Kristof's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

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kristof

Over 90 days ago

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18 Feb 2005

Quote by jack_daniels72
would you buy a Microsoft Vibrator? it's flippin conk out just before the climax!

Maybe a JOYstick would be more appropriate ?
JOYstick, from Microsoft
man what planet you come from, Microsoft breaks down as follows
Minions
Invent
Confusing
Rediculous
Objects
Shits
Obviously
Fualty
Trash
now I imaginer the intsructions for a MS vibro now,
insert batteries into hole
isert vibrator into hole
removed vibrator from hole,
remove batteries from hole
insert batteries into vibrators hole
insert vibrator into your hole
switch on vibrator
please wait for vibration as the unit will perform a Power On Self Test before vibrating
in the event that the unit fails to vibrate after 5 (five) minutes, remove batteries and check that the polarity is correct
if polarity is incorrect, put the vibrator into reverse action and hang on
as Microsoft are committed to bringing you the best possible product you have a complimentary free update facilty, to activate this facility simply insert the vibrator into your hole while you are browsing the Microsoft home page, all updates will occur naturally
Microsoft recomends that you use a good quality anti virus program to ensure your safety
the recommended programe is Black Box... a simple but efficient system.
Purchase your Black Box from HERE, once it arrives, open the box, climb in, close the lid
Now you will be unable to contract any virus's as you are withdrawn from any outside contacts..... this will give you the chance to enjoy your Microsoft Vibrator to its maximum potential
Have a nice day now smile

smile

18 Feb 2005

Quote by blondeslave

Just get undressed and go as a nudist................ fun fun fun.
Hugs and cuddles
Blondeslave

darn, you beat me to it, was gonna say go as Adam or Eve
oh well, least I wasnt the only lateral thinker in the room smile

smile

18 Feb 2005

log in via the MSN Messenger icon on your taskbar, right click it and 2nd option is My E-Mail Inbox
works fine for me, just tested to be sure

18 Feb 2005

/me stands ready for the stripsearch :P

18 Feb 2005

mamy happy to you hun
here's hoping you will always be as as beautiful and as happy as you are today smile

smile

18 Feb 2005

around 3 weeks from joining to 1st meet
must be doing something right as well as the lady has had me back another 3 times since smile

smile

18 Feb 2005

Quote by rogerthedragon
In my experience more sex is usually quite a good way to avoid sleeping. :twisted:

Closely followed by:-

Quote by Bignetsuke bird
That's why I moved away......
:love:
Netsuke

Nice timing! :twisted:
thaught Helen had changed her handle then :P

18 Feb 2005

:welcome: so where's the gorgeous Gwinevere :P
have fun mate and be happy

18 Feb 2005

hmmm.
I must be real wierd then, cuz I use the PC case, the arm of the sofa, my leg, the table top, whatever is handy when I want to use the mouse in fact smile

smile

18 Feb 2005

:welcome: to our lil corner of pleasure m8
hope you enjoy you time here, hell, I know you will enjoy it biggrin

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18 Feb 2005

amended Fabio
thanks for pointing that out to me, it did come across a bit pretentious didnt it

18 Feb 2005

Quote by freckledbird
getting mixed up here Kris, her birthday is on 25th and party 26th. Huge apologies

np hun, the dates are that close its easy to make a mix up... I had to go check again myself smile

smile

17 Feb 2005

this will be at a private house, loos party is the 26th if i recall correctly

17 Feb 2005

a gent never tells smile

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17 Feb 2005

ok guys, feb 25th in Leicester
its a ladies birthday and its fallen to me to arrange a little entertainment for her, so another 3 guys are needed for some mmmmf fun
the good lady is in need of spit roasting for a few hours
if you are between 25 and 45, bi or str8, you could be a part of a great night in smile

smile

if you are interested, then mail me, I will work through the mail's and get back to you, a pic (face and cock, preferablr full lenght pics ) will be wanted the lady will be chosing her guys so replies to

please.

