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edinbughchris
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 62
Forum
I voted for December. August is busy for many folks as there's either 'lots happening' or they're off on hols - for me it's the Edinburgh International Film Festival which is serious stuff in my diary saddo film addict that I am! October is ok but only a week after the proposed NE Munch - two England trips on successive weekends would be pushing it for me. November I've got dance commitments. December's often quiet so why not . . .
Quote by Wilki
Bugger, i only came on here to buy a heavenly swing, :roll:
Most swings on here are of the heavenly model, but payment is not accepted. Should you earnestly desire to part with some cash I can sell you a very good model that you can only use in the afterlife. I trust you don't mind selling all your worldly possessions in the meantime and living in sackcloth? (I'll have my lawyer, high priest and mind control specialist PM you)
Quote by Maia
Hi. Here's probably a very naive question from a newbie. Is everyone who is on here because eventually they would like to find someone to have NSA relationship/fun with or are there people who have joined this on the basis that they would like to get to know like minded people who understand that you can be really liberal about sex without it having a negative impact on how people perceive you.
Was that too sloppily worded?
Personally, in the line of work that I do, if my sexual leanings were to be become apparent, it would probably affect how people judge the professional side of me.
love
maia
I guess there's peeps on for all sorts of reasons. Swinging is a hobby for me now and then (I pass on it whenever I'm in a relationship with a non-swinger or when it's too much hassle - I live in Scotland and there's no proper clubs here. My ideal lifestyle would involve living in an area with lots of swingers clubs and in a long term committed relationship with another swinger.) But I enjoy the crack on the Forum, chatting to other swingers or chatting about sex and sexuality and sometimes totally unconnected things. They seem mostly a caring, liberal minded lot and pretty friendly, so there's the chance to make new friends (possibly getting lucky with new sexual partners too - but that's always a possibility meeting new people lol)
I've noticed what seem to be a few no-no: the Forum is not tolerant to anything illegal, it's not tolerant to 'cheating on partners' (especially if it's men doing the cheating), it's not tolerant about sexual services involving money. The common focus is swinging (see terminology - left hand panel) but not everyone is a swinger.
Anyway, have lots of fun and hope you meet lots of new friends or find what you are looking for :-)
:happy: :happy:
Quote by Sarah1448
All that was ruined last night, by my ex bluddy husband the bastard..
I am now having a major re assessment of my life, so if I'm not around very much over the next few days or I upset anyone you have my apologies in advance.
Ex husbands often have more emotional clout than they should. Fuck him. He's not part of your life now except if you want him to be and on your terms, Hon'. Picture yourself as Sarah 3 years from now, completely in control, no f*ckers able to mess up your great weekends with their baggage. Be that wonderful person - it will happen.
Coming out of a long term relationship is hard for any of us. We've identified so long as being part of a 'couple' that we forget who we really are as an individual. But the peeps on here love and care about you as an individual, so remember we're here for you.
:therethere:
Chris
(and remember if you want to have a rant you can add me to the list of peeps you can PM if you want a listening ear - we all need it at times - or if you want to keep it all in, just remember we're rooting for you.
) Quote by n64play
Ok, getting right down to the point, I have trouble just talking to strange women. I've always had a problem talking to people (guys and girls) that I don't know, and this makes it hard for me to strike up conversations with anyone I find attractive. Couple that with a confidence knock after being dumped after a year and a half long relationship....
Any advice you lot can give me would be appreciated!
I got over this same prob years ago when I managed a night club (shortly after I came out of a short marriage at age 19). I started looking out for customers and thinking how I could make sure everyone was enjoying themselves. When I speak to a woman (or a guy for that matter) I don't know, I try to think how I can make the moment better for her - where's she coming from? / what's she looking for at that moment? Maybe she needs to be put at her ease, reassured, maybe she's looking for a seat / ashtray / space at the bar. How can you help? Think of yourself as someone who's job it is to make that person a bit happier, without any thought for yourself. It's maybe like looking at things from their point of view before you give them yours. Remember people frequently find themselves the most interesting person in the world. Practice making people feel good - look for the spontaneous smile as an indication that you're going in the right direction.
If you *do* have some thought for yourself (eg I fancy her like there's no tomorrow), try to put that out of your head before you go and speak to her. If she's interested, she'll probably let you know - she doesn't need a tattoo on your forehead. This means it's often *harder* if you really like someone (cos you're thinking about what *you* would like rather than listening and looking to see what *that person* would like). So practice with folk where you have no agenda.
