Smokerjim's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

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smokerjim

Over 90 days ago

Bi-curious Male, 50

0 miles · Kent

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10 Sep 2005

I would like to be strap-on fucked ( as I have mentioned on a previous thread ) but the thought of Blue, Debbiewebs or smoking muff ( my missus ) doing me scares the living bejaysus out of me....Blue because of her rep, Debbiewebs because of her reaction when it came up in convo and smoking muff because of her rep, her attitude and the look on her face when we have discussed it publically ( this is despite her look when we have discussed it privately and what her track record is like with trying new things that scare me ) so, sorry Blue ( TF you're up north and I'm south ), sorry Debs, but... bolt

bolt

, and as for smoking muff...? No fugging way, love kiss

kiss

9 Sep 2005

This could freak people out....

:shock:
What is more shocking is it is a dead ringer apart from the buck teeth! If I ever see you with an acoustic guitar, Postie, I will smash it over your turnip...and that's a promise!
( I'll buy you a few large measures for anaesthetic effect though...'cos I like you as long as you don't sing! )

7 Sep 2005

Quote by sierra
anyone even trys to take my vibs away and i`ll chop their DICK OFF.
sierra x x :rascal:

That's ok - it's obvious that they don't use theirs at all! lol

lol

rolleyes

7 Sep 2005

How about sending all those lovely people a link to this site, and say that we are directing them to Heaven? ( Read :small-print: down below )
That was a joke - if anyone does that I do not imagine that the Mods would be too impressed with the abuse that would follow. Do NOT do it, I am not going to.

7 Sep 2005

Very belatedly, thank you to Seph et al for putting on a fantastic night at what was very short notice ( no thanks to Obi - you bastard! :kick: I'll get you for making me dance!!! ) Pleasure to meet familiar faces, and new ones....but why can't we have a 2 day social? That way we should get enough time to talk to everyone that we want to. I tell you what, I'll look into it ( especially child slave traders - then you won't have to worry about baby sitters and you'll have some poppy to pay for food, drink, etc win - win situation!

6 Sep 2005

Quote by Silk and Big G
Next?

Now I know what Clarkson means when he says " The handling is awful...like a supermarket trolly."

5 Sep 2005

Quote by Happy Cats

Hornyred, you are a very lucky lady! u see, that hat is not just a cow-boy hat,oh no! that hat is magic, it can turn the most useless,incompedent, sexual virgin .........
:

Postie, Postie!.....................POSTIE!
This is what you have been looking for!
Only 'cos you are waiting for him to say..."What'd you get that for me for? I don't f*cking need it - here take it back." At which point, you will glue it to your head.
Not a bad idea, maybe you won't be so bleedin' miserable!
What you wheezin on about?
NMCB to you!
Ok, I understand the MCB, but what is the N for? Mr. Reiging BOFC-BOB Champ? flipa

flipa

Its for Not, as in, Not a miser.......... I cant bring myself to say the rest of it! The only way you'll have the word not near MCB, is " Not a bleeding cat in Hell's chance of changing that name".....unless you fancy taking your chances with BOFC-BOB? :angel: :gagged:

5 Sep 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
So now it is my turn, and we can take our place with all the other couples, fighting over the HC.

Could have sworn thats what you said, its probably what you meant! wink

wink

Anyway, welcome, we're not all mad!
Sue, may I present exhibit A...an MCB in desperate dire need of your sarcasm?

5 Sep 2005

Quote by Happy Cats

Hornyred, you are a very lucky lady! u see, that hat is not just a cow-boy hat,oh no! that hat is magic, it can turn the most useless,incompedent, sexual virgin .........
:

Postie, Postie!.....................POSTIE!
This is what you have been looking for!
Only 'cos you are waiting for him to say..."What'd you get that for me for? I don't f*cking need it - here take it back." At which point, you will glue it to your head.
Not a bad idea, maybe you won't be so bleedin' miserable!
What you wheezin on about?
NMCB to you!
Ok, I understand the MCB, but what is the N for? Mr. Reiging BOFC-BOB Champ? flipa

flipa

5 Sep 2005

Quote by Happy Cats

Hornyred, you are a very lucky lady! u see, that hat is not just a cow-boy hat,oh no! that hat is magic, it can turn the most useless,incompedent, sexual virgin .........
:

Postie, Postie!.....................POSTIE!
This is what you have been looking for!
Only 'cos you are waiting for him to say..."What'd you get that for me for? I don't f*cking need it - here take it back." At which point, you will glue it to your head.
Not a bad idea, maybe you won't be so bleedin' miserable!

