Quote by GregLondon
Where are all the men over 90?
In front of me: driving Nissan Micras at 15 mph every time I am late for an appointment!!
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Quote by MrFC
Agricola me old mate....be very carefulThere are laws against this watching lark
:lol:
Why Mr FC, funny you should mention that:
My interest in watching things grew whilst at school: I was always to be found standing just inside the front doors. For seven years I stood there, summer and winter, rain and shine, a stupid grin on my peasant's face. Oh the agony of cramp, after several hours standing. I became an institution, a sort of school mascot, bravely standing there grinning, school blazer immaculate, cap at a jaunty angle, school badge displayed proudly on breast pocket.....hour after hour...but always, just in that special place, just inside the main doors, where I was positioned to welcome allcomers..
It was only several years later that I realised I was actually a 'voyeur', and not a 'foyer' as I had previously supposed :?
A
Handy yokel fact no. 2:
If you suck through your pursed lips-whoa, don't get excited folks-you can make a sound that exactly mimics the sound of a rabbit in distress. As long as the wind is towards you, you can get foxes, stoats, weasels etc to come really close. Now that I am a 'live and let live' sort of chap, I use this technique to merely watch the creatures at close quarters; when I was farming sheep in a big way, I used it to attract rogue foxes(partial to lamb-and once they aquire the taste-they get VERY partial. I once lost ten lambs in a week. In defence of foxes, which I admire greatly, such episodes are often the result of botched attempts to shoot them by amateurs which leave the fox lame and reliant on easy prey-like lambs). Nevertheless, it was necesary to use this technique , sadly, to lure these rogue foxes close enough to give them a non-soluble lead injection. Regrettable, but necessary.
Anyway, try it next time you are walking alongside a stone wall -where stoats/weasels often hang out waiting for lunch to pass by.
If you suck through your pursed lips-whoa, don't get excited folks-you can make a sound that exactly mimics the sound of a rabbit in distress. As long as the wind is towards you, you can get foxes, stoats, weasels etc to come really close. Now that I am a 'live and let live' sort of chap, I use this technique to merely watch the creatures at close quarters; when I was farming sheep in a big way, I used it to attract rogue foxes(partial to lamb-and once they aquire the taste-they get VERY partial. I once lost ten lambs in a week. In defence of foxes, which I admire greatly, such episodes are often the result of botched attempts to shoot them by amateurs which leave the fox lame and reliant on easy prey-like lambs). Nevertheless, it was necesary to use this technique , sadly, to lure these rogue foxes close enough to give them a non-soluble lead injection. Regrettable, but necessary.
Anyway, try it next time you are walking alongside a stone wall -where stoats/weasels often hang out waiting for lunch to pass by.
writing, reading, POETRY, comedy,MUSIC!!!, looking at art,films, watching wildlife, golf, swimming, watching rugby, watching cricket. watching boxing, (too decrepid to take part now 
), watching any kind of sport that doesn't involve an engine, walking, gardening, fishing, cuddling my grandchild, FOOD!! WINE!! 
meeting people.......
oh blimey, there are loads more. I just find the World so exciting and work just gets in the way. Which reminds me, must go and check the lottery results....
Agricola, supporter of the 'tax on the stupid'.
), watching any kind of sport that doesn't involve an engine, walking, gardening, fishing, cuddling my grandchild, FOOD!! WINE!! meeting people.......oh blimey, there are loads more. I just find the World so exciting and work just gets in the way. Which reminds me, must go and check the lottery results....
Agricola, supporter of the 'tax on the stupid'.
Quote by MISSCHIEF
An aircraft carrier does 6 inches to the gallon
So does 'Sweaty Betty', Guinness swilling barmaid at the Bull and Dog-allegedly.
but seriously, amazing yokel tricks no.1:
- did you know if you whirl a chicken just a little bit, nothing to distress it off course, then put its head head under its wing, it will sit quiet as a mouse for ages. (I tried it on the children too-didn't work but got me in trouble with the child protection people).
Quote by corriefem
1982 - heavily pregnant - retook A levels in the January and started uni in the autumn. Can remember going to discos with the biggest bump in the world thinking I looked cool :shock: :shock: Now that bump is 22, 6ft odd and gorgeous
Corrie, I must apologise: my specs were at the menders (forgot to take them off when brawling with the neighbours-a quaint custom we have in the country). I read -dimly , straining my eyes- that you had a 22 year old, 6 ft HUMP. Blimey, I thought, poor Corrie. Having met you, with eyes functioning, I remember a creature of exquisite beauty-no hump in site. I realised you must have invented some clever way to wrap it around, strap it down or something. What a hero, I thought, what a heroine I re-thought, correctly.
I suddenly realised that ,maybe, a hump wasn't that bad a problem: Richard 3rd was such a nice man he was reported to be willing to swap his kingdom for a horse-not a bad deal methinks, and managed to star in a Shakespeare play (OK they killed him, minor technical objection); Quasimodo became well known in the campanological world-and got a beautiful maiden to the church; John Merrick did wonders for the sack- making world and got elephants a good press; and camels, well, what more can I say, wonderful animals-big eyelashes, 300 miles to the gallon, legs like Kate Moss.........Anyway, I tried to recall the e-mail I sent you offering my condolences for your affliction and suggesting we try and make a fortune by adapting your 'strapping' system to help us old, baldy gits hide their beer-guts (it would have been a winner Corrie). But, it may have reached you, so, with the benefit of 20/20 vision again, I can only apologise... :cry:
Love as always
A.