I don't think it's ever necessary to 'chat a woman up' except for having mutual fun in an exaggerated way. All you have to do is be nice to her - if she likes you she'll chat you up - if she doesn't, you trying harder often isn't going to make much difference - your emergency is not her priority.
You can read up lots of stuff on body language or dating tips, but mostly it comes down to making someone feel good, feel special, and doing it an honest way.
Good luck - feel free to PM me if you want to kick it over a bit - I'm not the most eloquent person in the world but I generally never have a problem speaking to strangers.
Many thanks to Ken and Lucy for fab vibes, music and organising. It was my first proper munch and had a great time meeting you lovely lot.
:bounce: :bounce:
An especial thank you to the wonderful ladies that gave me a dance. And to Carol for getting me to do a duet and getting me past my karaoke nerves and an even bigger thank you to whoever managed to waylay our karaoke slip so I didn't have to actually sing it!! ;-)
:bounce: :bounce:
An especial thank you to the wonderful ladies that gave me a dance. And to Carol for getting me to do a duet and getting me past my karaoke nerves and an even bigger thank you to whoever managed to waylay our karaoke slip so I didn't have to actually sing it!! ;-)
Here's some quickie (inc some fun) ideas on ways to decide whether to do or not do the thing you have in mind . . .
Does it pass the smell test - does the situation 'smell'?
Does it pass the Mom Test - would you tell her? would she do it?
Does it pass the TV test - would you tell a nationwide audience?
Consistency - what if everyone acted this way?
Are people treated as ends rather than means (principle of respect for others)
Doing good / avoiding harm - who is helped if you do it? Who is harmed?
Personal duties may also come into it - eg trust, integrity, truthfulness, gratitude, justice, self-improvement.
NB Most moral dilemmas don't have a 'right' answer - usually teh best choice is the 'least worst'.
Good luck!
x Chris
Does it pass the smell test - does the situation 'smell'?
Does it pass the Mom Test - would you tell her? would she do it?
Does it pass the TV test - would you tell a nationwide audience?
Consistency - what if everyone acted this way?
Are people treated as ends rather than means (principle of respect for others)
Doing good / avoiding harm - who is helped if you do it? Who is harmed?
Personal duties may also come into it - eg trust, integrity, truthfulness, gratitude, justice, self-improvement.
NB Most moral dilemmas don't have a 'right' answer - usually teh best choice is the 'least worst'.
Good luck!
x Chris
You first time at Partners or first time clubbing?
I like Partners - smashing big club with lots of facilities, a very convivial enormous jacuzzi pool, lots of nooks and crannies to explore etc.
I'm sure you'll enjoy it. For a slightly less in-your-face first time clubbing experience Cupids is possibly a gentler learning curve.
xx Chris
I like Partners - smashing big club with lots of facilities, a very convivial enormous jacuzzi pool, lots of nooks and crannies to explore etc.
I'm sure you'll enjoy it. For a slightly less in-your-face first time clubbing experience Cupids is possibly a gentler learning curve.
xx Chris
Fred and Carol and I have booked a single and a double so no idea how much room there would be to squash up . . . but there again you don't know us yet . . . would guess you might meet someone at the munch you can call in for half a hammock or something 
Failing that, if the official hotels are all booked up, can PM you more suggestions if you like - there's lots of hotels nearby Ive used when I've stayed over in Glasgow, some of them not too pricey, that aren't on the official list. Or LucyWeeBaps may have some more.
Failing that, if the official hotels are all booked up, can PM you more suggestions if you like - there's lots of hotels nearby Ive used when I've stayed over in Glasgow, some of them not too pricey, that aren't on the official list. Or LucyWeeBaps may have some more.
Most companies have 'retention deals' which you only get offered when you quite firmly say you will cancel your contract to go with someone else. Of the various companies I've tried, orange are a pain but less worse than most others. Orange and Vodaphone officially have the best coverage last time I checked - and they are the only two that can get reliable reception where I live.
We're errr . . . maybe at cross purposes on the music here . . .
Sean wrote:
I do like to try and keep up with some modern music - bands of today. From that, liking the music in 9 Songs would not give me an incentive to check out the music in Twenty Four Hour Party People, a movie, as Sean states, is about music of the 80's & 90's. From a point of view of interest in music generally yes, but the fact that those (great in their day) bands are referenced by modern bands doesn't make them modern now, any more than tracing something back to the Stones or John Lee Hooker.
Moby, who was in the earlier movie, still seems to be coming out with new ideas (against all odds) and The Fall (who as far as I can tell were not) are pretty timelessly still belting out albums of more of the same (they're on in Edinburgh next month if anyone wants to join me?)
What seems clear is that Mr Winterbottom certainly likes (and knows) his music . . .
