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HOT AND FUZZY Part 0 - Prelude.

"A threesome and a promotion? The new sergeant just can’t catch a break"

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Author's Notes

"1 in 8 parts"

HOT AND FUZZY - Part 0 - Prelude.

So this was my second foray into writing erotic fiction and it is of course a homage to one of my all-time favourite films HOT FUZZ.  It probably helps if you’ve watched that as this will hint at spoilers.

Also all the players are over the age of 18. 


Day -1

  I was led on the bed wearing just my pyjama bottoms. It was our anniversary and my wife Melanie had promised me a present I would not forget. The lights in the room were dimmed with candles creating a romantic ambience. Then there was me, expectantly waiting to get my gift, whatever it was.


"Happy anniversary, my love," Mel said as she re-entered the room, her long, straight, black hair shimmering in the candle light, her sizeable delicious boobs peaking through the see-through babydoll, scanty lace knickers covering her snatch. In one hand she was holding what looked like a black towel.

  "What's the towel for?" I asked. Mel looked in her hand, smiled then laughed.

  "It's not a towel, lover. It's a blindfold," Mel explained as she walked towards the bed. "It's your present".

  I shimmied up a bit as she approached the bed and then sat astride me. I grabbed her by the hips and moved so she was directly over my cock, my hands grabbing her arse as I buried my face between those amazing breasts.

  "Ah-ah!" Mel exclaimed, moving back. "Not yet, dear," she remarked as she dangled the blindfold in front of me.

  "Fine," I pouted like a schoolboy as I took the material from her and tied it round my head, covering my eyes so I couldn't see anything. "There, are you happy?" I questioned. For a minute Mel sat across my legs doing lord knows what. I assumed she was waving her hand in front of my face to check that I couldn't see, then her weight shifted off me, I was hoping she was removing her panties and then rejoining me on the bed. I felt weight at the foot of the bed and hoped it was Mel coming back to escalate things and she did, but not in the way I expected.


"WHOA!" I exclaimed as hands grabbed at the waistband of my pyjama bottoms and yanked them down my legs. True I had no use for them tonight but the aggressive nature of the move and the fact it pulled me further down the bed was surprising. The next thing I felt were lips around my cock and a mouth sliding up and down my rapidly hardening length. "Oh God, Mel! What an anniversary present!" I breathed as her tongue tantalised one of my balls before taking it in her mouth, her finger teasing my anus as she did so. This was set to be a fantastic night, then I felt weight shift on the bed again and two legs moving over my face, lowering a delicious pussy to my mouth.


"Mel?" I asked, confused as to what was going on.

  "Yes, my love," came the voice from the person over my face as the mouth on my tool continued to engulf me down her throat.


  "Who..." I began before I started to lick up and down Mel's gash as she hovered over my face, my mouth enjoying the texture of her lips as they brushed against mine, my tongue running over the textured skin before circling the nub, the hairs coming through on Mel's mound rubbing against my nose as I tasted her, my hand reaching up to grab those perky boobs of hers, all the while some unknown person gobbled down on my rod. This was ecstasy.


  "Oh boy, this might be our best anniversary yet!" Mel moaned as she writhed against my mouth. Away from me I felt a small hand cup my balls as their lips worked up and down the shaft. It was hard to concentrate on licking Mel's slit as whoever was licking my tool was providing me with delights a-plenty. Mel removed my blindfold as I massaged her breasts, our eyes and smiles meeting. "Do you want to see your present?"


  I nodded and Mel moved off me. I looked down and there, bouncing my dick against her lips with her tongue lolling out was Jenny, my wife's blonde best friend, her smaller paler frame in contrast to my brunette wife's dusky skin and curves, Jenny's shorter hair contrasting with Mel's long luscious locks as Mel moved down the bed and they held my cock between them they almost cause me to shoot my load there and then as they tongue kissed over the crown.