Quote by Ice Pie
Ice, if you want to be a waiter at Angel's party you can't take sabbaticals- so heads?
Can you think of a better way to spend a gap year? ;)
Ice, I seem to have a gap year: I can't remember 1982! My daughter assures me she was born then: buggered if I can remember :shock: It's a total blank. My dear friends, if any of you could tell me what I did in 1982, I would be very grateful. I am somewhat disturbed by this hiatus in my life.
I've just been out to get logs-there's a nip in the air. The young dog foxes are screaming to establish territory, the swallow's nest in the eaves is cold and empty-my little friends disappeared for African climes a couple of weeks ago-, the bats have gone to sleep, no insects are fllitting through the night air. On my way home today I noticed the trees jettisoning their leaves, a sea of dying foliage, the winter ducks are beginning to arrive, it is dark when i leave for work in the morning, and dark when I get home, the grass is growing but slowly, the ewes in the fields show the tell-tale yellow rumps of their first 'raddling'......
My point?: I hate the Autumn!! All is death and decay. My friends tell me it is the beginning of new life, a fresh start to the cycle of life, a sea of New England like beauty...maybe, but it depresses me terribly. I long for the Spring, which seems so far away. Winter looms like death to the aged.
Does anyone else hate the Autumn as I do?
My point?: I hate the Autumn!! All is death and decay. My friends tell me it is the beginning of new life, a fresh start to the cycle of life, a sea of New England like beauty...maybe, but it depresses me terribly. I long for the Spring, which seems so far away. Winter looms like death to the aged.
Does anyone else hate the Autumn as I do?
Ice , try the Police Station-it may have bee handed in. I remember when I lost my virginity-I was distraught..I looked high and low, couldn't find the damned thing anywhere!! I put an ad in the local paper, put posters up on the local telegraph poles, offered a reward...no so upset, it was a very special type of virginity, rural kind, very valuable among inbreds like us. Anyway, after weeks of useless searching I found it...down the back of the Sofa 
Wouldn't you know?? Anyway, now I have a little chain that fastens it to my belt, and a little medallion on it which says' if found etc'. So, it will turn up Ice, never fear . When you do find it-give it a damned good thrashing-that'll stop it buggereing off again!!
Wouldn't you know?? Anyway, now I have a little chain that fastens it to my belt, and a little medallion on it which says' if found etc'. So, it will turn up Ice, never fear . When you do find it-give it a damned good thrashing-that'll stop it buggereing off again!! i am somewhat disturbed by this thread. I wonder: what sort of people am I associating with?
DaveJ has spent his holiday in a turkey. Why? A turkey is for Christmas-not for life, or indeed a holiday. Having bred them, I can assure my friends here that they are the daftest, stupidest, most suicide predispositioned sods that ever got plucked. The modern varieties are indeed so huge that I'm not suprised Dave and his family holidayed in one. Latest research has clearly proved that Jonah was not swallowed by a whale but by a whacking big turkey that had taken up surfing. But, honestly, not the ideal place to put the sun lounger? (although I suppose it might mean you'd be free of German tourists-they don't like Turkey-didn't even invade it).
Next, Dave puts Goldfish in his socks......waste of time Dave,,,,they do nothing for Athlete's Foot. Try powder mate, doesn't feel as squidgy or smell like JP Hartley's wellies.
Mind you, they do make good shin-pads if you are playing footie,
Also, there seem to be a multitude of Warwicks. How so? Is this site home to some demented German scientist-his towel is on the sun-lounger in Dave's turkey-who has begun cloning people. If so, I object, strongly, and will write a letter to my MP. These clones are a menace!! Their stupid cars exploding and dropping bits off everywhere, Why , you can't walk down the High street without one of them pushing a Custard Pie in your face. And, their stupid red noses frighten the livestock! So, bring on the clones-and shoot the beggars.
I'm sorry to complain, but, I've been infected with 'Neilnleeds Virus'; I understand there is no cure and that it is even spreading to computer screens....
well, that's me done and buggered..
anyone for a revolution???
DaveJ has spent his holiday in a turkey. Why? A turkey is for Christmas-not for life, or indeed a holiday. Having bred them, I can assure my friends here that they are the daftest, stupidest, most suicide predispositioned sods that ever got plucked. The modern varieties are indeed so huge that I'm not suprised Dave and his family holidayed in one. Latest research has clearly proved that Jonah was not swallowed by a whale but by a whacking big turkey that had taken up surfing. But, honestly, not the ideal place to put the sun lounger? (although I suppose it might mean you'd be free of German tourists-they don't like Turkey-didn't even invade it).
Next, Dave puts Goldfish in his socks......waste of time Dave,,,,they do nothing for Athlete's Foot. Try powder mate, doesn't feel as squidgy or smell like JP Hartley's wellies.
