence, my favourite programme was
Mr Ed Wonderhorse the Champion Kangaroo Bush....great it was.
I loved 'F' Troop, Gilligan's Isle, Whiplash, Branded, Bonanza, Robinson Crusoe, Mystery and Imagination (Saturday night, after MOTD-scared me to death).
When my children came along-(got home from work one day and there they were! Lord knows where they came from)-I loved to sit and watch Mr Ben (probably all the dressing up). and Pigeon Street (I was in love with the lorry driving lady-what was her name?)
Yep, lovely memories, I still can't look at any animal without imagining Johnny Morris' s voice eminating from it's mouth!

28 Sep 2004

Happy Birthday Mrs FC.....
I hope people are brightening your day up with all these lovely greetings: 'twould only seem fair considering how much pleasure you bring to everyone else.
I'd fire a twenty- one gun salute, but, seeing as how cartridges are awful expensive, and pheasant season is nearly here, you'll have to make do with one barrel of the old .410!! If you wouldn't mind waiting for an hour or two while I find a rabbit loitering about, I'll fire one off then (can't waste cartridges you know, after all, Dave J himself told me there was still a war on!! I'm not supposed to tell, but, between you and I , he isn't on holiday at all, but is on 'active service' dealing with an uprising overseas...all very hush hush. I checked with Mrs Davej and she confirmed that therer was a strong element of 'uprising' and 'active service' planned for their holiday....can't understand why she was giggling though!! Not a laughing matter! I asked if he might receive a commendation......she replied that on past performance it was highly unlikely, but that she lived in hope. Funny thing to say.....proper confused me.)
Anyway, here's to you Mrs FC!! In honour of this momentous occasion , I plan to drink your weight in cider. wink

wink

agricolaxx

26 Sep 2004

Quote by MISSCHIEF
Blast my eyes with a bag of nettles....saw this thread...mindful that the trout season is drawing to a close... dashed to the shed to get the reel, rod and line sorted....pulled Dad's 'Priest's Prayer' fly out of the old tobacco tin, got the waders on, cut the butties (peanut butter , chilli and tomato-loverLY!!)...got the Land Rover full of diesel....got the weather forecast off Sky....primed the Missus to pull Saint Delia's best Brown Trout recipe out.....and, and, .......... what the Sam Hill is going on!! it's all fizzled out.....grrrrr!!!!!!!!!
A

rotflmao

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
Calm down man!! You got the wrong gadget out. Grab your dog and get down here, tis that season where there's a squillion pheasants wherever you look - like a colourful version of Trafalgar Square down here confused

confused

Missie,
Would that I could grab my dog: he hasn't been seen for many a month! Last time I saw old Fly he was rugged up in bows and smelly stuff, taken hostage by a mess of well meaning types, and spotted lounging in a jacuzzi with a herd of well proportioned ladies.
I confess, it's been hard without him, I'm afraid today's sheep are faster than I am, and I'm permanently buggered trying to run around barking, making sheepdog noises, and trying to get my tongue to loll around my eyelashes like old Fly could.. I wonder why the ladies loved him? :cry:
But, tis true, pheasant season is almost upon us... must get the .410 out of the gun cabinet and pull the Retriever off the sofa-he is watching Debbie MacGee in 'The Farm'-be buggered for pheasant now, In fact, he'll be trying to mount anything that that says 'magic!' and 'say , yes Paul'. Retrievers are funny dogs: haven't got the brains of a sheep dog but softer mouths....
A

26 Sep 2004

Alex, I imagine it must have been amazing to meet 'The Beatles'. However, I , being a country lad, never had the opportunity to meet anybody famous, but, I remember 'Gerald' (not real name). He was a Korean War veteran that lost one foot in the fighting. He was a pig farmer, in fact, he lived with his pigs!! He smelled like -you don't want to know. He was as relaxed as the day is long; nothing mattered to him except his sows. He was a delightful conversationalist, and listened more than he spoke. He came into town each wednesday (market day) to sell pigs, but always attracted a crowd of people (and flies). I sold him Barley, and he always arranged that I should go to 'his place' to draw the cash (here in the country, cash is ALL). It was really an excuse to put the kettle on, pull up a oil drum, and talk about life until the sun went down. We'd crack open a few bottles of Brown Ale and end up silent, but happy, in each other's company. He valued friendship, and conversation, more than anything; he said that is what he lost a foot for.
I can't help thinking, reading all the angst and bickering that sometimes surfaces here, old Gerald had it about right.
We all have shit that stinks, memories that hurt, habits that annoy others; but we are all passengers on the same long train journey.
Friendship and compassion are all.
Rest in peace Gerald: you learned a lesson that would benefit us all..
A

