I've just given up trying to get into/register for the Chatroom. I was only curious because I'm home and bored anyway.
Why I am home alone and bored? It's seems ages now since I joined SwingingHeaven looking for parties. I have this fantasy - warm, comfortable rooms, maybe a spa pool, good music, wine and the bright people I've got to know in The Cafe. The rest of the fantasy I will save until I'm in bed.
In fairness a very sweet, young SwH gent gave me the most wonderful time in Sheffield where he 'squired' me expertly around La Chambre. We remain in touch, but just the two of us. And a group of lovely gentlemen here in Norfolk entertained me deliriously one winter afternoon but that group seems to have fallen apart a bit. Each of the gentlemen in turn approached me later, and very flatteringly, on an individual basis but the group thing somehow didn't happen again.
I am no spring chicken but all of my 'adult' contacts have been most complimentary - having no car and only a bicycle ensures a certain level of slimness and fitness.
Oh yeah - I'm single. Totally.
HELP ME! Entertain me! Please please please you single guys, don't get in touch saying 'I'm new to this but I could bring a mate'. Please please please don't get in touch and promise me lovely, sexy group action action but 'first just the two of us need to get together to make sure'. I have spent a lot of time since January up those blind allies.
I just want to go to a party. I'll be good, I promise. Very good. I live in Norwich.
Jezzay
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jezzay
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 76
Forum
I don't uinderstand this 'I am leaving' stuff. Mark, your PM was fine. There was clearly something strange going on with Moist that she couldn't see it
.
No-one makes us join this site. None of us pays to join it. I just don't understand this 'righteous indignation' thing that happens and people walking out in the huff.
Please don't worry - you and the mods are doing a great job. It's fun - it's entertaining - it's erudite - it works. The people who can't see that are no loss to the community.
Jezzay.
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No-one makes us join this site. None of us pays to join it. I just don't understand this 'righteous indignation' thing that happens and people walking out in the huff.
Please don't worry - you and the mods are doing a great job. It's fun - it's entertaining - it's erudite - it works. The people who can't see that are no loss to the community.
Jezzay.
I'm with Mal here. I don't think Ive ever laughed so much just staring at a computer screen. JQL and Heather - I toast you. I now realise that my dog cooly wandering round the corner and spitting out her tablet (having digested all the chocolate and cream I had wrapped it in) was NOTHING compared to what you guys go through.
You all have my thanks. I didn't realise so much was happening although I gave up last night - obviously something was going on.
The sad thing is that up until the point where Stan said he was really ashamed he was giving a fair and attractive account of dogging. How can they be so antaganistic towards stuff like "Just say no thank you and you won't be bothered."
There is so much f***ing hypocracy. Everywhere. I bet most people reading about Stan were thinking 'Ooh I've always fancied a bit of public sex'. But not just in sexual mores - the media attacks "fatties" while flogging half-price burgers, journalists have a go at sportsmen on steroids and then call their dealers for more cocaine. And on everybody's doorstep, companies brag about their social conscience while laying off workers in their hundreds. Is honesty so very very difficult?
Jezzay.
The sad thing is that up until the point where Stan said he was really ashamed he was giving a fair and attractive account of dogging. How can they be so antaganistic towards stuff like "Just say no thank you and you won't be bothered."
There is so much f***ing hypocracy. Everywhere. I bet most people reading about Stan were thinking 'Ooh I've always fancied a bit of public sex'. But not just in sexual mores - the media attacks "fatties" while flogging half-price burgers, journalists have a go at sportsmen on steroids and then call their dealers for more cocaine. And on everybody's doorstep, companies brag about their social conscience while laying off workers in their hundreds. Is honesty so very very difficult?
Jezzay.
OK and this is very serious to me. What if a person spent some of her spare time volunteering, assisting with, let's say special needs children. What would the parents think if they found out her lifestyle? Shocked? Hurt? Does it mean the person would have to give up the lifestyle? (She wouldn't give up the volunteering.)
I had one once a long time ago . Never wore it in battle. Because.... I (I feel so embarrassed) - it took me AGES to do up all the hooks and eyes. I'd get to the 5th and the 2nd would undo so I'd start again and then the 5th would undo and so on. My biceps would be aching. And any sexy mood had long since left me. Now, after all these years, I finally know some people who can advise. How do you do it?????
And while we're on the subject girls, where's the best place to get a set with one of those bras which is half a bra sort of thing? You know - where you hang out but it's on purpose.
Oh AND.. where DID Janet Jackson get that fabulous - whatever it was? How do they work? Is Blutak involved?
Jezzay
And while we're on the subject girls, where's the best place to get a set with one of those bras which is half a bra sort of thing? You know - where you hang out but it's on purpose.
Oh AND.. where DID Janet Jackson get that fabulous - whatever it was? How do they work? Is Blutak involved?