17 Feb 2005

dammit lucuuktv2 why do you have such a sweet ass ffs ?

17 Feb 2005

oh boy
and who said blondes were dumb smile

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17 Feb 2005

wellcome to you both.
the guys and gals here may be amongst the best people you could turn to for advice, friendly and honest, and also happy to help
have fun

17 Feb 2005

Quote by Libra-Love
You can call it what you like
but can you make it cum :twisted:
:evil2:

perhaps the question should be "can I make You cum " smile

smile

17 Feb 2005

Quote by Kit
Hiya Daz and welcome,
If you get on so well with your ex, why is she your ex? :? :?

send her my way then mate biggrin

biggrin

redface

you did say you were still friends though surprised

surprised

ops:

17 Feb 2005

as long as its there when needed it can be called anything you want to call it smile

smile

17 Feb 2005

A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man.
The man said, "I must have you right now!
I'll drop $500 on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I can have my way with you from behind!"
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute.
She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man's proposition.
Her girlfriend said "When he drops the $500 on the ground I'm sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down.
Call me back and tell me what happened."
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. "What happened?" the girlfriend asked.
The lady said "That jerk had $500 in quarters!"

17 Feb 2005

:welcome: to :swingingchair: Heaven mate, I see you have gained the attention of our lady Vix already...... gawddd you lucky bugger biggrin

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have fun, be happy

17 Feb 2005

to the best of my knowledge it is not illegal to place or respond to such an add, provided the add is on a adult site and does not promote

17 Feb 2005

Quote by nipsey_69
well hello to all fellow islanders ......... i have been back on island for nearly 3 months not but am finding it really hard to find any swingers on the island can anyone help me nipsey xxxxxx :swingingchair:

lol nipsey, well you did say you felt you was living in a nunnery, maybe thats about to change biggrin

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17 Feb 2005

following on from little gem's whatch out she is back thread
who does the navingation when you are making your way around the munch's, You, the partner or SatNav?
Personally I have turned getting lost in the middle of nowhere into an art form biggrin

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17 Feb 2005

Quote by KcKat
"710" ???? :shock: :? :? :? What on earth?
;)
And my naviagation got me all the way over the pennines and back without trouble, although I did forget to fill it up with petrol before heading home and so the warning light came on with 23 miles to go to the next service station!
Panic ensued and 55mph, with enraged truck drivers over taking me, I managed to fill it up before I broke down and had to phone for help!
A good day trip out!

Ohhhhhhhhh! Gem you're so Sweet
710 is OIL backwacks babes xxxxxxxxx
You can read a map? Are you sure thats a good idea while driving over mountains :P
and never mind gem, at least you can do more than 55mph smile

smile

had to change my car at the start of the year to fit my finances, now its a Fiat Panda with a 769cc engine. Cheap to run but 65mph with a tail wind, downhill and only if I get out and push

Quote by Re-Lapse
Me thinks a quick course on maintainence would not go amiss.
NO not just cleaning the interior mirror so you can admire yourself whilst driving.
:shock:
Read the fckin manual :small-print:

Now I was reraliably imformed by the ex that the internal mirror was for checking make up (usually when I am trying to reverse), external mirrors are for adjusting so as to see the kids sitting in the back seats, failing that, they are ideal for setting up so you get a good side view while brushing hair and applying blusher

17 Feb 2005

Hate hate hate hate hate hate em, anything that makes me into a unpaid taxi driver for 10 hours a day is bad, ok, now I dont have the kids at mine its not quite so bad, only 4 hours a day of unpaid taxi work, but why does it have to be early mornings and late afternoons just like when they was at school sad

sad

17 Feb 2005

its fun to do, knowing that people are watching can interfere with your performance if you are not %100 prepared for it, but if you are ready its good. smile

smile

17 Feb 2005

well sent you a PM
I know I will be either Too Old, too Young, too Small, too Big, too Fat, too Thin, too Hairry, too Bald, too Straight
but what the hell, if nothing else you get to have a laugh reading my PM biggrin

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