26 Sep 2004

Blast my eyes with a bag of nettles....saw this thread...mindful that the trout season is drawing to a close... dashed to the shed to get the reel, rod and line sorted....pulled Dad's 'Priest's Prayer' fly out of the old tobacco tin, got the waders on, cut the butties (peanut butter , chilli and tomato-loverLY!!)...got the Land Rover full of diesel....got the weather forecast off Sky....primed the Missus to pull Saint Delia's best Brown Trout recipe out.....and, and, .......... what the Sam Hill is going on!! sad

sad

it's all fizzled out.....grrrrr!!!!!!!!!
A

26 Sep 2004

Cheered me up mr FC;well done...
A

26 Sep 2004

Right, out of your foxhole soldier, you aren't as old as me so stop snivelling!! Get your chin up man, there are a lot of young ladies here that are busting a gut to get their hands on you to wish you a happy birthday....don't disappoint them now, hear?
Happy Birthday fellah
Your mucker from former times
A wink

wink

25 Sep 2004

Indeed Jon Jon, 'cat himself admitted that 'He can't keep it in' and' I'm gonna get me a gun!!'
(I wonder what the CIA will make of 'I love my dog'?) :cry:

25 Sep 2004

Tried to see who it was from: didn't recognise the 'Monica' on the bottom :cry:

25 Sep 2004

Quote by celticq
No no nooooooooo - don't let anyone else have a turn.
Your lyrics are the only one I have got right so far

Okey dokey..
Something different...
''I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows
Knee high'
Should be easy...it's a beautiful song...and a fantastic singer
A

25 Sep 2004

Mr Commando: I love this painting.
I 've spent most of my life using words to paint pictures because I haven't got the wit to hold a brush, yet alone use one....
I'm going back to have another look. Inspiring.
A

25 Sep 2004

I am just a dreamer but you were just a dream
You could have been anyone to me

Oh dear, sorry to hog the thread-(I feel a Moderator's warning coming on)...but, I know that this is one of my very favourites, Canada's finest..
Neil Young: Hurricane. :cry:
Somebody else want a go??

25 Sep 2004

Quote by celticq
Judith Chalmers
And some holiday program
just a gurl

Is that your guess or the next clue?
Floyd again me thinks
Indeed, Celticq.
As Robin Cook said to the Dagenham Girl Pipers Band..
'wish you were here'.
Your turn Ma'am...

25 Sep 2004

I can see your logic Gurl: Judith Chalmers is always right, allegedly.
However, on this occasion, she is not right, or rather, not as dumbfoundingly, all embracingly, fireproof as her smugness would have us believe....
Anyway, how can she know about the most wonderous places on earth when she never mentions Shropshire??
As you can see: I'm her greatest fan...

25 Sep 2004

Quote by gurl
Ok...try this one.......
I'm a sensation
You try me once, you'll beg for more
- just a gurl

A few memories here :cry: :
Baccara: 'Yes Sir , I can Boogie'
(Don't ask me how an old duffer knows these lyrics!!!! A long story....)
OK, try this-more my vintage
''And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts
Hot ashes for trees
Hot air for a cool breeze
Cold comfort for change
And did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?'
A.:

24 Sep 2004

' Ship's Biscuit': hard tack, almost undigestable biscuit, strictly rationed and kept for dire emergencies ......all the crew allowed a nibble one a week......
....and then you throw up :cry:

24 Sep 2004

I've been on both the 'inside'-in a previous incarnation- and am now very firmly on the 'outside-(and very happy with it too!) . I'm convinced that you should post becase you have something to say: not because any in-crowd-if there is one, which I doubt very much,just groups of people with similar interests, as in the rest of life-will like it. Don't forget, something I learned to my cost, the world does not end at this vaunted band of friends, there are thousands out there looking in from cyberspace. Just because you don't get a reply posted-don't forget, your words are now out in the big wide cyber world...
So speak your mind and bugger the consequences; people who don't like you will ignore you anyway. Such is the Human Condition...
A

24 Sep 2004

I suppose it depends what you want to change it in to; considering that just one Dave J managed to change his back garden into a grotto full of Unicorns and little people, and just one Dave J trained the entire Goldfish population of the Northern hemisphere to iron, I reckon a light bulb is a minor challenge.
So, I estimate just dave J's should be EXACTLY the number of DaveJ's required to change a light bulb.