"Holy fuckballs! I wish it was my anniversary every day," I said as I watched their tongues twisted and met at my end, licking and tasting my pre-cum as they also enjoyed the taste of each other.

  "You head up there. I'll take care of down here," insisted Mel as she bobbed her head up and down my solid, rigid rod. Jenny moved up to me, my hand reached for her pale, porcelain skin as her face moved ever nearer mine, our lips meeting as my hand moved towards her snatch, the feeling of her pubic hair, so different to Mel's stubbled mound. I moved my fingers over her clit, my hand remaining over it as I moved my fingers against her crease.

  "Oh, that's nice," Jenny moaned as I kissed her neck whilst Mel's mouth was slurping away around my flesh-stick like a lollipop. I don't know what I'd done to earn this anniversary treat but whatever it was I'd be doing it next year too. I grabbed Jenny under the arms and yanked her up the bed so I could spend some time with those pert, little titties of hers and enjoy the feel of her nipple in my mouth whilst gazing at the occasional birthmark on her chest, my hand returning to her gash, sliding against her slit. Mel let my cock pop as it left her mouth and began to move up the bed, so her face was near mine and Jenny's, her dark brown eyes, almost black, spying myself and Jenny with a delirious Hunger. I beckoned her to me with my finger.

  "I've got cock mouth," Mel replied.

  "I don't fucking care," I replied, moving my hand behind her head and forcing her lips on mine, her tongue moving in me as mine moved in her, my hand moving down to her wonderful colossal tits, massaging the flesh as the nipples engorged between my fingers.

  "Hey, don't forget about me," Jenny piped in.

  "I'll never forget about you, babe," Mel replied before planting her lips against Jenny's, her hand moving through the blonde's hair as she mirrored my dominant move, their mouths open, their tongues moving against each other only inches away from my face, the two women moaning into each other as their bodies pressed against me. It was a miracle I managed to avoid cumming again as I watched them, but eventually there was a gap in their attention and they both looked at me.

  "Shall we include him?" Mel asked her best friend.

  "I think we should," Mel replied, turning to face me. "Same time?"

  "Why not?" Jenny responded, and with that both women's faces headed towards me, their tongues protruding as all three of us engaged in a sopping, drooling kiss, my left hand running down Mel's back, Mel's hand stroking my length, my other hand on Jenny's butt as her hand stroked Mel's boob. I wanted that moment to continue, but then Jenny disengaged from the two of us and led her naked self back on the bed, an inviting look on her face that I was not going to ignore, but before I did I looked to Mel for permission.

  "Enjoy the first part of your present," Mel remarked as she grabbed me by the cock and positioned my fully inflated phallus at Jenny's opening, the blonde giggling, in a girly fashion, smiling back at me, playing with her hair. I waited no longer and eased inside her.

  "OH, Hmmmm," moaned Jenny as I filled her insides with my length, with Mel looking back at me like I was so naughty for doing this, even though it was on her instructions. I held onto Jenny's legs and began pumping inside her as Mel and I kissed, her tongue dancing around mine, before Mel pulled back and, with her hands placed on my shoulders, slid her minge over her friend's face. who grabbed her thighs, pulled down her hips and glued her face to Mel's gash.

  "OOOH! Jenny's really good at this! It's not her first time, you know?" Mel smiled at me, before pulling my face onto her left tit. I latched onto the tit instinctively. Mel's boobs always tasted delicious when my mouth was sucking on it but this was even better. I sucked on the nipple causing the areola to swell to a crazy size, whilst my dick enjoyed the amazing feel of Jenny's insides being wrapped around me. I could hear Mel's breathing getting heavier and heavier as her friend lapped at her snatch and my mouth delighted her nipple, her fingernails dug into my shoulder as she started to gasp.


  "Sounds like you're enjoying my anniversary present as much as me," I quipped.