Mind you, they do make good shin-pads if you are playing footie,
Also, there seem to be a multitude of Warwicks. How so? Is this site home to some demented German scientist-his towel is on the sun-lounger in Dave's turkey-who has begun cloning people. If so, I object, strongly, and will write a letter to my MP. These clones are a menace!! Their stupid cars exploding and dropping bits off everywhere, Why , you can't walk down the High street without one of them pushing a Custard Pie in your face. And, their stupid red noses frighten the livestock! So, bring on the clones-and shoot the beggars.
I'm sorry to complain, but, I've been infected with 'Neilnleeds Virus'; I understand there is no cure and that it is even spreading to computer screens....
well, that's me done and buggered..
anyone for a revolution???
Whistling you say....oh yeah, you must have the Roger Whittaker model. Bad luck Neil. Mind you, could be worse, you could have the 'Jade ' model. That does stupid things, the speakers utter unintelligible noise, the spell check is completely duff and the grammar check doesn't understand what it's for.
Right Alex,
I was seriously underwhelmed by life this afternoon; if we had trams ,buses or trains in the country I would have jumped under one (actually, I was too depressed to jump, I would have merely slid forward with a look of deep disdain on my mush-well, it would be mush when the tram/ bus/train had finished with it). Anyway, I found a cure...GOLF IN THE DARK!! It's great. Just wandered over the fields with my clubs-smashing balls at shadows. It's great fun: I'm off to get some fluorescent paint tomorrow as finding balls is a bit tricky. Got quite good at dropping a wedge shot into the hedge and watching the rats run. It's great-anyone want a game?? I reckon Dave J would be up for it-I'm sure it would appeal to him. Sleeping cows are about the same size as a small green, sand wedge drops it right down on 'em-they haven't a clue why it's raining such big hail stones. Oh I'm so happy. Best fun of all was aiming at the barely visible telegraph pole-letting rip-and waiting for the 'thwack'-which isn't very often with my golf. Skein of Canada Geese went over and I lobbed a 'skier 'among them. Pah, shooting is boring now. I'm off out in a bit to see if I can knock a rabbit off with the driver from about 200 yards!! Ordinary golf will seem boring now....come on, who's up for a nocturnal fourball?
I was seriously underwhelmed by life this afternoon; if we had trams ,buses or trains in the country I would have jumped under one (actually, I was too depressed to jump, I would have merely slid forward with a look of deep disdain on my mush-well, it would be mush when the tram/ bus/train had finished with it). Anyway, I found a cure...GOLF IN THE DARK!! It's great. Just wandered over the fields with my clubs-smashing balls at shadows. It's great fun: I'm off to get some fluorescent paint tomorrow as finding balls is a bit tricky. Got quite good at dropping a wedge shot into the hedge and watching the rats run. It's great-anyone want a game?? I reckon Dave J would be up for it-I'm sure it would appeal to him. Sleeping cows are about the same size as a small green, sand wedge drops it right down on 'em-they haven't a clue why it's raining such big hail stones. Oh I'm so happy. Best fun of all was aiming at the barely visible telegraph pole-letting rip-and waiting for the 'thwack'-which isn't very often with my golf. Skein of Canada Geese went over and I lobbed a 'skier 'among them. Pah, shooting is boring now. I'm off out in a bit to see if I can knock a rabbit off with the driver from about 200 yards!! Ordinary golf will seem boring now....come on, who's up for a nocturnal fourball?
Thanks to the Misschief formula for discovering your true identity, I am thrilled to discover I am none other than the legendary
Buster Gates;
I'm so impressed I'm going to buy a thong, rent a sunbed and find some really cool shades.
Second thoughts, I'll just buy some Sanatogen and have a lie down for a bit....
A.
(I'm also aware that if I took second pet and address I'd be 'Tiny Holding'; not the same ring somehow)
Buster Gates;
I'm so impressed I'm going to buy a thong, rent a sunbed and find some really cool shades.
Second thoughts, I'll just buy some Sanatogen and have a lie down for a bit....
A.
(I'm also aware that if I took second pet and address I'd be 'Tiny Holding'; not the same ring somehow)
Pauly Orphan
Baddlyrun Home for Urchins
Dickensian Terrace
London
Mr J. Saville
BBC TV
Dear Jim,
Thankyou for fixxing it for me and my chums to visit Father Chrissmus at the North Pole.
We had a loverly time.
The weathre was very cold, but we played snowbals an stuff.
We seen Father Chrissmus yesstreday but was a bit suprised. he sed he cudnt talk long as he had to get home seeing as he was at the end of his hollyday and he had to go back home and let some other ****** freez his nuts off an how his frends was pining for him .
He sed his missis had promised him a hollyday with a connection to Turkey. He seemed to think that was funney.
But he sed he liked being Father Chrissmus as it gave his pixies something to do of a night.
But he was nice and he showed us his raindeers. I asked him why they looked more like horses and had one horn stuk in the middel of there heds. He sed he cudnt say.
He didnt have a rudolf but he had one called malcolm.
I asked him what he did all day and he sed a lot of things about sum game called fekking.
Ennyway he was very nice and gave us some sherbet. He sed he had plenty of it in his streem at home, He gave me a present. It was a orange fish. Well it woulda been sept it was froze sollid. He sed not to wurry.
So thank you Jim for our luverly tripp.
Noel Edmonds sends his love.
Yours sinseerly
Pauly Orphan
PS can you tell me why Father Chrissmus spends so much time standing with his hed up his bum. I aint seen that on no Chrissmus cards. I asked him why and he sed not to wurry.
