"Can I just add that I am not particualrly looking for swinging. a relationship with someone in the same predicament would be the ideal, someone who I actually like and respect ..."
OK this is what I posted, however it seems to be taken as me advertising and touting my wares, I can assure you all it was not, I have not placed any adds on this site nor contacted anyone in order to pursue this, it was more of a case of typing out loud. I will repeat, faithfully married for 19 years, had chances to stry but havent done so.
A relationship with another woman in the same predicament, in my confused state seems the logical option...however wrong it is or may appear to be. I cannot believe some of the judgemental attitudes on here and also the propensity to put the boot in when the smell of blood is in the air. I have asked twice without answer (ironically) and will ask again, can any of you honestly deny you have had sex with someone who was cheating?
Asshole I perhaps maybe but I deeply resent the liar accusation
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pleasureseeker
Over 90 days ago
Male
Forum
No, in 19 years I can honestly say I have not (I would post the roll eyes emoticon but it really doesnt do justice to the level of sarcasm I feel towards this post)! how come everyone knows that which I havent done???? perhaps its just the easy and lazy way of not admiting you dont actually have the answer? I dont expect the miracle cure but give me some credit for knowing a bit more about my marrieage than you do
Quote by Wishmaster
"You ARE out there erm... playing"....I think you will find I am not
"You are on a swingers website without your wife's knowledge trying to find someone in the same predicament as you" wrong, I came here to ask advice, cant you read?
"m8" Im not your mate.
"Cheating = play by deception
Swinging = play by permission" Got anymore 'just add water' cliche's?
Your original post stated you were looking for advice.. then you posted this later in the thread (on page 2 to be precise)
Quote by pleasureseeker
Can I just add that I am not particualrly looking for swinging. a relationship with someone in the same predicament would be the ideal
Then further:
Quote by pleasureseeker
someone who I actually like and respect
Do you not like nor respect your wife? If not then leave her, and come on here a single guy and be accepted as genuine.
And then this:
Quote by pleasureseeker
and have a tangible relationship with outside of actual sex.
If actual sex is secondary to a tangible relationship then you already have that with your wife of 19 years ........ 19 years sounds very tangible to me.
I know people break up for all sorts of reasons but don't come on here trying to gloss over the cracks in your life with some sob story about your wife not liking sex anymore. Maybe it's you she don't like having sex with - who knows, but like someone else said in this thread - you almost had us with your first post then you backtracked with this lot.
Bottom line is: if you haven't got the balls to leave her and start afresh then at least be honest with us and her about it.
I have been honest, you, and others can interpret things to suit your own amateur psycohlogy backgrounds. I have had opportunites to 'play' and have refused them. have the balls to walk out on wfe, kids 19 years of marriage? no I havent, but then I posted that much and funnily you didnt c&p that! maybe my wife doest want sex with me? I can actually live with that if she wants it with someone else, ok, off you go!
Do any of you swingers have sex with anyone who hasnt cheated??...honestly now?
"You ARE out there erm... playing"....I think you will find I am not
"You are on a swingers website without your wife's knowledge trying to find someone in the same predicament as you" wrong, I came here to ask advice, cant you read?
"m8" Im not your mate.
"Cheating = play by deception
Swinging = play by permission" Got anymore 'just add water' cliche's?
"You are on a swingers website without your wife's knowledge trying to find someone in the same predicament as you" wrong, I came here to ask advice, cant you read?
"m8" Im not your mate.
"Cheating = play by deception
Swinging = play by permission" Got anymore 'just add water' cliche's?
Quote by naughtynymphos1
My personal advice after reading thro all the posts are, just follow your heart, if you really could meet an new woman and have a relationship with her then go back to your wife and act like nothing has happened, go for it, at the end of the day its your life and you will do what you like anyway, i mean your not honestly going to take the advice of a bunch of strangers are you?
Tho my personal opinion after reading your posts are, i feel you are after more than just sex, if you was happy with your wife in all other areas than sex you would want to meet for a shag then go home, the fact you have put you do not want one night stands but are looking for one special woman you could have a relationship with says to me you are looking for someone new, and i feel that if you found such a lady you could respect and have a relationship with as well as a great sex life you would probabily leave your wife for her anyway. so what i don't understand is why you don't just tell her how you feel and go now by any more hurt is caused.
Naughty that is the most sensible and helpful thing posted in response. you putforward two scenarios and im not sure I could carry either off. "... and i feel that if you found such a lady you could respect and have a relationship with as well as a great sex life you would probabily leave your wife for her anyway". this scares me because I could be on the verge of betraying my wife and I find the idea incredibly difficult to come to terms with. as for telling her and letting go? as it is, I hurt, no one else does, if I tell her, everyone hurts., Im not sure I could put them all through it or that what I want is that important anyway. Thank you, it has at least clarified one or two things in my head.
Quote by HornyLittleBlonde
Obviously we don't know you or your wife and I only have 3 pages of posts to offer an opinion on here, but my advice would be to talk to your wife.
I know you say you've tried everything but looking at comments you've made I think there may be a lack of communication between you both. I'm not saying you don't talk to each other - but there maybe an unwillingness to discuss certain feelings.
You said that your wife doesn't find anyone else attractive (even celebrities) - Personally I find this very hard to believe unless as was previously stated that there is a medical issue (maybe one she is unaware of).
Also depending on her age and upbringing she may find dicussing sexual issues embarrassing and therefore just be burying her head in the sand.
I'm not sure what the answer is but I hope it would give you something to think about.