Jezzay
I know it's a bit different for birds but I reply to any response which is courteous and humorous and the guy isn't married (but that's just me). If we get to the photo stage and he sends me - as happens a lot - a huge, hairy close-up of a male organ or worse - that organ penetrating some orifice or other of a third party - then I back off. I want a picture which tells me this guy is cute/my type/has a sense of humour. And which helps me recognise him in the pub or wherever if we arrange to meet. (I could, I suppose, wander round the pub asking people to get their dicks out but I am known round here so probably not a good idea.)
Don't know if that helps.
It also may help to know that contact suddenly ends for apparently no good reason with us single women advertisers too.
Jezzay
Don't know if that helps.
It also may help to know that contact suddenly ends for apparently no good reason with us single women advertisers too.
Jezzay
Oh I forgot - didn't pay any. But if I had I would want it back. Look all I wanted was some gentle smut, a way into more adventurous liaisons and what do I get? Wisdom and stuff. Advice. I get lists of music to go and buy (Now have Gotan Project - fantastic. I keep slinking all over the house to it.) And now books! No... No I spend enough in Waterstone's as it is and now I have to buy something called 'Perfume'. When you were supposed to be leading me further down the street to Anne Summers.
And another thing. Will you please all stop making me laugh. It's a serious business this change-of-life-go-for-it-girl stuff and I just always end up laughing.
So do you think if I join a bookcircle/musical criticism site I'll start to learn where my G-spot is?
Jezzay
And another thing. Will you please all stop making me laugh. It's a serious business this change-of-life-go-for-it-girl stuff and I just always end up laughing.
So do you think if I join a bookcircle/musical criticism site I'll start to learn where my G-spot is?
Jezzay
I've done it! I'm no longer a group-fun virgin and it was fantastic. Thank you gentlemen one and all. For your consideration and your courtesy. And for the chocolates. I had a fabulous time. I'm sorry about the momentary lapse in concentration when the hotel maid came to deliver the new Yellow Pages. I did lose it a bit but you have to admit it was funny.
Thanks too for advice on this forum. To all of you struggling with the time-wasters I can only say keep sorting through the chaff because the wheat is worth it!!
Jezzay
Thanks too for advice on this forum. To all of you struggling with the time-wasters I can only say keep sorting through the chaff because the wheat is worth it!!
Jezzay
I've had two long (12 years) and lovely marriages, many other relationships and zero Valentines cards!
My second husband, being from an exotic country, couldn't get his head round all the cards we send anyway. ('Do I have to buy a card for Bonfire Night?') I challenged him one Valentine's Day and he said, being a quick and witty thinker, 'But I love you every day of the year'. Try it - it worked for me. (Before you say the obvious we are still very close.)
Jezzay
My second husband, being from an exotic country, couldn't get his head round all the cards we send anyway. ('Do I have to buy a card for Bonfire Night?') I challenged him one Valentine's Day and he said, being a quick and witty thinker, 'But I love you every day of the year'. Try it - it worked for me. (Before you say the obvious we are still very close.)
Jezzay
Once again Swingingheaven's fora (I did Latin once) are coming to my aid. I was worried - really worried about my libido. I thought: 'It's hormonal, obviously'. I did a 'Google' on 'Menopause libido' and got 54,932 results for low libido, how to cure. No - NO - not my problem. But once again I find I am not alone.
So I'm going to stop worrying, questioning, otherwise challenging and just enjoy!!!
Jezzay
So I'm going to stop worrying, questioning, otherwise challenging and just enjoy!!!
Jezzay
You've all made me so happy. My ad (single, mature lady looking for group fun) has led me down so many blind alleys that I was starting to take it personally but I am not alone! It's wonderful.
Sooner or later the genuine people will find each other, I am sure. (You see, I'm an old romantic at heart.)
So last night I had trouble getting to sleep thinking why I haven't been succesful but tonight I shall have trouble sleeping trying to think of a solution to the time-waster problem.
And by the way, maybe, just maybe, this Thursday it's going to happen for me. If the guy I've met is genuine and if the lady from the group is happy that I have not misrepresented myself as has happened to her before. So you see people are hesitant and change their minds now because they have had their fingers burned in the past.
Jezzay
Sooner or later the genuine people will find each other, I am sure. (You see, I'm an old romantic at heart.)
So last night I had trouble getting to sleep thinking why I haven't been succesful but tonight I shall have trouble sleeping trying to think of a solution to the time-waster problem.
And by the way, maybe, just maybe, this Thursday it's going to happen for me. If the guy I've met is genuine and if the lady from the group is happy that I have not misrepresented myself as has happened to her before. So you see people are hesitant and change their minds now because they have had their fingers burned in the past.