  "Uh-huh! Oh, fuck that tongue feels like an electric eel inside me," Mel exclaimed.  " a good way," she continued. I attached my mouth to her right nipple and this seemed to send her into the stratosphere. "Oh my sweet, holy fuck-balls Oh God, that's it! Fucking hell, both of you!" spat Mel before she gripped my head to her chest and seemed to clamp her slit hard onto Jenny's mouth as her body went tense.

  "JESUS, FUCK!" cried Mel as she shuddered on Jenny's mouth, I looked up at her face to see it contorted in pleasure. Mel moved off and collapsed on the bed next to us, temporarily worn out, which gave me time to focus on Jenny. The little blonde pixie with the slight, birth-marked tits was writhing against my cock, mirroring my moves, taking control of her own enjoyment and I loved it.

  "Kiss me,' Jenny smirked up at me. Who was I to ignore my anniversary gift? I bent down and placed my lips on hers, Jenny's tongue entering my mouth as my cock was doing at the other end. I moved my hands behind her shoulders and increased the power of my thrusts. "MMMMF, MMMF MMMF!" Jenny murmured in muffled delight.

  "I think she's getting near, babe. I know that sound," Mel chuckled. Mel's words were turning me on as well now, the thought of the two best friends entwined, their hands between each other's thighs, their eyes locked on the other as they tried to be the first to bring the other off. The next time that occurred I wanted to be in the room, watching it, cock in hand, savouring their experience, but now I had to focus on getting Jenny over the finish line. You might call it male pride or vanity but there was no way I wanted to finish quickly for my wife's best friend. I continued to pound away, but leaned back, hauling her legs over my shoulders.

  "Want to help your friend out," I winked over at Mel. She smiled back, her naked arse wriggling as she moved back over to us and placed a finger on Jenny's clit and began measured strokes up and down which she definitely knew from past engagements.

  "Oh, Mel! Oh you fucking bitch!" Jenny retorted as Mel's strokes took her ever nearer to her climax, her thighs shaking in my hand as I continued to plow into her with my solid tool. I was in the zone now where any hair-trigger moment was long past and I could just keep going for as long as it took. Mel removed her hand, bent her face down and replaced her finger with her tongue. As soon as that wet warm beast slid across Jenny's bean she reached out to the sheets and took a handful in each hand. "OH, YOU BASTARDS! OH, LICK ME! FUCK ME!' Jenny roared as she wrapped her legs around my shoulders, her back arching so her head and my body allowed her body to lift off the bed as she came all over me. "STOP, STOP STOP!' she begged as I continued to move my hips against her clit.

  "Easy, lover. You don't want to cum yet. You've still got the last part of your present," Mel replied, giving me a ferocious kiss before moving away.

  "Should I guess what that is? A tit-wank between my favourite monsters?" I asked as Mel smiled back at me, before bending over me and spreading her arse-cheeks. "You're kidding?"

  "No, I'm not. There's some lube in the top drawer, lube me up and your cock and do me in the arse," Mel instructed. I did not need to be asked twice. I got the lube out and smeared it over my thick rod, before getting back on the bed and pouring it down Mel's crack.

  "OOH! It's cold!" Mel laughed. I completely forgot how it would feel on her skin.

  "Sorry. Here, let me warm it up," I suggested as I inserted a finger into her back passage.

  "Oh, that's...that's okay. That's okay!" Mel breathed as I inserted any finger in there.

  "Jenny, there's a toy in that bottom drawer, get it out and press it on Mel's nub," I ordered as I moved up, cock in hand. Jenny tumbled over the bed and retrieved the small but powerful bullet, one of Mel's preferred devices. Jenny pressed it against Mel's bean and I began to ease myself inside her.

  "Take...take it, please," Mel begged as I pressed my helmet against her star, easing ever slowly forward.

  "UNGH!" Mel groaned as I got an inch inside her. I moved forward another inch and then eased out, moving forward again then after two inches in, easing to three, making sure she could take that little bit more each time, till eventually most of my seven inches was inside her, Mel's breathing being laboured from the toy on her clit and my cock in her arse.

  "How is it, babe?" I asked as I started to gently fuck her behind.

  "Okay," Mel squealed as I started to move with purpose into her tight backside as Jenny pressed the toy against her. I could feel her butt cheeks start to tremble as the sensations took hold of her. I wasn't long from finishing now myself. "OH GOD, OH GOD, OH MY FUCKING STARS! DON'T..."

  Mel's words hung in the air as she came, my cock exploding inside her innards as the night's exertions finally took hold, my body surrendering to the ministrations of these two amazing ladies. I fell forward and grabbed hold of Mel from behind as my cock flopped out of her.

  "I'm not gonna need the receipt for this anniversary present," I remarked, causing both women to laugh. I let go and led down on the bed, my body spent, although I could still feel the vibrator resting on the covers still buzzing away.

  Buzzing away.


= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =


  I reached over and switched off my alarm, the cold morning air on my arm bringing me back to the present day from one of my all-time sexiest dreams. Today wasn't even my anniversary. I turned over to see Mel sound asleep, snoring away in a blissful state of ignorance to me waking. I got out of bed, my naked self tingling as the chill invigorated my body, my attached significant other still standing to attention. I headed to the shower to prepare for the day. I had a meeting with my boss and so I wanted to make sure I looked as respectful and professional as possible. The results had come back from the Sergeant's exam and although I had no doubt I'd made the cut it still didn't mean I'd get offered a post immediately, or see one that took my fancy.

  To be fair I needed this win today. Mel and I had not been right for some time and I desperately needed something big to go my way to win her respect and admiration. I entered the bedroom and got dressed as quietly as possible, consulting my oracle before I left the magic eight ball.

  "Am I going to be happy by the end of the day?" I whispered before giving it a shake. Mel said I took the eight-ball's word more seriously than hers. She might have had a point, but I'd had the eight-ball longer. A phrase emerged from the darkness and pressed against the glass.

Outlook not so good

  Fuck! I didn't need that. I took one more look at Mel's lumpy mass underneath the duvet that made her curvy figure look like nothing more than a hilly outcrop rather than a body that made every other man double-take when he saw her.

  I tried to put the negativity of the eight-ball out of my head as I entered headquarters and just focus on the positives of a possible Sergeant position as reward for my obvious talent for the job. My meeting with the Sergeant was at nine am and as I looked at my watch as I stood outside the door I waited till the quickest hand on my watch inched ever closer to twelve and, when nine came, I rapped three times on the door.

  "Come in," a voice I instantly recognised came from inside. I headed in and stood hands behind my back at the desk. "Take a seat, Constable. I think you've earned it," the Sergeant smiled back. I took the seat as the man I had known for several years looked at the paperwork in front of him, a rueful grin over his lips as he moved his eyes further down the page.

  "May I ask, is this about the Sergeant's exam, sir?" I asked, my own excitement spilling over now.

  "It is indeed. Obviously you got the highest score of any serving officer ever. Impressive," the Sergeant responded without looking up. "This matches your highest arrest record, which is 48% more than other officers and also your highest caution rate, which is 67% more than other officers. Commendable".

  "I'd rather give people a warning if I can. No point giving people a criminal record for no reason, sir," I offered as a reason for the statistics.

  "Well, with such...notable skills, it's clear that they need to be put to better use," the Sergeant suggested, looking up at me from his paperwork. "You're going to be a Sergeant".

  "Thank you, sir," I replied, my heart almost bursting out of my chest in joy. I didn't know which part of London I was gonna be working in but I didn't care. I could always get a tube across town to wherever I needed to be.

  "In Frstn, Smrst," mumbled the Sergeant. I could barely tell what he said.

  "Sorry, sir," I remarked.

  "In Forston Somerset!" exclaimed the Sergeant, cheerily.

  "But...that's in the countryside," I responded, my face clearly showing my lack of enthusiasm for the role.

  "I know. Great, huh? A nice easy Sergeant's job out in the country," the Sergeant quipped.

  "But aren't there any Sergeant roles in the capital?" I asked. The Sergeant looked at his computer screen, typed in a few words and moved his mouse before quickly turning back to me.

  "No, sorry. Countryside it is," the Sergeant grinned. I had the feeling I was being stitched up.

  "Is there a problem...sir?" I enquired as the interview had become quite strained already.

  "I don't know, is there a problem with being successful?" the Sergeant offered back.

  "I'd rather stay here, sir. I like it here," I suggested.

  "Understandable, but no," the Sergeant replied. I considered going to the police union but I was not popular there since I had complained about a lack of discipline, standards and other officers filling out paperwork incorrectly.

  "Would it be possible to discuss this with the Inspector?" I asked.

  "You are entitled to do that, but he'll tell you exactly what I'm telling you," the Sergeant replied, picking up the phone and asking for the inspector to come in. We waited in an awkward silence till the door opened and the Inspector walked in, both of us standing as he did so.

  "Oh come now, gentlemen. Let's all sit down and be civilized shall we?" the Inspector remarked as we all motioned in sync together.

  "So, I take it you've heard the good news?" the inspector began.

  "Yes," I replied, my eyes moving suspiciously from the Sergeant to the Inspector.

  "I take it you're thrilled to be going then,' the Inspector commented with the cheesy smile of an advertising agent.

  "No, he is not," the Sergeant offered before I had a chance to comment.

  "Why on earth not if you don't mind me asking? After all this is a job that comes with a raise, a cottage, a cost-of-living reduction because you're outside London. What's not to like?" the Inspector suggested, but I was interrupted before I could speak again.

  "Exactly, it's not like this lands in your lap every day," the Sergeant chimed in.

  "Well, exactly," the Inspector remarked, both of them grinning at me, expectantly.

  "Erm, no. Sorry, I'm not accepting this, I want to take it further?" I replied, my head still rotating from all the spin they were putting on the move.

  "Are you saying you want to speak to the Chief Inspector about this?" the Inspector enquired, his face horrified at what I was saying.

  "Yes," I confirmed as they both looked at each other, stunned.

  "You want me to bring the Chief Inspector all the way down here?" the inspector repeated but in a slightly more disbelieving way.

  "I do," I continued, their faces remaining dumbfounded.

  "Very well, CHARLOTTE!" yelled the Inspector only to have a tiny, silver-haired lady walk in who, in her day, must have been a striking beauty as you could still see the remnants of that beauty on her features even now. We all stood as soon as she entered, and she waved us away with a smile as if we were silly as she came in and took the seat opposite me.

  "Now, let me explain, Michael. You might feel like us sending you to Forston in Somerset is some kind of punishment...because it is," the Chief Inspector began.

  "I see...wait, what?"

  "You see we at the Met may not be the most corrupt force in the country..." the Chief Inspector continued.

  "Service," I mumbled, almost inaudibly.

  "But that's what people think. Now having an exceptional officer like yourself with ten special commendations and zero complaints should make things easier...but it doesn't. Instead everyone's always "why can't the rest of your officers be like Michael Angelo?" Urgh! It's so annoying," the Chief Inspector whinged.

  "So I'm being sent away because I'm too good?" I asked.

  "You see! I told you he'd get it!" the Chief Inspector cheered in. "No-one in the Met thinks being you is achievable, whereas the next person down with two commendations and three complaints is achievable".

  I couldn't believe it. I was being ditched because my awesomeness was not realistic for the mediocre and the crooked.

  "Well there's one thing you've not counted on," I countered as I got to my feet. "And that's what the team will think of this..."

  I headed out to the office and could see a goodbye sign and nearly two dozen smiling faces greeting my removal. I was going to Forston, Somerset, and there was nothing I could do about it. Mel would no doubt tear me a new one.

End of Part 0

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Written by goodafterboob

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