you promise thats going to work??
if so then i will drop her off later, but i want her back at some point!! so dont be wearing that little tartan skirt in your pics or she might never want to come back!!, my tartan skirt in our pics not so hot,lol!!!
Join the most popular community of UK swingers now
Login
mazandden
Over 90 days ago
Bisexual Female, 43
Straight Male, 48
UK
Forum
Sex God
Hi den here, very worried about my beautiful girlfriend maz!!
i tend to be worried about her anyway in case she forgets to get dressed in the morning, or forgets the need to breathe in after breathing out! However, i am becoming increasingly worried by the amount of time she spends/wastes on this forum!!!
I have noticed a definite down turn in the standard of meals prepared for me, and she only grunts at me if i try to speak to her while she is on here!!
Can i have her banned, or anyone know where she can get professional help??
kiss me, you must know? you seem to be part of the problem,lol!!!!
Love Den ( hungry, neglected, but still pretty hot!) xxx
i tend to be worried about her anyway in case she forgets to get dressed in the morning, or forgets the need to breathe in after breathing out! However, i am becoming increasingly worried by the amount of time she spends/wastes on this forum!!!
I have noticed a definite down turn in the standard of meals prepared for me, and she only grunts at me if i try to speak to her while she is on here!!
Can i have her banned, or anyone know where she can get professional help??
kiss me, you must know? you seem to be part of the problem,lol!!!!
Love Den ( hungry, neglected, but still pretty hot!) xxx
Sex God
Quote by SymonOUna
The Right Reverend Elektra Fortescue-Smythe, BSc (Hons)?
Well you got the bsc hons bit right as that's what degree I got
I'm loving all of these so far!! Every single one made me laugh- they're brilliant!
Oh how to choose!
I do like the mazza kissed one, as it uses part of my name, but some of the ones kiss me suggested would fit the show to a T!
Keep em coming!
Sex God
Morning all,
I am (Maz NOT Den) performing in my first ever burlesque show on Saturday night with a group of girls and can't wait!
The only problem being is I have to come up with my stage name by then (we have a group name, but have to come up with individual names)
Think 'porn star' name, but a tad more old fashioned (dare I say classy?!....lol....) perhaps double barrled etc if you catch my drift....
I think the lead in moulin ruge was Satine something or other....
If you don't have a scooby what burlesque is, think corsets, moulin rouge, big frilly pants, can-can, strip tease and nipple tassles!
If you've still not a scooby, then google it!
Anyway hope someone might be able to help..
Answers on a postcard please...............
I am (Maz NOT Den) performing in my first ever burlesque show on Saturday night with a group of girls and can't wait!
The only problem being is I have to come up with my stage name by then (we have a group name, but have to come up with individual names)
Think 'porn star' name, but a tad more old fashioned (dare I say classy?!....lol....) perhaps double barrled etc if you catch my drift....
I think the lead in moulin ruge was Satine something or other....
If you don't have a scooby what burlesque is, think corsets, moulin rouge, big frilly pants, can-can, strip tease and nipple tassles!
If you've still not a scooby, then google it!
Anyway hope someone might be able to help..
Answers on a postcard please...............
Sex God
Quote by Dollyminx
Yum Marmite! (well someone had to balance it out!)
My snack de jour is strawberry jam and cheese sarnies. :lickface:
yuk to marmite!
Den has some mingy snack which involves a ritz cracker, some kind of squeezy cheese from a tube and a pickled onion on the top..................
I think I tried it once when i was ever so slightly tipsy........
All this is making me hungry - more crunch nut cornflakes for me then!
Sex God
Update all- success with the crunchy nut cornflakes this morning (well, this afternoon again) But I've just realised that along with the bin bag, I have taken a black bag full of clothes meant for the attick down to the bin....the communal bin....
Do I go a-raking?Do I really want my clothes back now they've been in the bin?
I'm away to mull it over......................
Do I go a-raking?Do I really want my clothes back now they've been in the bin?
I'm away to mull it over......................
Sex God
Quote by Kiss_Me
That only a holiday request Kiss_Me?
I grew up in Poole though I left at 18 and it has changed a lot! Nice harbour though and there used to be some good pubs along the Quay often frequented by bikers on the weekends.
Wareham is on a river and there's a good pub on a bridge, but again it might have gone now!! But it's a very nice county to travel around and Corfe is a nice villagey type of place with cream teas yum!
I'll have a think about any other places to go!
Yes it's only a holiday request!
My gf and I have been down to Dorset several times, usually staying in Corfe. It's beautiful and we love it, we tend to go somewhere abroad in October time when there aren't as mnay people about. I did all the driving last time, and you know what some of the roads are like! :scared:
Quote by Sassy-Seren
Hope you have fun hunni and if you fancy a quick trip over the Bridge on your way back, let me know
Thanks sweety, I keep trying to convince my gf that we should take a holiday in Wales actually as I love it! My gf however,is obsessed with Scotland- if only she knew how beautiful Wales is! :doh:
Funny, I was just about to suggest a trip up North instead.....