24 Sep 2004

This sounds like me: I've always been outside most crowds. I've lived with sheep for months, my best friends have been four legged and smelly, I like Johnny Cash and obscure Bulgarian Folk singers, never played football, I love swallows, I wrote poetry in a tin shed, I love westerns, I tend to do the opposite of the crowd, I find more interest in a river than in a party, I love butterflies, fashion is a swear word, I don't like bad language, thehighest art form is the setting sun, rugby is a religion, ferrets are misunderstood, a handshake is as good as a contract, I get headaches in a city, Audrey Hepburn was the sexiest female ever, Nelson Mandela portrays the dignity that I aspire to, cows are beautiful creations, I like rats, I hate dogs with bows, I love fried egg banjos, Brief Encounter moves me to (manly) tears, I hate upward intonation, I love cricket, OliverCromwell fascinates me, I consider England to be the place that I take my holidays in, John Clare was a genius, I love old black and white photographs, Merlot is the king of grapes, weekends should include beef, the Coen Brothers are princes among film-makers, Ludovico Einaudi is the king of modern composers, Elgar is the king of those passed on, van Gough enthrals me, Latin is the language of the ages, I'll be buried in the county where I and my ancestors were born....
So, as you can see, they don't come much more 'outside the crowd' than me...
A.

24 Sep 2004

Quote by warwick
:lol: :lol: :lol:
uh oh Agricola another suitable inmate
is that from the Roman?
are you a legibus scribbundi et republicae constituendae :
( sorry I have an A level in Roman history)

Warwick,
Non scribbundi et republicae sum,
Fui Agricola sed nunc poetae sum.
Ivi: nunc revenio
Fui homo cum equo..
Vale
A.

24 Sep 2004

My doctor says it's sad
But entirely reprehensible,
That I don't think Dave is mad:
Just saying what is sensible...

24 Sep 2004

Quote by Dawn_Mids
How the f did this thread ever get to this stage :
certifiable the bleedin lot of ya

Don't ask me dunno

dunno

I only put the bluddy wanted poster up and look what happens :shock:
It was all the males arguing the toss over how many Goldfish davej is worth. Personally I think we should have left it at 17 and I'm disappointed that some value him so little :cry:
Dawn :silly:
Oh Dawn, how can you suggest that Godfish don't have enormous value in their own right: they are precious. Answer me this: when you went to the fairground, and threw the three darts and tried to get them in three different playing-cards, was the Goldfish ever the consolation prize?? I think not!! That role went to musty smelling toy monkeys,as seen in Watchdog's 'Don't give this to your children if you want them to live' programme. Or, it was one of those little dolls (which is where I found my feminine side) dressed in the national costume of many of the world's countries-all of them being Scotland. But no, what I wanted-and was always the ULTIMATE..was a Goldfish to call my own.
I was determined. Being poor, we couldn't afford a bowl, so I saved my halfpennies and bought all the 'Bulls Eyes' sweets that I could , enough in fact to empty the shop-keeper's glass sweet jar. I persuaded him to let me have it (in exchange for dressing up in my school uniform and walking up and down in front of him). Oh how excited I was!!
I stole some gravel from the roadmen working outside to put in the bottom, and plopped in my precious little 'miniature diver' toy, given to me by a local gentleman who liked to feel my satchel on the way to school-don't know why...BUT I didn't have the all important Goldfish.
I tried a stickle back that i caught in the brook, but to no avail. he didn't seem to like being sprayed with Autosol 'Dayglo Orange' car touch-up paint, and promptly stickled his back no more.
I tried a bit of carrot-whittled into the perfect Goldfish shape with my Bulgarian Army Penknife (like a Swiss one but cheaper). However, it just sank to the bottom...maybe I should have used an organic carrot?
Only one thing to do. I nicked dad's darts and practiced like mad for two years. Then came the day. You should have seen the look on the stallholder's (PC term for Gypo's) face as my third dart thudded home at the heart of the third card. (he obviously didn't realise that I'd been practicing by aiming ten feet to the right to allow for the 'doctored' dart!! )
So, that's when I got Goldie. We were so happy together and played football in the fields-which he wasn't much good at. We watched snooker on the telly (which he loved-seemed fixated by Steve Davies' hair), went long country walks together (which left him a bit breathless actually) and listened to Tubular Bells together as my parents beat each other up. He was my constant companion, having learned the art of holding his breath: very advanced stuff for a Goldfish!! He was there at my first sexual encounter-with Ethel, the Barmaid from The Bull and Dog: by hell, I don't know who was gasping most, Goldie, me or Ethel!!
But, then he died: I was utterly devastated!! I wore a black armband for 6 years.
I buried him under his favourite oak tree and whittled him a lovely little wooden cross with my Irish Army Penknife (like A Swiss one but you hold it by the blade). I still go and sit sometimes, by his little grave, and talk to him. (and he talks back-but I don't tell too many people that since I've been invited to live with these nice people in clean white coats....)
Anyway, please, please Dawn, don't suggest that I don't value Goldfish. They are more valuable than anything to me....I'm off now to look at a few snaps of Goldie and me .....I could be some time ...( )