(Quick refs for anyone wanting to check listings -
)
Sean wrote:
Quote by Leftabit
Also if you liked the music you should check out 24 hour Party People by the same director. A great and very funny film about the Manchester music scene in the 80's and 90's...
I do like to try and keep up with some modern music - bands of today. From that, liking the music in 9 Songs would not give me an incentive to check out the music in Twenty Four Hour Party People, a movie, as Sean states, is about music of the 80's & 90's. From a point of view of interest in music generally yes, but the fact that those (great in their day) bands are referenced by modern bands doesn't make them modern now, any more than tracing something back to the Stones or John Lee Hooker.
Moby, who was in the earlier movie, still seems to be coming out with new ideas (against all odds) and The Fall (who as far as I can tell were not) are pretty timelessly still belting out albums of more of the same (they're on in Edinburgh next month if anyone wants to join me?)
What seems clear is that Mr Winterbottom certainly likes (and knows) his music . . .
(Quick refs for anyone wanting to check listings -
)
Just a thought Mark - this is a swingers site - is that what you are into? If not, you may find more luck on an adult one-to-one meeting site such as Adult Friend Finder.
You might be lucky, be even so I think you're expecting a lot. Yes, there will be girls who are up for it, not knowing you, and willing to meet for NSA fun, but you are more likely to meet them in a singles bar I think. The peeps on here are 'genuine' and not 'time-wasters' but would hardly view you as either from what you have posted so far. I'm not having a go at you mate, just trying to help you find what you want, cos the way you are going about it is not sending out a winning message.
You might be lucky, be even so I think you're expecting a lot. Yes, there will be girls who are up for it, not knowing you, and willing to meet for NSA fun, but you are more likely to meet them in a singles bar I think. The peeps on here are 'genuine' and not 'time-wasters' but would hardly view you as either from what you have posted so far. I'm not having a go at you mate, just trying to help you find what you want, cos the way you are going about it is not sending out a winning message.
Quote by Alex_Female
why is swinging such a subject? Why is swinging sensationalised by the media?
Years ago, anyone who was having an extra marital affair was named and shamed. Over the last couple of decades sexual awareness has heightened, reliable contraception freely available, gay and lesbian relationships are more acceptable. Now infidelity appears to be no longer shocking, they move onto another subject, swinging.
Just as a hypothesis . . .
The history of religion and largely of nations has been to persecute any minority seen as a threat. Life is difficult and needs a lot of confidence in oneself, and one of the easy routes to getting that confidence is to find a way to feel ‘superior’ to someone else. This is one of the many psychological forces that religion (as opposed to spirituality) makes use of.
When the Roman Catholic church absorbed the many different religions of the time of its inception, it identified most of the heretical ‘gods’ with ‘saints’ of its own religion (eg ‘Venus’ becomes ‘Mary’ etc). The ones that gave the main problem were the priapic cults that encouraged freedom of sexual expression – Dionysus, Priapus, Pan. If you control a person’s sexual expression you control the person, and the priapic cults defeated this. So those gods became, instead, identified with the ‘Devil’ and ‘evil’. (These ideas are worked out with infinite detail in JG Fraser’s Golden Bough and elsewhere.)
As minority groups again become more powerful they are harder to control, whether in defiance of the local head of state or the Vatican - some states throw off the yoke of religious rule for instance. The gay movement has become so strong and, linked to other factors, it is largely impossible for the churches to continue to portray it as ‘evil’. Bisexuality, or swinging, are hardly in the same league – there aren't really any pressure groups of any strength and our numbers are still pretty limited.
Quote by Rainbows
The word underground bring up connotations of sordid and secret.
Why should it be underground?
Interesting ...... Do you think that swinging being underground is what some people actually enjoy? The thrill, perhaps, of the fact that swinging is not mainstream?
I think the British have long held a fascination with the ‘forbidden’ haven't they? Compared to mainstream Europe, we even like our normal basic dating and sex to have an air of secrecy. Not sure if this is a reason why the Brits especially enjoy swinging (possibly applies more to dogging?) – but there’s always peeps (here and abroad) who want to live by there own civilised rules, not those handed down meaninglessly by ‘society’. I would rather swinging wasn’t underground. I’d rather it was enjoyed by anyone that had the taste and sensitivity for it. But I don’t think I’m well placed to start a ‘pressure group’!
Quote by Leftabit
Also if you liked the music you should check out 24 hour Party People by the same director. A great and very funny film about the Manchester music scene in the 80's and 90's...
Cheers Sean x
:shock: :moon:
Crikey - I agreed with everything you said till that bit, Sean. 24 Hour Party People was a great movie . . . but the music was so . . .
