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mincepie
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 47
Bisexual Female, 50
UK
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10
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7
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
neilinleeds, what a naughty, well-behaved dog-bunny you are lol To be fair, I believe "broken" was used to denote a possible technical issue rather than the efficiency/value of the rep system.
paddy, I should have possibly written "many" instead of "most" just to be moderate ;) But I am an avid SHrep browser and whenever I notice a neg comment I always check to read it, and often fail. My impression is more people choose to hide than not. If I am talking to the people and feel enough connection I will ask about it, and it is usually misunderstandings and petty stuff, which makes me wonder why they don't just display it and let readers make their own mind. For the record, a few months ago I had been left a negative in error and I did display that, with pride :lol: but it was edited out by mods without my prompting dunno
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by neilinleeds
Oi you, out of context how?

By leaving out the natural progression of the discussion - OP asked a question, they got an answer, they took the new information in and reconsidered their approach... You chose to disregard this learning process and pick two lines from two separate posts to make it appear that the OP were contradicting themselves - when in fact they were thinking aloud, and deciding to adjust their use of the facility.
Quote by M1ssVery
One thing though, do we really need a Site and a Vouch one?

I agree there's something amiss there - especially as the Site rep cannot include chat feedback. Chat being a SHrep blackhole is also one thing that puts me off the rep system somewhat.
I have a question of my own - vouches for people you haven't met? What do you all think about that?
Quote by whiplash
....his excuse ..he didnt understand club etiquette.
Trust me tho he saved the best till last...he left me in club 25 miles from home with no way of getting back!!!

Such a sad and shocking story! All the more so because it happened to someone with your experience. Also shocking that this was a follow-on meet, you'd expect that a person's reliability is a known quantity when you've met before is a known quantity, but it sounds like putting him in a totally unknown environment destabilised him and brought out the worst in him (I can't explain it any other way). My heart goes out to anybody who is meeting alone (including the men!), when things go wrong it can put you in a very vulnerable position. Unfortunately I doubt even leaving bad SHrep would give enough of warning, as most users with negative SHrep will choose not to display it. dunno
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Meeting room... it'd be all placename-directory-style, wouldn't it! lol
There is already "Looking to Play Tonight - Directing Allowed" but I have never seen anybody use it, even though there are often a few people actually looking to meet for the evening.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
A few months ago there was a thread about fancying who you play with, and the majority of people said there has to be attraction or chemistry, otherwise it is a no-go. My question is, how big a part do appearances play in who you fancy?
Are you mostly after "fit", good-looking people? Do you ever vet prospective playmates on appearance alone? Do you get the hots for people that don't look so good to you but have an irresistible attitude/personality? Would you go with someone that was physically attractive but with whom you couldn't hold a simple conversation? Does the appeal of someone's appearance go up or down as you get to know them? Can horniness/eagerness trump looks in the fancy stakes? Are there any physical traits that you find an instant turn-off? Instant turn-on? Any thoughts/anecdotes, all welcome.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by neilinleeds

:laughabove:
:giggle:
God, we must have a bloody juvenile sense of humour between us? rolleyes I'm sniggering like a 9 year old here. lol
Yep I found this mildy amusing but more so because of thinking of you guys getting fits of laughter out of it! How boring am I! I'm with the teacher :jagsatwork::sad:
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Marya_Northeast
since they don't have my address, I avoid the whole stalker issue as much as possible.
...
I could get and murdered walking through a car-park

Bang on again Marya and thank you Lost for making a point of why this "double standard" exists - it worries me that people will even be questioning it? Sure, for a single guy to be stalked is not pleasant at all and I do not mean to trivialise it, but statistically stalking happens less to men, and also statistically the people who coerce, assault, , maim and/or kill is men on women or other men, rarely women on men.
Quote by PamelaD
when the info is on FB or the internet then it is in the public domain anyway!!!!

Damn right - we call it stalking but this info is freely available so it is more akin to gossip. I do not say this lightly, I have been "cyber stalked" also (a man I used to chat with here told my playmate how he had seen pictures of me and my children on the net, which spooked my friend totally), a casual net search is not exactly a breech of one's privacy!
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Talltreescouple
Is it just me or do other people find single guys whispering you (unsolicited) in the chatroom and immediately going offline ?