:twisted:
Sex God
Quote by poshkate
Well we had a power cut Saturday night.
dont start me on powercuts..........last time i had one it turned out with me locked out of my flat with shampoo still in my hair........(long story)
Ok, so last time I got locked out was when my key had somehow managed to snap in half.
Knowing Den wouldn't be back for a few hours, I decided to crack on and attempt a 'James Bond' with a coat hanger hook to get me in (found it in my car - my car has EVERYTHING in it!)
My plan was to stick it through the letter box and hook the yale lock....
Anyway, realising after a long attempt that i wasn't going to reach the lock, i decided the letter box needed to come off!
So out to my car, no screwdriver to be found, I found a knife and used that to take the letter box off!
Success! As I slid my arm in I realised I could get just a fingernails length from the lock and didn't need the coathanger....
Just a little bit further and a bit more jiggling, I was up to my armpit through the letter box and standing in a very contorted position.
One final finger flick and the door flew open -me still attatched!
The jerk made me slip, and then I got that sinking feeling as I realised my arm was stuck................
I wasn't panicking yet, but was wiggling away trying to free myself and getting a thousand splinters in the process....
It was at that point that I saw the lift on its way to my floor......
PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was on my last wiggles as my new neighbours who are chinese and don't speak a word of English, came out of the lift to see me bright red, scraping my arm out the letter box covered in blood.
At this point, the cats we were babysitting had decided to run out the front door and down the stairwell.
So what do I do? Go running after them...........
Slamming front door behind me......................................................................................
:doh:
Sex God
Quote by sheddy
Something that quite frankly (knowing her well) doesn't suprise me
Now tell them about the great fire of Manchester the other night hun
and in about 60 mins time i'll give them the true version as i'm sure you'll blame it all on me
oh oh!
line, thin, sheddy, treading......
Sex God
Quote by poshkate
don't worry about it maz..........i have blonde moments all the time........sheddy calls them my blondisms...........apart from asking stupid questions all the time (some of u know the sort of things i ask but i'm not going to admit them on here
normally i manage to keep my blondness undercontrol at work .....but today i decided to go for a walk round site (yes worryingly i get let loose unsupervised on building sites) so i get my safety gear on and go for a wonder round to see how everything getting on.....everythings going fine......so i decide to pop into the site office for a brew......now for some unknown reason some clever person decided to carpet.........yes carpet the site office so i have to take my boots off to go in.......so i have a brew and a bit of banter with the lads....then decide its about time i pottered off and did some work......put boots back on and tootle back up site to my office........as i'm walking along i notice a few of the lads giving me slightly odd looks, but think nothing of it and carry on.........it was only when i got back to my office that i looked down to see that i'd put one of my boots on (size 5) and one of my site managers (size 12) no wonder i was getting odd looks.....its looked as if one of my feet was twice as big as the other......
and to make it worse i then had to walk all the way back to retrieve my boots by which point lads had realised what i'd done and were all rolling round the office laughing at me!
Are we twins?
And I though sheddy was bad.... how do the pair of you manage?!
Sex God
Quote by Sassy-Seren
I lost 2 stone last year and felt a lot better for it plus the new clothes made me feel a lot sexier. I did succumb to the chocs when me and hubby split last year so some of it's gone back on again. I'm happy with my size and weight as it is, just need to tone a few bits and pieces.
Any exercise suggestions?
I can give some extra fitness tuition, one on one.....
you have a pm :twisted:
Sex God
Quote by Mal
And is the avatar who i think it is, or is Mal winding us up?? hope its the former not the latter!
Oi!! Bloody cheek!! :hunk:
Mal
Cheek?!?!?
Yes please!!! which one do i get to kiss????????left cheek or right cheek??????????
Never one to skimp on my generosity, you can kiss both! :moon:
* puckers up and prepares herself*......
:inlove: :moon:
Mal
Sex God
Quote by Kiss_Me
I'm currently a size 16 and have so far lost 7 lbs
I know other people look at me and say i look great or there's nothing wrong with my weight, but like Kiss_me says .. I'm just not comfortable in my own skin, looking in a mirror expecting to see a size 8/10 and seeing something else is demoralising.
The only person I'm losing weght for is me
Cx
Good for you. I hope it goes well - do keep us updated!
Maybe we could have an online SH diet support thread where we could errrr support each other and encourage each other? I bet the guys would just love that! :twisted:
(No comments please Meaty! Consider this a pre-emptive
)Ohh Meaty I forgot to say that your 'superman' post/picture was very funny and I have stolen it!