Im deadly serious about her not finding anyone else attractive (she could be lying and hiding something but im pretty open with her so she has no need to be). Medical issues ruled out. the discussing sexual issues is the pertinant point, she had a pretty strict background and really clams up even when a mild sex scene comes on the telly to the point she switches it off. how to get round this? who knows?
Quote by freckledbird
I find it odd that a psuedo religious argument is put forward as a case against me when those who do so are engaging in behaviour for which Sodom and Gamorrah were destroyed?
Isn't this a religious argument then? If it's a relationship other than swinging that you seek, then maybe you're in the wrong place, as others have suggested. The behaviours I engage in are with my hubby's consent. There are people on here who cheat, but I can honestly say that I have never swung with them knowing that they were a cheat. Unless anyone wants to confess?]
Freckle, this is 'the cafe' general discussion and chit chat, I mistakenly thought I could get some advice and opinions from thosse who had gone through or are going through something similar, I didnt realise you had to be a veteran swinger to post here.
Quote by Wishmaster
Pseudo religious argument or not, you married the woman!
You joined here today looking for absolution from us so that you can cheat on your wife with a clear conscience. If we had said 'Sure m8, come on in and let's play!' you'd have jumped straight in with both feet first and not given a toss for your wife, her feelings or your marraige (I dont believe you give a toss about any those things anyway).
The fact that you are now all defensive speaks volumes of you as a person - you are shallow and insincere. You led us to believe in your opening post that you were looking for advice - later you admit that a relationship with someone 'in the a same predicament as you' is what you're really looking for and that tells me one thing and one thing only:
You are a player.
absolute rot! read my first post, who is asking for absolution? can that be given in here? you have a very high opinion of yourself. "come on mate lets play"?? I dont think so. you dont believe I "give a toss" re feelings? yeah right, if I didnt give a toss I would be out there...erm...playing!
Quote by steanrachy
I find it odd that a psuedo religious argument is put forward as a case against me when those who do so are engaging in behaviour for which Sodom and Gamorrah were destroyed?
me thinks your on the wrong website if you are condeming those that you seek to covet
stean read the posts agan, im not doing the condemning!
Can I just add that I am not particualrly looking for swinging. a relationship with someone in the same predicament would be the ideal, someone who I actually like and respect (not that im saying you all dont like and respect each other) and have a tangible relationship with outside of actual sex.
Quote by Wishmaster
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
In for a penny - in for a pound.......
19 years ago you stood next to your fiance and declared:
With thy body I thee honour
Forsaking all others until death us do part
...... now unless the marriage vows have changed significantly with the adendum "until you piss me off by not coming across with the goodies" - I believe the words you said to her 19 years ago still stand because they are obviously still stand for her, hence her unwillingness and reluctance to get involved in swinging.
Swingers are people who freely have sex with others WITH THEIR PARTNER'S CONSENT AND/OR BLESSING - if your partner decides that she does not want to 'swing' but is happy for you to do so then at least you will have given her the choice.
She can:
a) dissolve the marriage
b) swing with you (you could be wrong about her if you haven't asked her)
c) seek help WITH YOU to save your marraige
I spoke to a young couple recently on here who joined to swing. They then had second thoughts about it so my advice was not to do anything until they were both sure that swinging is what they BOTH wanted - they risked their relationship by going ahead when only one was keen on it - my advice to you is consult your wife or else risk the same end result.
WOW....I never thought of that
has everyones else life stayed exactly the same over the last 19 years or is it just mine that has evoved??? and for the self righteous among you who swing, can you honestly say you have never had sex with someone who was cheating??? stean, yes, tried all sorts and yes im well aware she may not even find me attractive anymore, (she says she still does) she has no interest in sex outside the normal, duty bound rituals. it is stale a but she says she is happy with the infrequency and amount. she says she doesnt find anyone else attractive, not even celebs on tv or in movies which I find very odd. but there you go.
Not what I wanted to hear????? read my first post again...line near the end is a clue!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
for the record, I love my wife, I have no intention of leaving unless chucked out, should give abetter idea of my situation, divorce my wife because she wont perform??? now that really is callous!
your opinions shed no light on my situation.
for the record, I love my wife, I have no intention of leaving unless chucked out, should give abetter idea of my situation, divorce my wife because she wont perform??? now that really is callous!
freckle, you freely used the term "cheat" which having sex outside of marriage without the knowledge and/or consent of the spouse is, however do you really think using such a loaded term about everyone who has sex outide marriage is pertinent? I feel cheated within my marriage and im sure im not alone in that. it is worth considering that people "cheat" because they are either selfish barstewards or at at the end of their tether with an unresponsive partner. you sound a very bitter person...perhaps this explians your viewpoint
I did say "have a dig because despite this being a very open forum, there are still those who sit in judgement, whats the weather like up there on your moral highground frecklebird? why should I visit a prostitute? is that ok ?warped sense of right and wrong you have developed there! as for cheating, I havent ...yet whch is why I decided to ask here. Still thanks for the replies.
Hello all, Im very new on here and have been having a look around the site. I am married with kids and ...well I like what I see! however I have a wife who most certainly wouldnt like what Im seeing. Ive been faithfully married for 19 years but getting pretty peed off by my wifes decreasing interest in sex (queue up those with the "have you tried....etc" ...yes I have and some maybe my fault but I am not taking the blame, I am prepared to try different thingswithin our marriage but my wife most certainly is not) hence the dear deadrie post. Is there abyone else who has been or is in a similar situation? if so do you, or anyone have any advice before I wank myself stupid? this post will look like I havent got a clue what I want...well havent but quite open minded. have a dig if you feel like it but this is how it is.