5 Sep 2005

Sue, good to see you - how's the old "war wound" BTW? If ever you are in the need for a 'quick shag' one liner PM - don't ask me, I've seen TnH, and I remember him saying he does Aikido....nuff said! Anyway, hope to see more of you here :angel:

5 Sep 2005

Finally got mine and smoking muff's - what took us so long? DFK-DFC lol

lol

31 Aug 2005

Quote by sexyjo
Postie - stick me down as a chaperone ( and if you let me chaperone sexyjo :rascal: I won't let smoking muff chaperone anyone....alright then, I'll let her loose on Marcuso!!! ) :lol:

Ahhhh, smoker jim you're not allowed to!!!! redface

redface

Quote by postie
Just in case anyone is in any doubt, we'll try and match a male regular with a male newbie.. and female regulars with female newbies for obvious reasons.

It was worth a go, wasn't it? Anyway, it might happen, just because someone might want to enjoy the sight of Marcuso being scared silly by smoking muff :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :lol:

31 Aug 2005

Postie - stick me down as a chaperone ( and if you let me chaperone sexyjo :rascal: I won't let smoking muff chaperone anyone....alright then, I'll let her loose on Marcuso!!! ) lol

lol

:lol:

31 Aug 2005

Quote by limerickcpl
On board cinema on the Rosslare - Fishguard ferry

Wish I'd had a g/f when I was in there - better than "Police Acadamy VI - City Under Seige" redface

redface

:cry:

wink

28 Aug 2005

I fugging hate pedestrians that walk behind you as you are trying to reverse ( especially in a 7.5 tonne lorry FFS ) and do not even acknowledge that you exist ( They'd fugging acknowledge your existance if you didn't see 'em until after you bounce your wheels over them ) mad

mad

:x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x :x

27 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
ok. only pm's from the lovley SH ladies offering fun and naughtyness to meaty will now be answered. all other questions should be sent in 'letter' form for 'delivery' by a 'letter delivery specialist' :rascal:

C'mon meat - with all the extra work you're dumping on him you know that "epistle despatch expert" is going to go 'postal'

rotflmao

:rotflmao: :rotflmao:

27 Aug 2005

Quote by KitKat
I was in bed getting some well earned sleep after Jags kept me up to the wee smal hours!
However, I can give you an update on the cricket - he is fine, although a bit pissed off when he discovered that all the nice posh food he was getting was simply to fatten him up to be fed to the hungry lizard in the corner. I tried to explain to him that everything deserves a purpose to their life, and that being eaten by a lizard would allow him to become part of the lizard, and so the essence of his life would continue.
He just told me to 'Fuck Off' - which was quite a surprise, because in the first place, I didn't know crickets could talk, and in the second, I have no idea where he picked up such a rude word from! :shock:
I even tried to get the lizard to talk to him, so he could explain to the cricket how eating him was more than just physical act, but would be in fact a quasi spiritual bonding between the two creatures. But he just sat there licking his lips and staring without blinking. It didn't help very much.
Sometimes I wonder why I bother!
lhk
Kat

Ok, own up! Who has spiked kit kat's drink with something hallucinogenic ( try spelling that after drinking kit kat's drink! ) rotflmao

rotflmao

27 Aug 2005

Quote by Sgt Bilko
NOT APPROVED!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

C'mon Sarge, have a bit of empathy here for Mrs HC - she has a husband that wants her join the site under the nick of BoBfOc - and on top of that ( as if that wasn't enough ) she is married to MCB!!!!
Give the girl a break - especially as she will only have to put up with his whinging after Meat gives him a beating, how is this encouraging her to join if she is stuck at home with HIM!
:giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle: :giggle:

27 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
I'm Back (briefly), and in order to speed up the retribution process please stand in the correct queue relating to your 'involvement'.
Queue 1. Postie, Johneboy & Dino (the serious crime- big whoopass queue)
Queue 2. All the people i used to like who thought it was a ' bit of a giggle' to PM me useless crap (the 'i will deal with you later' queue)
Queue 3. All the people i've never spoken to who also thought it was a ' bit of a giggle' to PM me useless crap ( the ' hang you head in shame for joining in' queue)
Queue 4. Anyone not in queues 1-3 (but involved anyway)
Queue 5. Lisamarie, for sending me the kind of question i don't mind helping with :rascal:
and Hornyread my beautiful 'Head' Angel, simply for being Hornyred.
now get in line and don't whinge or i might transfer you to queue 1 :twisted:

Alright meaty - I think I need to keep Lisamarie and HR refreshed and relaxed - after all I do not qualify for section 1, 2, or 3, and I doubt that my not sending you any PMs qualifies for section 4.
So who fancies a brew? Milk? Sugar? I'll get the kettle on for you - who's got the massage oils? lol

lol

27 Aug 2005

Quote by Nomad_Soul
er... your not from down south are you by any chance?? :lol:
Next time I'll be out in shorts and t-shirt :lol: :lol: :lol:

Righty-ho everybody has seen this - so I'll hold you too it....see how hard you bloody northerners are when the paint is flying! :lol: :lol: :lol:
BTW could you lend me a fiver, I'll need some extra ammo! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :lol:

26 Aug 2005

Quote by Nomad_Soul

Just found out e-bay does anti stab vests ( I was looking for Vietnam era flak jackets and helmets ) those lil' bastard's bikes are MINE!!!!

Surely you can't get another vest on ???...........you doubled your size at paintball :lol: ..........the stab vest would need to be XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL in size :lol: :lol:
Why do you think the only hits I complained about at the paintball were head shots and the knee shot from Resurrection? How badly did you ache? How fugly were your bruises? How many layers are you going to be putting on at the next event?
Sadly, paintballs bounce off layers - but knives don't

26 Aug 2005

Quote by Nomad_Soul
Doing a bulky waste removal job for a local housing trust, I cannot wait for the lil' bastards to go back - especially as the amount of stuff getting smashed, burned or moved elsewhere before I get there will drop off dramatically. I don't even like the younger ones hanging around and watching - partly I despise being watched / public in general and partly I hate the butting in, firing off dumbass questions and trying to help but getting in the way ( I could crap myself everytime I'm using the tail lift and a kid gets too close, tries climbing up onto it ).

..............just leave those bikes alone mate lol

lol

Just found out e-bay does anti stab vests ( I was looking for Vietnam era flak jackets and helmets ) those lil' bastard's bikes are MINE!!!! :lol:

26 Aug 2005

Quote by fabio grooverider
I am going to be really selfish....here....
I can get a seat on the bus... it is so peaceful....no need to leave as early
the bus runs on time... no traffic on the roads...
the get a seat on the metro... again, peace and quiet....
god i am going to miss that when the kids go back to school.....
sean xxxxxxxxxx

True, but I and everyone else will no doubt stand by our comments

26 Aug 2005

Quote by PoloLady
to match the reputation of PoloLady!!!!!

dunno

You don't have a reputation as a valued member of SH? I think the above posts beg to differ - and if you can't recognise my warped sense of humour ( ok, it isn't warped - it isn't even a sense of humour lol

lol

) then that is just another reason to get the beers in
Wa-hay!!! I still get a free beer - a win-win situation if ever there was one! :bounce:

26 Aug 2005

I don't know you well enough to give you the reply I want while knowing I won't offend.
so get your arse off your sick bed ( ok finish the shag you are having at the mo ), get yourself a drink ( mine's a Guinness BTW ) and have a chat with me FFS
Unless, to know you we gotta shag ya - I need to find an oversized ego for me cock to match the reputation of PoloLady!!!!! poke

poke

I'll get me coat bolt

bolt

26 Aug 2005

Doing a bulky waste removal job for a local housing trust, I cannot wait for the lil' bastards to go back - especially as the amount of stuff getting smashed, burned or moved elsewhere before I get there will drop off dramatically. I don't even like the younger ones hanging around and watching - partly I despise being watched / public in general and partly I hate the butting in, firing off dumbass questions and trying to help but getting in the way ( I could crap myself everytime I'm using the tail lift and a kid gets too close, tries climbing up onto it ).

23 Aug 2005

Quote by dargento
erm ...am i too late psotie..hope not
i thought id break the mold and ask a non-personal question to be boring...
get google ready....
which english player captained england but only played league football in the fourth division ???
answers on a self addressed envolope please

Too bloody easy - but does he know it?

23 Aug 2005

postie, yer slacker ( well you do "work" for the post office ) where are you - you still on 997 ( check out my post count and join date :flippa: )

23 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Postie - I'm gonna steal your thunder....It's Clint Eastwood with the "Dirty Harry" and "Man With No Name" trilogies AND Christopher Lee for Cou :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: :flipa: t Dracula, Fu Manchu and LOTR

Smoker Jim...... bad man.... (but your lovely!) thank feck for that was pulling my teeth out trying to think....
Although i did have Christopher Lee written down on a scrap of paper but couldn't think of any other trilogies he's been in... also have Sean Connery and the Bond films.... but Clint Eastwood eluded me...
yaaaayyyyy Smoker Jim.......
I think you owe me a pint ( tequila - Cuevo Gold, for preference ) !!!!!!