Baddlyrun Home for Urchins
Dickensian Terrace
London
Mr J. Saville
BBC TV
Dear Jim,
Thankyou for fixxing it for me and my chums to visit Father Chrissmus at the North Pole.
We had a loverly time.
The weathre was very cold, but we played snowbals an stuff.
We seen Father Chrissmus yesstreday but was a bit suprised. he sed he cudnt talk long as he had to get home seeing as he was at the end of his hollyday and he had to go back home and let some other ****** freez his nuts off an how his frends was pining for him .
He sed his missis had promised him a hollyday with a connection to Turkey. He seemed to think that was funney.
But he sed he liked being Father Chrissmus as it gave his pixies something to do of a night.
But he was nice and he showed us his raindeers. I asked him why they looked more like horses and had one horn stuk in the middel of there heds. He sed he cudnt say.
He didnt have a rudolf but he had one called malcolm.
I asked him what he did all day and he sed a lot of things about sum game called fekking.
Ennyway he was very nice and gave us some sherbet. He sed he had plenty of it in his streem at home, He gave me a present. It was a orange fish. Well it woulda been sept it was froze sollid. He sed not to wurry.
So thank you Jim for our luverly tripp.
Noel Edmonds sends his love.
Yours sinseerly
Pauly Orphan
PS can you tell me why Father Chrissmus spends so much time standing with his hed up his bum. I aint seen that on no Chrissmus cards. I asked him why and he sed not to wurry.
Those of you that know me will know that I'm nuts on films-in addition to being just nuts...
I've been thinking about this thread and I can't seperate actors from individual films that have seared themselves into my tiny mind. For example:
Jack Hawkins: 'The Cruel Sea'
Charles Lawton : 'Hobson's Choice'
Audrey Hepburn: 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'
Audrey Tatou: 'Amelie'
Marlon Brando: 'On The Waterfront'
Henry Fonda : 'Once upon a Time in The West'
Gary Cooper: 'High Noon'
Alan Ladd:'Shane'
Haley Joel Osmont: 'The Sixth Sense'
Bogart:'To Have and To Have Not'
Massimo Troisi: 'Il Postino'-(a tragedy he died straight afterwards)
Robert Mitchum: 'Night of The Hunter'.
Lee Marvin: 'The Big Red One'
Others have produced great works together with some ropey stuff:
De Niro: 'Raging Bull' was awesome but 'Cape Fear' was a travesty of the original. But he would be my number three.
For sheer screen presence, that power that comes across, there are several candidates: John Wayne (don't laugh!-just watch 'The Searchers' ), Bogart, Ed Harris, Robert Duvall, Walter Matthau-was ther ever better acting than Charlie Varrick,-early Brando, Bettie Davis, Sean Connery, Morgan Freeman and the great, dignified, Burt Lancaster, Paul Newman.
but my number two-just ahead of Connery, Newman and Burt Lancaster, would be James Stewart, for sheer consistency. He never made a bad film, played a range of genres , characters and ages better than anyone. 'I think of 'Harvey', 'It's a Wonderful Life', 'Spirit of Saint Louis', ' 'The Philadelphia Story'......
My number one actor would (probably) be seconded by no-one here, but I nominate Montgomery Clift. He had a magical screen presence,a sensitivity and air of bruised brilliance that made his early death at 46 a tragedy. Watch 'From Here To Eternity' or 'Red River'.
Sorry for long thread-you shouldn't put film threads up!!
Happy to talk by PM about films....
A.
I've been thinking about this thread and I can't seperate actors from individual films that have seared themselves into my tiny mind. For example:
Jack Hawkins: 'The Cruel Sea'
Charles Lawton : 'Hobson's Choice'
Audrey Hepburn: 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'
Audrey Tatou: 'Amelie'
Marlon Brando: 'On The Waterfront'
Henry Fonda : 'Once upon a Time in The West'
Gary Cooper: 'High Noon'
Alan Ladd:'Shane'
Haley Joel Osmont: 'The Sixth Sense'
Bogart:'To Have and To Have Not'
Massimo Troisi: 'Il Postino'-(a tragedy he died straight afterwards)
Robert Mitchum: 'Night of The Hunter'.
Lee Marvin: 'The Big Red One'
Others have produced great works together with some ropey stuff:
De Niro: 'Raging Bull' was awesome but 'Cape Fear' was a travesty of the original. But he would be my number three.
For sheer screen presence, that power that comes across, there are several candidates: John Wayne (don't laugh!-just watch 'The Searchers' ), Bogart, Ed Harris, Robert Duvall, Walter Matthau-was ther ever better acting than Charlie Varrick,-early Brando, Bettie Davis, Sean Connery, Morgan Freeman and the great, dignified, Burt Lancaster, Paul Newman.
but my number two-just ahead of Connery, Newman and Burt Lancaster, would be James Stewart, for sheer consistency. He never made a bad film, played a range of genres , characters and ages better than anyone. 'I think of 'Harvey', 'It's a Wonderful Life', 'Spirit of Saint Louis', ' 'The Philadelphia Story'......
My number one actor would (probably) be seconded by no-one here, but I nominate Montgomery Clift. He had a magical screen presence,a sensitivity and air of bruised brilliance that made his early death at 46 a tragedy. Watch 'From Here To Eternity' or 'Red River'.
