Smokerjim's Forum Posts | Swinging Heaven

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smokerjim

Over 90 days ago

Bi-curious Male, 50

0 miles · Kent

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14 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
we want pictures :twisted:

We Tried!!!. honest . we tried................ but .. (and this is mainly due to the hostess sitting in a corner of her house that she had noooo idea existed ................. saying, ... and I quote. "Tatty's SmutsRUs Phoooto Booooth has csld...clodes... (ah get the feck!) for the evening, please go git fuck'd and coom bak at a reasonooble feckin . oour! . ffs"
Can you smell it red? The unique smell of fresh, yet unoriginal bull-shit!
Well I know she would, if she was still awake!!!

14 Aug 2005

No one told me there was a uniform - and I read in an old copy of Bizzarre I found the other day that a swingers handshake is normal, except for the middle finger stroking your palm!!! I never had that!!! There is sooo much I have to learn - who will teach me???

14 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
we want pictures :twisted:

especially MikeC's :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: lol

lol

14 Aug 2005

Quote by LisaMarie
well said mark,
and hello again,
I havent seen anyone really hurt on here,no one is insulted rudely ,it all seems to be
in good humour.
people dont have to stay if they dont want to.
I'm a newbie and have been accepted really well and not insulted so. I am happy
Lisamarie and Doj

Don't really know you well enough to insult you, but I'll see what I can come up with - BBS.....
No, nothing - your avatar is too damn pretty and distracting!

14 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Is this a cunning way of Postie getting his post numbers up????
Nahhhhh........... he is too pissed to have thought of that Have one for me guys xxx
Dave_Notts

ptetty much thefist time im allowed onhere davey boy!
am a tiny bit psiised. but it all going very well... and what a nifhgt...pebbbles in her nurses outfit and taattty in her leopard thingy.. snd someothers and now i am off to rejoin the party.....
What party is tha, postie? The one round your gaff? When is it!!!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Cool 'do'................... Even if the gazeebos leak. AND it's f*****g cold for August!!!!
Best thing of all though Got paid for DJ'ing elsewhere!!!!!!
Alex DJ xxx XXX
AND Mike C says he looks v. v. v. sexy in his nurses uniform Vain man!!!!

Somebody MUST have photos of Mike in THAT outfit....please!!!!!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by joolen
I think the stronge ale that fiona plyed to her reblels has taken affect.
I can see them all on the floor in a stouper.
its that or shes shaged them all to death.

I'm still upstanding lol

13 Aug 2005

Quote by postie
Bassman here, having a good time, I've decided I love nurses in pvc.,

Is Debbiewebs there too????? lol

lol

13 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
im not jelous...............well just a teeney weeny bit
have a brill time you lot
:cheers:

You and me ( and every other bugger nowhere near the fun sad

sad

)

13 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
ooooooooo a minge a twa (can you tell im crap at french)..down at the kebab shop
:twisted:

A threesome at the kebab shop - nice ( you want me to pick up a pint of milk at the 24hr shop too? )
milk lol ( yes you can mock aint the same drinking black coffee )
and a pack of choccy biscuits
ooooo and a pack of fags
right kettle on ............hurry up
Choccy digestives or rich tea?
Brand of fags? Light or proper? Superkings or proper?
Have you tea bags and sugar? ( I'll get them too, if need be )
Bugger...just remembered, I don't know where you live :doh:

banghead

:banghead:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
ooooooooo a minge a twa (can you tell im crap at french)..down at the kebab shop
:twisted:

A threesome at the kebab shop - nice ( you want me to pick up a pint of milk at the 24hr shop too? )

13 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
buttered scouring pad ..................... :twisted:

C'mon Red, let's go down the road for a kebab lol

lol

hmmm chewy pad .....or scrummy kebab '
toughy that one
ok you twisted me arm
you did say your paying didnt ya
can i have chips to :twisted:
*smokerjim asks smoking muff if she wants to join him and redstilletoe*
You can have whatever I can provide, red :twisted: kiss

kiss

13 Aug 2005

Quote by redstilletto
buttered scouring pad ..................... :twisted:

C'mon Red, let's go down the road for a kebab lol

lol

13 Aug 2005

Quote by wolvie_dude
I could draw the old pentangle on the floor, dig out the well browsed copy of the necronomicon, recite some incantations and bring ya back from the dead...
Has anyone got some goats blood?

According to something I've read, you don't need chalked pentangles, black candles and skulls and all that gubbins - all you need is two bits of wood and 10cc of mouse blood!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
Blue has now left the building.....................

Blue's ghost will forever haunt SH Towers..... she WILL NOT rest in peace........ her ghost will restlessly wander these great halls with clanking chains and a bloody great big bunch of keys to lock the funniest of threads and to ban ANYONE who even hints that they are having a good time.....
You're doomed to an empty life and a eternally barren shagless existance.....
Join me in Swinging Hell, you fools!

