Orgasminator
I would have been four, so I was probably at playgroup or sat around in the living room with a big bucket of sticklebricks and big lego.
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silent_bob
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male, 49
United Kingdom
Forum
Orgasminator
I can't believe that this thread has got to six pages without a single mention of Sophie Aldred - incredibly cute all the time, but I definitely preferred her as Ace in Dr. Who.
Orgasminator
Quote by niceguysdoexist
Personally i think he should have been taken out side by some of the bigger guys and taught the error of his ways!
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Quote by fuzzy2177
If i might make one final comment., if someone would point out the person in question to me, the phrase balls, rusty knife and a bath of TCP springs to mind. icon_
Whilst I understand the sentiments of these guys this is the other reason I would resist naming and shaming
A very good point, whilst we all have the right to defend ourselves or others, that right definitely does not extend to taking physical revenge after the fact, and naming and shaming could potentially be considered incitement to violence or worse, depending on how it were phrased.
Could I also make a plea for people to consider their language a little more - I'm not sure comments about castration (whether or not combined with torture) are necessary or appropriate in this context, though some, possibly many of us may have thoughts along those lines.
Orgasminator
After posting above I've realised that I completely forgot to add that I'm very sorry that this happened to you Kaz, and equally pleased that the appropriate action has been taken as far as possible to ensure I won't have to put up with the company of somebody like that.
I would like to add though, in the spirit of encouraging newbies that things like this happen at perfectly vanilla social events - I've had to 'rescue' friends on a number of occasions in the past (one of the times when being a really big bloke comes in very useful - most people, even when very pissed, realise that taking a swing at me is likely to be a bad idea), and if I spot somebody making unwelcome advances to anybody then you can rely on me to poke my nose in and, if necessary growl appropriately.
I would like to add though, in the spirit of encouraging newbies that things like this happen at perfectly vanilla social events - I've had to 'rescue' friends on a number of occasions in the past (one of the times when being a really big bloke comes in very useful - most people, even when very pissed, realise that taking a swing at me is likely to be a bad idea), and if I spot somebody making unwelcome advances to anybody then you can rely on me to poke my nose in and, if necessary growl appropriately.
Orgasminator
Quote by Dawn_Mids
NN we only help with that is posted on the forum, we do not control what Kaz puts in her pms
Very well put Dawn.
NN the simple argument for not naming and shaming people is that if it's done on a public Internet forum then the laws relating to libel and defamation apply - even if what you say is true, if the person you name wants to, they can make you try to prove it in a court of law, which is a right pain in the arse whatever the outcome.
Orgasminator
Quote by 34fun
where people ask for drug/disease free people !! whats that about:
your not going to turn up expecting a shag, smoking a crack pipe with your knob dripping puss :cry:
the beauty of this site is that no 2 people are the same, i just cannot understand anyone narrowing down their options, surely we are all after the same thing ?? fun and friendship.....
That one always gets me too, after all what's the definition of 'drug free'?
Do coffee, chocolate, and alcohol count? Tobacco?
What about paracetamol?
Are they Straight Edge zealots (though if they are they're probably not going to be swingers) who won't associate with anyone who's so much as looked at a joint, or do they just not want you to turn up tripping your tits off?
Orgasminator
I like Kitkat's suggestion about the convergence of communications and computing, but for me the 'net is far, far more useful on a daily basis than my mobile phone.
Orgasminator
I could get within about an inch of being able to when I was about 15 (if only I'd had a longer tongue 
).
According to Mrs. DP one of her mates used to be able to perform autofellatio, though he did have the anatomical advantage of a 12" penis.* Apparently even that's not enough these days, as he's put on a fair bit of weight and consequently isn't anything like as flexible any more.
* Before the size queens start drooling, I'd probably better point out that he's very, very gay - Mrs. DP only got a look at it because his boyfriend decided to steal his towel for a laugh.
).According to Mrs. DP one of her mates used to be able to perform autofellatio, though he did have the anatomical advantage of a 12" penis.* Apparently even that's not enough these days, as he's put on a fair bit of weight and consequently isn't anything like as flexible any more.