Sorry for long thread-you shouldn't put film threads up!!
Happy to talk by PM about films....
A.
Breaker, breaker, this is Dubber Ruck, c'mon?'
'10/4 Good Buddy, hearin' ya loud n'clear. Yer old buddy Cabover Pete here. Hammer's to the floor and I'm blowin' smoke!! Jeez we covered some miles t'day!! What gives pardner?'
'Aw, hi there Pete, I was just a wonderin' , see, I picked up a guy bummin' a ride a whiles back, a Limey, talked real weird. Found him out in the desert, tryin' t' suck juice out of a cactus. Hell, he was drier than rattlesnake shit, couldn't have drunk nothin' fer days. I gave him a drink o' water and let him ride with me fer a spell, figured the air-con would do him good. Well, he didn't say too much, just kept a mumblin' and looking at a picture he had of a mountain, seemed real intense like he was on some drug shit or somethin'. Anyways , I kep on a talkin' to him, he had me sort o' spooked, but I figured he was pretty harmless, just a stirrup short of a full saddle, ya know?. Said his name was Dave and that he had to 'make the rendevouz point' before his kinfolk went back home.'
'Hell, Ruck, you shoulda got the Poleece, he coulda been a terrorist or somethin'! Man, that's weird shit!'
'Yeah, I thought about that Pete, but he didn't look like he was about to terrorize much 'cept hisself. Jeez , he was twitchier n' a tick on a bull's balls. kept stickin 'his head out of the window and looking up, said he was looking for 'the lights'. Lord a'mighty , I pretty soon had enough o' this mad limey sonofabitch. I hit the brakes pretty hard and the rig stopped plum on a bend. I was about to throw the little out when I noticed a mountain out in the desert, just like the one the limey had a drawin' of! ....'
'Hell's burning fires Ruck! What next?
' Well, I cut the motor and was about to ask him what the Sam Hill he was a 'playin 'at, when I heard this weird music-just a few notes being repeated over an' over! Pete, ma blood froze in ma body! I was plum scared. Anyways, limey Dave starts laughin' like a coyote in a war zone , leaps out o the rig and starts a runnin', hell fer leather fer this mountain, shouting fer...well, I SWEAR...he shouted fer his Ma an' Pa. I watched him scramble up the rock towards this weird music shit...then there was all kind a lights ...an' noise.....an' I swear I saw somethin flash across the sky towards this rock ...an 'then.....zippo. It all went quiet as a witch's baptism party.'
'Hell Ruck, you just GOTTA get the Poleece-he must a' bin some sorta nutcase. You sure he aint done robbed you Buddy?'
'Nope, I'm sure he aint robbed me, but I sure as hell aint sure o' much else no more....'
'10/4 Good Buddy, hearin' ya loud n'clear. Yer old buddy Cabover Pete here. Hammer's to the floor and I'm blowin' smoke!! Jeez we covered some miles t'day!! What gives pardner?'
'Aw, hi there Pete, I was just a wonderin' , see, I picked up a guy bummin' a ride a whiles back, a Limey, talked real weird. Found him out in the desert, tryin' t' suck juice out of a cactus. Hell, he was drier than rattlesnake shit, couldn't have drunk nothin' fer days. I gave him a drink o' water and let him ride with me fer a spell, figured the air-con would do him good. Well, he didn't say too much, just kept a mumblin' and looking at a picture he had of a mountain, seemed real intense like he was on some drug shit or somethin'. Anyways , I kep on a talkin' to him, he had me sort o' spooked, but I figured he was pretty harmless, just a stirrup short of a full saddle, ya know?. Said his name was Dave and that he had to 'make the rendevouz point' before his kinfolk went back home.'
'Hell, Ruck, you shoulda got the Poleece, he coulda been a terrorist or somethin'! Man, that's weird shit!'
'Yeah, I thought about that Pete, but he didn't look like he was about to terrorize much 'cept hisself. Jeez , he was twitchier n' a tick on a bull's balls. kept stickin 'his head out of the window and looking up, said he was looking for 'the lights'. Lord a'mighty , I pretty soon had enough o' this mad limey sonofabitch. I hit the brakes pretty hard and the rig stopped plum on a bend. I was about to throw the little out when I noticed a mountain out in the desert, just like the one the limey had a drawin' of! ....'
'Hell's burning fires Ruck! What next?
' Well, I cut the motor and was about to ask him what the Sam Hill he was a 'playin 'at, when I heard this weird music-just a few notes being repeated over an' over! Pete, ma blood froze in ma body! I was plum scared. Anyways, limey Dave starts laughin' like a coyote in a war zone , leaps out o the rig and starts a runnin', hell fer leather fer this mountain, shouting fer...well, I SWEAR...he shouted fer his Ma an' Pa. I watched him scramble up the rock towards this weird music shit...then there was all kind a lights ...an' noise.....an' I swear I saw somethin flash across the sky towards this rock ...an 'then.....zippo. It all went quiet as a witch's baptism party.'
'Hell Ruck, you just GOTTA get the Poleece-he must a' bin some sorta nutcase. You sure he aint done robbed you Buddy?'
'Nope, I'm sure he aint robbed me, but I sure as hell aint sure o' much else no more....'