Jezzay
Where do you start? Call me old-fashioned - OK just call me old - but Carly Simon has to be up there for wordcraft and musicality. It builds. Read it through. Or better still listen to it : -
THE CARTER FAMILY
The Carter family lived next door for almost 14 years
With Gwen and I inseperable from rag dolls through brassieres
Then Gwen began to bore me with her giggles and her fears
The day the Carters moved away, I had to fake my tears
I told new friends Gwen Carter had become a silly pest
And then I found I missed her more than I'd ever have guessed
Grandma used to nag at me to straighten up my spine
To act respectful and read good books
To take care of what was mine
I hated being criticized and asking her permission
So what if her advice was wise, It always hurt to listen
I didn't cry when Granny died, she made me so depressed
And then I found I missed her more than I'd ever have guessed
You used to make me moan in bed, but that can't be enough
My friends complained your jokes were crude,
Your manners were too rough
Don't know just what I wanted, but I know I wanted more
Someone smooth, presentable, to blend with my decor
And now at night I think of how you grinned when you undressed
And I find I miss you more than I'd ever have guessed.
Who hasn't been there...
Jezzay
THE CARTER FAMILY
The Carter family lived next door for almost 14 years
With Gwen and I inseperable from rag dolls through brassieres
Then Gwen began to bore me with her giggles and her fears
The day the Carters moved away, I had to fake my tears
I told new friends Gwen Carter had become a silly pest
And then I found I missed her more than I'd ever have guessed
Grandma used to nag at me to straighten up my spine
To act respectful and read good books
To take care of what was mine
I hated being criticized and asking her permission
So what if her advice was wise, It always hurt to listen
I didn't cry when Granny died, she made me so depressed
And then I found I missed her more than I'd ever have guessed
You used to make me moan in bed, but that can't be enough
My friends complained your jokes were crude,
Your manners were too rough
Don't know just what I wanted, but I know I wanted more
Someone smooth, presentable, to blend with my decor
And now at night I think of how you grinned when you undressed
And I find I miss you more than I'd ever have guessed.
Who hasn't been there...
Jezzay
I love reading the postings here and have noticed a lot about the difficulties single guys have. I do sympathise and won't suggest for a minute that we single women have the same problems but.....
I put up an ad quite a few weeks ago which hasn't yet borne fruit. I got plenty of responses offering wonderful 1-to-1 fun. Which is great if you're in the 1-to-1 section. But I'm in the Women seeking Groups section. And most of the rest offering a group thing gradually evolved through email chat into 'but we should really get together 1-to-1'.
I felt I couldn't take up the 'I can give you 9 wet inches and oh, by the way, I've got a mate who can come along too' ones as I felt that as a 'newbie' I might need a little more subtle guidance! Some were just too far away geographically to be sensible. (I'm in Norwich.)
Sometimes I would think I was getting close - pics exchanged, dates discussed and then the mails would simply dry up. I've spent such a lot of time at this - which I've mostly enjoyed - but seem to be the victim of Multiple Coitus Interruptus. It's so-o-o-o frustrating. But I'm sure some day my princes will come (so to speak).
In the meantime I'm grateful to the site for introducing me to the Gotan Project (Sexy Music thread). Fantastique.
Jezzay. Ad 41422
I put up an ad quite a few weeks ago which hasn't yet borne fruit. I got plenty of responses offering wonderful 1-to-1 fun. Which is great if you're in the 1-to-1 section. But I'm in the Women seeking Groups section. And most of the rest offering a group thing gradually evolved through email chat into 'but we should really get together 1-to-1'.
I felt I couldn't take up the 'I can give you 9 wet inches and oh, by the way, I've got a mate who can come along too' ones as I felt that as a 'newbie' I might need a little more subtle guidance! Some were just too far away geographically to be sensible. (I'm in Norwich.)
Sometimes I would think I was getting close - pics exchanged, dates discussed and then the mails would simply dry up. I've spent such a lot of time at this - which I've mostly enjoyed - but seem to be the victim of Multiple Coitus Interruptus. It's so-o-o-o frustrating. But I'm sure some day my princes will come (so to speak).
In the meantime I'm grateful to the site for introducing me to the Gotan Project (Sexy Music thread). Fantastique.
Jezzay. Ad 41422
I was panicking about meeting up with 3 business men. Thanks to all who replied so quickly. You were really kind and helpful. What a great site!
The problem seems to have gone away. Using your advice I replied asking for more information - who they were, what business brought them to Norwich, and I haven't heard back. So there you go!
But I'm still open to offers....
Jezzay
The problem seems to have gone away. Using your advice I replied asking for more information - who they were, what business brought them to Norwich, and I haven't heard back. So there you go!
But I'm still open to offers....
Jezzay
I'm a lady delighted with the response to my ad looking for encounters with two or more men. But can I trust them? Are they genuine? eg 3 business men occasionally in my town who will entertain me at their hotel? Please let me know of any cons, scams or danger I might be encouraging.
Ta
Jezzay
Ta
Jezzay