* Before the size queens start drooling, I'd probably better point out that he's very, very gay - Mrs. DP only got a look at it because his boyfriend decided to steal his towel for a laugh.
Orgasminator
I had a big molar out back at the beginning of the year that'd needed attention for at least 18 months or so - it was being pushed upwards and forwards by my Wisdom tooth.
The local anaesthetic worked fine, and they used plenty, so it didn't actually hurt that much. The only problem was that the roots of all of my teeth are weird - they've all grown together and turned into a big hook-like protruberance that's remarkably difficult to extract. It took a big, strong, dentist in his mid-twenties about 15 minutes of twisting, tugging, and pulling before he got it out, and he had to stop for a rest half way through :shock: . To be honest, I was glad when it was out as I'd been in agony for ages beforehand. It's not an experience I'd want to repeat if possible.
Having said that, I'd rather have root canal surgery without any anaesthetic than do my regular job of accompanying Mrs. DP to the dentist - due to her shakes even a scale and polish requires her to be sedated, which I'm not comfortable with at all, given that I wouldn't generally trust a medic or dentist to find their own arse with both hands and a map.
The local anaesthetic worked fine, and they used plenty, so it didn't actually hurt that much. The only problem was that the roots of all of my teeth are weird - they've all grown together and turned into a big hook-like protruberance that's remarkably difficult to extract. It took a big, strong, dentist in his mid-twenties about 15 minutes of twisting, tugging, and pulling before he got it out, and he had to stop for a rest half way through :shock: . To be honest, I was glad when it was out as I'd been in agony for ages beforehand. It's not an experience I'd want to repeat if possible.
Having said that, I'd rather have root canal surgery without any anaesthetic than do my regular job of accompanying Mrs. DP to the dentist - due to her shakes even a scale and polish requires her to be sedated, which I'm not comfortable with at all, given that I wouldn't generally trust a medic or dentist to find their own arse with both hands and a map.
Orgasminator
I don't remember you Ruth (a relative newbie here I'm afraid), but hello anyway. 
Orgasminator
Quote by Hamkins
Yeah i dont drink alcohol at all. Whats a guy to do to meet chicks if he doesnt drink?
Go out anyway, stay sober, and have fun - it's certainly one option, and looking at things on a very practical level, no matter how charming your personality, your chances of feminine company in your bed at the end of an evening are significantly increased if you're not too drunk to be useful.
Orgasminator
Quote by Hamkins
Dammit - guess I am kinda asking in the wrong place. Back out to being on my ass then i guess...
Whether you're in the right place or not, the advice you've got so far is generally good, whether you choose to put any of it into practice is up to you, but I can't think of any better suggestions.
Orgasminator
:lol: :lol: Of course, this has been done a few times now, so I'd actually worked out what was coming before it happened. :smug:
Orgasminator
Quote by postie
not giving him a chance then????
:lol2:
I think he'd already had a chance , and managed to screw it up most thoroughly.
Orgasminator
Quote by makingcocoa
Thank you DP, I feel better for having heard that - I got all insulted at the doctor's the other day when they worked out my BMI and told me I was bordering on 'obese'! Fuck that, I'm just short and curvy.
No problem, I get fed up with medics, etc having a go at me because according to my BMI I'm 'morbidly obese' i.e. getting close to an appearance on Jerry Springer or a career in Sumo wrestling. As those who've met me can testify, I've got a bit of a gut, but not that much in proportion to the rest of me.
Orgasminator
Well it reckons I'm going to kick the bucket aged 64, probably because I have a BMI of 36 and smoke.
The fact that they're using BMI at all means that the results are highly dubious - it was developed in the 1850's to measure starvation rather than obesity (and is actually quite sensitive for that), but more importantly, it was never designed to be worked out for an individual - it is primarily a measure of the health (or otherwise) of populations, and as such is strictly the mean height of the population over the square of the mean body mass of the population.