Quote by warwick
Agricola are you davejs brother by any remote chance
No, no relation Warwick, otherwise we wouldn't have been allowed to share the same cell.....very strict about that sort of thing you see. I understand it mucks up their experiments....at least, that's what Nurse Ratchett used to tell us.....
Nope, you're all wrong: NSA is National Sheep Association (go on, Google it if you don't believe me...). So, 'NSA fun' sounds rather interesting.
Obviously, no dogging would be allowed, ffm's would be rre's, baaakakke would be popular and most of the males would be very horny-literally.
I think I'll enquire if they are looking for a 'flock-buddy'.....
Obviously, no dogging would be allowed, ffm's would be rre's, baaakakke would be popular and most of the males would be very horny-literally.
I think I'll enquire if they are looking for a 'flock-buddy'.....
Quote by lucyweebaps
Is life easy being a dick????
Lucy
Click on link below to find out !!
Well, I'm told that life as a dick 'has its ups and downs'.
However, my own memory seems to show a definite lack of the former and a worrying connection between drinking Organic Cider and the latter :cry:
A
'Virgil calling International Rescue: are you there father?'
'Virgil, this is International Rescue: thank God you are alive! What happened?'
'It was awful father, Scott and I landed on the********* Peninsular as agreed, and contacted the local leader. We told him we had come on a vital mission to return 'The Strange One' to his people. We said that his friends were distraught and that the future of civilisation depended upon getting Dave J back to his homeland where he could minister to the PM's ailing Unicorn-(you know, the one on the Royal Standard?).
'And, did he agree Virgil?'
'No father, he went white, got really angry, and said that his country's entire Goldfish population had been reduced to 'westernised pimps' by Mr J. Apparently, the leader had spent years getting his army to train them as drugs mules-who would frisk a Goldfish??-but this stranger had persuaded the entire Goldfish population that ironing was their divine vocation. He had us thrown in jail father!'
'Good God , Virgil! How did you escape?'
'Well father', it was all down to Parker. Apparently he is a member of some internet 'Swinging Site' ( calls himself 'No Strings Sex'-which would seem a bit difficult for a puppet don't you think father?) Anyway, he was attending the local ********* Munch-whatever that is-and found himself in a compromising situation with the Gaoler, The Leader, the Dagenham Girls' Pipe Band and someone called Noelfrom Reeds-or at least I think that's what he said...anyway, he was able to apply some 'pressure' and the Gaoler let us go....'
'Thank God Virgil....but what about DaveJ?
'Well, that's the funny thing father, everyone I asked about him went very quiet and pointed to little wax dolls attached to their doorposts. They then fell on their knees, wrung a chicken's neck and started babbling some ancient curse!! It was scary father!!'
'Well , you get Thunderbirds One and Two home as soon as you can Virgil......we'll have to think some more about how to get Dave home...and Virgil, The Dagenham Girls' Pipe Band....they didn't mention ....ahem....my name did they?'
'No father, but they did mention someone called 'Ernest'...'The devil with the Four Eyes and Three Stripes'.... but I haven't a clue what they meant. To be honest I was glad to leave...all those spooky children with thick glasses saying 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon....they scared me father.....'
'OK Virgil, head back to Tracy Island.
F.A.B.'
'Virgil, this is International Rescue: thank God you are alive! What happened?'
'It was awful father, Scott and I landed on the********* Peninsular as agreed, and contacted the local leader. We told him we had come on a vital mission to return 'The Strange One' to his people. We said that his friends were distraught and that the future of civilisation depended upon getting Dave J back to his homeland where he could minister to the PM's ailing Unicorn-(you know, the one on the Royal Standard?).
'And, did he agree Virgil?'
'No father, he went white, got really angry, and said that his country's entire Goldfish population had been reduced to 'westernised pimps' by Mr J. Apparently, the leader had spent years getting his army to train them as drugs mules-who would frisk a Goldfish??-but this stranger had persuaded the entire Goldfish population that ironing was their divine vocation. He had us thrown in jail father!'
'Good God , Virgil! How did you escape?'
'Well father', it was all down to Parker. Apparently he is a member of some internet 'Swinging Site' ( calls himself 'No Strings Sex'-which would seem a bit difficult for a puppet don't you think father?) Anyway, he was attending the local ********* Munch-whatever that is-and found himself in a compromising situation with the Gaoler, The Leader, the Dagenham Girls' Pipe Band and someone called Noelfrom Reeds-or at least I think that's what he said...anyway, he was able to apply some 'pressure' and the Gaoler let us go....'
'Thank God Virgil....but what about DaveJ?
'Well, that's the funny thing father, everyone I asked about him went very quiet and pointed to little wax dolls attached to their doorposts. They then fell on their knees, wrung a chicken's neck and started babbling some ancient curse!! It was scary father!!'
'Well , you get Thunderbirds One and Two home as soon as you can Virgil......we'll have to think some more about how to get Dave home...and Virgil, The Dagenham Girls' Pipe Band....they didn't mention ....ahem....my name did they?'
'No father, but they did mention someone called 'Ernest'...'The devil with the Four Eyes and Three Stripes'.... but I haven't a clue what they meant. To be honest I was glad to leave...all those spooky children with thick glasses saying 'C'mon, c'mon, c'mon....they scared me father.....'