23 Sep 2004

Quote by westerross
Is VAT payable on Golfish rewards? If it is, may I suggest we raise it to Goldfish.
I understand Dave J is VAT registered, so he should be able to claim it back.
I've been thinking about which of a Goldfish to cut off. I can't think of any bits that the little blighters don't actually use while swimming round their little bowls. So, I suggest we tell them to 'keep the change. After all, it pays to keep in with these VAT people...

Excuse me but goldfish plus VAT is golfish. The fact that Davej can claim back the VAT means that we are then left with goldfish alwys assuming that upon apprehension the said Davej wants to release the taxable amount, which, quite frankly I doubt - he's got his head so far up his.....
Far better to go for a round figure as the reward and sort out the tax situation later.
I vote 10 ironing goldfish with ancilliary washing up skills as a minimum.
Agreed on your latter points Tune (the was calculated on the original 17).
However, on reflection, FIVE fish would be plenty, providing you find a loaf of bread and a large crowd to go with them. I have biblical evidence that this equates to at least 5,000 meals. If we assume the average spent in MacRonalds to be a fiver, then this is Â£25K!! For that amount we could pay to get someone in to do the ironing ...
...(I hear that Mrs FC is looking for some extra income to pay for her new Moderator's hat...)

23 Sep 2004

Is VAT payable on Golfish rewards? If it is, may I suggest we raise it to Goldfish.
I understand Dave J is VAT registered, so he should be able to claim it back.
I've been thinking about which of a Goldfish to cut off. I can't think of any bits that the little blighters don't actually use while swimming round their little bowls. So, I suggest we tell them to 'keep the change. After all, it pays to keep in with these VAT people...

23 Sep 2004

KinkyLizard

A lot of people never knew that they actually had a fifth member for a short period, but it just didn't work out. When their popularity started to wain they introduced butch the singing horse and started to tour the pubs and clubs of Great Britain.....it didn't last though.
BABBA.....I think the name had something to do with it wink

wink

C'mon I'm doing my best confused

confused

KinkyLizard
Well spotted Kinky: 'not many people know that'.
You may not know that Butch tried to forge a music career after the acrimonious break-up. While being shoed one day, he and the farriers got to talking and, well, you've heard of 'The Smiths'?
But, it didn't last, and he ended up in the Betty Ford Clinic, with acute depression and an addiction to Alf alfa.
After a period of recouperation he tried to move to the silver screen in 'All the Pretty Horses'. However, as he wasn't, he lost the part to Little Mal. He was the Lloyds Bank Horse for a little while but was sacked when Lloyds 'lost interest'. He was understudy in 'Black Beauty' for several months, before the black boot polish caused him health problems. His last, desperate attempt at stardom came in 'Only Fools and Horses': he was the 'nag' in the sign above the Nag's Head.
Returning to music, he joined a group of singers with strange hair and very high voices-The Gee Gees.
His final break came when he teamed up with David Cassidy to form the now legendary
Butch-Cassidy.
The final tour, to Bolivia, appears to have been a mistake.....

