I agree about the beauty of the Northumbrian burr - but I think you'll find that someone on the Fast Show does it very well - can't quite remember who! It's in the rolling 'r' - I have spent many a happy evening in a tiny northumbrian hostelry being entertained by the music and the stories and the burr - captured too by Tom Hadaway and work such as 'Long Life' etc.

The most beautiful sound I've ever heard eminating from Northumerland-or anywhere else for that matter-are the pipes of Kathryn Tickell. Haunting and beautiful.

What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man.
Why wasn't Jesus born in Glasgow?
They couldn't find a virgin or three wise men.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe?
Wee Shooey.
What do you call a man who takes a small size in a shoe and can't find his
dog?
Wee Shooey Douglas.
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
Doctor, Doctor! You've got to help me! I feel like I'm turning into coconut!"
Says the doctor, "You're bountae."
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow?
A bat in the mooth.
There were three coos in a field. Which wan wis oan its hoalidays?
The wan wi a wee calf.
What do you call an illegitimate insect?
A fly bastart.
Hear about the lonely prisoner?
He was in his cell.
What famous costume drama TV series of the 1970's was named after a
queue for the toilet?
The Aw Needin Line.
The man in the clothes shop insisting on a maroon jacket.
"Fur ma roon shooders..."
Hear about the stupit skindiver?
He didny hae a scubae.
Did you hear about the London criminal who fell foul of the Glasgow Mafia?
Apparently they made him an offer he couldn't understand.
What do you call a Glasgow Sikh who enjoys karaoke?
Gupty Singh.

Late lastnight I was sent a new Avatar by someone I thought was a friend.
Now I'm not too sure what they are implying.
What do you make of it?
Should I be offended?
Do I really look like this ????

After that we went to try and find a site we've heard about at Bedlington but could we hell find it!

Hi,
I am new here, and although my partner and I are not swingers, we do like to watch Gangbang / Swinging hardcore.
Can anyone please recommend a Website where such movies can be purchased in the UK or a Members area that you can download movies so I can burn to burn to VCD or DVD.
Any help appreciated.

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
God I hate this kind of TV.........

you look remarkabley like eric clapton!

Cos yer worth it

TEACHING MATH THROUGH THE YEARS
Teaching Math in 1950: A forester sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960: A forester sells a truckload of timber for £100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or £80. What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970: A forester exchanges a set "L" of timber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one pound. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" for profits?
Teaching Math in 1980: A forester sells a truckload of timber for £100. Her cost of production is £80 and her profit is £20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1985: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the forester makes £20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the forester cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 1990: By laying off 40% of its foresters, a company improves its stock price from £80 to £100. How much capital gain per share does the MD make by exercising his stock options at £80? Assume capital gains are no longer taxed, because this encourages investment.
Teaching Math in 1995: A company out-sources all of its foresters. The firm saves on benefits, and when demand for its product is down, the logging work force can easily be cut back. The average forester employed by the company earned £30,000, had four weeks holiday, a pension and medical insurance. The contracted forester charges £30 an hour. Was outsourcing a good move?
Teaching Math in 2000: A laid-off forester with four kids at home and a ridiculous settlement from his first failed marriage comes into the forestry-company head office and goes wappy, mowing down 16 executives and a couple of secretaries. He gets lucky when he nails a politician on the premises collecting his kickback. Was outsourcing the foresters a good move for the company?
Teaching Math in 2004: A laid-off forester serving time in Broadmoor for blowing away several people is being trained as a VISUAL C programmer in order to work on Prison IT Security projects. What is the probability that their systems will become infected with a virus that just happens to cause the automatic cell doors to open on their own as of 00:01, 01/01/05?

What a genius.

We were issued with condoms to prevent dirt get down our rifle barrels,but not for a sexual purpose.

This is the second time today that I have been called upon to communicate with 'ordinary' people and I do not intend it to become a habit.

OOOOOHH get you.

Only last week I said a few words to some Chelsea Pensioners whom I happen to knock over whilst riding my bicycle.

May I also point out that we in the Civil Service do understand the problems that senility can bring, particularly its effect upon our hospital performance figures.

We in the Civil Service have strong views on ageism. Indeed, we recently commissioned a jobbing poet from Berkshire to re-write the words of Mr Binyon to reflect this policy:

Some of the guys were really really really lucky and met someone in the first month and spent their whole tour together...................

I see that you are representing a Mr Bilko and a Mr O. Would you be so kind as to assure them that we have looked closely very our English standards of at and confident are that clearer we be could not. Would you also remind said 'gentlemen' that mimicry, ill placed humour and oblique insults aimed at our Department will in no way influence how we treat them. In fact ,I was discussing this with my colleagues at the Inland Revenue, DVLC, Army Pension Department and Department for funding Biological work in the North of England earlier today. I must say, they thought it a jolly jape, so jolly in fact that I saw them looking through the files of these joshing scallywags.

Finally, I notice that you represent some 'society' dedicating itself to playing in children's playgrounds, well, swinging at least. I had not heard of this bizarre activity, but then, I have little contact with groups at your social level. Thank you for alerting the Department to this. We have launched an immediate enquiry to see if this activity is legal, can be taxed and falls with relevant Health & Safety guidelines. It might increase your standing Miss Sappho, if you were to agree to demonstrating this activity to me so that a full assessment can be made. It would NOT be necessary for Mr Bilko or Mr O to be present. I would, on this one occasion, make myself available outside normal office hours.

I would not try to explain to the Minister what 'Swinging' is. It is well known that all political figures as well as the heads of the Civil Service are 'Clones' Why do you think they want to ban 'Human Cloning'
So just Carry on Swinging, :swingingchair: Mmmmm thats a title Pinewood Studio's missed. :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

Exactly, Harry0 - that's why it is the upgrade of choice. Not only do we women multi-task but we adapt, overcome and survive with the resources available. Perhaps you'd like a demonstration of how a girl handles a weapon?
Sappho xxx

Sorry but this thread has really worried me.
At first I was worried by the rumours flying around. I was worried about their implications and what was behind them. Worried about whether to worry now or later, or be worried now about what might happen later. Then I was worried about whether everyone else was worried. I mean, I don't want to worry anyone!
Now it seems that there might be nothing to worry about. Or perhaps no-one is quite sure what we should be worrying about. And that really worries me!!

long,long ago, when Harry O was but a young man, and man had just been invented,

Don't fret Sarge: it's rumoured among the rumour-mongers that the rumour is merely a rumour, and has no connection to the rumour it is rumoured you were referring to, in your post in the 'rumour' thread, about the rumour of rumours that it is rumoured you were worried about.-allegedly.

I believe the upgrade of choice for the discerning woman is a Kalishnikov.

I have PMS and a loaded shotgun. Any questions?

hey.......have you ever heard me moan about it!!

But some peeps ( 11 million apparently) enjoy....