'OK Virgil, head back to Tracy Island.
F.A.B.'
Show of Hands-'Country Life'. They transcend their folk 'label' and are two of the finest songwriters/ multi -instrumentalists England has ever produced.
Preceding them (it's a wet day and the old music machine has been working overtime)...
Ludovico Einaudi-'Eden Roc'
PinkFloyd -'Echoes'
Sarah Brightman-'Best of'
Philip Glass-Violin Concerto
Nigel Kennedy-'Four Seasons'-(try his version of 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps')
Jeff Buckley-'Grace'
Karl Jenkins-'The Armed Man-A Mass for Peace'
Doves-'The Last Broadcast'
....eclectic as ever; still raining , so will reload the machine soon and prepare for an evening catching up with what is going on in the Forum. ...
Preceding them (it's a wet day and the old music machine has been working overtime)...
Ludovico Einaudi-'Eden Roc'
PinkFloyd -'Echoes'
Sarah Brightman-'Best of'
Philip Glass-Violin Concerto
Nigel Kennedy-'Four Seasons'-(try his version of 'While My Guitar Gently Weeps')
Jeff Buckley-'Grace'
Karl Jenkins-'The Armed Man-A Mass for Peace'
Doves-'The Last Broadcast'
....eclectic as ever; still raining , so will reload the machine soon and prepare for an evening catching up with what is going on in the Forum. ...
When you pick up the local paper and see:
-school reunion photos of your year, and they all look like they are ready for the chap with the scythe
-pictures of your grandchild
-obituaries of people you could have sworn were the same age as yourself
-retirements of sportsmen you thought were still 'up and coming'
-serious jail sentences handed out to the 'young rogue' that you tried to help when you ran the local youth -club
-everday names spelt in ways that perplex you (Jak, Su, Debi, etc)
-houses for sale in places which used to be open fields where you grazed your sheep
-the country pubs where you used to drink all night being re-opened as 'theme bars' with ridiculous names
-tributes to local dignitaries being honoured for their good works in the community-and you are certain it was only last year that they came to the village
-pictures of the new local village bobby-and he looks younger than your children
and having got depressed you put away the paper and realise that 25 is long gone:
-when you swing your barrel to knock over a rat, fire-and miss
-when some joker has altered the gears on your bike so that the hill into town seems awfully steep
-when you have to get a bradawl and -secretly-make an extra hole in your belt before going out
-when removing the hairs from your ears assumes a semi-religious intensity
-when tomatoes don't taste like they used to
-when you get your son to programme the video
-when you go sick on school sports day, in case someone asks you to run in the 'fathers' race
-when benches in parks become more important to you
-when you talk about your sporting exploits, but never do any, and secretly panic that you can't actually remember doing what you are telling people you did
-when you are relieved to tune into Radio Two-and even moreso when you are delighted to find Terry Wogan is on...
oh, the list goes on: unlike youth!!
A
-school reunion photos of your year, and they all look like they are ready for the chap with the scythe
-pictures of your grandchild
-obituaries of people you could have sworn were the same age as yourself
-retirements of sportsmen you thought were still 'up and coming'
-serious jail sentences handed out to the 'young rogue' that you tried to help when you ran the local youth -club
-everday names spelt in ways that perplex you (Jak, Su, Debi, etc)
-houses for sale in places which used to be open fields where you grazed your sheep
-the country pubs where you used to drink all night being re-opened as 'theme bars' with ridiculous names
-tributes to local dignitaries being honoured for their good works in the community-and you are certain it was only last year that they came to the village
-pictures of the new local village bobby-and he looks younger than your children
and having got depressed you put away the paper and realise that 25 is long gone:
-when you swing your barrel to knock over a rat, fire-and miss
-when some joker has altered the gears on your bike so that the hill into town seems awfully steep
-when you have to get a bradawl and -secretly-make an extra hole in your belt before going out
-when removing the hairs from your ears assumes a semi-religious intensity
-when tomatoes don't taste like they used to
-when you get your son to programme the video
-when you go sick on school sports day, in case someone asks you to run in the 'fathers' race
-when benches in parks become more important to you
-when you talk about your sporting exploits, but never do any, and secretly panic that you can't actually remember doing what you are telling people you did
-when you are relieved to tune into Radio Two-and even moreso when you are delighted to find Terry Wogan is on...
oh, the list goes on: unlike youth!!
A
Read Machiavelli if you want to know what makes them all tick...the motivations of man are as old as time.
I don't comment on any of them, much, I don't like the caricatures and journalistic sleaze-mongering; I don't like the confrontational style of modern politics; I don't like the party systems; so, I don't take part-and that is very, very wrong, and I know it. It is a betrayal of a precious right, that men died for-or thought they did-and I don't rest easy with it.
As has been pointed out, Bush can't be the Primitive he is portrayed as. Nothing is black and white (excepting Pandas, Zebras and Mint Humbugs).
All I know is that there is much more that happens in the world than we will ever know, not all of it pleasant. That doesn't worry me: what worries me is that I don't WANT to know about it....
I don't comment on any of them, much, I don't like the caricatures and journalistic sleaze-mongering; I don't like the confrontational style of modern politics; I don't like the party systems; so, I don't take part-and that is very, very wrong, and I know it. It is a betrayal of a precious right, that men died for-or thought they did-and I don't rest easy with it.