Dinner round with the in-laws....yay :cry:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
You'll be alright, its 50ft drop, Wolvies given you a 60ft rope

Well, why doesn't that suprise me............
I knew you all wanted me dead.......
YOU BASTARDS!
:kick: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere: :therethere:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
Sarge places a sofa on the roof of SH Towers and grabs a beer!!
:cheers:

Just the type of comment I expected from the site mods...............
rolleyes

rolleyes

No heroic tough guys on white firey steeds coming to my aid them I take it.......... the best I could expect from this site is a scruffy pissed up old git on a flea bitten donkey....
NO THANKS !
:eeek:
C'mon blue...meat2pleaseu isn't that bad ( well not when he makes the effort to scrub up )

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
don't do it blue...no one's got a shovel to scrape you up :kiss: :kiss:

HUMPH!
Here I am teetering on the edge of a bloody high roof and certain death and all you care about is the mess my body will make in the SH gardens................. :crazy:
Yes, I'm still here......... JUST.............
Cue Boonie Tyler...........
:karaoke:

I'm holding out for a hero,
Holding out for a hero til the end of the night,
He's got to be good, he's got to be fast,
And he's got to be fresh from the fight..............
:karaoke:
Oi...I did make a joke - but I kissed to let you know we don't, sorry didn't want you to go! *sj goes and joins Sarge with a case of beer on the sofa*

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
MARK, WHERE ARE YOU................ ????
MARK.......... I NEED YOU.....................
The site mods abuse me, the regs cannot be trusted, and now the damn site owner is ignoring me..................
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
That's it, my life isn't worth living any more.... I'm going to climb up to the highest roof of SH Towers and JUMP...........
I will.............
I will.......... you just watch me.........
Do you really want my demise on your conscience??????
I'm going...........
NOW!
:crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

don't do it blue...no one's got a shovel to scrape you up kiss

kiss

:kiss: :kiss:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Fred aka Medic 1
Hehehe :-
I got 1000 sneckin points for that
Makes my ban further away now

Fred

well done mate :thumbup:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Only cos youre over 40 with a hairy bits and a beer belly nastycats!

Who isn't ???
Err...Me, I'm not!!!
Take the nicotene patches off your eyes and look in the mirror!
Speak for yourself, dad!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Nomad_Soul
Only cos youre over 40 with a hairy bits and a beer belly nastycats!

Who isn't ???
Err...Me, I'm not!!!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Look! I've got a 16 year old daughter just come in pissed, a wife who has gone out to get pissed and a teenage son who's not talking to me.
Its a miracle I'm only as miserable as I am!

So just another normal Saturday night for you! lol

lol

Think I'll get pissed!
:lol:
I'm going to give my daughter such an ignoring in the morning!
A hangover would help

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Look! I've got a 16 year old daughter just come in pissed, a wife who has gone out to get pissed and a teenage son who's not talking to me.
Its a miracle I'm only as miserable as I am!

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Only cos youre over 40 with a hairy bits and a beer belly nastycats!

I was thinking maybe I was setting my stall a bit high when I threw that ad up, guess you lot are stuck with me all night now instead! :lol:

Flounce alert!!!! I'm only 1 of the 3 ffs!!!!!!
wink

wink

So do you call all of them together ..." Happy Cats, Mr HC and Miserable Cat Bastard ?"

I'm not miserable ffs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:wink:
Ok how about......." Happy Cats, Mr HC and Never Bleedin' Happy Cat Bastard? "

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Only cos youre over 40 with a hairy bits and a beer belly nastycats!

I was thinking maybe I was setting my stall a bit high when I threw that ad up, guess you lot are stuck with me all night now instead! :lol:

Flounce alert!!!! I'm only 1 of the 3 ffs!!!!!!
wink

wink

So do you call all of them together..." Happy Cats, Mr HC and Miserable Cat Bastard ?"

13 Aug 2005

Quote by Happy Cats
Little Gem I find your dislike of over 40's men with a beer belly and a hairy chest offensive

Goody...does she like 30 y.o. men with a small beer belly and a smooth chest?
Can you hear me calling, Gem?

13 Aug 2005

Quote by bluexxx
BTW, maybe I should ask Mark to change my name to Armitage Shanks, what do you think?

No, change it to Armitage Sharks - best rock band of the '80s .... but if you do so, remember to Lock Up Your Goldfish!

Hehehehehehehe - yeah, that was an "in" joke, so shoot me, and yeah, I'm a piss taker, so fLucking shoot me for that too.... in fact, shoot me anyway, I've heard holes in the head are fashionable this season :P
Anyways, in answer to the thread, as others have said the piss taking from the regs is light hearted and non offensive, it does not break the AUP and tbh I think it's damn funny...... newbies who have the balls to stick around join in and soon become regs......... call it a baptism of fire if you like.......... and it beats the old initiation ceremony we used to have were by all newbies had to be hauled into the GFZ on a Friday night and fucked hard and dry up the arse with a 10 inch strap on lol

lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I guess the moral of the story is, if you can't stand the heat, fLuck off out of the kitchen.... or grease up your arse before you log on for the first time (especially on a Friday) :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I would shoot you - but I'm like a sniper, one shot and that's your lot for a long while rolleyes

rolleyes

wink

13 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
are we looking at the same forum?
I hope you aren't including your self within that group, are you?

I said Fairly, i didn't specify the range of sensible
anyway stop taking the piss
You have not answered the question - who do you think you are ....a politician?
BTW, maybe I should ask Mark to change my name to Armitage Shanks, what do you think?
well, with your irish background you could be 'port o'loo' bolt

bolt

rotflmao

:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

13 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
are we looking at the same forum?
I hope you aren't including your self within that group, are you?

I said Fairly, i didn't specify the range of sensible
anyway stop taking the piss
You have not answered the question - who do you think you are ....a politician?
BTW, maybe I should ask Mark to change my name to Armitage Shanks, what do you think?