complaints to British council housing depts about council houses:
1) My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2) He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3) It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
4) I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5) I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6) And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7) I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8) My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9) I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10) Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11) I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12) 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
13) I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14) The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
15) Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour not fit to drink.
16) I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6 am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
17) The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
18) Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
19) I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
20) Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
It may have changed since I last went, but based on my experience it was pretty cool. I used to go to Rock Inferno on a Tuesday night. Cheap Brains on draught, reasonable music, and relaxed company.
There's a fair few students in there but it's not normally packed with them, or at least it wasn't when I used to go.
I'm English and up the other end of the country, but I did spend three years as a dodgy student in Cardiff.
I've still got my Clwb Ifor Bach associate membership card somewhere.
Been to plenty of good gigs and a few not so good ones, here's the highlights that I can remember:
Ned's Atomic Dustbin + Miles Hunt (frontman from The Wonderstuff) + various others in Dudley Castle in 2000. A gig in a ruined castle on top of a hill, surrounded by a zoo and fairground. How cool is that?
Ned's Atomic Dustbin reunion gig @ JB's in Dudley 2000
Wonderstuff reunion gigs @ JB's and in London (can't remember where, Hammersmith I think). 2000
Foo Fighters first UK gig in the small tent @ Reading Festival 1995 (also saw Green Day, Hole, Smashing Pumpkins, White Zombie, and Neil Young with most of Pearl Jam)
Off The Tracks Festival Sept 2003 - particularly Le Cod Afrique, the Ozric Tentacles (for the second time), and a bunch of insane Border Morris dancers.
Carter USM @ Aston Villa Leisure Centre 1993
I tend to avoid taking revenge most of the time, life's too short to waste time on people I dislike. Having said that, if somebody does manage to really annoy me, I do subscribe to the philosophy of "don't get mad, get even".
The best one I've done was to take the mobile number of an idiot who called me threatening to come 'round and kill me, go to a heavily used and fairly anonymous Internet cafe, and sign them up for every piece of SMS spam I could find in an hour. I think he got daily bible tracts from at least three sects of evangelical christians, not to mention daily reminders to take his contraceptive pill at 6am every morning. (Had he decided to follow up on his threats things could have been interesting, as I have a bokken in the house and very little resistance to the idea of impaling an intruder with it).
I've not got pampas grass in the tiny front garden, and hadn't heard of it before as a sign that swingers lived in a property.
I'd guess the rumour probably started because it grows like crazy and gets to about 12-15 feet high. It's also damn near impenetrable. I've had to dig one out of my Mum's back garden years ago, took me about four hours and I broke a pickaxe in the process.
I think it's all a load of bollocks, if that's not confusing matters even further.
Hands, feet, fingers, etc are the size they are due to the bones in them, humans do not have a penis bone (some whales and dolphins do), and therefore the size of our wangs is dependent on a number of other factors - amount of tissue, blood pressure, stretchiness of tissue, etc.
If the one about hand length were true, I'd have a 9" knob, similarly with hand span I'd have an 8" knob. The thumb to index finger is closest, but still nearly 8". I have size 13 feet and a 7", very thick knob (might as well mention that bit if I'm admitting to not being vvvvvvwe).
Thinking out loud, another interesting topic might be the range between flaccid and erect, as that's probably subject to the widest amount of variation between blokes.
I seem to have got lucky with both my nipple piercings, had one for eight years, done by a ginger dreadlocked, heavily tattooed, piercings on his piercings biker in a tiny shop in Cardiff (great shop on a little back street in Splott, great guy, can't remember his name for the life of me). That one was done with no freeze spray and has had a 25mm diameter ring through it since 1997.
The other was done a year later and had some freeze spray, but also healed up fine. That was done by an old school mate who runs (or ran, not seen him for years) a piercing studio in the Oasis market in Brum, also highly recommended.
Having had one done with spray and one without, I'd have to say that it's not that painful without the spray, much less than you'd expect. It was no more painful than having my ear pierced with a stud gun (though I wouldn't do that again, a needle causes much less trauma).
Speaking practically for a moment, I'd suggest treating the frostbite with plenty of E45 cream or similar, and possibly using a light dressing to stop clothes chafing on it. Disclaimer: many years ago I was a pharmacy tech, not otherwise medically qualified.