I suppose it just goes to show that the mathematical and statistical knowledge of the average medic can be written in 18 point print on the back of a postage stamp.
The fact that they're using BMI at all means that the results are highly dubious - it was developed in the 1850's to measure starvation rather than obesity (and is actually quite sensitive for that), but more importantly, it was never designed to be worked out for an individual - it is primarily a measure of the health (or otherwise) of populations, and as such is strictly the mean height of the population over the square of the mean body mass of the population.
I suppose it just goes to show that the mathematical and statistical knowledge of the average medic can be written in 18 point print on the back of a postage stamp.
Orgasminator
It seems to be working now, and a hell of a lot faster (though that might just be low demand because it's just been offline).
Orgasminator
Quote by Darkfire
At the front end of your garden is there a little square cover? you can turn the water off there.
C x
Nope - water board man asked me that, been out there looking for 20 minutes- someone's tarmac'd over the top , apparently!!
oh god :shock:
Do you have a metal detector?
Or more realistically, can you take a look at your neighbour's gardens and work out where it should be?
I don't have any suggestions for fixing it if you do find the stopcock (I do a fair bit of DIY, but steer clear of plumbing if at all possible), though it's always worth trying gaffer tape
Good luck
Orgasminator
Quote by blonde
Deviated Prevert ............. here's a cuddle
Sam xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks Blonde, much appreciated
Orgasminator
:fuckinghell: :fuckinghell: :fuckinghell: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: 
:x :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :fuckinghell: :fuckinghell: :fuckinghell:
Bloody Tennis Elbow
I wouldn't mind, but I get it in both arms (apparently this makes me a medical curiosity as well - certainly a medline search for 'bilateral epicondylitis' produced only one case study when I looked it up), and six years on I can't seem to get rid of it totally. The moment it starts getting seriously cold outside my elbows start to hurt and I don't feel like doing anything other than sit around and do t-rex impressions (my little sister's description based on the only comfy position for my arms - bent up like a t-rex's forelegs, and my less than sunny disposition).
Oh well, at least it's only painful this time, when I first got it my elbows were so inflamed that I could sit and watch my fingers twitching of their own accord due to pressure on the motor nerve. It's a good job I'd studied neuroscience, as otherwise I might have been worried rather than intrigued at that point.
Anyway, I felt the need to shout obscenities and I think I've done so sufficiently (and without disturbing Mrs. DP).
:x :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :censored: :fuckinghell: :fuckinghell: :fuckinghell:Bloody Tennis Elbow
I wouldn't mind, but I get it in both arms (apparently this makes me a medical curiosity as well
- certainly a medline search for 'bilateral epicondylitis' produced only one case study when I looked it up), and six years on I can't seem to get rid of it totally. The moment it starts getting seriously cold outside my elbows start to hurt and I don't feel like doing anything other than sit around and do t-rex impressions (my little sister's description based on the only comfy position for my arms - bent up like a t-rex's forelegs, and my less than sunny disposition).Oh well, at least it's only painful this time, when I first got it my elbows were so inflamed that I could sit and watch my fingers twitching of their own accord due to pressure on the motor nerve. It's a good job I'd studied neuroscience, as otherwise I might have been worried rather than intrigued at that point.
Anyway, I felt the need to shout obscenities and I think I've done so sufficiently (and without disturbing Mrs. DP).
Orgasminator
Quote by naughtynymphos1
well my vote goes for.....seeing as these boots cost 165 quid :shock: yes you did read that right :!: take them back, get a refund and give me the dosh :grin:
Dare I ask what sort of boots they are?
On a more serious note, stuffing them with crushed up newpaper and leaving them for a day or two can sometimes help. It works best if you do it several times and wear them in between.
Orgasminator
Quote by Darkfire
Havent really found my enthusiasm for Xmas this year yet, at this rate it'll be beans on toast!!