This usually means they have moved on to the next room - if you care to reply they usually take it up. When people are browsing through the rooms they tend to not stick around for long unless there is a camera (or conversation topic - I wish!) that captivates them.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Trevaunance
I assume the extended break is over as we have seen the OP online several times in the last few days
pokebolt

Hey breaks can take many different shapes and forms! Taking a break from the forums but still replying to private messages... Taking a break from chat but continuing to browse ads and profiles... Personally I am on an SH vacation, while using this extremely low-impact account innocent If I had to go cold-turkey I would self-combust.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Marya_Northeast
I don't even know who those people are or what they did to get on there.

lol Better to say that for your ignore list rather than your friends list! innocent
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by bayboy1664
but hey maybe I am just inordinately unlucky and attract prudes. banghead
If the genders libido is equal why is there a massive, massive, massive excess of male sexual desire?

You kind of answered your question yourself there - social pressures, conditioning and suppression is so much worse for women than it is for men, when it comes to sexual matters! While I agree with you re. the hormones issue, we will never get the clear picture of where women's desire stands in relation to men's because it is so hard for women to get truly liberated, sexually. I will also agree with Robert400andKay, in that women's sexuality is of a different kind than men's, and perhaps again there is not sufficient space for women to express this. Also, having been both a prude and rampant for most of my life, I find it amusing to see you juxtapose the two qualities. But this is exactly what we're talking about - being stifled to the point where you cannot express your desire. This is no different to the housewife that puts the whole family's needs and wants before her own gratification. This is all pretty old school but IMO still anchored deep in our collective psyche.
Back to the OP - yes, I agree: apart from promoting their book there is not much new to report there. The stuff they are reporting (attachment to technology, social isolation, excessive/addictive porn usage) are simply symptoms, not the causes. The only cause I would pick out of all mentioned is the dire state of economy (and young people's unemployment in particular, which has been incapacitating for many years now). On a similar note, if I remember correctly, the spread of hikikomori in Japan was hitting the news in the late 90s dunno
Reading through the article I was strongly reminded of "Raising Boys", a very well-known parenting manual by Steve Biddulph (published some time in the late 90s also), which touches on many issues regarding western society's failure to engage adolescent boys and channel/challenge their energy constructively. The book talks, amongst other things, about the importance of adult male role models/mentoring (not necessarily fathers/in addition to fathers), introducing calculated risk/adventure, encouraging verbal communication, keeping the whole body responsive etc etc.
I have to say also... I was disappointed at the ending, where they said that "both mom and dad, educators, video game producers, and guys themselves" should work hard to reverse the trend - but failed to mention that the porn industry needs to be revolutionised also :razz::grin:
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Inanna
Whether or not it is actually possible given our social conditioning is another question though. Swinging pushes the boundaries of what we are taught is "right" for relationships, and that's just about sex... throw love into the mix and it could get very messy!!

Hmm... I am still perplexed as to why people here keep saying straight-up sex is simpler/easier than when emotions come into play. Any sexual OR romantic activity that goes outside of the prescribed "norm" will require enough re-adjusting on a personal level in order to be a positive experience. For me both polyamory and swinging are pushing the same boundaries/preconceptions but from a slightly different angle, and no one is messier than the other. For what it's worth, I find sex-only encounters hard-going and emotional involvement very simple to deal with - but then again I have some 20 years' experience in parellel/multiple relationships and just the one year trialing recreational sex dunno
NSA yes, casual no - that's my motto!
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Inanna
if you ignore whispers and stick to the main thread

You know, it's becoming more and more clear to me - whispers are my undoing! I can't IGNORE a whisper, for the life of me, including the ones from users that paste the same message over and over... possibly in the hope that one day they will write something interesting? Also, in the 11 months I have been on the chat day&night, I have put on block all of two people. I recently put my whispers on authorise, and all I have achieved by this is to at least accept them at my own pace so that my tabs scroll doesn't get broken (why DOES that happen, anyway! Fix it?).
A couple of nights ago I went in the pool again and had a definitely positive experience. I was using this account (without any gender qualifiers) rather than my single-fem one... and in the two or so hours that I stayed there, even though I was actively chatting, guess how many whispers I received! None! :shock: I managed to follow the main room discussion, have a chuckle and also get some great tips for the following day's play session (thank you, again) - all for lack of distractions/people desperately trying to attract my attention onto themselves. So I guess the way to crack it, for me, would be to lay low and keep chatting.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Inanna
Do you hold your pee so you don't miss any chat (or worse, take your laptop with you to the loo?)