So long as everyone posts pictures to 'show how they're getting on' I'd be more than happy to comment :twisted:
Espesh if they are of kiss me and Calista!!!!!
In fact, just send them via my pm box.......
before I get shot- well done so far Calista! It's hard going!I know exactly what you mean, I prefer and feel comfier when I've not got so much of a beer belly! I tend to loose weight and put on weight very quickly with any slight change in my diet/exercise, so I suppose I'm quite lucky in that it doesn't take as much effort either way! The only prob being when I lose weight, it goes straight from my boobs! typical!
At the moment, I've put on 3/4 of a stone since i injured my knee about 2 months ago, cos haven't been able to run, swim etc- v frustrating and not a long time to put on that amount of weight!!!! And I was having issues with my grad ball dress not fitting any more......
Who ate all the pies?!?!?!?!?!?!
Sex God
Quote by mdr2000
Maz..... Its not something to do with you being Blond, its all to do with your mind being in other places!
Stop resisting ff's and call
See you soon xxx
Mike and Julie xx
I can't help having all these gorgeous people to distract m!
me, julie and kiss_me..... now there's a thought!!!!................ :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
ps - YOU were supposed to call ME! ;)
Sex God
Quote by Kiss_Me
A bit?! lol that is the understatement of the century!
I tend to find that there's no point in making plans as you can be sure i will have mucked something up with my stupidity on the way....which den just loves to point out
I keep wondering how I got a degree!
And kiss_me, boring?! I don't think! oh wait, I think I might have landed myself in it again, I don;t think you were calling yourself boring, and now I have....ooo my eyes went crossed there!I'm going for a cold shower!!
(well, I'm really in need of a cold showere cos i'm thinking of kiss me, but hey, thats my little secret!)
:giggle:
Yes I was calling myself boring Maz so don't worry, I find comfort in routine. Anyway your secret is out and now you have my mind working overtime too!
yeh, welll after looking at your pics for the hundredth time.......I was getting a bit carried away with myself! :inlove:
And sheddy, cows?why?..... my thoughts exactly , but they are pretty funky and are all over edinburgh - it's some 'art' thing.(personally, i just think they're there to climb on and fall off of!)
Sex God
Quote by sheddy
At the moment there is a cow parade in edinburgh,
:shock:
Now there's something you don't see every day
Must be a scottish thing I guess
Is there a national shortage of sheep, I bet them sods in Wales have em all
I think you might be right....I'm sure there was a post on welsh and sheep in LMU.....
anyway, here's the cows:
Sex God
Quote by sheddy
Well, not for me!
After smashing one bowl, I manage to put cornflakes in the next bowl
.
I then spend half an hour hunting in the fridge for the pint of milk I'm sure we bought, only to find it sitting out on the counter as I'd already taken it out the fridge....
I then procede to put the milk back in the cupboard and the cornflakes in the fridge.
It's not until i realise that the cornflakes don't fit that I swap them around and walk through to the living room with my bowl.
Ahhh I know this well, It is something I have recently started suffering from and I have named
Frank Spencer syndrome
let me explain.............................I'm a well-educated and pretty coordinated type of person however of late since I've been with the posh one I've turned in to a complete bumbling fool particularly around said posh one. Simple every day tasks are now beyond me. I trip over the coffee table every time I walk past it, I now have my own special ash tray at PKHQ as I am incapable of getting cigarette ash into the every day one (the one I have been supplied with resembles a breakfast bowl). Upon arrival the other week I was given a small bowl of cherries to eat 20 minutes later my shirt was in the washer having managed to make a fook up of eating them covering myself and the TV remote in cherry juice.
I sit down to eat dinner and get a loving pat on the knee if I manage to eat it all with minimum mess, I go to the shops and get lost I now refuse to leave unless I have specific directions to my destination, If I pour a drink I not only manage to spill it on the work tops but strangely the floor some 5 foot away
These are only the things she knows about there are others such as................ putting the coffee jar in the fridge when I make the morning drinks or pouring orange juice into the tea instead of milk.
I would like to state for the record that this is out of character and that I have run several successful businesses in to the ground
Thought I woulnd't spot that with my blondeness, eh, sheddster?!
I also have a problem with tripping over invisible objects and huges piles of....air.....
At the moment there is a cow parade in edinburgh, and i thought the sensible thing to do would be to get my picture taken in my grad robes on said cow......
So I vaulted myself up there (not so difficult being a gymnast i thought, but a bit more difficult given: the amount of champagne X tighness of skirt + heaviness of robes squared = severe pants flashing.....
Anyway also being a gymnast i decided splits on the cow was the sensible thing to do for the picture......
Well, the picture ended up with more pants flashing, except with me sprawled on the floor at cows feet, and a very bruised coccyx now!
Den said i bounced when I hit the ground........
I have also had a cherry incident much like yours... I would like to hear more....