Normally, I do the whole domestic goddess thing and end up doing a traditional Turkey roast and enough veg and trimmings to feed a small army! With any luck I'll have no last minute guests and make do with maybe a small chicken and several bottles of Baileys! :P
Well I'm not particularly enthuseastic about christmas, but given that I'm having to plan for a big meal I thought I'd better have a think about it. I do like cooking, and don't get much chance to cook for anyone other than myself and Mrs. DP, so motivation hasn't been that hard to find.
Given that there's a couple of things that I'm planning that I've never cooked yet (I've not done gluten-free pastry or the stuffed tenderloin) I'm going to have to sort myself out quickly and find some willing victims to practice on.
Oh, the hardship. Orgasminator
Quote by celticq
I think its nice to do something different for Crimbo - free range duck, goose or turkey are nice. I've done a 3 bird roast or 3 fillet roasts before but I've nver managed to get upto those 10 bird jobbies that Hugh FW and co get upto.
I'm not working this year which is great and its going to make a change to be cooking for 6 instead of 60.
I'm thinking of having Partridges stuffed with Pears. Unusual but not too challenging for those who like something simple. All done the day before and quite quick to cook compared to a big bird.
That sounds good.
I've just rediscovered a load of my cookery books (they were buried behind a stack of boxes in the library) and need to find the time to sit down and go through them again. I'm already considering asking my butcher to order in a bucket of pig's blood and some proper sausage casings so I can try out a couple of black pudding recipes I've found.
Orgasminator
Quote by mistress_sassy
I am cooking for all my mates who can't get home for xmas, and I ma doing xmas day and boxing day! Selfish bastards, my mates!
We will be having turkey and beef on xmas day and lamb and pork on boxing day, along with all the trimmings etc. We will also start xmas day with a champagne breakfast, pink champagne bagels, cream cheese and smoked salmon!
I moan, but I enjoy it, especially as with your mates you can tell them to shut up and dop it themselves if they're not happy! :lol:
That sounds like fun, though I think we'll be having the somewhat more mundane breakfast of bacon sandwiches and strong tea (at least for me), especially if I'm having to spend all morning slaving over a hot stove.
We're getting a load of mates up for New Year, but by some quirk of fate almost all of my mates are vegetarian or vegan.
Orgasminator
Quote by freckledbird
It's our first Christmas with a vegetarian in the family. Our daughter decided to become vegetarian earlier this year and I haven't a clue what to do. She doesn't fancy nut roast or anything like that and I don't really want to just give her the vegetables. Ideally, it would be something I can prepare the day before just to finish off on the day. Any vegetarians on here?
DP I usually cook a large chicken and a piece of pork loin. Should be plenty for eight people. I wouldn't go with venison, it's a bit of an acquired taste.
I wouldn't buy venison to feed my in-laws, I'd save it for people who'll appreciate it (like me).
As for vegetarian solutions, quorn fillets and the rest of the trimmings sounds like a reasonable solution, especially in conjunction with vegetable gravy. Other ideas might be a roast butternut squash (though that might be a bit excessive for one vegetarian, it depends if anyone else might want some I suppose), or maybe roasted, stuffed peppers? They'd probably be quite easy to do in advance and reheat.
Orgasminator
Quote by Pete_sw
Roast Goose with Liver Pate Stuffing and Redcurrant Glazed Peaches
Cant wait
That sounds good, but probably a little adventurous for my in-law's palates. I'll get raised eyebrows for not having sprouts :shock: .
Quote by Lissa
We'll be having beef with all the trimmings......roast potatoes, roast parsnips, sprouts, carrots, yorkshire pud, horseradish sauce and PROPER homemade gravy. There will only be Pete, myself and my daughter for dinner, and none of us are too keen on turkey.
Christmas pud and custard for Pete and my dauighter, hot mince pies and double cream for me.
Now that's my kind of meal. I considered beef, but spotted the stuffed tenderloin recipe and decided to have some fun. I'll probably have mince pies and christmas pudding available as well, along with double cream for those that want it. That should keep my father in-law happy (well that and a half bottle of dessert wine :twisted: ).
Quote by berksbex
That sounds like a great idea. We normally go traditional because of my parents but this year they won't be with us so we could try something new too. I will look into this, thanks for the idea.