Is it OK to admit that?! innocent:lol2:
My name is pebble and I am actively managing my chatroom addiction!
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Who is trilingual?! worship
I didn't mean to pick on your spelling - there's a whole separate thread for that! I was just mildly amused at the mistake because of the dildo/dado rail incident and also because it made an interesting lapsus (our "fews" being our multiple partners).
paddy that's a picture of a threesome! A polyamorous triad would more likely be seen casually lounging and sharing a bit of catnip. coffee
OK regrouping...
Quote by Shaz_n_Tony
Can someone truly love more than 1 person?

For my own self I will have to give an affirmative answer. Anybody that has been in a position where they had to choose between two lovers, had to nip in the bud an enjoyable flirt/getting-to-know-you with someone other than their partner because they feared things would progress, or even been with someone but still had strong, active feelings about a previous relationship is capable of loving more than one. Think of how many many people harbour emotions for previous lovers and relationships - to me that is an indication of polyamorous potential.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Shaz_n_Tony
Whats your few's on this?

Views! lol I would apply for the position of your official proof-reader, but sometimes words are so off I can't even make enough sense of what you wrote to correct it, heh!
...Or did you really want to know abour our fews!
Quote by M1ssVery
I would like them to get intouch and tell me how to find just one :dry:

Quote by M1ssVery
I am looking for a prince who's better hung then the horse he's on and also well-endowed between the ears

Granted M1ss, finding a primary is harder than adding new (secondary, tertiary etc) partners to an existing configuration. However - if you are/practise poly there is less pressure to find THE ONE! ie. somebody that crosses everything off your list. You can have a prince, and one that is better hung than a horse, and yet another one that is gifted in the head department... you get the idea. It is one of the tenets of polyamory that a single person probably won't be able and should never be expected to satisfy our every need.
Tony, what is true love?
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by skinny
spent the whole fekin weekend googlin' "elsewhere"

lol Perhaps it would be helpful for posts that have been modified to comply with rules to be marked as such - self-edited posts are automatically marked so I am not sure why this is any different (unless a mod edit falls in the realms of divine intervention, hehe).
bayboy1664 - here's a clue.
As for the OP... 6 brand new meets in 4 weeks :shock: Wish I had your energy! I am not on any other site, SH has been more than plenty for me, though the general conscensus is that "elsewhere" is better for arranging meets, here is better for socialising. As already mentioned - depends on your needs and play style. I have heard from others before that "elsewhere" can be relentless in its non-stop clinching-the-deal intensity. For me personally this site is enough of a meat market, so I won't be giving the other place a try. I will also agree with Marya in that most new members don't stick around for long, because the free account deal is so poor.
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
Quote by Marya_Northeast
I don't want my real identity associated with this site.
...
don't they have the web address stamped on them anyway?

Absolutely. I know I am reckless with my image exposure on here - god knows how many hard drives my face and other pictures are gracing as we speak, complete with username watermarked on them and SH web address. Some people need to be more private than others (whether because of work, family etc etc), some others are simply paranoid, then there is the majority of users that joined to have a curious look so they are keeping a low profile/go incognito. I must admit, I don't care if a profile has pictures so much but I hate being told to pass on an email address so that some hopeful can send me pictures (it's not ok for them to compromise their privacy but they expect me to do just that at their prompting?).
Quote by Marya_Northeast
also ... just thought ... when I have had pics on here, people bug you to death asking to see them.

Indeed!
Quote by MartnJewl
all people without face pics on their profiles are ugly. :twisted:

Yep! The times when I had no picture on... judging from most people's reaction when they finally see me, they must have thought I had been trying to hide some serious deformity or something rolleyes
DT73 :welcome:
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mincepie
Warming the Bed
"Room title contains disallowed words"
I am getting this error message whenever I try to add "no whispers" or "no whispering" on the room title! Means I can never have a room that states a preference for chat staying in the main room. I have seen the "no whispers" request on other people's titles so obviously it is not a problem for everybody?
Curiously enough, another example of a disallowed word is "tessellation" lol
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