. . .
Eighties!
Quote by Silk and Big G
I suppose your theory of stronger extended family groups would apply in the case of genuine polyamory where some level of commitment as a family group is made .
Not my theory actually (see above) - but polyamory is not necessarily a factor. The main advantage has to be based on advantages to the child. At the moment, it is too easy for a child to play off one parent against the other, there is only one main example of each gender as role model, and the main official bond and commitment is not towards the child but between the two adults. But seeing how the present 'norm' can or will 'evolve' is another matter. I think people generally may start to take child rearing more seriously and evolve set-ups that don't necessarily just involve two adults who happen to mate regularly. Adoption is the first main development from biological commitment, and there are studies that have shown lesbian parents produce very well balanced children (the original study had hoped to prove the opposite of course!)
Maybe swinging won't play a big role in the evolution of social units - or maybe it's too early to assess the strengths and weaknesses of the movement in societal terms . . .
Good to get your thoughts on this - many thanks - I think my view of swinging is coloured by the fact that I have had almost totally 'good' experiences, whereas someone else who had been on the scene longer once said to me that we are not necessarily a more tolerant lot ;-)
:violin: :swingingchair: :kick: :rascal: :swingingchair: :violin:
btw the book I had in mind on the evolution of the family unit was Shulamith Firestone's The Dialectic of Sex. On the other hand, I think perhaps most of society's restrictions (in the sense of non-rational taboos rather than legal ones or those socially evolved such as etiquette) can be traced to religious influences and the degree to which the state at any time tolerates them (or fails to separate state and church). There's a wealth of literature available on this.
Quite fancy this if I might persuade you to invite me? (practices irerstible expression and tilt of head that I've been working on in case I'm reincarnated as a cat)
It might just be me, or it might be with a swinging partner (who's not active on SH at the moment - is that a prob?) :smile2: :boo: :smile2:
It might just be me, or it might be with a swinging partner (who's not active on SH at the moment - is that a prob?) :smile2: :boo: :smile2:
Quote by BradfordCpl
Did anyone ever see the film Bais moi? A french film, which is about two women going ona killing spree, men, and shooting strangers. There is alot of graphic content - up close intercourse and lots of blood.
Highly reccomended
The main thing I liked about Baise Moi was the point it made, rather well I thought, about the psychological damage caused by . It's very easy to think is terrible when it involves severe battery (as in the French film Irreversible*) but less easy when the main damage is psychological trauma. The two women in the film were hardly Mother Theresas - they were prostitutes or near enough, and having them played by porn stars probably didn't distract too much (within those limitations they acted reasonably well) - but it seemed unlikely that they would have embarked on the killing spree had they not been so severaly damaged by the gang . Letting people see the potential effect of that does not involve physical wounding may dissuade perpetrators even - probably they often think that 'it wasn't too bad' or that their victim 'enjoyed it really'.
*This was a much better film than Baise Moi, but failed to make the case against as well IMO.
Quote by Silk and Big G
It does sound like the soundtrack is kewl , and ive heard the live concert footage is atmospheric , but as i understand several detailed descriptions its at best a porn film with a good soundtrack . I for one prefer my porn in its lurid wrapper and my social comment and action movies at the Odeon . Gotta be seen though I guess as its such a censorship milestone , but think we'll wait for the DVD .
Has anyone else seen it? Liked it? If you liked/didn't like it, did you have the same feeling about the music as the film itself?
I disagree about it being porn. The actors are real actors (not porn stars as in Baise Moi). They also engage the audience emotionally, which porn stars generally don't (I think this is as good a way as any as distinguishing porn - it's an argument put forward by French auteur director Catherine Breillat). I though it was beautiful - these were two pretty normal people, and their love affair was told pretty well through their two main activities together - having sex and going to live bands. The camera neither lingered tittilatingly nor constantly avoided genital shots - it just treated that part of the anatomy as 'normal'. It really made (in my opinion) Hollywood sex look pretty artificial (which it is of course) and porno sex pretty feelingless (which is usually is of course). On top of that, the lyrics look at the various stages of the relationship.
I can imagine that if peeps didn't like the music (there's rather a lot of it), they wouldn't empathise with or particularly like the characters. It introduced me to some bands I already like but didn't know well (Super Furry Animals, Franz Fernando, Dandy Warhols, Von Bondies) and at least one that I hadn't heard and was very impressed with (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club). I also liked the symbolism generated through the melting icebergs and stuff . . . So far I've heard views equally for and against from those who have seen it - curious to know what SH members think . . . :idea:
