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smokerjim

Over 90 days ago

Bi-curious Male, 50

0 miles · Kent

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7 Aug 2005

Quote by westerross

Sure, t'is only one country that be God's,

Agreed - Ireland.

Quote by smokerjim
why'd you think all snakes ( symbol of Lucifer ) shoved off to the Godless and left us poor bogtrotters alone?

Basically, because they reckon they couldn't complete their work in Ireland and had to move on to Wales to get to the English rolleyes

rolleyes

(bleeding obvious that!)

Quote by smokerjim
Any way most Scots ( Pictish origin ) are only Irish that got a wee bit lost on the way - sure it's been proven....with science, no less!!! :P There, ye go, ye'll have no answer to that now, will ye, aw begorrah, I got him foxed for sure...( etc, etc, ad neaseum )

Who said anything about Scotland?
And there's no need to break out into latin - the language of the oppressors of the Celts (Quod Erat Demonstrandum ! wink

wink

) :giggle:
I assumed you was a Scot - fair cop - but as I seem to remember the Celts weren't really oppressed by the Romans - they never conquored Caledonia, and didn't get round to Hibernia.....is there anywhere else, celts lived?
Oh, yeah, most of them originated from Northern France - and that was conquored by the Romans!!! I knew it would be worth paying attention in History class all them years ago :thumbup: :thumbup: poke

poke

silly

oke: :poke:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
I never walked in on my mum and dad - or even heard them shagging!
hmmmm,,,,,,,,,,starting to see why I a bit of a perve now

So what's my excuse then Freud? wink

wink

:lol:
what excuse jim, your a natural born pervert!!!!
Thanks Meat, didn't like to say for myself - not really into blowing my own trumpet ( metaphor ), Now if only I could have an extra vertabrae, so I could blow my own trumpet ( not a metaphor ) :lol:
well, you could learn yoga and have some ribs removed, or modify the hoover
YOU ARE SICK, MAN!!!! OMFG, that is so disgusting - how could you even suggest it?!!!!!
Pick up the hoover? What a pervert - I'd be expected to do some cleaning next!!!!! :lol2: :wink:
for a laff you could always go into curry's on a saturday, find the work experience assisant by the Dyson's and start asking about the no loss of suction, get the hose attachment & examine it and move it towards your tackle while grinning, then ask about the extended warranty.
wonder how fast the spootty little turd will scarper
That sound like the :twisted: voice of experience - but I refer you to the answer I gave some moments ago, just substitute the word "cleaning" for the word "shopping" - and maybethis time it might sink in that my PC ( and SH ) is my security blanket!!!!

7 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
I never walked in on my mum and dad - or even heard them shagging!
hmmmm,,,,,,,,,,starting to see why I a bit of a perve now

So what's my excuse then Freud? wink

wink

:lol:
what excuse jim, your a natural born pervert!!!!
Thanks Meat, didn't like to say for myself - not really into blowing my own trumpet ( metaphor ), Now if only I could have an extra vertabrae, so I could blow my own trumpet ( not a metaphor ) :lol:
well, you could learn yoga and have some ribs removed, or modify the hoover
YOU ARE SICK, MAN!!!! OMFG, that is so disgusting - how could you even suggest it?!!!!!
Pick up the hoover? What a pervert - I'd be expected to do some cleaning next!!!!! :lol2: :wink:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by BiWelshMinx
I refuse to admit who adorned my walls years ago.. :shock: ...but I will confess that I have a poster of Yoda on my wall these days......
He's just so green and wise *sigh*
Minx x x

Being Irish, I'm green ( if that's not green enough, force feed me 4 bottles of Creme de Menth ) and I can do wise rolleyes

rolleyes

:rascal:
Are you also 2 foot 6 and good with a long green stick perchance? :P
Min x x
5' 8" - and bloody good with a thick(-ish) pink muscle, with a back up in the form of a wriggly moist muscle? Wanna try and compare me to Yoda? :rascal: :rascal: kiss

kiss

passionkiss

Go'wan, I dare ya!!!
When I have finished with Yoda I'll cum get ya ;)
Minx x x
That's ok, Minx - didn't you know that he has already shuffled off this mortal coil - give shout, you should, to me, delay without, young Jedi. :twisted: lol

lol

7 Aug 2005

I know from the recent experience of a friend's mum that a women's refuge is just that - they allow NO male vistors or phonecalls from men, for the secruity of the women living there. It is a shame for me and smoking muff, because we are closer to Val, then our friend is - but unless we get a phone call from her saying lets meet at such and such place, we are leaving her to get her head straight.
Jenna, you could do a lot worse than find your local refuge, go down there and have a chat with some of the people there - they will help you a lot more than most here ( ie - like myself, those with NO experience of what happened to you ) and will be happy to caht with you.

7 Aug 2005

Quote by meat2pleaseu
I never walked in on my mum and dad - or even heard them shagging!
hmmmm,,,,,,,,,,starting to see why I a bit of a perve now

So what's my excuse then Freud? wink

wink

:lol:
what excuse jim, your a natural born pervert!!!!
Thanks Meat, didn't like to say for myself - not really into blowing my own trumpet ( metaphor ), Now if only I could have an extra vertabrae, so I could blow my own trumpet ( not a metaphor ) :lol:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by BiWelshMinx
I refuse to admit who adorned my walls years ago.. :shock: ...but I will confess that I have a poster of Yoda on my wall these days......
He's just so green and wise *sigh*
Minx x x

Being Irish, I'm green ( if that's not green enough, force feed me 4 bottles of Creme de Menth ) and I can do wise rolleyes

rolleyes

:rascal:
Are you also 2 foot 6 and good with a long green stick perchance? :P
Min x x
5' 8" - and bloody good with a thick(-ish) pink muscle, with a back up in the form of a wriggly moist muscle? Wanna try and compare me to Yoda? :rascal: :rascal: kiss

kiss

passionkiss

Go'wan, I dare ya!!!

7 Aug 2005

Quote by BiWelshMinx
I refuse to admit who adorned my walls years ago.. :shock: ...but I will confess that I have a poster of Yoda on my wall these days......
He's just so green and wise *sigh*
Minx x x

Being Irish, I'm green ( if that's not green enough, force feed me 4 bottles of Creme de Menth ) and I can do wise rolleyes

rolleyes

:rascal:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Kniphofia
Not exactly "caught in the act".... dibbed-in by his vengeful ex-missus, whom he dumped for something younger and presumably less malicious.
"It was terrible," she sobbed, wiping away her tears with one of our Â£50 notes.
"I had to do bumpity-bump with dozens of well-endowed men, and all my beloved hubby gave me was loads of money."
On other News of the World pages: Charlotte Church: Wouldn't You Like To Shag It?.... Posh: Doesn't She Look Shaggable?..... Our Naughty Lady Readers: Half Dream About A Threesome.

rotflmao

:rotflmao: Is that this week's N.o.t.S. or last week's? Could be any week IMO.

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Calista
Nik Kershaw for me
think I had a few of Limahl too ops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Sorry Calista, I kept my composure after Lindaxxx, but your response has just pushed me over the edge

rotflmao

When I calm down, let me offer you this kiss

kiss

:therethere:
smackbottom

smackbottom

:rotflmao: I chaged to Erasure then from one extreme to the other ... Def Leppard, Iron Maiden etc dunno

dunno

:kiss: gratefully accepted ;)
C x
I remember Erasure, I liked some of their poopy little tunes - as for Maiden worship

worship

:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by babe1
Glad to be of assistance - and remember when she is vociferous at you two having the temerity to have a sex life at you age (?), just inform her that woment tend to hit their sexual peak in their 40's. Please let me know if her face drops like a lead balloon!

Must be it then almost in our 40's hehehehehehe
and yes i met u both at the notts munch i think lol
lol

lol

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
hugs
Babe1
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I don't know if we were introduced ( sorry can't remember redface

redface

) but I would hope to see you both at Leicester?

7 Aug 2005

Quote by da69ve
This is the first i heard about this....what paper then?

News Of The Screws, apparantly da69ve

7 Aug 2005

This is probably the best place to air these views ( IMAO )...
http://www.swingingheaven.co.uk/swingers-forum/viewtopic.php?p=508714#508714

7 Aug 2005

Quote by steanrachy
all forums it was kind of an open question, an yes this is a "dogging" type topic but is more generalised so we thought it would be more suited to the cafe, but thanks for your imput jim, my boy......

No, thinking about it - you were spot on, it is a discussion thread - not a dogging thread and I should have passed the link to the other thread, if you know what I mean confused

confused

.

7 Aug 2005

Glad to be of assistance - and remember when she is vociferous at you two having the temerity to have a sex life at you age (?), just inform her that woment tend to hit their sexual peak in their 40's. Please let me know if her face drops like a lead balloon! kiss

kiss

7 Aug 2005

Quote by JudyTV

Fair Cop mal, it is of course the inevitable Judy Wart. ........... :P Caught out again. I suppose you could say I have been Th-warted.........
Judy

Groan!!!

rolleyes

7 Aug 2005

Post deleted to minimise looking like a complete dick :doh:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Mal

Mal I wholeheartedly embrace what you say.
Your perfection is marred only by that horrid big wart on your dick honey :P
Judy

Hmmm,
a little disconcerting, that, Judy. It seems EVERYONE you meet has this same wart! :shock: Is it a removable wart or do you issue them at each meet? confused

confused

A bit like the SH Pin - the 'Judy' Wart!! lol

lol

Mal
:wink:
OOH, OOH! Can I have one please? - how do I get one? - me, me, I'm first in the queue - where do you get them? :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by babe1
My Kids think once yr over 25 years old yr passed it and shouldnt be doing it. (there both teenagers). If they catch us even kissing daughter goes mad. Cause she says we too old and shouldnt be allowed at our ages . pmsl
We have to wait while there out of the house now. makes it hard on a night time but still do it pmsl. but quietly lol
:rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :hump: :hump: :hump: :hump:
hugs
Babe1
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On her 16th birthday, make sure the other kids are out or having sleep overs, and with just you and Mr Babe1 have the noisiest sex you can manage - even if she bursts in and interrupts you, it will be worth it for her reaction ( Over 25's having sex? NOOOOOOOO! Mum and Dad doing it? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! )
Yes I have a sick sense of humour, when you meet smoking muff, you will understand ( and sympathise )!

7 Aug 2005

Quote by westerross
Sorry - I used all the porage oats to stiffen up me bara llaw (lava bread to those not from God's country)

Sorry Choon - some people can't help that their parents moved from Ireland before the birth ( even 10 or 15 years before the birth )! The ones you can blame or those whose parents have never been to Ireland!!! :silly: :silly:
Close - but not close enough my friend! wink

wink

Sure, t'is only one country that be God's, why'd you think all snakes ( symbol of Lucifer ) shoved off to the Godless and left us poor bogtrotters alone? Any way most Scots ( Pictish origin ) are only Irish that got a wee bit lost on the way - sure it's been proven....with science, no less!!! :P There, ye go, ye'll have no answer to that now, will ye, aw begorrah, I got him foxed for sure...( etc, etc, ad neaseum )

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Calista
Nik Kershaw for me
think I had a few of Limahl too ops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

:laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove: :laughabove:
Sorry Calista, I kept my composure after Lindaxxx, but your response has just pushed me over the edge rotflmao

rotflmao

When I calm down, let me offer you this kiss

kiss

:therethere:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Mal

Mal
(For those who don't know me, I'm 32)
(For those who do................................................... !)

Yea right...................I have finished off the rest of the Dundee Cake and while I was eating it I was trying to work out how the hell you could possibly be younger than me, regardless.
Judy
................ because of my stunning good looks, my 'fit as fuck' body and not forgetting....................... because I am!! (not forgetting my modesty, too! redface

redface

)
Mal
:wink:
I shall decline to comment.... innocent

innocent

:whistling: bolt

bolt

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Smoking Muff
Yes .
I find it a turn on unless they shot directly into my eye :wanker: :eeek: .
Then some how I lost all interest in watching :upset: .
Is there something wrong with me :evil2:

I have no idea what you might be implying darling kiss

kiss

innocent

bolt

7 Aug 2005

Quote by Ice Pie
We were chatting about this in the pub the other night about who you had on your bedroom wall .

I had my first 'proper' girlfriend on the bedroom wall.
I also had her over the sink, on the table, in the car...
lol

lol

Two Jimi Hendrix posters - sadly my hopes and dreams of being a mad axe-man of rock never happened :lol:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by westerross
Sorry - I used all the porage oats to stiffen up me bara llaw (lava bread to those not from God's country)

Sorry Choon - some people can't help that their parents moved from Ireland before the birth ( even 10 or 15 years before the birth )! The ones you can blame or those whose parents have never been to Ireland!!! :silly: :silly:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by vodka_babe22uk
just make sure shes sober when you talk to her and have a translater
when she gets sexcited she talks so fast no sane person can understand her
essexlady deserves a medal for coping lmaooooooooooo
wuvs ya really daughter xxxxxxx

It'll be nae bovva, voddy - despite being a dyed-in-the-wool Southerner, I have a secret confession - I like a lot of things north of Watford, and especially north of Carlisle / Berwick.
I don't know how I'd be with tatty's patter - but I'll gi' it a go, ken?

7 Aug 2005

Quote by richardm
This has been a public service wossname, the value of pins can go up as well as down, by reading this post you have agreed to buy me a drink when you next see me.

I don't think so matey! lol

lol

thought you could get away with that by hiding it in the :small-print: ? You need to get up half an hour before you go to bed to catch some of us out rotflmao

rotflmao

!

7 Aug 2005

I never walked in on my mum and dad - or even heard them shagging!

Quote by Colts23
hmmmm,,,,,,,,,,starting to see why I a bit of a perve now

So what's my excuse then Freud? wink

wink

:lol:

7 Aug 2005

Quote by veejay
I remember my teenage daughter walking in on me when I was judging the SH Perfect Pussy Competition on the PC!! :shock: :shock: :shock: ops: :oops: :oops: :oops:

What, a Perfect Pussy Comp? Damn I'm too late. :cry:
Anyone got the pics of the nominations and the winner? lol

lol

Remember Veejay, the search button is your friend! wink

wink

7 Aug 2005

Quote by LisaMarie
I've been here nearly 3 weeks and havent seen you take the piss smokerjm, but nice that you apologised.
anyway back to the original thread.
{b]the most unusual place i ever had sex was on a gravestone in a churchyard many years ago when i didnt have anywhere else to do it.
needless to say it was bloody cold and i didnt want to do it again
these days i like a nice big bed or bath or floor and the freezer is nice and dont forget the washing machine as long as it on.
lisamarie

Should have done it up a tree - me and smoking muff did ( Harrow-on-the-Hill cemetatry, right next to Harrow school, yesthatschool ) only 3 or 4 feet off the ground, but still daylight - then went to see "From Dusk Till Dawn" at the cinema!
I would call that a piss-take, but it is absolutely true! :shock: blink

blink

:blink: God as my witness - actually, I hope he wasn't! wink

wink