23 Sep 2004

Quote by Jags
You can only get leave if you promise to bring back;
ON'T bring back:
:cry: crabs
::cry: or a suitcase full of used condoms

I'm assured there is a connection...
But I can't see it!
I am the weakest link: goodbye!

23 Sep 2004

To Frida
I always lusted for Frida, oh Frida.
A country lad in wellies and cap
And sweaty cheese in Co-op bap
There wasn't a day
When I didn't need her.
My dancing queen, night-time dream.
I coped with lugging hay , o-level sweats,
Running the old fella's losing bets:
The picture 'neath my pillow
Topped the evening fruit with cream.
But now she's older: met her Waterloo
As I, she's seen the years go by;
But age leaves her beauty whole, why
Do my fantasies not age
As my reflection seems to do?
Agricola

19 Sep 2004

Quote by Lil_Bunny
goats, horse and ponies, dogs and cats
and they all smell!!!!

Bunny - I'm jealous!!!
I only have a dog and a cat now. 3 months ago we had 2 dogs, a cat, 2 guinea pigs and a rabbit! But age kicked in and we are left with just the too.
But not too many years ago we had pygmy goats - they we absolutely wonderful - so much character. Unfortunately theyalso wanted permanent human attention which we could no provide. So reluctantly we passed them on to a place which encourages children (especially those which are handicapped in some way) to have contact with animals. I miss the goats - but I know (because I have been to see) that they are being well looked after, providing a service and loving every minute of it!!
Hugs, Alex x
I love the goats, they are hours of entertainment, really friendly, great company for the horses and good lawnmowers
Been thinking lately that they need a lady friend(s) and wondered whether anyone had heard of a goat being put to stud? lol they're rare breed and pedigree, although to me they're just big ginger hairy goats lol
Bunny
Sounds like you have 'Golden Guernseys'-beautiful creatures. I kept goats for years-British Saanens-and miss them terribly. I have farmed and kept just about every creature known to man, but goats are my favourite. Intelligent, fun, productive....I might just get some more.
Golden Guernseys are, I think, still on the 'Endangered' list as monitored by Rare Breeds Survival Trust and Golden Guernsey Goat Society. (www. ) . I'm sure you would have no trouble getting in touch with prospective breed partners.....
PM me if you need to know more-butyou may already know all this
A

19 Sep 2004

Ooh, one of the richest veins of humour; an art form in it's own right...
How many of we young fellahs ( rolleyes

rolleyes

) have tried these:
He - Can I buy you a drink?
She - Actually I'd rather have the money
He - How did you get to be so beautiful?
She - I must've been given your share.
He - What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
She - Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
Then some of history's noted 'nasty ones':
'I liked your opera. Perhaps I will set it to music.' - Mozart
'I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception.' - Groucho Marx
'Well, I've had a wonderful time; only this wasn't it.'-Groucho Marx
'My position, sir, does not allow me to argue with you. But if it ever came to a choice of weapons, I should choose grammar.' - Anonymous
Earl of Sandwich - Upon my honour, Wilkes, I don't know whether you'll die on the gallows or of the pox.
John Wilkes MP - That depends, my Lord, upon whether I embrace your Lordship's principles or your mistress.
An actress congratulated Ilka Chase on her latest book:
Actress - I enjoyed it immensely, who wrote it for you?
Ilka Chase - I'm glad you liked it, who read it to you?
'You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think.' (anon)
Winston Churchill was a noted master of the put-down:
Nancy Astor - You're drunk.
Churchill - And you're ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober. (The female role in this repartee is also attributed to Bessie Braddock.)
Nancy Astor - If you were my husband, I would poison your tea.
Churchill - Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.
Anonymous woman - There are two things I don't like about you, Mr Churchill - your politics and your moustache.
Churchill - My dear madam, pray do not disturb yourself. You are not likely to come into contact with either.
George Bernard Shaw invited Churchill to the first night of a new play, ending with 'Bring a friend, if you have one.' Churchill wrote back: 'Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.
enough for now...