Alternatively, I could come up to yours and take your mind off your wife's evil twin :twisted: and have a fabulous meal (by the sound of it) all at once :P
Go for it, the recipe I'm using came out of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's River Cottage Meat Cookbook (a highly recommended tome for all committed carnivores).
As for taking my mind off the evil twin (who's not that bad really, as long as I only have to put up with her in small doses), why do you think I'm doing all the cooking? This way I get to hide behind clouds of steam with the radio on, out of the way of everyone (though I might have the cat for company if my nephew is as loud and scary as he was last year).
Orgasminator
Quote by Fallen Angel
Turkey is very dry - am having a large free range chicken
Is everyone getting cat-theme avatars now??? :shock:
I agree with you about Turkey being dry, and I'm a definite convert to free-range chicken (and other meat).
I thought I'd change my avatar and this one of my cat was the easiest to find.
Orgasminator
Quote by Sarah
Sun, sea, beach, and not a turkey or minvce pie in sight!
Well I'm not sure about the sun, but we have a beach and the sea about 15 minutes walk from our house, so if the weather's nice an afternoon stroll along the sand might well be in order on christmas day.
I'm not sure if I'll join in with the regular bunch of nutters who go for a swim in the North Sea on Christmas morning though, that looks a bit cold for me. Orgasminator
Ok, so it has fallen that this year I'm cooking Christmas dinner for eight - a goodly proportion of the in-laws are coming over. I'm going to put on a good spread for them, with a reasonably large hot meal, but to be honest I can't stand Turkey or half of the veg/trimmings, so even if I did want to cook them, I've no experience in doing so, and don't fancy subjecting my early experiments to the criticism of my mother in law and Mrs. DP's evil twin. 
So, personally my plan is to roast a large, free-range chicken, on the grounds that I know how to do that and it's plain enough to keep the couple of kids happy. A few different sorts of veg, but nothing extravagant, and homemade chicken gravy to keep the traditionalists under control. It's ok, but it'll struggle to feed eight and it's not very exciting.
Now comes the (hopefully) interesting bit
I've found a Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall recipe for pork tenderloin stuffed with mincemeat and chestnuts. It looks good, though I'm not sure about the cinnamon cream sauce he suggests serving with it. I think it should taste good, and has some quite traditional roots. It's also a hell of a lot less effort than last year's craze - the turducken . Given the choice of that or a decent chicken, I should have enough to feed everybody and hopefully they'll enjoy themselves. :)
Dessert is likely to be home made apple pie and custard if I can work out a decent gluten-free pastry in time. Not exactly traditional, but I never get the time to make it the rest of the year and I happen to like apple pie. :)
So, is anyone else planning to have anything other than the near-ubiquitous turkey for their seasonal meal? In the past I've cooked duck and a large leg of lamb, and have considered a large lump of venison or (assuming money were no object) a Turbot.
So, personally my plan is to roast a large, free-range chicken, on the grounds that I know how to do that and it's plain enough to keep the couple of kids happy. A few different sorts of veg, but nothing extravagant, and homemade chicken gravy to keep the traditionalists under control. It's ok, but it'll struggle to feed eight and it's not very exciting.
Now comes the (hopefully) interesting bit
I've found a Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall recipe for pork tenderloin stuffed with mincemeat and chestnuts. It looks good, though I'm not sure about the cinnamon cream sauce he suggests serving with it.
I think it should taste good, and has some quite traditional roots. It's also a hell of a lot less effort than last year's craze - the turducken . Given the choice of that or a decent chicken, I should have enough to feed everybody and hopefully they'll enjoy themselves. :)Dessert is likely to be home made apple pie and custard if I can work out a decent gluten-free pastry in time. Not exactly traditional, but I never get the time to make it the rest of the year and I happen to like apple pie. :)
So, is anyone else planning to have anything other than the near-ubiquitous turkey for their seasonal meal? In the past I've cooked duck and a large leg of lamb, and have considered a large lump of venison or (assuming money were no object) a Turbot.
