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melons
1 week ago
Bisexual Female, 53
0 miles · Merseyside
Forum
Orgasminator
Quote by xxdevil69
My bloody mother's gone 'flouncing' off to the states for a month on holiday.. she's so inconsiderate!!! She didn't offer to take me or my daughter (just taking my daughter would've done)
But the truth is I'm missing her already :cry: And my 'other' mum is all the way down in Milton Keynes and is always busy working.
So... I need a new stand in super-duper mum for the next month..
Anyone gonna adopt me?
You can have my mum for a month if you want - he is house trained and she can cook, clean and entertain.
Shall I send her by first class post!
I don't have anywhere to put her :shock: Can she afford to stop in the hotel round the corner.. then she can provide her services on request?
Ive got a caravan, she can park it outside your house and sleep in that.
Job done . Brill....
Orgasminator
Quote by xxdevil69
My bloody mother's gone 'flouncing' off to the states for a month on holiday.. she's so inconsiderate!!! She didn't offer to take me or my daughter (just taking my daughter would've done)
But the truth is I'm missing her already :cry: And my 'other' mum is all the way down in Milton Keynes and is always busy working.
So... I need a new stand in super-duper mum for the next month..
Anyone gonna adopt me?
You can have my mum for a month if you want - he is house trained and she can cook, clean and entertain.
Shall I send her by first class post!
Orgasminator
Quote by Dan Solo
Classic, pure genius, classic !! :giggle:
Nice one melons
I must admit that I have been visited by the after party monkey on the odd occasion !!
You know the one who breaks into your house,
leaves the front door open,
puts bread in the toaster but does not cook it,
leaves the TV, HI Fi and DVD on ( usually full volume for all of them ),
leaves all the lights on in the house,
throws all of your clothes around your bedroom,
steals all your money and finally
does something nasty in your mouth !!! :rude:
Mmmmm on far too many occasions than I would care to mention !! I am afraid to say
Ho hum Dan x x
Ah he is at my house most Sunday mornings !!!
Orgasminator
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night
drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.' The Vodka
Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by
Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of
These magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a Pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of
the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second
questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
To be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries), such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top of your
head.
An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of
Time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's
and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific Consequences.
For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and
the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised
shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether
or not said person is a regular smoker or not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit.
Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on
one??!!
drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you
try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Vodka Scooter.' The Vodka
Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by
Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of
These magical devices. The Vodka Scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring
gland" begins to give off a Pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many
sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Vodka
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a
Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of
the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second
questions after a night out, 'How did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Vodka Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought
To be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking
Injuries), such as bruised legs, poorly toes and a sore spot on the top of your
head.
An undocumented feature of the Vodka Scooter is the destruction of
Time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates
that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What the hell happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing
Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order,
those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's
and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the
Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the
wrong bedroom, often with horrific Consequences.
For the young ladies, Vodka Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from
other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots
are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the
stairs, you are sure to wake up your downstairs neighbours. Special
anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and
the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised
shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some Scooters is the TAS
(Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get
through 260 stolen Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether
or not said person is a regular smoker or not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get
home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit.
Vodka scooters, wonders of modern technology...have you ever had a ride on
one??!!
Orgasminator
Favourite Film Stars....
I love Christian Slater - Heathers is one of my most favourite films
Love George Clooney too - Oceans Eleven - sexy.
Love Harrison Ford - anything that he is in
Pierce Brosnan - James Bond - I am a James Bond Freak.
John Travolta - Saturday Night Fever......favourite film of all time
I love Christian Slater - Heathers is one of my most favourite films
Love George Clooney too - Oceans Eleven - sexy.
Love Harrison Ford - anything that he is in
Pierce Brosnan - James Bond - I am a James Bond Freak.
John Travolta - Saturday Night Fever......favourite film of all time
Orgasminator
I loved Take That - Gary Barlow was my fav. When Robbie left then they broke up I was gutted and didnt like Robbie.
Didnt like Robbie at all until he brought out Angels - that song gives me goosepimples - absolutely love it and I am now one of Robbies biggest fans....the power of a song.
Didnt like Robbie at all until he brought out Angels - that song gives me goosepimples - absolutely love it and I am now one of Robbies biggest fans....the power of a song.
Orgasminator
Quote by Calistathank you xxxx
could do that 2 morro though
No no no ... it's urgent that you read it now ;)
trust me ..... if the mods catch you with your clock wrong afte so mch effort was put into that thread ...
I'm leaving now in case!!!!!! :jagsatwork:I agree with Calista... you should do it now...