As has been pointed out, Bush can't be the Primitive he is portrayed as. Nothing is black and white (excepting Pandas, Zebras and Mint Humbugs).
All I know is that there is much more that happens in the world than we will ever know, not all of it pleasant. That doesn't worry me: what worries me is that I don't WANT to know about it....
Well, I too like to dress myself up....wash the wellies, clean piece of baler string on the trousers, scrape the fur off my tongue with my Australian Army Knife (same as Swiss but only works upside down), clean tractor oil on my head etc....
...but, what I really wanted to say was, having met many of the lovely ladies that have posted above, whatever they are doing, it works!
Keep it up my proud beauties; you make the world a nicer place
A
...but, what I really wanted to say was, having met many of the lovely ladies that have posted above, whatever they are doing, it works!
Keep it up my proud beauties; you make the world a nicer place
A
A calendar is a very good idea: we could do variations...
A Civil Service calendar would only have 5 months in it, at least working working months, the rest would be free time and nothing to do with you!!.
A builders calendar would have months of varying lengths according to when they could 'fit you in'.
The football calendar would be at least fifteen months in any twelve, or so it seems to me.
The cricket calendar, net of rain affected days, would be very short indeed, two months max.
The retailers' calendar would have the mandatory twelve months-eleven of them being Christmas.
The prisoners' calendar would be marked out in seconds, hours, days , months, years and culminating in the sound of the big door opening...
The farmers' calendar would have three periods: too early to sow, just right to sow (one day), too late too sow, (bugger it, blame the ramblers).
The fox's calendar would have two periods: Labour in; Conservatives in (he would only come out of his lair in the former).
Most train companies would have a calendar divided into two sections: early; late. Virgin would only have the latter.
Dave J would have a calendar with pictures of Unicorns, Faeries and Goldfish . They wouldn't have dates as Mrs Dave J never eats them.
Neil in Leeds would have a calendar divided into 'Northern Time' and 'Southern Time': the former would be 75 years behind the latter.
Misschief would have a calendar divided into seasons: Buffalo migrating, Buffalo breeding, Buffalo resting, Buffalo coming back.
Alex has a calender that goes backwards. Judging by her avatar, either that, or she has a picture in the attic!
Wilma and Fred's calendar is calibrated in Jurassic, Mesolithic, Neolithic etc
Dr Who doesn't have a calendar-for obvious reasons.
Rick Stein has a colander.
A Civil Service calendar would only have 5 months in it, at least working working months, the rest would be free time and nothing to do with you!!.
A builders calendar would have months of varying lengths according to when they could 'fit you in'.
The football calendar would be at least fifteen months in any twelve, or so it seems to me.
The cricket calendar, net of rain affected days, would be very short indeed, two months max.
The retailers' calendar would have the mandatory twelve months-eleven of them being Christmas.
The prisoners' calendar would be marked out in seconds, hours, days , months, years and culminating in the sound of the big door opening...
The farmers' calendar would have three periods: too early to sow, just right to sow (one day), too late too sow, (bugger it, blame the ramblers).
The fox's calendar would have two periods: Labour in; Conservatives in (he would only come out of his lair in the former).
Most train companies would have a calendar divided into two sections: early; late. Virgin would only have the latter.
Dave J would have a calendar with pictures of Unicorns, Faeries and Goldfish . They wouldn't have dates as Mrs Dave J never eats them.
Neil in Leeds would have a calendar divided into 'Northern Time' and 'Southern Time': the former would be 75 years behind the latter.
Misschief would have a calendar divided into seasons: Buffalo migrating, Buffalo breeding, Buffalo resting, Buffalo coming back.
Alex has a calender that goes backwards. Judging by her avatar, either that, or she has a picture in the attic!
Wilma and Fred's calendar is calibrated in Jurassic, Mesolithic, Neolithic etc
Dr Who doesn't have a calendar-for obvious reasons.
Rick Stein has a colander.
Neil,
Why is it that Bull Terriers seem so partial to Yorkie for dinner? I used to show them: I was once complimented by a judge on how alert and 'on tiptoe' my dog was. What I daredn't tell him was that it was merely that old Bullseye wanted to eat the coiffeured, beribbobed little marmot that was stood next to us! Thinking about it , I wonder if Yorkies provided the inspiration for 'Swiss Tony's' hairstyle too?
I'm sure they are delightful little dogs really, and I wouldn't speak ill of them for the world..after all, they are company for old ladies, adorn the arms of the Chelsea types I sometimes see parading around kensington, and , if nothing else, they show that dog breeders have a sense of humour.
Why is it that Bull Terriers seem so partial to Yorkie for dinner? I used to show them: I was once complimented by a judge on how alert and 'on tiptoe' my dog was. What I daredn't tell him was that it was merely that old Bullseye wanted to eat the coiffeured, beribbobed little marmot that was stood next to us! Thinking about it , I wonder if Yorkies provided the inspiration for 'Swiss Tony's' hairstyle too?
I'm sure they are delightful little dogs really, and I wouldn't speak ill of them for the world..after all, they are company for old ladies, adorn the arms of the Chelsea types I sometimes see parading around kensington, and , if nothing else, they show that dog breeders have a sense of humour.
